


There is nothing you could do to make me turn my back on you

by Charming_Scotsman, Xayah90



Series: Rebels-Saga [1]
Category: League of Legends
Genre: Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Character Death, Developing Relationship, Dissociation, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Major Character Injury, Mentions of Rape, Natural magic, Old Lore, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slice of Life, Slow Romance, Things getting dark towards the end, Various Champs Mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:34:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 54
Words: 135,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23319931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charming_Scotsman/pseuds/Charming_Scotsman, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xayah90/pseuds/Xayah90
Summary: During her childhood, Xayah's life was happy and sheltered, with a loving father and tribe members looking out for her. Her life was destroyed when her tribe disappeared and she was left behind all alone.Until someone forces his company onto her and unwittingly causes her to question her previous life, thoughts and behavior.Together they travel - sometimes alone and sometimes with friends - through Ionia and Runeterra, hoping that they can improve the lives of their fellows and save the wild magic of Ionia.
Relationships: Rakan/Xayah (League of Legends)
Series: Rebels-Saga [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1755052
Comments: 117
Kudos: 173





	1. Petal rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!
> 
> I would like to mention that this work contains violence, smut and alot of very dark content. Since this work is finished i edited alot and deleted the chapter-notes cause they destroy the reading flow.  
>  Also i want to point out that the story (and every following story from this serie) is based on their old lore and not the new crap version.
> 
> So...  
>  Lets pretend the Lore Update didnt happend ~
> 
> Have fun <3
> 
> __________________________________  
>  Disclaimer:
> 
> This Story was created under Riot Games' "Legal Jibber Jabber" policy using assets owned by Riot Games. Riot Games does not endorse or sponsor this project.
> 
> API Key received.
> 
> A famous violinist has said that music means much more than words. Through the exchange of sounds, you get to know and understand each other. Just like the souls are connected. As if the hearts became one. It is a dialogue through instruments, a miracle that creates harmony. In this moment, music says more than words.
> 
> \- Kaori Miyazono (Your Lie in April)

"Athair!" Sparkling golden eyes shine in the setting sun when the little girl is thrown into the air with outstretched arms, landing shortly after in the safe arms of her father. She climbs onto her bed, jumping up and down with loud laughter, her thin plumage fluttering with every bounce, just waiting for her father's sign. Once again he stretches out his arms towards her, she pushes herself up from her bed, landing in Valon's arms and is thrown into the air once more. "It's like flying!" Xayah excitedly squeals, her cheeks flushed with excitement. Valon can't resist laughing, and drops his daughter on the bed again, giving her the signal to jump. "One more time, then it' s bedtime," he smiles and already grabs her, holding her tightly in his arms, turning around a few times and then letting Xayah fly again, answered with a loud laugh. 

" Athair, would you tell me a story? I can't sleep otherwise." Xayah looks at her father with huge puppy eyes, a hopeful expression on her face. Valon moves over to a small table and grabs the comb on top of it, sits down next to her on her bed and kisses her hair gently.

"Which one do you want to hear?" 

Gently he lets the comb slide through her messy, magenta-colored hair, taking care not to hurt her when he combs the small knots out. "The one about the Titans," she giggles and glances over her shoulder, right into Valon's face. Her eyes sparkle with anticipation, then she turns her head back again so her father can continue while he hums softly in front of her, soon she joins in his humming and follows his movements with her head. 

After a couple of moments he puts the comb aside and places his hand on the first of her thin feathers looking at them proudly, from day to day they become thicker and stronger, the color more intense, what a few years ago was a soft shade of lavender, is now bright purple, just like her mother's. Her tips are in the same red as Valon's own feathers, he is sure Xayah will be as beautiful as her mother Sorcha once was. 

Even her song reminds Valon very much of her mother's, whenever she is happy or curiously looking at something, he can hear her song playing an octave higher, like a playful or delighted violin, bathed in violet light. Sometimes he even gets the impression that he can actually see the changes in her song, as if the violet light is changing into a bright yellow or a shining green. As if a field of sunflowers touched his inner eye. 

He carefully smoothed the feather with a tender hands, straightening the slightly ruffled plumage. At the same time he tells her the story of the Titans and how some humans went into the spiritual world to fight the Titans. When he comes to the part of the story where the Vasthayschai'rei and the humans live peacefully side by side, she turns her head to him again. "Why don't we live among the humans anymore," she asks him and puts her head slightly crooked while he straightens the last of her feathers. 

Valon falls silent for a moment, then he gently kisses Xayah's temple and gently strokes her cheek. "Because it' s better for us to stay away from them. They aren't dangerous, you don't need to be afraid of them. But... they aren't like us, they don't understand our way of thinking and our magic, they don't see the beauty of nature, of magic and life." She nods slowly and looks through her window, the sun almost completely disappearing behind the trees. 

He brushes her hair and cheek again, then gently covers her with her cuddly blanket. "Sleep well, Leanabh," he says softly and smiles deeply before dimming the candle in its holder and leaving the room in darkness. 

"Athair?", Xayah asks softly into the night.  
" Yeah?" He notices her golden eyes looking in his direction, still smiling.  
"Are we really going to the Springfest tomorrow?" Her voice sounds excited, full of joy.  
He nods slightly. " Well, I promised we would, my dear. Of course we'll go."

She smiles broadly and tries but fails to suppress a yawn, then rests down, drifting off into the dreamland shortly afterwards.

\--- ~ * ~ ---

  
Eagerly Xayah runs from one stand to another, eyes wide open and absorbing as much as possible, all the new impressions, smells, pictures and foreign people. Not far away from her she can see some children painting the floor with coloured sticks, a little further away is a small stage with four people standing on it. Three people playing different instruments, while the fourth person, a young woman, sings to the tune. Her orange-red curls dance in the breeze while she sings a ballad where a woman sells her belongings to buy a sword for her lover so he can go to war. 

In front of the stage some people are already dancing to the tender sounds of the singer, humans and Vastaya are next to each other in perfect harmony. Xayah looks over the crowd of dancers for a while and turns her eyes towards her father with big eyes again. " May I join them?", she asks excitedly and looks once more over to the place in front of the stage.

Slightly nodding, Valon crouches in front of her and puts a hand on her shoulder. " Stay in sight, I don't want to lose you here, do you understand?" He smiles at her, a little stricter than usual. She nods her head excitedly as she runs towards the dance floor, but then turns around briefly again and runs back to Valon. 

When Xayah gives him a kiss on his cheek she runs back towards the dance floor, mingling with the other dancers and with slightly clumsy, jumping steps she moves to the music, not even slightly in time with the music, but with bright sparkling eyes and a big grin on her face.

  
He feels how her song changes, faster and more enthused than before, full of joy the sounds dance through the air and touch his own song. Her song tells about joy and freedom. He can feel how his heart tightens with bliss.

His gaze rises to the sky, a smile on his face. He wishes Sorcha could see her little girl right now, so fierce and free and full of joy for life.   
Her song changes again, becoming faster and for a short moment unrhythmical. When Valon looks towards his daughter, he sees that she isn't dancing and jumping anymore but looking up to a boy, he is a bit older than her, Valon immediately notices that, he gets up and takes a few steps towards them. 

Seeing that the boy is also a Vastaya, as well as a Lhotlan, Valon calms down a bit. The boy is around 10 years older than Xayah, which isn't a very big difference in human years. His little girl is probably around five in human years and he expects the unknown boy to be at most seven or eight in human years.

He has snow-white hair and his soft-looking feathers glow in a mixture of green, yellow and orange. When he tells Xayah something she giggles, Valon sees it clearly. 

She looks at the boy with raised eyebrows as he holds out his hand to her. "Come, I'll show you how to dance well", he grins and his blue eyes light up. She giggles and grabs his hand, but after only a few steps she realizes that she can' t keep up with him. She laughs loudly and after a short moment the boy laughs too. He strokes a strand of his blond hair backwards and lifts Xayah a little into the air, setting her feet on his and leading her this way. 

Xayah looks at her feet in amazement, her ears slightly lowered and her mouth formed into a slight 'o', which makes the boy start laughing again, even more than before. 

Their songs meet for a flash, a delighted, purple violin meets a bright orange piano, playing in duet for a split second, and the image of two children dancing under a cherry blossom tree appears. As quickly as the picture was created, it has already vanished again. 

"Rionnag sùla, come, let's go. We have a long way to go." The boy looks down on Xayah. "My Seanair calls, I gotta go. Thanks for the dance, maybe I'll see you again someday." The boy grins and small pink petals rain down on the two of them and on other dancers. Xayah nods eagerly and shakes some of the petals off her braid. 

The boy rushes to his grandfather, stopping halfway and waving goodbye to her before he takes his grandfather in his arms and leaves with him.

Xayah runs over to her father where she falls into his arms. "Did you have fun, princess?" Valon smiles at her and receives a wild nod in response. Taking her by the hand, he leads her to a stand with pastries. 

Once the two of them finished a snack, they also make their way back to their tribe, humming cheerfully to each other.


	2. Till we meet again

Dusk falls on them earlier than Valon expected, the setting sun turns the sky into orange-red light. "It's not much further Mil, we can ask in the next village for a place to stay for the night," he says softly and squeezes Xayah's hand lightly, she looks up at him and nods, rubbing her other hand over her eye. "Shall I carry you?"  
  
"I'm already a grown-up, Athair," she protests and squeezes his hand again. He smiles and lets his thumb run over the back of her hand. He can spot lights in the distance, they have almost made it, softly he starts singing a song and shortly afterwards his daughter also starts singing, prancing along the path with bouncy steps, the skirt of her white dress bulging around her knees.  
It is a small town they arrive at, there are not many people left on the streets. The alleys are already plunged into darkness and Valon leads them over to a small tavern, hoping to get a room for the night. He enters the place and leads his daughter over to the big counter. 

"Good evening, do you have a room with two beds for the night?" He smiles at the woman behind the counter in a friendly manner and she smiles back at him, her eyes briefly wandering to the little girl who lets her gaze wander through the taproom. Then she looks at the leather-bound book and taps on a line with the tip of a feather. "We still have a free rooms. Would you like some food brought to your room?" 

He shakes his head briefly and grabs the small iron key that is slid towards him and places 3 pieces of silver on the counter. "The last door on the right", the barmaid smiles, Valon again takes his daughter's hand and leads her up the stairs, over to the door mentioned. 

In the small room there are 2 beds, which look more comfortable than Valon thought. Between the beds there is a bedside table and on the opposite side there is a small desk with a chair in front of it. He takes Xayah in his arms, kisses her temple gently and then lays her on the bed which is near the window, she yawns again. "Please tell me a bedtime story."  
She looks at her father pleadingly, he sits on her bed and puts one hand on her leg. "Do you have a special wish?"   
She shakes her head. "A beautiful one!" she giggles and then lets herself fall into the soft pillow, her eyes fixed on her father. Valon thinks for a moment before he begins.

  
**"Many, many moons ago, long before you were born, a young man lived in a small village far from here. A great warrior, many hundreds of years old and his magic was incredibly powerful. He lived only to protect his tribe. He was happy with himself and his life.**

**One day he met a girl he had never seen before and he knew immediately that he didn't want to spend the rest of his life with anyone else but her. He knew that she had to be his soul mate.**

**He asked her to marry him, never wanting to leave her side again, but the girl was too afraid to do so, since she was only a mere mortal and their worlds almost incompatible."**

Valon gently strokes her cheek and looks at her with a smile.

**"The brave warrior did not allow himself to be distracted by her thoughts and asked her over and over again to become his. After a while, she too realized that he was aware that sooner or later she would break his heart, but also that he would gladly accept this if he could be with his one true love in return.**

**After much hesitation she agreed to his request and became his wife.**

**The years passed and they lived happily side by side. And for a moment, everything was perfect, but then this moment was gone."**

He hesitates briefly and his smile disappears for a moment, he takes her little hand between his big hands and holds her tight, as if he wanted to protect her from the world.

**"The girl became seriously ill, he did everything he could to heal her, but it didn't help and he knew that her time was almost gone. But he didn't want to give up just like that, so he decided to travel with her to Tír na nÓg and together with her enter the other world, where the two of them could be together forever."**

Xayah straightens up again, a sad expression in her eyes. He squeezes her hand a little harder.

**"Together they made their way to the Holy Place, to the hills of the green fields in the west of the country. After more than a day's journey, at dusk, they reached the holy place, on the bank of a river near a waterfall, surrounded by a mystical mist.**

**'You don't need to be afraid, darling, I will take you home to eternal bliss. We will recreate our lives on sacred ground and be safe and sound. It may feel like a fairy tale, but all of it is true. Stay with me and be mine, my love, spare my heart the pain.'**

**His words encouraged the girl to take this step, to enter this magical place, so far away from the land she knew.**

**Hand in hand the two took the last walk together, disappeared forever from the earthly world and became a part of the other world, forever together and connected.**  
**Soon their traces on the path had disappeared and the world they had left forget the names of the two of them, like so many others before them. "Living side by side forever in the afterlife."**

  
Xayah looks at her hand and then over to the window. " Does this place really exist?" Her voice is hardly more than a whisper. Valon swallows briefly, then puts one of his hands under her chin. " Of course, yes, he' s real. Why do you ask, Leanabh?" 

He looks into her eyes, but her eyes avoid his gaze. Golden jewels, staring at the window. After a moment of hesitation, she looks at him again.

"Is Mamaidh there too?" She looks down and Valon needs a moment to deal with her question. Then he takes her in a firm embrace and gently strokes her back. 

"Yes and no, Sorcha is not at Tír na nÓg, but she's in the other world, waiting for us over there. And some day you will meet her there and your songs will finally meet, but it will be a long time until that day, before then, you will find your happiness yourself and perhaps some day you will cross over into the other world together with your soulmate. 

He smiles at her and kisses her hairline, his hand moves over the red mark on her face and his heart stops for a moment. It hurts him that Xayah never met her mother, he wished it had been different. The most wonderful and at the same time the worst moment in his life were directly interwoven. 

Everything had gone so well, maybe too well. Sorcha's pregnancy had been without complications, some nausea and the rejection of some food, but that was it, otherwise everything had been perfect. They had looked forward so much to finally starting a family. Sorcha looked so happy when she held her little girl in her arms, her violet-white hair so ruffled, her green eyes exhausted but overflowing with happiness. 

Only a few moments later, his world had shattered when she began to cramp, the tribal medicals couldn't help her anymore. He had been given a daughter, but moments later he lost his soul mate.

He presses Xayah closer to him and strokes her back again. Then he puts her down, covers her up and kisses her cheek. "Try to sleep, Mil," he whispers and turns out the light before heading for the door. "I'll be back soon, I'm nearby, you don't need to be afraid," he gives her a smile before he opens the door and steps outside. 

The corridor is bathed in soft candlelight and radiates warmth, Valon goes back to the tavern, ordering a bottle of wine, and then walks over to an empty table, entirely lost in his thoughts. He takes a deep sip from the green glass bottle and lets his eyes drift to the window. He does not notice the look of the other man in the tavern, who is fixated on him. 

Valon takes another sip and sighs silently, then lets his gaze roam the room, most of the guests are humans, at a few tables he sees Vastaya sitting. In an area like this he actually didn't expect so many others, but maybe that's because of the Springfestival, just like the Harvest Festival it attracts humans as well as Vastaya from the surrounding area every year. 

His gaze again crosses the room when he notices that he is being stared at, his eyes resting for a moment on the other Avian before he raises his bottle slightly and cheers. 'Wasn't that the man the boy ran to, the one my little one danced with?' it flashes through his mind as he lifts his bottle to cheers as well. 

After a moment the other Lhotlan gets up and comes over to Valon, he has the same soft feathers as the boy before, peacock feathers that shine in a bright light blue. "May I?", the stranger asks and nods over to a free chair. Valon nods, making an inviting gesture towards the chair with his hand. 

The stranger sits down in the free chair and nods at the other man, taking a sip from his bottle. "I am Gawyn," he nods at him.   
"Valon." He also takes another sip from his bottle. "Delighted," he adds shortly after and the other one replies with another nod. 

"Was that your daughter my grandson danced with at the festival?"  
Valon smiles and takes another big sip and then nods. "Yes, she is."  
Gawyn smiles and orders another bottle of wine, Valon does the same. A long time passes before Valon gets up and stretches. "I have to lie down slowly, Xayah and I still have a long way to go at daybreak. Maybe we'll meet again sometime," he smiles and raises his hand in greeting.

Gawyn stands up as well. "What clan are you from? Perhaps we can come and visit you when we are near."   
"We are part of the Fithich'mhìn, we live west of here. And you, maybe we'll be around someday."   
"We belong to the Peucagan Uasal, our tribe is around two days north of here", he smiles and places a hand on Valon's shoulder. "You are always welcome to be our guests." 

Valon replies to the gesture, one after the other they walk away towards the bedrooms, nodding goodbye. 

  
\--- ~ * ~ ---

  
When Valon wakes up the next morning, two large golden orbs are staring at him, only a few inches away from his face, impatiently Xayah is sitting on his chest. She grins broadly as he slightly straightens up, the grin disappears from her face as he continues to straighten up and she loses her balance and slips from his chest, Valon catches her at the last moment and pulls her onto his lap. 

His brown hair tickles her neck and the girl cannot suppress a giggle. He rubs sleep off his eyes and takes a closer look at her. With a smile, he notices that she is getting better and better at creating clothes made of magic. 

What yesterday was a simple white dress with wide puff sleeves is now a little more detailed. Once again, she is wearing a white dress, the sleeves up again, but not as wide as the day before, a purple ribbon around her waist with a bow at the sides and ruffles at the hems, in the same colour as her feathers.Another purple ribbon in her hair, in front of one of her ears. 

  
"Oh, you did a great job, Mil. How long did it take you to make the dress?" He smiles at her and she sparkles all over her face, jumps off his lap and onto the floor, then she spins around and lets her skirt flutter.

"All morning", she moans with a slight giggle.   
"But you did it," he praises her again, gets up and changes his clothes with magic, a loose pair of sleeping trousers and a wide shirt turns into a linen shirt, simple trousers and a dark jacket over the shirt. Then he runs his fingers through his hair and straightens it with quick fingers. 

Then he holds out his hand to Xayah and she reaches for it joyfully, together they leave the tavern room, say goodbye to the lady behind the counter - who hands Xayah a red berry fruit - and then leave the tavern, the air is fresh and the fine smell of dew is in the air. 

A little distant Valon sees Gawyn, he raises his hand in greeting and Xayah looks at her father in surprise. "Do you know this man, Athair?"   
Gawyn returns the greeting and shoves his grandson in front of him, who is busy finishing a large piece of chocolate and pays no attention to his surroundings.

He just nods and leads Xayah in the opposite direction, her gaze fixed on the other two figures. Her gaze is turned away when the two disappear from her sight. 

Valon starts an old traditional folksong and after a short time she sings along. Singing and humming the two travel back to their home.


	3. Fading Magic

  
"Rabhadh! We'll leave as soon as Aodh arrives, take care of each other until we are back." Valon looks from one to another, his gaze rests on his daughter. "I want to join you, Father," she exclaims and looks at him seriously. "I want to learn how to hunt as well." She crosses her arms in front of her chest and looks at him with a firm expression. "You're too young, Mil," Valon says gently, stroking her cheek.

In the last few years, Xayah had grown from a joyful and excited child into a keen teenager, always careful to preserve and respect the cultures and ways of life in her tribe. She loves the nature and the living in it, many times she just sits by the nearby river and observes the wildlife around her. 

The other girls of her age already gave up and stop asking if she wants to play games with them or spend the evening with them, only joining the other girls to bathing together and even that unwillingly. The only reason why Xayah joins them is her father, so he doesn't worry about her. 

The other girls were simply too much for Xayah, they were nice but somehow she didn't manage to build a connection to them. Whenever she is around the others, it is the same. The others giggle all the time and tease each other about boys. Xayah couldn't understand what's so great about them. 

Another time the other girls had braided her hair and put pearls in it, at the end they applied a lot of cosmetics on her face, she never felt so ridiculous before. Since that day she tries to avoid the others if possible, which isn't very easy in such a small and familiar clan.

"Wylie is only 13 in human years and he can still go with you, I am already 14 and still too young? Dad, that's not fair." Xayah's voice falters in her last sentence and she bites her lower lip, her eyes on the ground. "Why don't you go to Catriona and Ealasaid and spend the day with them? I'm sure they'd love it if you spent some time with them again." Valon looks at her smiling and gives her a quick kiss on the head.

Xayah moans annoyed and makes a long, tortured sound. "But Dad...", she whines and rolls her eyes, then she drops herself on the grass where she stands. "I don't want to make girly talk, I don't care who likes which boy, I don't even care about boys... "I want to learn to hunt and fight. And learning how to protect our home."   
"You know that's something for men to do." He smiles at her hesitantly and she throws her arm over her eyes.  
"That's not fair..." she whispers again without looking at him. Then she straightens up and knocks dust, loose grass and leaves off her dress. Shortly afterwards she turns around and walks away towards the forest. 

"Where are you going?" Valon calls after her.   
"Walking, or can't I do that as a girl either?" Anger resonates in her voice.   
"You're such a teenager today." He can't help smiling and shakes his head when he looks at her.  
" Isn't that what you always want?"

Without thinking about it, Xayah walks through the forest, the same paths she has taken for so many years, until she reaches the river, on which she sits all the time. She rests at the edge of the river, completely absorbed in thought, so at first she doesn't even notice. 

After a while she furrows her forehead and looks around more closely. It is quiet, way too quiet, not even a bird sings one of its songs, the river moves much slower than usual and the trees seem to be somehow... powerless, even lifeless. Slowly she turns towards and looks around more clearly. The last time she was here nature was great, the trees and animals were healthy and it felt incredibly good.   
She had been able to see the magic, shining, blue energy, which was floating in the air, but now there is no sign of it anymore, the magic has simply disappeared.

She looks around in search, but there are no clues what could have happened, why the magic disappeared. A sound reaches her ears, they twitch quickly, searching for the direction the sound came from. Slowly, careful not to be discovered, she follows the voices. Her feathers ruffle and her eyes widen as she sees the giant crystal, hidden in a dead tree trunk, blue particles of pure magic flying towards the crystal and simply being absorbed by it. 

She looks around the area, it is almost as if she can see the plants around her dying as more and more magic is consumed. "That's the last one for today, right?" A deep, quiet voice, Xayah freezes in the place and hides behind the roots of the tree, hoping not to be discovered. "Yes, let's go back before the wild creatures get here. Supposedly they can get pretty dangerous, I don't want to risk my luck."

"Wild Animals?", it rushes through her head and she frown. Why would they be dangerous? They were a peaceful tribe, there weren't even enough fighters to protect their own homes. A loud blast pierces the silence and Xayah forces her ears to her head, her eyes tightly shut, trembling. She has never heard such a sound before, a humming covers all other noises. What the buzzing does not cover up is what the animal feels and releases into the environment, which has been seriously injured by humans. 

Fear. pain. panic. His death throes can be felt in the whole area, at least if you are connected to magic. Knowing that the poor being is suffering tears her heart apart and she closes her eyes tighter than before, her hands still pressing down her ears, pink fingernails digging into her flesh. 

Xayah doesn't know how much time has passed since she took refuge behind the tree, but it seems to have been longer than she imagined. The sun is already going down, she stands up with shaky feet and looks out carefully behind the tree. The humans are gone, the strange crystal still glows, still attracting the magic in the air. 

The view she is confronted with takes Xayah's breath away, the nature around her is not only dying, the humans have also cut down a lot of trees and uprooted other plants that had been in their way. Slowly she walks over to the now free place in the forest, her eyes wide-open, the image of this man-made crime burns deep into her mind. 

A hand rests on one of the trees as her gaze falls on an injured squirrel, she carefully lifts it up and presses it against her chest. She lets her gaze glide over the dying part of the forest again, then turns around and runs back home as fast as she can.

  
\--- ~ * ~ ---

"Where have you been?! We were so worried, Aodh and Keir are still looking for you, we searched everything in the area and couldn't find you! "Where have you been?"Valon's voice is harsh, even though she can hear the relief coming from it. She presses the little squirrel protectively against her breast and then shows it to him carefully. 

His gaze becomes softer. "I was down by the river, a little farther away than I normally go. I noticed something strange and followed the sound. Dad, people capture our magic with strange things, like crystals! And they're destroying the forest, they've killed so many trees... I found this little one here among the remains of some trees."

She breaks off and strokes the small animal's little head, its eyes are closed, its heart has stopped beating. Tears rise in Xayah's eyes and she cannot suppress a sob. She had hoped she could help the woodland creature, but it is already too late.

Valon takes his daughter comfortingly in his arms and holds her for a moment. "I'm sorry, Mil. I can't take away the pain, but time will soothe it. You're not hurt?" She shakes her head and rubs her free hand over her face, wiping away the tears. "I want to bury him..." she whispers softly and Valon nods. 

  
Xayah kneels before the small pile of fresh earth, a single flat stone, streaked with rose quartz, lies on the top of the pile. "Taitah be tervash," she whispers, then looks up at the sky. There must be something she can do to stop humans from their selfish actions, maybe humans don't even know what they are doing to nature and life when they capture the wild magic of Ionia, for whatever reason. She has to talk to the others about it, they need to talk to the humans before the situation gets out of control.

A blond girl with long, open hair sits down next to her and puts one hand on Xayah's back. The only braided strand of her hair slides into her face, the feathers attached to the strand with colourful wooden pearls tickle Ealasaid's cheek and she strokes it backwards. Xayah tries to smile, but she doesn't really succeed.

"'Asai," she smiles weakly and then looks back at the fresh burial mound. "Are you all right?" Ealasaid looks at her carefully from the side and strokes her back gently up and down, Xayah just nods slowly. "Yes... I think so," she whispers softly. "The Elder wants to talk to you, your father is already with him. Shall I accompany you?" She shakes her head, her ears sink slightly, she nervously walks towards the tree where the path to the elder's residence is located.

She climbs up the wooden steps and stops in front of the entrance curtain. She swallows, her fingers trembling. Never in her life has she been called to the elder, she hasn't the slightest idea what's coming to her. Hesitantly she knocks on the wood next to the curtain, almost immediately the gentle voice of the elder calls her in.

Slowly she enters the room, it is dipped in warm candlelight and on the table is a bowl of wild, blooming roses. "You called for me, Elder?" Her voice trembles and she suggests a slight bow. The elder smiles encouragingly at her and tells her to sit down on one of the cushions around the table. She follows his request and sits down, hands in her lap and nervously fidgeting with her fingers.

"That's right, my child", the elder's voice is still calm and friendly, his eyes resting on her. "Valon told me that you saw something alarming today." She looks up and nods fiercely. "It's true", she confirms and looks at her father. "Please tell me about it, child, I want to hear it firsthand." He's still smiling.

"The humans intercept our magic and destroy our home. "They have begun to cut down our forests and... and..." she hesitates, searching for the right words. "They've placed such a strange stone, it looks something like a crystal, and our magic is absorbed by it. The nature around it is dying and the animals are suffering."

"How do you know this thing comes from humans?" There's a look of wonder in his eyes. "I saw them, they killed an animal, there was a loud noise and I could feel the poor animal suffering..." She looks at her fingers again, the thought of the pain and fear of the wood animal still gives her a bad feeling. 

"What do you say, Elder?" Valon looks at him seriously.

"People aren't our friends, but they respect us. As soon as they realize what they are doing to the nature and to us, they will stop by themselves. I don't think we need to worry, we'll keep an eye on it while we wait." He looks at Valon, who nods.

"What? We're not doing anything? We need to talk to the humans, tell them what they're doing to us and to nature. We need magic, we can't live without it, nature is dying. We have to do something before it is too late," it bursts out of Xayah and looks unbelievingly back and forth between her father and the Elder. 

"We are not going to do anything, we will wait and see. If the humans don't change anything, we can still send a diplomat to them." The Elder looks at her, more strictly this time.

"But -!", Xayah begins, but the elder immediately interrupts her.

"No buts, young lady! I have decided it this way, it's for all our sake, don't think I make any decisions recklessly." He looks at her relentlessly and she nods with clenched teeth, her hands clustered in her lap into fists. "You may go now," he adds. Xayah immediately jumps up and walks out of the door with quick steps, crossing the narrow wooden path that connects the individual houses. She feels her father's gaze at her neck.

When she reaches the cottage that she lives in with her father, she stops and he puts his hand on her shoulder, she tenses up and he looks at her strictly. "Mil, you can' t do something like that! You cannot question the decisions of the Elder, never! Do you get that?!" His fingers pierce her shoulder and Xayah painfully grimaces her face but nods. Startled, he pulls back his hand and sees blood under his fingernails. The blood flows gently down her shoulder and seeps into the base of her feathers. 

"I didn't mean to...", he whispers with widened eyes and pulls her into the living room with gentle force. Carefully he lays his hand on the wound and golden light appears, the wound tingles and closes immediately. He takes a piece of cloth and dips it into a pot of water, carefully dabbing the blood from her skin and feathers, humming softly, just like when she was a child. 

After a short hesitation she hums with him in rhythm, her eyes closed and lost in thoughts. He gently runs along her feathers, each one carefully straightening. Xayah sighs softly, her decision is already made. She must do it regardless if she wants to or not. 


	4. Failures

  
The sun has completely disappeared behind the trees and the night falls over the small homes in the trees, in the distance you can hear crickets and frogs competing with each other. Xayah sits at her window, her fingers clenched in her nightgown, she presses her lips together and stands up, checking if all is as she planned. 

Quietly she steps inside the living room and checks the room, it is empty and she can hear her father's quiet, steady breathing from the other bedroom. She swallows, a strong feeling of betrayal spreads in her stomach, she closes her eyes briefly and takes a deep breath. Then she returns to her room. 

Grabbing a pen and ink, she writes a few words on a piece of parchment.

_Athair,_

_please forgive me. I have to do this._

_Gun dìon na diathan thu._  
_I love you._

_Mil_

With trembling fingers, she leaves the piece of parchment on the table in the living room and changes her nightgown into a simple white strap dress with purple petals on the lower third of the skirt, along with a matching, also purple hooded throw-on that protects her shoulders and covers her face a bit. She ties her hair in a quick braid and puts it over her shoulder so her hair does not annoy her. 

With swift steps she sneaks out of the cottage and walks down the stairs, taking care that nobody notices her sneaking away. When she reaches the ground she runs as fast as she can to the edge of the forest, out of sight of possible tribe members.

She looks back, no sound or candlelight indicating that someone might be awake and have noticed her escape. For a brief moment her heart cramps in her chest, she knows that her behaviour is a bold violation of the rules of her tribe and that there will be consequences once she is back home. 

'You can still go back, no one has noticed that you are gone. You can pretend you went for a walk in case someone noticed your absence,' a voice whispers in her head and she bites her lower lip. "No, there is no going back. It has to be done, for our tribe. Before the magic disappears completely,' she answers herself in thought and runs along the path, further an further, until she almost collapses from exhaustion. In the distance she can already see the sun rising. 

She needs a break before she gets too tired to travel any longer. Xayah looks around and not far away she spots a tree with a wide opening in the branches, far away from prying eyes. She climbs up the tree and makes herself as comfortable as possible, which is quite difficult without a blanket or pillow. After what feels like an eternity she finally falls asleep.

  
\--- ~ * ~ ---

  
She straightens up with a loud groan, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. She climbs nimbly down the tree and stretches herself quite a bit when she has solid ground under her feet again. Her back aches thanks to the uncomfortable position in which she slept. She glances over the surroundings, somehow it seems so familiar to her... like she' s been here before. 

Leaving the shade of the trees, she walks slowly towards some little girls sitting in the soft grass, weaving floral wreaths while the midday sun shines down on them. A broad smile spreads across her face as she sees the peaceful scenery before her. With bouncy steps she approaches the children and crouches down a little away to watch them. 

One of the girls looks at Xayah with huge eyes, her lips slightly open. "What funny ears are you having", the girl wonders and reaches her hand out, completely fascinated by the foreign being.

Ashamed, her ears drop and Xayah covers her feet under her skirt. She looks over to the child in confusion, the girl still has her hand outstretched in her direction. "May I?", she asks quietly and fascinated, Xayah feels the blush rise to her face. Never before a human has touched her ears or even her feathers, then she nods hesitantly.

The girl's eyes sparkle with delight as she gently strokes her fingers over one of the long ears, involuntarily twitching and the girl giggles happily. "So soft," she says, still with sparkling eyes. Then she runs back to the other girls and picks up the wreath of flowers she was weaving, with hopping steps she comes back and places it on her head. 

She places a hand on the wreath in surprise and touches it, soft petals touch her fingers and she smiles at the girl. "Thank you, but don't you want to keep it for yourself?" She smiles and glances into the girl's eyes, golden orbs meet brown crystals. The girl smiles again and reaches for some more flowers to start with a new wreath.

How did her father manage it again? Xayah closes her eyes and concentrates as hard as she can, her fingers start to tingle and an incredible warmth spreads through her body, she feels the magic flowing through her whole body, gathering in her hand. Once she opens her eyes again, the place of the field where she is crouching is covered with colourful flowers in all shapes and colours and the children stare at her with their eyes wide open.

" This is so wonderful," says another girl awed as Xayah slowly straightens up and smiles at the children, it was the first time she had conjured something out of magic that wasn't clothes. At least the first time it worked properly. Proudly she looks at the result, she' s exhausted but satisfied.

She heads towards the main street through the village, the girls wave goodbye to her and she returns the gesture before she takes a turn around the corner and walks along the side street. The elder was right, not all people were bad, maybe she really overreacted and didn't need to come here. She smiles lost in thought and continues walking up the street.

"Hey, sweetheart." 

An ice-cold shiver runs down her spine and she turns around, a tall man with long, black hair heads threateningly towards her, his face twisted into a grin. He' s just a few steps away from her, a blend of alcohol and sweat surrounds him and Xayah retreats a few steps, realising the danger behind her much too late.

Another man, also smelling of a mixture of wine and sweat, as well as a slight smell of cigarettes sticks to him, grabs her under her arms and pulls the girl into the air. She screams in panic and writhes under the firm grip of her attacker, she tosses her head, the wreath of flowers falls down and ends up in a small puddle on the path.

"I like it when they fight back." The voice of the man behind her sounds vicious and she whimpers quietly. Seeing the other man with the black hair coming towards her and swallowing, she hears her pulse racing in her ears and presses her lips firmly together. "Looks like it's our lucky day, Jamie. First we can have some fun, and later we can put some feathers on the market for a very expensive price." 

Xayah stares at the man with wide open eyes, her heart stops for a few painful beats and her vision turns into a tunnel. Rough hands tear a holder of her dress and expose her undergarments, immediately her will to fight comes back to life and she rears up in the man's tight grip, kicking wildly with her legs. 

Unprepared for the sudden resistance he drops her, she lands on the ground in front of the feet of her captors. She leaps up and tries to run away, but strong fingers drill roughly into her feathers and hold her in place. In one firm movement he yanks her back by her plumage, falling down along the hard stone.

The long-haired man pulls her up by her again and locks his arm around her neck, grinning maliciously. Once more she tries to break free under his grip, but his grab only gets stronger, like a snake strangling its victim.

Her desperation causes her to try and bite into her attacker's arm, hoping that he will let go of her. This time fortune is on her side, the pain overwhelms him and he lets her fall, immediately she leaps to her feet, her knee shoots into the other man's privates with a quick jerk so that he can' t follow her, without thinking any further, she runs down the path, increasing the distance between her and her captors.

Until...

...she stops in front of a high wall. A dead end.

Once again panic rises inside her, she is trapped, like an animal forced into a corner.Dragging steps make Xayah drive around, her attackers are back. The man she just kicked in the groin turns up to her with angry eyes and wields a knife. "That's what you bitch got from it", he growls and his face turns into a grimace.

She tries to escape and run past the two men, unsuccessfully, the hands of one of them drilling into her feathers again, tearing her off her feet and hurling her back against the wall. She feels something hot running down her neck and tastes something containing iron in her mouth. Blood.

Once more rough hands rest on her body, ripping her dress aside and locking her on the hard stone floor. She can't do anything, can't defend herself. An unknown fear rises inside her and she presses her eyes together, wishing she had never left her safe home. Nothing like this would have happened. Her heart stops for a few seconds and she tells herself that this is not happening, that she is not even here.

A sharp, blind white pain fills her body for a split second and pulls her back to reality, the pain disappears as fast as it came. The attacker holds one of her feathers in his hand and grins manically at her. He bends down to her again, she stretches her hands forward, pushing him off, tears rising in her eyes. Hadn't the elder said that humans at least have respect for her kind? It doesn't seem to Xayah that one of the two men had any respect or even sympathy for her, she was nothing else but an object to satisfy these people' desires and enrich them.

The man keeps grinning as he presses himself against her while her hands push him away, face turned away and eyes squeezed together. "Leave me alone," she presses them out and the man laughs loudly, his voice babbling from alcohol. 

She feels the magic in her fingertips, it feels different than the last time, stronger and more focused. She opens her eyes and looks over to the man hanging above her, his gaze staring straight ahead, his eyes broken. A purple feather sticking in his chest and piercing his heart. With eyes wide open, she pushes the still warm corpse away from her and looks at the other man.

Hate rises in her, she concentrates, her thoughts directed at the feather in the other attacker's chest. Another feather appears in her hand, she glances at it and gently swings the feather dagger from one side to the other. Her horrified face turns into a relieved, mean grin. She has licked blood, her other abuser will pay for what he has done to her.

  
\--- ~ * ~ ---

  
She sits shocked between the corpses of her offenders, exhausted and emotionally torn, apathic. Another man appeared in the alley, when he saw the two dead bodies and the disturbed girl, he pulled out a baton and slowly went in the direction of the girl. Carefully she stands up and looks at him for help. His eyes narrow to slits and he steps back, before catching himself.

"Monster." His voice is nothing more than a whisper. He walks dangerously towards her and points with his baton at Xayah, she just shakes her head helplessly, the moment the baton races towards her, she pushes herself off the ground with trembling legs, leaping up into the air and comes down on the other side of the man. With quick steps she runs down the passage again, towards the entrance to the village.

She wasn't able to negotiate with the humans, so they would leave the wild magic of Ionia in peace. As fast as she can manage she hurries back home.

She has failed.  
She has betrayed her tribe and betrayed her father....only to fail.

But she's learned her lesson. Humans were brutal and ruthless creatures with no regard for their kind. Something needs to change. 


	5. United in our Songs

Her side aches and stings, she can barely breathe, every single breath burns like fire in her lungs, but she doesn't stop. The fear, the shock, all of this is deep inside her and Xayah knows if she took a break now, she would break down. For a moment she stops by a tree, taking a deep breath. It' s not far from here, she is sure about it. Her ears twitch for a moment, backwards, listening for steps or other strange sounds. 

The humans seem to have let go of her, she can' t sense any more steps in the surroundings, the only sounds she can hear are the sound of the river nearby and her own blood, like a waterfall in her ears. Timidly she walks towards the river, sitting down on its banks and dipping her hands deep into the cold water. 

She takes a sip, the cold liquid relieves the pain in her throat and she feels a bit better immediately. She glances at her reflection in the water, a pale grimace with messy hair, deep edges under her eyes, the happy expression of the past gone, giving way to a distraught look. The holder of her dress is still hanging down, exposing part of her underwear, her skirt is torn and stained, full of dirt and dried blood. 

She tries to repair her dress by magic so no one from her tribe will see her like this. She doesn't want anyone to worry that anything has happened to her. However, she can't manage to influence her appearance with magic, either there is not enough magic in the environment or she is too disturbed, too exhausted. Xayah bets on the second possibility. With quick fingers she runs her fingers through her hair and then heads off, stepping in the last few meters to her home. She shivers, her lip trembles. 

What would the others say?   
What will the elder say to her action?  
Her father?  
Will she have to expect consequences?  
Or is it punishment enough what happened to her?

The thought of what had happened brings tears to her eyes again, which she wipes away with the back of her hand. Then she takes the last steps before her home appears before her... Even before she sees anything, she can already feel that something is wrong. The surroundings are silent, not like in winter, when life falls into a kind of hibernation, but rather as if life had completely disappeared. 

There is no one to be seen, although the sun is bright in the sky, her heart beats up to her neck, and with quick steps she runs up the steps to the housing that she shares with her father. The rooms are empty, no trace of him. Carefully she creeps through the room, listening for every sound, but it' s deathly quiet, no hint of her father.

"Dad?" Her voice is quiet and trembles slightly. 

She steps out of the small home and walks with quick steps over to the elder's residence. Xayah takes a deep breath and then knocks on the wooden wall next to the door, but nothing happens. The Elder doesn't react, not a single word comes out from behind the curtain, not a sound or even a sign of life. Carefully she puts her head through the curtain and realizes that this room is empty as well, the flowers on the table are withering, the petals are spreading around the pot. 

She wrinkles her brow, she hasn't been gone that long, how could the Wild Rose wither so quickly? About two or three days ago, the plant had been full of life and its petals were gloriously in full bloom. She rushes out of the room, running to another home, where no one answers and a quick glance inside shows her that no one is at home there either. Once again panic rises in her, as strong as Xayah has never felt it before. 

Where are they all?   
Where is the Elder?   
Her father?  
What happened here?  
Why did they all leave?

She starts humming, an old song her father had taught her, hoping it would calm her down. She crouches in a corner between a tree and a fence, ivy vines block the view of her, making her invisible to anyone looking at her home from outside. 

**_So quiet the sea, so quiet my heart_ **  
**_When I hear your songs from afar_ **

She trembles like aspen wood, her gaze stare fixed straight ahead, her lips slightly open as she breathes the words. She tries to put her thoughts in order, but is unable to do so. What has happened? Where is everyone?

**_So quiet the sea, so quiet my heart_ **  
**_The loneliness, it passes by._ **

Did they leave her behind?   
Because she didn't obey?   
Because she rejected the rules of her tribe?

_**So quiet the sea, so quiet my heart** _  
_**I'll sing you a song or two** _

Was that her punishment?  
The consequence of her actions?  
Her body trembles completely, her feathers ruffled, her eyes wide open, shocked. The last few days had already been overwhelming for her, but this... this was just too much to bear.

_**So quiet the sea, so quiet my heart** _  
_**In the sound of the night I have you back** _

What kind of morbid game is this?   
And why is her father in it?  
He was supposed to protect her, not scare her. Why don't they come out of hiding? Desperate tears running down her cheeks.

_**We are united in our songs** _

She needs him, depends on him. Craves his embrace, his hand on her head as he holds her comfortingly in his arms, protecting her from everything and everyone. As long as her father is at her side, she is safe and protected, as long as he is there, nothing can or will happen to her. "But he is not here," whispers a soft voice in the back of her head.

**_When the fog covers the world_ **  
**_Laying down his veil_ **

She wraps her arms around her knees, lays her head on them and bends forward slightly, continuing to sing softly, hoping that the familiar lyrics and melodies will calm her, she can almost hear the melody. She has sung this song several hundred times before, in duet, with her father. While they sat together by the fire, surrounded by the beauty of the forest, while she was lying in her bed and he wanted to sing her to sleep, while they went for a walk together. Her body trembles, the sobbing doesn't want to end.

_**Do I tell myself that this day too** _  
_**Without you...** _

"How does the verse go again?" The thought spreads deeper and deeper inside her. How can she forget the verse? It's impossible. Her head feels so empty, her body numb, except for the stabbing pain in her chest. 'This is not a game, the others are not just hiding, no punishment is so cruel', it shoots through her head. If it were a punishment or a game, they would have already come out, would have made it clear to her that she should never do such a thing again. 

_**...comes to an end** _

Her gaze wanders across the place where she grew up, the place that is her home. The trees around her seem drained of power, just like the tree near the strange crystal that has drawn the magic from the surrounding area. She must be strong, cautious and make intelligent decisions. The others will not come back by her sitting here crying, she has to do something. She needs a plan. 

Desperation and fear suppressing she stands up and looks at her surroundings. Not only the trees seem powerless, many plants have dried up and died, like the Wild Rose in the elder's room. No bird sings its song, it feels as if she is the only creature far and wide in the surroundings. Slowly she straightens up, wiping the tears from her face, the expression on her face reflects her determination. 

"It's like near the river, I just have to find out where the object that steals our magic is," she whispers to herself in a low voice. If she destroys this thing, whatever it is, and frees the magic again... maybe the others will come back?!

At least it's an attempt. A hope, good enough not to be wasted. But where could this thing be? Where could humans have hidden it?  
Slowly ishet runs through the camp, after a while getting faster and faster, lost in thought. After a while she stands in front of the exit to the northern side of the camp, Xayah looks back, swallows slightly and leaves the only place she ever felt safe and which is the place where nothing and nobody is safe right now.

The forest around her is as withered as in her home, but the further she walks, nature becomes more vivid. A light blue shimmer flickers to her right and she can see from the corner of her eye how magical particles are floating towards the old temple. Can that be? Have the humans violated our temple? The place where we say farewell to our loved ones for thousands of years and remember our ancestors? Can humans really be so ruthless,' she asks herself, but immediately suppresses the thought again, she has experienced first-hand what humans are like. They call the Vastaya monsters because they look different, but in the end they are the real monsters themselves, cruel and dangerous.

Carefully she approaches the temple, a red glow comes from inside. The mighty tree stump, surrounded and decorated with vines and leaves of various strengths, seems as powerless as everything around it. Slowly she looks around, a slightly unsure what she should do now. Just go inside and destroy the thing inside? Was it even possible to touch it or should she use something else? 

'You could try to summon those blades again.' But she quickly rejects this thought again, she doesn't even know how she managed it the last two times. On the ground she discovers a large stone, she walks over to it and picks it up, holding it like a precious treasure. In relation to its weight it should be able to destroy the crystal. 

She narrows her eyes to slits and studies her surroundings thoroughly, making sure that there is really no one else here, that no one is near her. Then she walks with quick steps to the entrance of the temple, pushing some dried vines aside. Inside there is another crystal, it looks different from the one she had seen at the river. It glows almost dark red, blue particles of purest magic drift towards it and are absorbed within it, a dark aura surrounds the structure.

Goose bumps spread over her body and she gazes at the crystal with big eyes. It is made of three separate parts, which float in the air close together and give off an unrhythmic humming sound. For a brief moment she feels the urge to touch the crystal, but then manages to resist this desire, who knows what the touch would do. And she wasn't very eager to find out.

After a short hesitation, she lifts the stone high above her head and throws it at the crystal with all her strength. A sharp crack appears at the point where the stone collides, the break extends through the crystal, followed by a loud crack and the crystal shatters into countless small shards, leaving blue light and particles in its place, dancing in the air. After a short moment the particles shoot past her and back outside, into nature, where Ionia's - again wild - magic belongs. 

After a moment, Xayah herself leaves the temple and looks around, a ton of weight falls from her heart, the trees have recovered within seconds when they were touched by the magic, dried up plants are in full bloom again. Relieved, she exhales, taking a look behind her, the temple itself has not recovered.

Disgraced. 

"Tha mi duilich, tha diathan a 'toirt maitheanas dhomh", she whispers and looks down as she opens her eyes again, a sad smile on her lips. She kneels on the ground in front of the temple, saying a short prayer. Then she creates a fire out of magic and lights the temple in the hope of destroying the last traces of shadow magic on holy ground. 

From a safe distance she watches the once holiest place of her tribe vanish into smoke and flames. This was also the fault of the humans. Eventually, they would pay for their actions. Xayah does not know when this day will come, but she knows it is coming.

\--- * ~ * ---

Hours later, the temple burned down, she left to return home, hoping to see her family again. When she arrives some time later, however, she realizes that this hope was in vain. There is nothing to be seen of her tribe. It is as if they had turned their backs on their home forever. But this is nearly impossible, because everything was left behind. 

She goes back to her house and looks around again, but still finds no clue where her father might be. With quick steps she goes into her old room and reaches for her backpack, then she goes into the living room, opens a cupboard and digs through it with quick fingers. At last she finds what she was looking for. A map. Then a small book bound in leather and a quill and a barrel of ink, and a canteen. She throws everything in the backpack. Then she goes into her father's bedroom and looks around. 

Her heart races when she sees the objects of her desire. She takes out the leather-bound book again and walks over to the wall with the book in her hand. Two feathers, interwoven and inseparably united, one light purple, the other velvet red, the feathers of her parents. With trembling fingers she takes the two feathers from the wall and puts them on the last page of her book.

Then she goes back into the living room, lets her eyes drift, searching for useful things. Her gaze falls on a basket with fruits, she goes over to it and searches it for durable fruit, which she can take with her. Some apples and citrus fruits also get into the backpack. Then she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. 

When she opens her eyes again, they are directed towards the window, the night has been coming for a long time. She opens her barely existing braid and runs her fingers through her hair before retying it again. A last, melancholic look goes through the room in which she has spent so much time. With a heavy heart she leaves her beloved home, down the stairs and leaves the place of her childhood, leaving her happy and sheltered life behind.   
Leaving the memories behind. 

She knows what she has to do. And nothing will distract her from her mission.


	6. Harvestfestival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Years have passed while Xayah has dedicated herself to her cause, travelling alone from place to place to bring back what is deserved to the Vastaya. To her displeasure, the buffoon she meets sees things a little differently.

How the hell could this have gotten so out of control? Her mission had failed and to make things worse she is now stuck in this goddamn mountain village. She tried to take out a mercenary, but he hadn't shown up in Vlonqo for any reason, and now she's stuck here. 

At least it wasn't all for nothing, shortly after she had checked in at the local tavern, someone had already contacted her, despite his wide coat she could already see from a distance that he was also a Vastaya, and he had called her for help.  
Humans had stolen an artifact from his tribe and he asked her to get it back. Without a second thought, she had promised that Shimon that she' d bring the artifact back where it was supposed to be.

And now she's sitting here, on a bench under an almost bare tree, staring at her map with a grim look, completely untouched by the busy activity around her. That's the only reason why she's sitting outside and not in the tavern. Among all the visitors of the festival she doesn't stand out, nobody pays her any attention. 

One last look at the map and Xayah gets up and puts everything into her backpack. Then she straightens her hood, careful to hide her ears so that no one can see them, not even guess. She watches her surroundings closely, watching to see if anyone is watching her, but still no one is paying attention. 

She covers herself as best she can with a black cape, hiding her feathers. She hates to pretend to be one of them, but sometimes it is better not to stand out. She closes the cape around her and slowly walks away towards the market place, directly towards a small stage. 

The crowd cheers and jubilates, a colourful mixture of people and Vastaya, of all genders and ages. On the stage stands a man, a little older than herself, something about him is different than she expected.

Xayah hesitates. The buffoon on stage is also a Vastaya, a Lhotlan, his golden peacock feathers reflect the sun's rays and sparkle all over the place. He performs some cheap tricks while singing a popular song of the local people. Xayah can' t help but roll her eyes. Without watching him any further she makes her way across the market place. 

For a brief moment, she feels that his eyes follow her. He bows theatrically when he has finished his song and starts another one, she can feel his look without looking in his direction. She stiffens, freezes in the middle of her movement. She turns around almost mechanically, her gaze fixedly focused on the Avian on stage.

"Siúil, siúil, siúil a rún, Siúil go sochair agus siúil go ciúin," the performer begins, his gaze directed at Xayah, fixed. Does he know that she is a Vastaya? Or is it pure coincidence? She can' t avert her eyes and he also holds her firmly in his stare as he performs the old ballad. 

Goose bumps spread from her spine over her whole body. It's been ages since she heard this song, since she had ever heard a song that she had sung with her father. She feels hot and cold at the same time. Her heart is racing, she closes her eyes and tries to calm down. Somehow the situation seems familiar to her, but she can' t remember. 

To the rhythm of the music she keeps swaying back and forth, her eyes still closed and absorbing the melody, the text. It is strange, she knows that she should know the song by heart, but she can't remember the lyrics. It is not the first time she notices that she can barely remember anything from her youth, the last years have changed her too much, the traditions and songs of her people have become so distant to her... 

With sad eyes she looks up to the stage again, the singer strokes his red strand of hair backwards and grins at her. She can see the blue of his eyes even from this distance. In the distance she notices two little girls dancing, clumsy but happy. 

_In front of her inner eye appears the image of two children, a boy and a little girl, they swirl and bounce around, he tries to show her how to dance, but she fails miserably and the two of them burst out laughing loudly, surrounded by a large crowd of other dancers, while pink petals rain down on them. Afterwards the girl runs into her father's arms, but his face is blurred, his voice is muffled._

She has forgotten what her own father looked like, what his voice was like. Xayah swallows and tears herself away from the memory, she pulls the hood deeper into her face and hurries away, just at the moment when the performer has turned his gaze away from her and bows to his audience.

'Concentration. Focus on the mission. Don't get distracted', she tells herself and turns around the corner, leaving the stage behind. Now is not the right time to dwell on memories. She has an artifact to get.

\--- ~ * ~ ---

Xayah has to admit that the distraction of the actor had made her mission a lot easier than she had expected. Get in, grab the artifact, back out. She didn't even needed her feather daggers, which is almost a shame, she was already looking forward to a fight, and besides, the distraction would' have been good for her. There wasn't anything better against unwanted memories than a little bloodshed. 

The crowd is still standing in front of the stage, howling and whistling, calling his name. Rakan. She has never seen so many people cheering for a Vastaya, her own experiences were no exception. "He looks handsome, that will probably be the reason why they don't chase him away," she whispers quietly and shakes her head, not knowing if it' about herself or about the situation in general. 

Why was she even thinking about a man she didn't know and wouldn't see again? She sighs and rolls her eyes, then runs over to the nearby edge of the forest and disappears behind the trees.

  
\--- ~ * ~ ---

  
The audience cheers him, the crowd dances and moves to his songs as it is supposed to be. How can they not? Everyone celebrates enthusiastically when he performs for them, his glance moves over the crowd, maybe there is someone with which he can enjoy the evening. For a moment, his attention turns to a young woman, who shows a cool and distant expression on her slightly rounded face, a black hood over her head, which has two small bumps. On the cheekbone a dark red, slightly wavy tattoo. A Vastaya?

Actually Rakan had planned to finish his performance, but he had to know if his suspicion was correct, if she was a Vastaya. And how could she see him standing there and still just walk away? For a short moment he thinks about which song could be the right one to attract the attention of the unknown, then he gets one, maybe not so great idea. 

The song was widely spread in his tribe and he knows that it is also sung by other Avian tribes, but he doesn't know if other Vastaya tribes know this song, too, yet he starts with his special version about the ballad of the young woman, who takes everything to fulfill her lover's wish and buy him an iron sword so that he can head off to war. 

Rakan knows that the end of this song ends differently in each tribe, in his tribe it finishes with him riding off with his sword and going to war, but his grandfather had explained that other tribes have different versions, in a friendly tribe the story ends with the lover telling her not to worry as long as the Wild Rose is blooming in the garden, as long as he is doing well. When winter comes and the rose withers, she is incredibly worried about her lover. Only to discover shortly afterwards through a letter that he fell in battle, with a rose in his hand.

Already during the first sentence he sees the reaction of the woman, the bumps in her hood become almost imperceptibly higher, none of the celebrants notice it, but he notices it immediately. She turns towards him with a swing, her eyes fixed on him. 'I knew it, she is a Vastaya', Rakan thinks and starts grinning. He could always rely on his gut feeling and still can.

He keeps his eyes on her, watching every flinch of her face as he sings the old song. She closes her eyes, an unknown feeling spreads in his stomach as the golden orbs disappear from his view, leaving only dark make-up in their place. She cradles back and forth, seems to be lost in his singing. Satisfied, he closes his eyes for a short moment, then lets his eyes wander over the other guests and back to the Vastaya.

She is gone. Where she stood a moment ago, she is no longer to be seen. Rakan frowns briefly and begins to sing another, unplanned song, a more cheerful song that invites to celebrate and drink together. During the song he heats up the crowd once more and tricks around with his magic, letting colorful sparks fly and dancing his magic in spirals, which is rewarded with even louder applause and cheers. His thoughts, however, still focus on the unknown.

How can she not fall for his singing and his performance as the others do? This has never happened to him before! He needs to know who she is. He already knows who he wants at his side this night, now he just has to find her. 

He bows to the crowd, the audience can hardly get enough of him, they scream his name and some even throw flowers. He bows again and then leaves the stage towards the tavern. 

With a bottle of wine in his hand he stands against a tree trunk, from where he has a good look at the crowd in front of the stage. She had passed through the crowd, then she would certainly pass through again on her way back, and when she did, he was sure to see her, and cut her off, lure her to a sip of wine or two. And have a lovely evening with her. That was his plan. Actually Rakan doesn't plan anything, it's easier to take things the way they come, but in such rare cases even he has to be structured. 

He just needs to know why she hasn't fallen for his charm. He loves the hunt and he definitely doesn't want to miss this prey. From the corner of his eye he sees a movement, a small figure in a black cape disappears between the trees at the edge of the forest. Rakan tightens his brows, slowly he also walks in that direction. 

Did the woman just run into the forest?   
He shrugs his shoulders, uncorks the wine bottle and takes a big sip, puts the cork back in and follows the tracks in the leaves. 

  
\--- ~ * ~ ---

  
With quick steps Xayah walks through the forest, the rescued artifact in a pouch tied to her belt. When she is sure she is safe from the sight of others, she strips off the black cape and lets it sink to the ground. Just before it rises from the ground it dissolves into a blue glow and the magic flows back into the area. 

Relieved Xayah sighs, her ears straighten up immediately and she gently strokes her feathers. She hates to pretend to be human, but sometimes it's just better not to be noticed. Not like that performer, like this Rakan. Unwillingly, a smile flits over her lips. Well, he certainly made her task a lot easier and her escape was without any problems. 

Actually, it's a shame, she was already looking forward to a fight, some adrenalin and action is never wrong. But the people had been too distracted and she can't blame them. Rakan looked good, she had to admit that. A foreign feeling spread through her. What is wrong? She has to get the buffoon out of her head as soon as possible, she has never been interested in the other gender and she won't start now!

" What do we have here? A birdie flew right into our nest." Xayah moves around in the direction from where the voice came. A tall, almost bullish man with black, dishevelled hair stares at her with a grin, amusing himself about his stupid statement. She notices the cracking of twigs and the rustling of dried leaves around her. Five other men step towards her from the bushes. 

Fuck it! She had been so fixed on the buffoon in her thoughts that she hadn't even noticed the mercenaries, they surely had announced themselves a long time ago, otherwise they wouldn't be so close to her now. She bit her lower lip. Damn Rakan! It's all his fault, why does he look so damn attractive?! 

A slight smile spreads across her face, at least she finally had the fight she didn't get earlier. What's better than a little fight to banish unwanted feelings? She can perceive six mercenaries, that's two more than her personal best so far. Then it' s time to set a new record. 

She summons five of her feather daggers and strokes them almost tenderly with her other hand, staring at the witty mercenary with cold eyes. "You need six men to face one woman? Isn't that kind of... _pathetic_?" She almost spits the last word and looks at the man in a judgmental manner. He seems to have a lot of strength, but probably he is not very agile, if she evades his attack she can take his life before he knows what happens to him. 

The plan quickly comes to her mind, she must strike quickly and precisely, one mistake and the men will kill her without hesitation, she is sure about that. She has already decided not to take the first step, she would leave it to the mercenaries and rely on her skills. 

As it turns out, none of the seven make the first step. Three of the mercenaries are knocked off their feet when another person joins the group. The buffoon whirls through the air with a literally grand entrance, with his cape he knocks a fourth man off his feet and grins at Xayah with a smug smile. Her heart cramps up for a short moment and the strange feeling from before spreads through her again. 

"Here I am! Lets start the party!" 

Xayah snorts and rolls her eyes. "I didn't ask for your help!" Rakan just shrugs his shoulders and grins again. "I didn't ask if you needed any help, either. I just don't want to miss the party." With these words he jumps again in the direction of the three mercenaries, who are recovering and are immediately thrown into the air by a wave of golden magic before they go down with a thud. 

Xayah grits her teeth and clenches her free hand into a fist, then she takes one of the feather blades into it and hurls it with more force than necessary onto the chest of the first man lying on the ground. Two more follow. Three mercenaries down. She hears a traitorous click and moves around, firing one of the feather daggers at the mercenary as she moves. The blade hits his chest and he goes down, but not fast enough. The noise of the gunshot muffles all other sounds, Xayah presses her eyes together, preparing for the unavoidable. 

Nothing happens. She feels a hand on her chin and opens her eyes, her heart beats up to her neck, his blue eyes look at her with concern. She turns her head away and realizes that she and Rakan are surrounded by a golden shield. "Are you hurt?" he asks. Xayah shakes her head barely noticeably. "N- No. I'm fine. Thank you. This could have ended badly." He nods and looks at her smiling. "I have to take the others out before they can run off." 

Rakan drops the shield and together they run after the last mercenaries, Rakan much faster than her. He manages to throw one of them off his feet and Xayah throws one of her feathers at his neck as she runs past, chasing the other mercenary. He has reached the edge of the forest and dashes out into a small side-street. 

Xayah can hear Rakan cursing as the mercenary moves back into human territory, Xayah close on his trail.From a distance she manages to throw one of herdaggers at his neck, the man stumbles, falls to the ground. She goes over to him and empties his pockets, taking with her a leather-bound book and a sack with some coins, plus his weapons. With quick fingers she removes her blade from his neck and then runs back to the edge of the forest. 

She runs past Rakan and deeper into the woods before she sinks down a tree trunk and breathes heavily with her eyes closed, holding her side. Her ears twitch as Rakan comes close to her again.   
"What did the mercenaries want from you?" He looks at her intensely. She opens one eye and sees Rakan crouching right in front of her. "My head, I guess. Or my feathers. Maybe both." Her voice is cold, dismissive. 

His gaze falls on her hand, which is still firmly pressed against her side, the fabric of her dress soaked. He frowns. "You were hit?" He stretches out his hand to hers, roughly she slaps him away and continues to look at him coldly, this time with both eyes. "Don't be ridiculous, none of the mercenaries have come anywhere near me. It's nothing, just an old wound that's opened up, it'll stop in a second." 

He looks into her eyes and smiles. "Let me help you."  
She looks away, between the trees. "I don't need your help. I've never needed anyone before and I won't need anyone now." She still doesn't look at him, when something touches her hand over the wound she winces in surprise. A golden, shiny feather lies on her hand, she feels gentle magic pulsating inside of it and for a moment she feels her heart contract.   
With hesitating, trembling fingers she takes the feather in her hand and looks at it for a moment. Still trembling she presses the golden peacock feather to the spot where her dress has already turned dark, the pain disappears instantly and she can feel the wound closing and the magic flowing through her body. Her shoulders sink slightly and she nods slightly to him, Rakan smiles at her broadly.

"Thank you, Rakan," she whispers.It's been a long time since she has thanked anyone, after all, she has hardly spoken to anyone since her tribe disappeared. In just a few moments she has spoken to a couple of Vastaya when someone needed her help, but that was it. No one had ever come to help her, so she would have had to thank them. It is a strange feeling.

"You already know my name. Will you tell me who I' ve got the pleasure of meeting?" He is still grinning and she puts her head aside for a moment.   
"Xayah." She opens the book that she has taken from the man, his targets and clients are in it. The book will help her eliminate more of the Vastaya's predators. She puts it into her backpack, then she stands up and brushes the dirt off her clothes, nodding to him once more to thank him and walks away. 

After a short moment she hears steps behind her and Rakan appears at her side. "I'm going with you." He knocks his fist against his chest. "Thanks, but no thanks." She quickens her steps, to her displeasure he keeps pace. " This wasn't a question, I'm coming with you. What are you up to?" His voice sounds wondering. Xayah sighs and rolls her eyes.

"I am returning something stolen from the Shimon tribe west of here." Her voice trembles, anger resonates in it. He nods and hums something to himself. It was a trip of about a day's duration to the Shimon tribe, almost two if the weather doesn't cooperate. 

Xayah sighs again. It will be a damn long journey, according to her feeling. 


	7. Arias

"Can you shut up or don't you know how to be quiet?" She's annoyed. Since what feels like an eternity, Rakan has been talking and singing, non-stop, without a break. While Xayah tries to observe her surroundings and to spot possible dangers as early as possible, Rakan focuses on... everything. Plants, animals, even the rays of the sun reflected in the nearby river become part of his arias. Even though she would never admit it, somehow she likes his songs, it reminds her of the journeys with her father, a time she has almost completely blocked out. 

His singing has become a kind of constant part of the journey for Xayah, first she expected that he would leave after a few days, but he' s still at her side and even though he annoys her, she has to admit that she got used to his presence. Even if she expects him to leave soon.

Rakan looks at her for a short moment, smiles. "I could, but I see no reason to do so." He laughs briefly. "It isn't in our nature to be silent. You should know that better than anyone." His grin widens and he looks her straight in the eyes, after only a short moment Xayah turns her glance off and increases her pace.

Was it common to sing so much in her tribe? She can only remember a few trips, only two to be exact, and both had only been with her father, the first one she had been a small child, they had been at the spring festival in a small village somewhere north of her tribe. The other one was to Navori, she was a bit older, her father had been desperate to go to a summer festival and had expressed the hope of seeing his friend Gawyn once again, but she can't remember if they had met her father's friend. She also has no memories of spending evenings by the campfire in the middle of her tribe. They are buried in a thick fog, buried deep in her subconscious.

The footsteps behind her move faster and shortly afterwards Rakan has caught up to her again, humming gently. She sighs and looks up to the sky. Clouds cover the sky and darken the surroundings, that' s the last thing she needed. Rakan's gaze also moves up. His face twists and turns into a grimace for a short moment. "We should look for somewhere to hide." His blue eyes seek for her golden ones, but Xayah doesn't pay attention to him.

"You can go and find somewhere to hide, I don't have time to do this," her voice sounds hollow, as if she were still thinking of something else. He takes a step closer to her and puts one hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently. Immediately she' s turning around, her eyes burning full of anger. "Don't touch me!" she hisses and puts her feather cape tighter around herself. Rakan hesitates, confused by her reaction. His eyes locked on hers, is that panic hidden behind all that anger? 

He withdraws his hand abruptly, but not turning his eyes away. "Hey, relax, sweetheart," he tries to calm her down, harvesting another downright hateful look. She turns her back to him and walks away with stiff, almost running steps. This time he has trouble keeping up.

_Hey sweetheart._   
_Hey sweetheart._   
_Hey sweetheart._

The voice of her attacker still resounds in her head even after all these years, the feeling of his rough fingers as they clawed into her plumage, the fear and panic she felt. As much as she tries to get rid of her emotional chaos, she doesn't succeed. She knows Rakan isn't up to anything like that, at least not in the way the men did back then. 

However, Xayah is aware that Rakan is only travelling with her because he wishes to book another triumph, and the challenge she gives him will only encourage him even more. She bets that he will lose interest very soon and turn to another woman, someone who would give in to him and give him the kind of attention he is looking for. 

Even though she doesn't really know Rakan, he doesn't seem like that kind of idiot at all. But she doesn't know if she can trust her gut feeling, a lack of social contacts makes it difficult for her to judge other people. Slightly out of breath she stops at a tree and sticks to it, her eyes burn and for the first time in a long time she feels the exhaustion in her body, almost so strong that she is about to collapse. 

Rakan stops near her as a loud rumble breaks the silence, thick raindrops fall. Within a few heartbeats they are soaked, and slowly she turns to Rakan, her gaze almost empty. Then she looks down. "You're right, we should find shelter," she says quietly, barely audible through the rain. He tilts his head and looks at her for a moment. 

He has met lots of women, talked to them, danced with them and shared a bed, but none of them was as odd as the pale Raven, he just couldn't understand her. He nods, then smiles. "There is an abandoned farmhouse near here, if you want I can lead you there. We can stay there during the rain and maybe even get some sleep." He grins again and winks at her lewdly. Xayah snorts and rolls her eyes. "Go ahead," she says then and walks in his direction.

Surprised that she accepts his idea, Rakan leads her through the forest, it doesn't take long until they reach the clearing where the mentioned house stands. It is weathered and the windows are broken, no light is visible and the house can hardly be seen in the increasing darkness. 

He nods to her and then goes straight for the front door, it isn't locked and without hesitation he enters the remains of the former farm. Xayah looks around for a moment and then follows him, closing the door behind them. Rakan stands at a small table and picks up a lamp which is on top of it, after a moment the oil lamp lights up and the room is bathed in orange-red light.

The farmhouse has only one large room, in the middle there is a big bed covered with some moth-eaten blankets, on the other side a small cooking area and a table with two chairs. A shelf full of old books next to one of the walls, an old armchair in front of it. The curtain is torn and blown out through the open window. At the small table near the bed are some glasses full of boiled fruit and stews, fruit and root vegetables, more or less fresh, are next to it. 

  
"Yours?" Xayah looks at him asking and Rakan nods. "I use the hut when I'm on the road nearby, resting a little, having a little snack and then moving on." He picks up one of the glasses and throws it to her, she catches it with hesitant fingers and sits down on one of the shaky chairs. "Thanks", she says curtly, but this time her voice isn't as cold as before, Rakan notes the change immediately, but remains silent. 

Sometimes even he knows when to keep silent. 

Xayah puts the glass on the table and puts her head next to the glass, the exhaustion gets stronger and stronger from one minute to another. When was the last time she had a proper rest? Rakan pulls two blankets out of his backpack and spreads one of them over the bed, the other he puts in place. Afterwards he reaches for a bottle of wine, which he has been carrying around in his backpack since their last stop in a small mountain village. He takes a good sip, gets up and hands the bottle to Xayah.

She looks at him with tired eyes when she notices Rakan standing in front of her, holding the bottle of wine towards her. She reaches for the bottle and takes a big sip, after a moment she takes another one and passes the bottle back to him. " Thanks," she says again, putting her head back on the table top. 

" The bed is more comfortable," he grins and points with one hand to it. Xayah doesn't look up and makes a weird noise, then she turns her head and whispers so quietly that he can barely hear it. "You must know." Surprised, he looks down at the exhausted girl, her ears twitching at every little thing, a slight blush spreading across her cheeks and he can't suppress the smile that grows over his face. Either she can't stand alcohol or it was too much for her on just an empty stomach, Rakan wasn't sure when she had eaten properly the last time. Based on his personal feelings about her, she probably didn't eat very much, and that was some time ago. 

Some time passes and to his surprise, Rakan notices that his companion has fallen asleep, sitting, still in her wet clothes and with her head on the table top, mumbling to herself in her sleep. He hesitates for a short moment, then lifts her gently and carries her over to the bed. She' s light, lighter than he thought. Carefully he covers her up and sits down in the armchair with the bottle of wine, taking another sip. 

  
\--- ~ * ~ ---

  
Startled, Rakan heads up, ungently torn from his sleep, he looks around frightened. His companion is still sleeping in the bed, but no longer peacefully slumbering, she throws herself from one side to the other, obviously still asleep and screaming. He gets up and rushes over to the bed, but then hesitates a moment, her look from before slips into his mind. He is sure there was more than just anger in it. If he wakes her the nightmare, would she be more scared than that?

In the months since he has been with her, Rakan has often noticed that Xayah sleeps very uneasily, often awakes, mostly just dozing and always on full alert. He has already wondered when her body would take its revenge, but he hadn't expected **this**. It runs freezing cold down his spine, he slowly walks over to the edge of the bed and sits down on the border slightly, letting one hand slowly slide over her cheek.

He talks to her calmly, half asleep she clutches his arm like a drowning person on a piece of floating wood, threatening to drown at any moment. She mumbles softly to herself and creeps closer to him, her fingers still pressed against his arm. She repeats the words, but he isn't sure if it's all in his head.

He gets on the bed and lies down next to her, his arms tightly around her waist and whispering into her ear. After a while she calms a little and her hands slide from his arm to his chest and she holds on to him again, head against his chest, breathing a little more calmly. He has never seen her so relaxed before, her ears are laid to the side of her head and she mumbles again, this time not terrified but almost happy.

A warm feeling spreads through his stomach as he holds her like this, for the first time since he joined her he feels something else than desire, it' s some kind of sympathy. She' s rude, cold, distancing, possibly the worst first impression you can get from someone. Yet, at this very moment, this very moment, Rakan feels somehow connected to her and he knows that no matter what happens, he will take care of the little Raven and spare her any further pain. So that maybe, some day, she will be able to sleep without being haunted by sorrow.

He still holds Xayah in his arms as he falls asleep. 

  
\--- ~ * ~ ---

  
The sun hasn't risen yet as Xayah slowly awakes from her deep sleep, still lying in Rakan's arms. Half asleep, she slides a little closer to him, eyes closed tightly, lying in his strong arms, feeling his warmth. Rakan is still sleeping, murmuring softly and pressing her closer to him. 

Reality hits her with the force of a fist punch, pressing the breath out of her body . For a moment she thinks about pushing him away and just running away as far as her legs can carry her, screaming loudly until the ground opens up and swallows her whole. She suppresses the urge and takes a few deep breaths in and out while she is hot and cold at the same time. 

With a slight panic she frees herself from his grip and slips from the edge of the bed, landing on the floor with a muffled sound. She looks at Rakan, his eyelids fluttering as if he is just waking up. Maybe he doesn't know,' it shoots through her head, her eyes fixed on the floor, ignoring the feeling that she might vomit at any moment.

It's okay.  
Nothing happened.  
Rakan can't even remember, he was asleep. 

She looks up at him, a single, brief look in his eyes is enough for her. He knows, but remains silent. He doesn't tease her, no suggestive look, no hidden Allusions. "Is everything okay? Are you all right?" His expression is honest, concern is reflected in it. 

Is everything okay? She doesn't know.  
Is she all right? Physically, she's fine. The rest was her own affair.   
She nods briefly and then straightens up.  
They still have a long way to go, the sooner they leave, the better.


	8. Cloudy Night

The day has been exhausting and Rakan has never been so happy to take a break and sit around a campfire. During the whole day they have been moving around, the sun burning down mercilessly on them, he was about to ask if they could take a break, to his big surprise Xayah picked up some branches from the ground right in this moment and asked him to prepare their camp for the night. 

Across from him sits Xayah, studying a map and making markings with a quill. He can't take his eyes off her, he can clearly see that she' s still frustrated. She' s been that way for a long time, since the day they were surprised by the rain when she had looked at him so angry. She had tried to convince some Vastaya to join her cause, but had failed miserably, the older ones among them had made fun of her and made it clear to everyone that they would not interfere in such a pointless matter.

Her eyes turned upwards, for a brief moment she tightened her brows. "What?", she asks curtly and glances again at the map. They are on the Shon-Xan Pass, in about two days they should reach the village Shon'lari, sleep one night in real beds, stock up supplies and recover for a day before continuing their journey. 'Or I will continue my journey alone if he should find someone else.' She moves her mouth slightly at the thought, then shakes her head briefly at her own thoughts. 

Her destination is Puboe, she remembers herself. And not a passing song catcher who only distracts her from her real mission. She could walk through the night, then she would be in Shon'lari by tomorrow and could move on shortly after with a full backpack, maybe even recruit one or two for her cause before... 

"Why do you do this to yourself?" Rakan tears her from her thoughts, his face is enlightened by the flames and he looks more serious than she is used to from him. "Why do I do what to myself?" Her voice is sharp, but he can hear a hint of confusion in it.

He rests his arm on his knee and puts his head on his hand, his eyes fixed on her. 

" All of this. All the work, the passion, the tears, the frustration. Why do you do this to yourself every day?"   
For a moment she remains silent, directs her gaze to her surroundings, to the powerless trees, the dying bushes. "Can't you see the reason?" She smiles at him sadly and he lets his eyes wander as well. "I don't really understand what you mean," he smiles apologetically and Xayah gets up, walks over to one of the trees. 

Then she returns slowly to him and sits down next to him, in her hand a leaf that had been lying on the ground before, an orange colour, the edges darker, as if covered with a black powder, a sign of the shadow magic that is spreading more and more. She holds the leaf in his direction and he looks at it closely.

"The black is shadow-magic, the Order of Shadows steals more and more of our magic and locks it off, the humans don't care about what happens to us, as long as they are doing well themselves and they can enrich their lives with what actually belongs to our kind.  
They steal magical artifacts from our tribes, they don't even understand what they mean to us and why we need them, their greed simply has the upper hand. I want to bring back to us Vastaya what belongs to us by right and what the humans have taken from us."

By the end of her speech her voice becomes a little louder and shaky. 

"Not all humans are bad. Try to think positive, see the good thigs." He smiles at her, but her reaction is not as he expected. Enraged, she jumps up and stares him straight in the eyes. "I should think positiv?! What should be positive about it? We are drying, one tribe after the other is disappearing, more and more Vastaya are being exterminated and captured, not only tribes, whole species. We're almost immortal, and yet we're dying out. The humans take our magic from us and without the wild magic of Ionia we can't truly survive and... ...and we can' t have children. It's a cycle." Her voice sounds sad again and she sits down on her place again, her eyes fixed on the flames.

After a while Rakan looks up, this time his voice is quieter, thoughtful, absolutely untypical for him. "Hey, Xayah?"   
Still staring into the flames she makes a soft, questioning sound. "What tribe do you belong to?"   
She hesitates, feeling her throat tight. No one has ever asked her that question before. "Fithich'mhìn", she whispers softly, without looking at him. 

Oh. _Ohh_. 

His eyes seek hers, but she avoids his gaze. He gets up and walks over, then sits down next to her, though distant enough to accept her personal space. "Do you want to talk about it?" His voice is soft and for a short moment her heart beats faster, she thinks about accepting his offer and just get everything off her mind.

"No, thank you." She still avoids his gaze.  
"Another time?"  
"Maybe. Someday." She bites her lower lip. 'So cute', the thought comes through his mind and he resists the urge to hold her tightly in his arms, that would probably ruin any progress immediately. Rakan reaches for his backpack and digs around in it, pulling out a bottle of Met. With skillful fingers he uncorks the bottle, takes a long sip and hands the bottle full of golden liquid.

Slowly Xayah shakes her head, but then changes her mind and reaches for the bottle, also taking a big sip. "You know, when I had a bad day, I like to sit by the fire, drink wine and sing filthy songs, I know the last one shouldn't be your style, but I don't know exactly what you are doing to put away gloomy thoughts," he shrugs his shoulders and grins at her, continuing to rummage in his backpack. 

With a small cheer he lifts a glass with pieces of Galuh fruit mixed with honey and nuts. He grins broadly at his companion and raises the glass, but she only shakes her head. Mindlessly she grabs a small branch, having laid it aside to feed the fire during the night, and begins to draw curved lines in the earth. Curious, he stretches out to see what she draws into the earth. 'A triquetra', he thinks to himself surprised.

  
Softly she hums to herself, drawing a circle around the symbol. She can't remember where she saw it, but a slight gut feeling tells her that she knows it from her father. After the first passage of the song she falters, not remembering the rhythm. She starts again, humming the same song from the beginning, she doesn't remember the text, not a single word comes to her mind. A feeling of emptiness spreads through her and she stops for a moment. 

This time she makes it through the first three verses, faltering at the point where the chorus should come, not remembering the rhythm again. She lets her head hang and tousles her hair, expressing a tortured sound. Why can't she remember?! She was no longer a little girl when the others disappeared. But how can it be that she fights for what the humans take away from the Vastaya, while at the same time she allows the time to take away the last memories of her tribe, her family? Tears come to her eyes and she bites her lower lip hard, still looking down at the ground, keeping her eyes away from Rakan.

" **The sun, the stars, carry tales of you,**  
**Every breath of the air tells me of you,**  
**Every breath, every step,**  
**Carries your name far with him**."

Rakan's voice is clear as he sings the passage she has lost. Xayah's head leaps up, eyes wide open, tears running down her cheek. She remembers the rest of the song again, but not only that, she also sees images in her head like a scene from an old movie, she sits in her bed, her father combs her hair and sings for her, exactly this song. Afterwards he put her in bed and told her her favourite story.

His look is concerned, he kneels right in front of her, tears still running down her face. For the first time in all these years she has seen her father's face, not blurred or fuzzy but crystal clear as if it was yesterday. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?" Xayah shakes her head, rubbing her hands over her face and smiling at him, it is the first time she really smiles at him, not acting or making a sarcastic remark, it is meant honestly. 

"Thank you."

Then she also grabs her backpack and pulls out a couple of packages made from cloth. Inside are some dried meat, a piece of cheese and some herbs. She hands him the cheese and the meat, stands up, grabs the small pot they always carry with them and turns around. "Where are you going?" Rakan calls after her, but Xayah is already out of range. He considers whether he should run after her, but then decides against it, that would only leave a strange impression. 

He takes a piece of air-dried ham from his backpack and cuts off some pieces from it, together with some cheese and dried meat he puts everything on a big sheet, which he carries rolled up in his backpack. Then he puts some of his fruit-honey-nut mixture on the leaf and puts it in position near the campfire so that both can easily grab some of it. 

\--- ~ * ~ ---

How much time has passed? Meanwhile the sky has completely darkened and the only source of light around is the campfire. He's getting nervous, it's not that he thinks Xayah can't take care of herself, but she's been gone for a while, and if he didn't know better, he'd think she left him behind. But her backpack's still in their camp.

He has already checked the nearby area several times, but in the darkness it was impossible for him to spot her, so he decided to wait at the camp until she returns. Now he walks worriedly through the camp, between the nearby trees, looking for her.

A bush rustles and his companion steps out of it, but instead of relaxing, Rakan's stomach becomes completely knotted, the young woman is covered with blood, even in her face are blood sprinkles, her dress is soaked and ripped in one spot. Immediately, he runs over to her and takes her in his arms, a golden shield forms around the two of them by reflex. She almost lies apathetic in his arms, her body limp like a doll, but the muscles in her back and stomach are cramped. 

He lets go of her and looks at her from top to bottom, looking for injuries. "Are you all right? Are you hurt? What happened? Who did this to you?" he bursts out and continues looking at her worried. She still gasps for breath, the shield is slowly sinking and she looks at him suspiciously. "I told you before, don't touch!" 

For his pleasure he has to realize that her voice doesn't sound as cold as it did the last time. "I'm fine, everything is okay," she tries to calm him down and smiles slightly. " I ran into two hunters and solved this problem right away." She grins at him, hangs the pot over the fire and then sits down in the place where she sat before. 

"You could have called for me, then we could have worked this out together. You don't have to do this alone anymore." There is still a hint of concern in his voice and she rolls her eyes. "It was just two hunters, no big deal." She bends down to the snacks on the leaf and grabs a piece of ham, it has become a bit hard, but doesn't seem to bother her. 

She chews on it with a smile, her eyes looking at the sky, there are hardly any stars to be seen, clouds have covered the horizon. "I love cloudy days," she whispers with a soft smile. "We should sleep in a tent tonight, what do you think?" Questioningly she looks over to him. He almost choked on a piece of cheese and looks at Xayah surprised. "Isn't that too close for you? You prefer more space between our sleeping bags. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

"As long as we're in separate sleeping bags, it should be fine. I don't want to risk getting caught in the rain." He nods, pleased about this step, it doesn't sound like anything big but Rakan is aware that it must be quite an effort for Xayah to sleep with him in a tent, side by side.

He straightens up and starts to set up the tent. "Do you need help?" The voice comes directly from behind him and he turns his head towards her, then he shakes him slowly. "No, that's easy. If you like, you can fill up some water and make us some tea, then we can make it comfortable in the tent right away." Already while he was talking he turned away again and continues to build up the tent, one last test and it stands perfectly and almost indestructible.

He unfolds the two sleeping bags in the tent, leaving enough space between them, then he pulls one of his feathers out of the cape and lights it up by magic, with swift fingers he makes it hang in the upper middle of the tent and places some blankets over the sleeping bags. 

Satisfied with the result, he climbs out of the tent again and looks over to her with a grin, she carefully puts the last slices of lemon into the tea and comes over to him with fresh, brewed tea. With a movement of his head he indicates to her to go into the tent and put his tea next to his sleeping place, then he gets the backpacks and hands them in to her. The backpacks are placed almost carelessly on one side of the tent and and she throws herself onto her sleeping place, eyes closed, as he enters the tent with the rest of the hot water.

"You should wash away the blood," Rakan whispers, again concern resonates in his voice. He probably doesn't like the fact that she was alone against them... and if she is honest, she doesn't like it either. She has gotten used to the feeling of having someone with her to take an eye on her. "I'll do that tomorrow," she grumbles and closes her eyes when she feels something warm and wet on her face. 

Rakan wipes the bloodstains with a wet cloth. She shakes her head slightly and then straightens up into a sitting position. "What are you doing?! You know the rules, don't touch," she hisses at him, more from exhaustion than anger. "Actually, I'm not touching you, I'm just holding the cloth and the cloth is touching you." He smiles and she rolls her eyes. Then she takes the cloth from his hand and cleans her face quickly, then she removes the bloodstains from her arms and legs. Satisfied, he nods to her.

" Don't look!" Her voice sounds severe, when he finally turns his eyes away from her she takes off her dirty dress and creates a simple nightgown, then she slips into her sleeping bag. "You can look again." Slowly he turns around, also changing into a more comfortable short pants for the night, with quick movements he lets the comb glide through his hair and then slides into his sleeping bag as well.

"Hey Xayah." His eyes are focused on her, she has already closed her eyes and lies rigidly in her sleeping bag, another blanket spread over her. She sighs inside her, annoyed, she knows what is coming now.It's almost the same every evening, he asks if the two of them can push their beds together, enjoy some intimacy, her answer is the same every time.

  
"No." For a split second he is confused, then he laughs. She opens her eyes and straightens up again, casting a suspicious glance in Rakan's direction. "What's so funny?" Her voice is filled with a sense of unease. He smiles. "I may have asked this question too many times. ...but I was actually going to ask something else." He laughs cheerfully and winks at her.

" Well, what is it?"

For a moment he hesitates and scratches lightly over his cheek with a fingernail. "Well... you know... my grandpa had friends who were part of your family and he told me some things. "So I wonder... would you like to hear a story before you go to sleep?"

"I'm not a child!" She laughs, not a sarcastic or annoyed laugh but a honest, sincere one. His heart beats faster at the sound and he can't help but smile broadly. "That wasn't a no." 

Xayah is silent, then looks briefly in his direction. "Let's sleep, we have to leave early." Rakan is not sure if he is just imagining it, but he could swear that her eyes sparkle. Then he turns to the side and closes his eyes, drifting into a peaceful sleep.


	9. Concessions

With a small groan, Rakan sits up, his eyes burning. The last night started quietly, until the moment when Xayah started screaming out, pounding and kicking, as he tried to calm her down, she scratched him, right across his cheek. Moving his fingers slowly over the spot, he can feel the dried blood under his fingertips. However the most terrifying part of it for him was her expression on her face, so afraid and troubled. 

It was a long time before he managed to calm her down and much longer before he could get her to go back to sleep. The rest of the night had been largely peaceful, apart from the one or two short flinches and murmurs. 

Tired, he looks at her sleeping place and is not surprised that it is empty. He slowly climbs outside the tent, the sun is already in the middle of the sky and a small campfire is crackling along, some skewers with meat and vegetables are hanging in in the fire and sizzling away. The young Vastaya sits with her back towards the tent, her ears do not even twitch as he climbs out of the tent. 

"Why didn't you wake me up?" His voice sounds dull, slightly drowsy. "We should have left hours ago." She turns slightly to him and looks up, not into his face though, but past it. Then she lowers her glance again and looks down. "How could I? I kept you up half the night... and I hurt you...", her voice breaks off and she bites her lower lip.

He sits down next to her, a little closer than he normally would, his eyes looking for hers, but she continues to look down ashamed. After a moment he takes his courage and grabs her hand, holds her tight. She looks up scared, her eyes this time directly at his and he smiles at her apologetically. "I know you told me several times not to touch you", he lets go of her hand again and continues looking into her eyes. Did she already had the dark rings under her eyes the night before or are they the result of last night?

"I want you to listen to me carefully now, I would not say this just like that. You are not to blame for what happened last night. You were asleep, it was unconscious, I know you would never hurt me on purpose, unless I did something wrong, of course. So stop feeling bad about it, okay? The only important thing right now is that you're okay." He smiles at her again and she turns her gaze away, nodding hesitantly. 

"I'm so sorry, I didn't intend to hurt you," she whispers softly and begins nervously nibbling her fingers. "Don't apologize, you don't have to. But I want you to know that I'm here with you, and that I'll listen to you if you want to talk." He smiles at her again and Xayah nods hesitantly, chewing on the inside of her cheek. Without thinking twice, he takes her in a firm embrace and gently strokes the back of her head. Her body tense up and she freezes. For the first time since she was attacked, she thinks that it's not so bad not being alone, that this hug feels better than it should and that the world maybe isn't as broken as she always thought it was, at least as long as Rakan is by her side. 

After an almost endless hesitation she accepts the hug and closes her arms tightly around him, so that Rakan also tightens his arms around her. He can literally feel his heart beating up to his neck and he would love to hold her like this the whole day long, but they still have enough to do, the road doesn't run by itself and Ionia's magic wouldn't free itself either.

"We should rest today and move on tomorrow, then you can catch up on the sleep I denied you last night," Xayah mumbles into his chest and Rakan can't help but laugh, he knows she didn't mean to say it that way on purpose, but the suggestion's meaning was just too good to be ignored.  
"Oh, that's not important. Let's eat, pull down the tent and go. We can't recruit new people if we just sit here and twiddle our thumbs." She takes a step away from him and looks at him with big eyes, her ears slightly tilted back. She is surprised, in fact very surprised. The rebellion was her cause, hers alone. Since her tribe disappeared from one moment to the other more than 20 years ago, she has been travelling alone, trying to fulfill her dream to return the Vastaya to their previous glory. 

It seems that for the first time in all these years she has a real companion. 

"You want... recruit others?" Her voice falters slightly and uncertainty is clearly audible. He nods, then puts his hands on her shoulders and smiles at her. "I told you I would follow you. And honestly, I do like it. Well, everything you do... We've turned our backs for too long, it's time we stand up for what really matters. Our freedom and our future."

Xayah is speechless for a moment, then she nods. . you want to be part of the rebellion?" Her voice is firm and clear, but her body trembles. When he nods, the urge to embrace him again rises, instead she bites her lower lip again and starts playing with her fingers again. "Thank you."

They sit around the campfire, completely absorbed in thought, each one immersed in their own world of thought. Not too long ago it was obvious to Rakan that he did not want to live a normal life, to settle down with a woman in his tribe, to try to have children, to go hunting from time to time, that didn't seem very desirable to him. Even as a small kid he had to realize that he loves to travel, to get to know new places and people, to sing and dance. 

He remembers very well the time when he danced to the Spring Equinox at the Spring Festival as a child, how the small group of musicians and a single singer made sure that the crowd became a swirling and laughing mixture of colours, voices and smells, even during the sad song they played in the middle of it. It had become clear to him that day that he wanted to enchant the people and Vastaya alike with his dancing and singing.

But then he discovered the little raven in the crowd at the Harvest Festival, her disinterest caught his attention and now the two have been travelling together for several months and for the first time in his life Rakan feels such a strange feeling of lightness when he is with her, at first he couldn't name it, but now he is almost sure. Instead of his previous lust for her, something else has happened. He started to fall in love with her, knowing that it is one-sided and that she has no interest in anything like that. 

How could she ever be interested? She is a rebel, living from mission to mission, only her purpose in mind. Her dream of freeing the Vastaya. To release the magic. To save her dying species from certain doom. How could she find the time for something like love? How could she find the time for him? He already understands why her purpose is and always will be her highest priority, and meanwhile a spark of her passion has already reached him and has also ignited his fire for her cause.

Still, he wishes he had a chance.

  
For a short moment he closes his eyes and gives a soft sigh. He doesn't remain unnoticed and Xayah looks over to him. "Is everything all right?" She smiles, again that real, stunning smile and his heart starts speeding again. He nods, faster than he had meant to. "Yes, I was just lost in thought," he laughs and his voice sounds a little higher than normal. She raises an eyebrow and looks at him intensely, but says nothing, handing him a skewer with pieces of meat instead. 

He looks at her questioningly. Where did she get the meat from anyway? "Rabbit," she says curtly and removes a piece of her own skewer with her fingers. "Did you go hunting this morning?" His voice sounds surprised and she nods, not looking up from her spit. He realizes that she still feels guilty. "What time did you get up today?" 

Thoughtfully, she puts her head back into the neck, then looks at him again. "About an hour after sunrise, maybe a little sooner or later. I was too exhausted to check the time accurately." She laughs softly, not the real laughter that makes Rakan's heart beat faster, it is sharper and seems forced. "You could have called me, we could almost be in the village by now."

"I could have let you sleep the night as well, then we'd be as good as there now", she makes a grimace for a moment and stares into the fire again. _'There it is again, she troubles herself over nothing and worries far too much about meaningless things. Might her nightmares be caused by such unimportant things_?' He pulls off one of the pieces of meat with his teeth and chews on it while the thoughts rumble in his head. 

"Now stop talking about it, it's absolutely unimportant. All that matters is that we get to Shon'lari as soon as possible, recruit new people for our cause, and then travel on to make sure that our kind are safe as soon as possible." His voice is firm and he smiles at her. 'Our cause?' it shoots through her head and she smiles again, she cannot suppress it, it is even wider than before, her eyes are shining and her fingers are trembling again. 'He really means it, he really wants to support me in my dream. Perhaps it is not hopeless after all. Maybe there is a future for our kind in the end.'

With energy she gets up, throws the chopstick into the fire and starts to clear the tent. The sleeping bags lie rolled up with the blankets by the backpacks and Rakan gives her a hand when it comes to dismantling the tent. After only a few minutes it is tied up and attached to Xayah's backpack. 

In a good mood the two make their way through the mountains, less and less green passes their way, there are no major difficulties during the trip, Rakan entertains them during the whole time and tells stories or sings songs. The time passes faster than they had expected and as fast as night had fallen, as fast as morning comes and Xayah is visibly relieved when they see the large green area in the valley pit where Shon'lari is located. 

They made it, they are both on the edge of their capabilities, but they made it without incident. How Rakan would have loved to give her a hug after these two nerve-racking and exhausting days, but he knows that it's just not possible. He craves her affection, knowing that he will not get it. 

From the side he looks at her, his blue eyes meet her golden ones and for a short moment the world seems to stop, the urge to hold her becomes stronger and stronger. Rakan closes his eyes and breathes out quietly, repressing the thought. " We are finally here." Her voice sounds exhausted and she smiles broadly at him, then she grabs his hand and pulls him along behind her. "Let's go to the tavern, I need a drink... and a proper bed," she laughs, dragging Rakan behind her. 

  
Again his heart beats up to his neck, even higher, an unknown warmth spreads inside him and he has to grin, so wide it almost splits his face in two. 

She holds his hand. Of her own free will. And she made the first step.  
And another big improvement.


	10. Inside Spring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter has become much longer than previously expected, sorry

The travel to Puboe had been easy from there, without any complications they reached the place after another ten days and to Xayah's great satisfaction the Vastaya told her that there are no major problems, the humans stick to the arrangements and except for a few incidents - of which nobody knows if they were caused by the humans or by some of the younger Ranyu who are just checking out their limits - everything is quiet.

Much to Xayah's delight, two of the younger Ranyu joined them, passionate about the rebellion, the chance of a better life for all Vastaya immediately convinced them. Jamie is a little older than Xayah, open-hearted and seems to be especially good with the sword. Anice on the other hand is - as far as the two can tell so far - rather cautious, almost shy. The future will show how far she will get involved. 

They have already been on the road again for 20 days, west down the mountain, even if she doesn't like it, they get closer to the area which Xayah knows very well, her old home is nearby. Maybe 13 to 15 days, or even less. She sighs and speeds up her steps, forcing thoughts of her old home out of her mind. The whole affair is finished, the shadows of the past are laid to rest. 

Running steps appear behind her and shortly afterwards she can hear Rakan's familiar voice as he comes running after her, immediately she knows that he wants something from her, she looks at him questioningly without making a sound and bites her lower lip slightly. With a gentle smile he looks at her, his eyes are literally shining.

"Hey Xayah, what do you think about a little detour? We could take a break and celebrate a little." His voice is dancing and for a short moment Xayah has the feeling to hear a part of his song, a fancy, colorful piano piece, not following any notes and full of emotions. But as fast as it arrived, it also disappeared again. Since her tribe disappeared, she barely notices the songs of others, as if this ability is slowly fading, as if it' s getting lost more and more the further she gets away from the traditions of her tribe.

"Celebrate? Is it the spring equinox yet?" Her look is questioning and Rakan has to laugh, he just can't help it. " No, it's already over. In a few days, Beltane will start. And well... we are not very far from my tribe, I thought we could celebrate it with them." His smile gets even wider and she avoids his gaze.

She doesn't know anyone of his tribe, so many strangers at once... ... she might not be able to stand it. And not only this, every tribe celebrates in its own way, with its own traditions, rules and dress codes, it would be very strange for everyone, both for the members of his tribe and for herself, to let an outsider take part.

  
"I don't think that's a good idea, Rakan." She's staring at the ground. From her perspective, Rakan's tribe would be completely different from her own tribe, even though she can almost not remember the celebrations. But if the others are only half as enthusiastic as he is and their feathers are only half as breathtaking as the golden plumage of her companion, then she would be completely out of place.

"Oh, believe me, they will be pleased to meet you. My tribe respects spirited warriors, especially when they're as fiery as you are." His grin almost splits his face in two, the only answer he gets is an eye roll. "So what do you say? We meet the others in the camp, introduce Jamie and Anice to them, discuss everything and when we leave for Fer'lor there's a little excursion to my tribe to celebrate. We haven't had a day off for months, we deserve it." 

"Rakan...", her voice breaks off, the thought of it wasn't even that bad, but the idea of celebrating with so many other Lhotlan people was kind of scary. For more than 20 years she had been travelling alone, since about 1 year and 7 months Rakan is at her side, but so many others? "I have no time for this... the rebellion doesn't run itself..." It is a poor excuse, she is aware of that, but a bad excuse is still better than none at all. 

He looks carefully at his companion, immediately recognizing her doubts. "We can also do it in such a way that we first do our job, check everything, make sure that everyone in the camp is doing well, that Jamie and Anice settle in well, and when we make our way to the next place, we decide on our part whether to go to the celebration. Is that what you like better? if you don't want to go, for whatever reason, then we're not going." He smiles again and she nods, looking him in the eyes. A hot shiver runs through her body and she bites the inside of her cheek.

They walk the rest of the way in silence, except for Rakan's humming and the soft whisper of the two Ranyus and after a few hours she can already make out the tents in the camp. The last few steps run too close to the tents of the others, relieved that they seem to be doing well, that the camp has not been attacked, that everyone is as good as new. 

"Shona, Wylie, Keir" she calls the others quietly and walks with almost running steps towards them. "Where are Greer and Blaan?" Her eyes look around the place, but they can't find anyone else. One of the three walks towards her and stretches out his arms in greeting, he has similar ears as Xayah and Rakan, but not covered with feathers but with thick, black fur, it reaches down his arms and at each elbow he has a small bunch of fur sticking out. He has tied his black hair into a braid and his crooked grin is directed straight at the young Lhotlan, his emerald-green eyes shine as he heads towards her.

Even though Rakan is aware that there are a few more supporters of her rebellion, he doesn't know any of the others yet. And to see how happy they are to see each other again makes his heart clench for a moment. The two stand close together and talk to each other, then she gestures in the direction of the other three and grins at the stranger with a big smile. Somehow Rakan feels completely out of place, he takes a look at the other two, probably they feel the same way.

After that she returns to the three of them with a little slower steps, while the stranger moves on in another direction. 

"Come along, we'll all meet around the campfire, I'll introduce you, we'll all have dinner together, then you'll be assigned your tents." She smiles at them, the others nod and then follow her between the tents to the fire. 

Jamie and Anice sit down side by side at the fire, Xayah sits down too and stretches his legs, a little further away Rakan sits down, leaving more distance between Xayah and himself than usual and she looks at him in surprised. Did she do anything wrong or did she cause his displeasure? She was not aware of any situation. As subtly as possible she slides closer to him, almost completely beside him. For a split second her shoulder touches his and she smiles slightly. 

The stranger she spoke to before comes back to the group, carrying a basket of fresh meat and some roots. When he sees his friend so close to the stranger, he raises one of his eyebrows and grins at her in a odd way, Rakan doesn't understand this expression on his face and looks over to Xayah, her cheeks almost bright red.

"So guys, this is Keir, he's a Sodjoko. He was one of the first people to join my cause and he will take care of you. He's really great. Keir, this is Jamie and Anice, they will be joining your camp, Jamie is good with the sword and Anice has no practical fighting experience so far, but I'm sure you can help her out. She is very motivated and willing to learn." She smiles at the young Ranyu, Anice blushes visibly and buries her eyes behind her long floppy ears. Keir nods. "Pleased to meet you. Feel yourselves like at home, I hope you like meat and roots, unfortunately we don't have anything else in stock at the moment. He laughs softly, then his eyes fall on Rakan and he gives Xayah a questioning look.

"This is my partner Rakan, but we won't stay long, we'll be leaving soon, continue our recruiting and look after the situation in Fer'lor." Her voice is serious and she looks cheerfully at her friend, but his eyes widen.

"Partner? The coldhearted lone wolf has found her mate?!" His voice sounds startled and Rakan is sure to hear some mockery from it. He casts a questioning glance at Xayah, but her face has turned deep red. "Not what you think!" Her voice is much higher than usual and her face almost as red as her ears, nervously fidgeting with her fingers. 'So cute.' Rakan would love to hold her in a tight hug, show her that everything is fine, but he's not sure how she would react.

Keir puts some roots into the flames and puts the meat on some skewers, which he then places in the ground. He grins once more and then looks at the two Ranyu, his head pointing in the direction of the other tents. "Come on, I'll show you where you can set up your tent. And I will introduce you directly to the other two. Blaan and Greer are hunting right now, they will join us later. Oh, and welcome to our little family." He stretches out his arms again, as he did before with Xayah, then he goes ahead, the two young Vastaya run after him.

When the others are out of sight she exhales clearly audibly, her shoulders sink for a short moment and Rakan gives her a questioning look. Her eyes are still fixed on the fire. „R... Rakan... did I say or do something wrong?" she continues to nibble her fingers, not looking at him.

His expression becomes softer and he smiles slightly, his hand moves a little bit in her direction. " Why do you say that?" His voice is gentle, almost tender. Again the urge rises in him to simply take her firmly in his arms and tell her everything that's bothering him, but that would only complicate the whole situation, possibly push her away from him again, further away than she already is. 

At least she recognizes him as a partner, he is no longer just an annoying companion, this realization delights him very well, and what really makes his heart dance with joy is simply that she introduces him as her friend in front of others.

"Well... you know..." her voice trembles, she avoids his gaze and he notices how her face becomes even darker than before. "You had sit so far away from me that I thought maybe you were mad or something..." She bites her lower lip, still staring into the flames. Rakan's gaze follows hers, he swallows slightly, then slides the last few inches closer to her, her legs touching slightly and he puts one arm around her shoulder.

For a brief moment she tense up and Rakan is already thinking about letting her go when her body relaxes and she puts her head on his shoulder. "To be honest, I thought you and Keir... as close as you are, I didn't want to be in your way." His laughter sounds higher than usual and she looks at him from the side. 

Suddenly she breaks out laughing loudly and the last hesitation falls from her shoulders, he returns her gaze and their eyes meet, she cannot stop laughing. After a few minutes, and stabbing pain in her side, she finally manages to calm down and grins at him. "Keir and I? Never! He is absolutely not the type of person I like," she giggles and then looks back at the campfire, still smiling. 

For a moment the question on his tongue is who her type is, but suppresses it, convinced that she doesn't even prefer a special type, that the only important thing in her life is her rebellion.

"What do you say we make some food later and leave right now? There's still a long way to go", she continues to look into the fire, her voice is soft as velvet and goose bumps spread out on Rakan's arms. He likes the idea of being alone with her again, without hesitation he nods and immediately she gets up, walking away in the direction of the campground. 

"Keir! Jamie! Anice!" she calls and waves to the others, they look in her direction and wave to the sign that they hear her. Rakan appears at her side and together they walk over to the small group the other two have also joined them. "Keir, you know what you have to discuss with the others? We have a long way to go and we would like to get a good part of it over before nightfall." She smiles and Keir nods slightly. "Take care," he says quietly and raises his hand in greeting, the others do the same as him. 

"You too." Rakan smiles at the others, then his gaze is directed towards the sky and he puts his hand on Xayah's shoulder, slightly distracted, and she shrugs briefly. "See you soon", she smiles at her friends and walks with Rakan to the western exit of the camp.

"Take the lead." Her voice is soft and she walks with light steps beside him, still smiling.  
"Why should I take the lead?" He sounds confused. His eyes are resting on her, something's different about her. Is it the success of the last few days?  
Her eyes are shining, she has got used to his presence and shrugs less and less often when he touches her lightly from time to time, when it' s just an encouraging hand on her shoulder. For the first time since they have been on the road together, she seems really happy.

"I don't know the way to your tribe."

\--- ~ * ~ ---  
  


  
The moment when Rakan realized that they were really making the detour to his tribe, his heart was pounding up to his throat. He didn't expect her to agree to this plan, his tribe wasn't exactly on their way and he didn't really think that she would rest for a few days. 

He is already looking forward to the celebration, it was one of those celebrations that are highly celebrated in his tribe. 'Has Beltane been celebrated at her home?' he asks himself and looks at her from the side. She seems to be lost in thought, a slightly nervous expression on her face.

They still had about 12 days until the festival, he is sure that they will make it in time and reach their destination in time. 

  
\--- ~ * ~ ---

  
Excitedly he jumps from one to the other and hugs his family and all the other Lhotlan, whom he must have known for ages, he shines even stronger than she is used to see him. Somehow she is glad that he didn't notice that she didn't follow him anymore, that she stopped at the edge of the trees, a bit further away from the big clearing, which is home of his tribe. 

'This wasn't a good idea.' She is sitting on the ground, hidden behind a tree, her head on her knees and her arms wrapped around her legs. She wants to run away as far as she can from this huge crowd of other Vastaya. They would spend five days here, two until the beginning of the festival and another one after it. 

Would he even notice if she ran away now? Maybe it would be the best for everyone, after all, she doesn't even know how to behave in such a group anymore, she would cause him nothing but trouble. A strong breeze makes her hair whirl and small pink petals dance around her, from one of the cherry blossom trees nearby.

"Have you calmed down?" She pulls her head up, Rakan stands against the tree, some cherry blossom leaves in his hair, his eyes shining and a gentle smile plays around his lips. She puts her head back on her knees and mumbles something to herself, avoiding his gaze. "You needn't worry, I told the others to give you time. Of course they will ask you questions and maybe be a bit annoying, but they are already looking forward to getting to know you."

"Why do you even want me around? I would only spoil your mood...", she mumbles quietly and looks up, her eyes directed at his this time, he still smiles and holds out his hand to her, but she doesn't react and continues to look at him. "You're not ruining anyone's mood, you don't need to worry about that. It is one of our most sacred days and I think you deserve to celebrate it in a family setting."

She hesitates a moment, then grabs his hand and is pulled up, for a short moment her heart beats faster and her legs become soft, getting lost in his eyes. "And you're really sure it's okay for your clan to have an outsider at this festival?" He nods, then puts one of his fingers under her chin. "And even if they didn't like it, I wouldn't care. Then you and me would be celebrating alone." 

Something in his gaze tells her that he is completely serious, her legs become even smoother and she has to be careful not to fall to her knees. Then she nods again, still hesitant, uncertain. He grabs her hand and pulls her behind him with light force, until now he has always followed her, she has taken the lead, shown him something new. But this time it is Xayah who follows him and has to make a completely new experience, or rather one she can't really remember. 

She swallows and closes her eyes, then she lets him pull her with him, to new horizons. A new, different journey, from which she is not sure if she will like it. 

His tribe already waits for the two of them and when Rakan stands up next to her, he carefully puts one arm around her shoulder, she tries to stop the twitching, but doesn't quite make it. He gives her an encouraging smile. "Well guys, this is Xayah. We were nearby and I thought we could celebrate Beltane with you. Like I said, she's a little cautious, so please don't crowd her and give her time." His pressure on her shoulder becomes stronger and she smiles slightly, her eyes turned to the ground. 

An older woman with red and white feathers comes closer, her arms wrapping around his neck, then she smiles widely at Xayah, respecting her personal space. She looks up from the floor and smiles at the woman, she has warm, friendly eyes and her red-blonde hair is braided into an elaborate plait, full of pearls and flowers in it. 

"I am Geillis", she introduces herself, grabs Rakan's hand and pulls the two of them behind her, Xayah's eyes widen in fear and Rakan grins encouragingly at her. She leads the two of them to some straw bundles in the middle of the clearing, Rakan lets himself fall immediately and makes himself comfortable while Xayah looks a little uncertain before she sits down next to him after a light gesture from him. 

"You don't need to be afraid, they'll like you," he whispers and lightly grabs her hand to press her soothingly. She smiles gratefully at him and returns the pressure with her hand. It won't be long before Geillis comes back with two wooden mugs. She presses one in each hand and continues smiling. "If you don't mind, we'll come to you one by one, child. My Nephew has already said that you need a little time and we don't want to put too much on you at once." She smiles motherly and reaches out her hand in a reflex action, then hesitates and lets her hand sink again. 

"Do you know when Seanair will join us?" Rakan smiles at his aunt and runs lines across Xayah's arm with one finger without even thinking about it. She tenses slightly under his touch and looks at him thoughtfully from the side. 

When did they actually go from "don't touch me" to these... to these almost tender touches? The process had been step by step and flowing, she didn't even notice it and even if she wouldn't admit it, somehow she likes it. But that would remain her little secret.

"Rakan!"

A friendly and deep voice enters her ears and Rakan's face brightens even more, he jumps up, spills some of his wine and puts the jug in the place where he was sitting just a moment ago, then he walks over to his grandfather with quick steps and takes him firmly in his arms. 

Like Rakan, his grandfather has platinum blond hair, but longer and tied in a simple braid. He wears light grey trousers and a plain white linen shirt, which emphasizes his light blue feathers. His grey eyes sparkle as he looks at his grandson from top to bottom.

"It's been a long time since you came to visit us. Will you stay the night, or did you just want to stop by and say hello?" He grins and pats him on the back. "I thought we'd join you all in celebrating Beltane." He answers the grin of his grandfather, who now looks at him in surprise. Then his gaze falls on Xayah, who sits quietly in her seat and stares at the floor as if she wanted to disappear into thin air. Rakan pushes his grandfather a little aside.

"I have brought a friend, she is still a little quiet. I hope it's alright for you, even though she's not from our tribe, I thought it would be nice if she could celebrate the festival in a family atmosphere." His gaze is more serious than normal.

"Why doesn't she spend Beltane with her own tribe? You know, every tribe has its own rituals and stays among themselves unless you want to make the other one your mate. And I don't think you're looking for a mate, that wouldn't suit you, buddy ."

For a brief moment Rakan is silent, then he looks around briefly, making sure that no one is listening behind his back. "Her tribe disappeared a long time ago and she has been wandering alone for years. A few months ago, I joined her and since then we've been traveling Ionia together, freeing the wild magic that has been imprisoned by humans." His voice sounds proud and he grins broadly at his grandfather, but instead he takes a look at his grandson's companion. His eyes fall on the dark red tattoos on her cheekbones.

  
"She belongs to the fithich'mhìn." It' s not a question but a statement and Rakan nods. His grandfather gets up and walks over to the hay bales, Rakan close on his heels. With a slight clearing of his throat he draws Xayah's attention to himself and holds out his outstretched hand to her.

"Welcome, young lady. It is a pleasure to meet you. My grandson has said that you will spend a few days with us and I hope you will enjoy it here. I think I knew your father. I' m the elder, Gawyn." 

Xayah rises and hesitantly takes his hand in hers, suggesting a slight bow. "Thank you, Elder. My name is Xayah." She' s trying to smile as much as she can. This situation is so strange to her. 

How can she stand it for all five days?


	11. Feall

  
It takes a moment until the words of the elder reach Xayah's mind _and_ are fully processed, but once this finally happens, her eyes widen and she stares at him blankly. " "You... You're my father's friend, aren't you? He used to say that his good friend Gawyn was from a different tribe not far away..." She bites her lower lip, waiting for the elder to react.

" It is true, child. You see, Valon and I have met often, he was a honoured guest in our family, and so are you." He puts a hand on her shoulder and Xayah shrugs, she has somewhat gotten used to being touched by Rakan now and then, but not by strangers yet. "I'm sorry for your loss, but let's change to a more lighthearted subject. How was your trip?" He takes his hand off her shoulder again, she sighs relieved and lets Rakan do the talking again.

"So far so good, we've gotten around a lot. Auntie Geillis wants us to talk about our trip at dinner later." He looks at his companion from the side, a little worried that this situation might be too much for her. He puts his arm lightly around her shoulder and presses her against him, letting her know that she doesn't need to worry and that he is there for her. She smiles slightly at him and clings a little closer to him. 

"Ah, I see, my sister has made this kind of decision for you," he laughs and then looks at the two of them smiling. "Would you like to put your belongings in one of the tents for now and get settled in? You'll share a tent, I assume?" He hesitates to ask the last question and looks at his grandson with a raised brow. 

"Of course", laughs Rakan and Xayah nods hesitantly, together they follow the elder to one of the tents. Gawyn smiles at them and keeps the entrance open. She smiles slightly back and enters the tent, it is more roomy than she would have thought and small glasses with candles are spread around inside the tent, bathing the inside in a warm light. She puts down her bags and sits down in front of them, taking a deep breath and putting her head back on her knees. 

  
Just as Rakan is about to enter the tent behind his companion he feels a hand on his shoulder, his grandfather looks at him confused and the two take a few steps apart so that the girl inside the tent doesn't hear anything of their conversation. Rakan wants to avoid her noticing possible problems and blaming it on herself.

But Gawyn just smiles at his grandson. " You finally grew up?" His voice sounds teasing and he smiles, but Rakan just frowns and looks at him questioningly. "What do you mean, Seanair?" His voice sounds confused, he has no idea what his grandfather is talking about.

Gawyn gives him a grin. "I see your glances, I've known you your whole life, Rakan, and you' ve never looked at a woman like that before. Do you want her to become your lover?" Rakan smiles for a moment, but it disappears as fast as that. "l... even if I wanted to, it wouldn't matter."  
"Does she already have a mate?"   
"No, but she has no interest in having mates. She's a rebel, all that matters to her is her mission, followed by the next one. There's no time for anything like love."   
"And yet she is here now by your side, not on the way to wherever you go." Gawyn smiles at his grandson and puts a hand on his shoulder. 

"Besides, she likes you." He winks at his grandson and goes back to the others, who slowly gather around the campfire. Rakan looks up at the sky, the sun slowly sets and the sky is bathed in a soft pink and orange. Then he goes back to the tent and enters, for a short moment he looks surprised when he sees Xayah sitting on the ground in front of her backpack, her head on her knees.

He drops his backpack and walks over to her, sits down next to her and glances at her. "Hey, is everything okay?" She nods without saying anything. "If you don't feel comfortable here, we can go now," he whispers softly, but she shakes her head only slightly, then she lifts it up and looks at him with sad eyes. 

"It's just been so long..." Her voice is nothing more than a gentle whisper and she tries to smile, but it looks more like a tortured grin. He smiles wider and puts a finger under her chin so that she has to look him straight in the eyes. "And you will never be alone again. I will never leave your side, no matter what happens." For a moment he feels the urge to kiss her, but then he pulls himself together and takes his finger from her.

Still staring at him, she remains sitting like this, then she throws herself on him and hugs him with all her strength, trembling and about to break into tears. He closes his arms around her waist, just holding her until she calms down, he doesn't know how much time has passed since they sat like this, but it feels like a short infinity, which in his eyes never needs to stop. 

Gently he hums something to her and after a while she joins in his humming. For the first time in a very long time she is able to hear another person's song, not only in fragments but completely, she can really feel the melody and for the first time in her life she is ready to take her place in this duet. 

His song doesn't only show cheerfulness, optimism and the joy of life, his warmth surrounds her and gives her the feeling of safety, his piano playing brightens her heart with orange light. Her violin is hardly noticeable at first, but the longer they sit there, the more it blends into his piano piece. Her music is changed into a violet light, her inner conflicts and worries can be clearly felt, but the more she loses herself in his song, the more passionate her music becomes. 

In front of her eye appears the picture of two children, they dance clumsy under a blossoming cherry blossom tree, move away from each other and disappear, only to emerge again a short time afterwards from a swirling sea of colours, but this time as adults. They dance closely together while soft cherry blossom petals rain down on them. 

As they separate, the scene dissolves before her inner eye and she looks at him with slightly reddened cheeks. What was that? Even if it only took place in her head, why is she imagining something like that? 

  
After a while Rakan loosens his embrace and looks at her encouragingly, straightens up and holds out his hand to help her up. Slowly but surely it becomes something regular that he helps her up, a realization that she doesn't like, yet she grabs his hand and lets herself be raised, only to stand close to him, her eyes meet and Xayah's heart starts racing again. 

"Ready to meet the others?" 

She hesitates, then nods and points to Rakan to go ahead. As soon as they leave the protective tent all eyes are on them, for a short moment the conversation stops before they start again. She follows him cautiously, she would definitely prefer to be back in the tent. 

  
Rakan's tribe is loud and in a good mood, just like her companion, during the meal they laugh a lot and enjoy themselves, stories are told and Xayah watches everything with vivid interest. A young woman, about the same age as Xayah, comes over with two jugs of Met and hands one to each of them. "I am Ivera," she introduces herself and grins broadly at Xayah, her dark green eyes sparkle and she wears her blonde hair open and full of braids. A pink blossom adorns her hair, matching her rose-coloured feathers, as well as her dress in pink and lavender, which goes down to the middle of her calves.

"Nice to meet you." Xayah smiles at her shyly and she sits down on the other side of Rakan, crosses one leg over the other and rests her face with her hands. "Come on, tell us about your travels." Her eyes rest on Xayah for a short time, then they move on to Rakan. He looks from one to the other and tells them all about his performances in the villages and about the fact that no woman could resist him, then he corrects himself briefly and admits that almost no woman could resist him. 

'If he knew the truth.' Xayah smiles briefly at the thought and then sips her wine, a sweet honey wine mixed with cherry juice. Then he tells about how they met and with a grin he proudly reports that he has perfectly ignored her wish to be left alone and has accompanied her through Ionia since that day. 

He only just barely scratches the part about the rebellion, as Xayah doesn't want everyone to know yet that she is the leader of the group.

Another Vastaya comes over to them, his feathers are white with dark purple highlights, his long black and purple hair is braided into a plait and one of his own feathers is attached to the rope with which they are tied together, his dark blue eyes shining as he sees Rakan. 

He immediately jumps up and joyfully takes the young man in his arms, apparently the two are close friends. "Orome!" Rakan is glowing all over his face and the two cheers together, the new one sits down next to Xayah and briefly greets her, too, but then immediately changes into a conversation with Rakan without paying any further attention to her. She is quite glad about that.

Another bottle with wine goes around, Rakan pours a large portion to both of them and then passes the bottle on. The mood is cheerful and some of the younger tribe members take out some instruments, with different flutes, drums and string instruments they play traditional songs, of which even Xayah has heard some of them before, even if she doesn't remember the text. 

After a while Rakan gets up and starts dancing, he stretches out his hand to Xayah, hoping that she will accept his invitation to dance, but she quickly shakes her head. He looks disappointed and dances alone. As he does so, his glance keeps reaching out to her, she sits silently and continues to drink wine.

The further the evening progresses, the more cheerful the mood becomes and even Xayah starts to hum and tap her feet to the beat of the music, but Rakan is not sure if the reason is the atmosphere or the amount of wine. If he hasn't miscounted, she has already drunk seven jugs full, or more if he hasn't noticed them all. 

Even from his position he can see that she is quite drunk, a noticeable redness runs across her cheeks and nose, he only saw her once like this, the night they were hiding from the rain in the old farmhouse. But she still seems to be in good mood, he will keep an eye on her and should he notice that she is drunk he will bring her to bed.

A slower song is recorded and Ivera comes nearer to Rakan, to Xayah's great displeasure he accepts the invitation to dance and shortly afterwards the two dance closely together, with a certain distance between them, but not far enough for her to be comfortable.

The scene causes her heart to tighten up for a moment, then she takes her drink to her lips and drinks the rest of the wine all at once, but even the alcohol doesn't change the unpleasant feeling that spreads through her stomach and chest. She would love to get up and just walk away, get the image out of her head.

She doesn't even know why it bothers her so much. They are just friends, nothing more. He was only interested in her for one night because she didn't let him lull her into it and in the end he only stayed with her because he joined her cause, because it mattered to him too.

'A guy like him can have _anyone_ , so why would he be interested in someone like _you_? Just look at you, he's in a completely different class than you.' She moves her mouth at the thought and grabs another bottle of wine, pours some into her jug and drinks half of it in one go. 

A clearing of the throat, with dull eyes she looks in the direction from which the sound came, in front of her stands the young man with which Rakan had previously had such a lively conversation. What's his name again? Okome? Orame? Oh, no, Orome.' She looks at him questioningly and he extends his hand to her, wordlessly asking for a dance. She hesitates a moment and looks again at Rakan, he is still dancing very close with Ivera. 

"What the hell, why not..." She sighs inside, grabs Oromes hand and lets him lead her to the dance floor, more faltering than moving. They dance loosely, around each other, no further physical contact takes place and for a moment Xayah even enjoys dancing. The music becomes slower and slower and Orome comes closer to her, puts one hand on her waist and leads her slowly, then his hand slides to her hip. 

She gives him a cold gaze and pushes his hand back up to her waist. He grins at her and continues dancing without another slip. Once his hand reaches back a little, but before she can say anything, he has put it back in the right position. 

As the song approaches the end he comes closer to her and before she can react, he presses his lips against hers. Horrified, she opens her eyes and presses her lips tighter together, her hands slide towards his chest and she tries to push him away from her, but without success. Her legs tremble, she would like to scream, to lash out, the familiar feeling of panic rises in her, but worse than before. This time she isn't able to defend herself properly, the alcohol has slowed down her reactions considerably, her body feels numb. 

Her eyes wander over the dance floor looking for help, but Rakan is nowhere to be seen. Then the chaos breaks out and within moments her legs break and she lies on the floor, Rakan stands to her right, snorting, holding Orome by the collar of his top and punching him, his eyes burning with rage. 

She can only hear fragments and everything around her is spinning. She just wants to get as far away from here as possible. Her head feels numb, empty, everything inside her is burning, screaming, she is a shame. Without thinking or paying attention to the others, she straightens up staggeringly and runs as far as she can to the exit through which they had come in hours before.

  
\--- ~ * ~ ---

  
He looks at the place where his companion has been sitting the whole evening, but this place is empty. He looks around in surprise, his gaze gliding across the dance floor. Not far away he sees her, caught up in a close dance with Orome. Even when he realizes that she is only dancing with his best friend because she is heavily alcoholised, this realization drags his mood down to the basement.

He had asked and she refused to dance with him and now he sees her dancing there closely with him. Even though he knows that he has also danced with other women, he doesn't like this view at all and he goes back to his seat in a bad mood, pouring himself another glass of wine. 

His mood reaches its lowest point when he has to watch from a distance how Orome's hand rests on her hip, a contact that even he doesn't dare to make, he is relieved when he sees her look and that she pushes the hand away immediately, but his mood doesn't get any better. 

As the music slows down and the song draws to an end, he looks away for a moment, looking for another bottle of wine. He refills his jug again and then looks back, expecting Orome to press her against him, but the reality is much worse. They kiss, Orome holds her in his arms, her hands resting on his chest, lips pressed together. His heart stops beating for a moment until he realizes that her eyes are scanning the dance floor. Then he notices the panic in her face, even though he doesn't quite understand why a simple kiss scares her so much,

He gets up and walks across the dance floor with quick steps. Nobody scares his little raven like that, nobody. He stops beside her, his nostrils trembling with rage as he grabs Orome by his top and lifts him off his feet. Then he reaches out with his other hand and smashes the other Vastaya in the face with his fist, repeating the movement until he feels a wet warmth on his hand. 

"How dare you try to force a drunken woman to do something she doesn't want to do?! If she tries to push you away, it means NO! And if she presses her lips together, it's no. What the hell are you thinking, trying to romance my future mate?! You've wasted months of work with one move!" His voice trembles and he keeps on beating until he sees Xayah staggeringly running away from the corners of his eyes. 

"Shit! Fucking shit!" Angrily he stares at Orome and carelessly drops him to the ground. "We'll finish this later, you miserable traitor." Angrily he looks at the smirking, bloody bunch on the floor and then turns around, hurrying to the exit. He has to find her before something happens to her, drunk as she is, she can't even walk straight without any problems and he doesn't want to imagine what could happen. 

And he doesn't know why she was running in the first place.  
Because of the kiss?  
Or because of what he said?  
He is not even sure why he said that, it just slipped out of his mouth, probably he also drank a bit too much.  
But that can wait until tomorrow, first he has to find Xayah and bring her back safely.


	12. Promise

  
"Déan cron air, tha mi a 'dol ga mharbhadh. Ma tha dad air tachairt dhi, marbhaidh mi e le mo làmhan fhèin", Rakan curses out loud and walks through the forest, following the trail that leads out of his tribe and deeper into the forest northwards. He can feel his blood pulsating in his ears, he was a little buzzed a moment ago, now he was almost sober and the feeling of fear is getting stronger every moment, the intoxication almost disappeared. 

In the distance he hears a stream rushing in the rhythm of Xayah's song and his stomach contracts painfully. Her song doesn't sound passionate anymore, not even restless. The sounds he notices are completely different and for a moment he wonders if it is really Xayah whose song he hears. But the undertones are so familiar to him, he would recognize them anytime, they are as close to him as his own song. 

But this time it sounds kind of wrong, he has already heard her song in so many different versions, excited, happy, angry and even worried, but these sounds... they are new and he hesitates for a moment to go on, not knowing what to expect. 

Not far away he sees her lying on the ground and for a moment his heart stops, hesitatingly he goes towards her, prepared for the worst. Then he notices that her body trembles, shivers and he feels a weight falling from his heart. Slowly he passes over to her and kneels down next to her, putting one hand on her back. She sobs loudly and unsteadily, has completely lost control over herself. He would love to take her in his arms, kiss her tears away, but he is pretty sure it would definitely be a mistake in this situation, especially after what Orome had done.

He can't remember ever seeing her in this state before, yes, there have been situations where a tear or two has run down her cheek, but now she is nothing more than a sobbing mess, completely broken down and done with the world. Again anger rises within him and he would like to drown Orome in the creek. It' s all his fault, only because of him she lies in the wet grass, her head resting on her arms and lying on a stone, while her body is buzzing with sobs.

She doesn't flinch under his touch, doesn't even react to his presence. He slides closer to her, his arm wrapped around the upper part of her back and his hand rested on the back of her head while his wing protectively covered her. After a moment she straightens her head a little and looks at him with teary eyes, dark lines of make-up under them. 

_What's he doing here? Why isn't he with the others, having a good time?_ Slowly she straightens up a bit and Rakan's wing sinks a little bit, only to enclose her protectively. She shifts the back of her hand over her eyes, smearing her dark eyeliner even more and looks at him with watery eyes, her lip trembles and shortly afterwards she throws herself into his arms and starts crying again. 

Calmly he strokes the back of her head, a little surprised that she just threw herself into his arms after what had happened before. He blames the alcohol. " I' m a shame... such a shame... no wonder my tribe left me behind," she whispers in tears and clings desperately to him.

For a moment Rakan freezes and his arms embrace her trembling body even tighter. "You are not a shame, don't tell yourself this nonsense."His voice is firm, he puts a finger under her chin and forces her to look at him, tears still form in her eyes. "If anyone should be ashamed, it's that bastard. He took advantage of the situation, you can't help it. Don't worry about it. It was only a kiss", his hand moves from her chin to her cheek and he gently brushes over it. 

Once again tears run down her face. "It was my first..." she whispers, her voice is rough and she buries her face in his chest. He gently strokes her back and puts his chin on her head, humming softly. As he holds her in his arms, she relaxes, her muscles soften and after a while she lies close to him, her ears turned down and her eyes closed. 

"I am so scared... I' m so scared", she whispers, her eyes pressed tightly together and again tears run down her cheeks, but not as much as before, her fingers burrow into his cape. "Please don't leave me... I can't do this alone..." Her voice sounds muffled and he gives her a gentle kiss on her hair, unable to restrain the urge.

Surprised, she looks up, straight into his eyes and he smiles apologisingly at her, then he puts his hands on her shoulders and smiles. "You'll never be alone again, I won't leave your side no matter what you do. Nothing can make me turn my back on you." For a moment Rakan considers to confess his feelings to her, but then decides not to do so, as she is still drunk and he can imagine a better moment for it.

She nods, hesitantly, cautiously.

"Let's go back, okay? I'll take you to our tent." He smiles at her, but Xayah's eyes fall to the ground, it is obvious that she doesn't want to go back, fearing a possible confrontation and seeing _him_ again.

As if he could read her thoughts, he smiles at her slightly and strokes her cheek again. "If Orome dares to come even slightly close to you, I will kill him myself. No one will hurt you as long as I am near you. I will protect you with all I have. You just need to trust me."

Xayah bites her lower lip.  
Trust.  
She trusts no one but herself.   
But if she would trust anyone else, it would be Rakan. No one else would come into consideration. He is always with her, even when she doesn't want him around. He cheers her up when she is feeling bad, distracts her when she threatens to drown in her negative thoughts, makes her laugh when she feels like crying.

Rakan is the one person she can really count on.  
But does she also trust him?  
She ponders for a moment, then she looks into his eyes again, for a moment her vision blurs before she is looked at anxiously by huge blue jewels. His eyes are so warm, his hands on her body, his wing around her.   
Yes, she trusts him. She would put her life into his hands.  
And would give hers for his protection.

Then she feels it, Xayah breaks away from him and rushes over to the creek, vomiting down in the creek. Immediately he follows her, holds her hair and strokes her back carefully until both are sure that nothing more is coming. She takes a few sips of water and rinses her mouth, then she splashes some water on her face.

  
Carefully Rakan picks her up from the floor and carries her in his arms back to his tribe. Before he reaches the entrance she has fallen asleep in his arms and he gives her another gentle kiss on her hair. As he approaches the entrance to his home, he presses her closer to him and puts his wing around her, protecting her from the eyes of the others. 

  
Not far in the distance he sees Orome standing, he looks like crap, his eyes are swollen up and his face and upper body is full of bruises, as Rakan notes with a satisfied grunt. Orome smirks at Rakan and raises an eyebrow, nodding in Xayah's direction. 

"Well, have you found that little girl? I hope you took your chance. Once she' s sober, your chances are as good as nothing." Orome grins nastily and Rakan has to control himself, not to knock his teeth out immediately. Not paying any further attention to him, he just wants to bring his companion to the safety of the tent. He can deal with Orome later. 

Behind him he hears a yell and drives around, a harmful smile spreading over his lips. Behind his former best friend is his aunt, a relatively thick stick in her hand and from behind she is hitting Orome. " Leave that girl alone, you useless idiot! You've done enough. Keep your temper, or your punishment will be worse."

Geillis glares at him angrily and Orome is about to raise his voice as Gawyn steps out of his tent. "Rakan, take her to bed, then please come and join us. We have things to speak about." His voice sounds serious, the friendly, grandfatherly tone has disappeared. Rakan nods, goes over to the tent he shares with Xayah and lays her on a straw mat, places some blankets over her and gently strokes her cheek. She mumbles something quietly in her sleep and turns to the side.

At the tent entrance he stays for a moment and looks down at his companion, a smile spreads over his lips. 

"I will protect you, Miella. I love you..."

  
Then he goes out to the others, they are already sitting around the fire and waiting for him. The atmosphere is tense. His grandfather looks at him strictly, then he raises his voice again. 

"What was that about? You beat up one of ours, when did you become so cruel?!"  
Rakan clenches his teeth, then he looks at his grandfather.  
"He deserved it and I have no regrets. He didn't just grope my Lady, he took advantage of her intoxicated state and forced her to kiss him, even when she tried to push him away. And he insulted her."

"Your lady? Are you mated?" Geillis sounds confused, but he can clearly hear the joy in her voice.  
"Not yet, but I will make her my soulmate, but it will be some time before she is ready. She has had quite bad experiences, so it is a long way until she gives it a try. And because of idiots like him - his finger points to Orome - it takes longer. She doesn't know about my intentions yet."

" Well, you defended your future mate, so you're all right, but if you do something like that again, there'll be consequences, you know the tribal rules."

Rakan nods, yes, he is aware of it.


	13. A new Dawn

Drowsy, Rakan opens his eyes, he looks around sleepily and to his great surprise, Xayah lies snuggled close to him and still asleep in his arms. He groans softly, his head roars as if someone had pulled a bottle over his head. He sinks back into the pillows and starts ordering the events of the last night, which isn't that easy as the situation has gotten quite out of hand.

He has beaten up Orome, though that bastard is lucky, Rakan wanted to strangle him.  
He promised Xayah to stay by her side no matter what happens, even though he's almost sure she won't remember it.   
The next thing he can recall is that he held her hair while she vomited.  
He had brought her back and laid her down in bed. Darkly he can still remember him telling her that he loved her... or did he want to do that but then let it go?

Then there was the confrontation and Orome started to tease again, with a smile he remembers that Geillis gave this idiot a good beating and Orome got an official punishment, while he got off with only a warning. 

Why only a warning? He broke the rules as much as the other guy. Why wasn't he punished the same way? Next to him Xayah slides closer to him and puts her head against his chest, with gentle force she presses her leg between his and clings closely to him, unaware he closes his arms around her again and puts his chin on her head. 

Startled, he opens his eyes. What is going on here? Why the hell are they lying here so tightly entwined? Is it the alcohol? Or did something else happen that night? He sighs a little louder and closes his eyes again.

'I will make her my soul mate', his words from last night shoot through his head again and he bites his lip. Unless his memories are playing him a joke, then his whole tribe is aware, they know he's planning to courting Xayah, and he hasn't taken a step in that direction yet.

He swallows. 

His eyes wander again over the tiny body in his arms, his eyes searching for any scratches she may have gotten from the alcohol last night. There is nothing to see. He holds her a little tighter and would like to never let go of her again. But what if she wakes up? She would go wild... 

  
\--- ~ * ~ ---

  
A throbbing pain flows through her head, her eyelids are heavy and she feels dizzy as never before. Worse than when she hasn't slept properly for several days. Then she feels Rakan's warmth, his presence sends a pleasant shiver down her spine and without thinking she throws all her intentions overboard. 

Half asleep she creeps up and cuddles up to him as much as she can, she has no idea how to lie down or where to place her arms and legs (they seem to bother her everywhere!), but after a while she finally finds a comfortable position and snuggles up to him, mumbling softly into his chest. 

She doesn't know why she wants to be so close to him, whether it's just an urge she finally gives in to or the remaining alcohol, but for this moment she doesn't care either. She is happy with herself and everything around her, lying here safely in his arms, separated from the world. 

She pushes her leg between his and nestles closer to his chest, listening to his gentle heartbeat, she feels him put his chin on her head and takes her firmly in his arms. She feels even more secure than before, after a moment she falls asleep again.

  
~ * ~ 

  
She walks along a dark alley, it is cold and raindrops fall down on her. Behind her, footsteps echo through the alley and a nasty goosebump spreads over her whole body as a rough hand reaches out and presses her against the damp wall. 

Rough fingers hold on to her wrist and make sure she can' t move anymore. After a moment which feels like an eternity for her, the picture becomes clearer and she can see who has pushed her into a corner and is forcing himself on her.

It' Orome. Rakan's best friend.   
Someone he trusts.   
Someone who shouldn't have been a danger to her.

His lips press against hers, and as much as she struggles, it becomes harder and harder to push him away from her every second. He presses her harder against the wall, then his hands roughly reach into her wing and tear out some feathers. 

Blinded by pain and panic, she lashes out, as disturbed as she was that day when she had been a naive girl. She screams for help, knowing that none will come, beats and kicks at her attacker, hoping he will let go of her.

How could he do such a thing?  
That's the way humans are, how can a Vastaya do such a thing to another Vastaya?! Is it because she isn't one of his? Is it because she's from another tribe?  
Isn't it enough that they're all Vastaya? 

Maybe it's not the humans who are the problem? Are there any black sheep among the Vastaya? After all, that's what she's experiencing right now on her own body, the pain with every feather that's torn out goes through her body like lightning.

She closes her eyes, abandons herself to her fate, when a bright golden light pierces through her closed eyes, covering her and soothing her pain. She opens her eyes and stares into Rakan's bright blue eyes. 

"You'll never be alone again, I won't leave your side no matter what you do. Nothing can make me turn my back on you." His voice sounds clear and strong as his hand strokes through her hair and across her face, resting on her cheek.

  
~ * ~

  
Gentle fingers run through his companion's hair and hum to her in a soothing way, while she lashes out wildly and screams in desperation. After a few moments, he can feel her muscles relax and her body lose its tension, she lies peacefully in his arms and her breathing matches his, one hand gently resting on his chest.

After some time she opens her eyes sleepily, looking at him in confusion and he smiles slightly, he can see the fear the nightmare has caused in her clearly in her eyes and puts the palm of his hand gently on her cheek, running his thumb over her tribal tattoo, smiling gently at her.

"How are you?" There is real concern in his voice and she straightens up slightly to look him straight in the eye, trying to remember last night, something she can hardly do. She has no memories except for a few images. And then there's this strange dream... in which events have become intertwined. Is this dream supposed to tell her something?

She was attacked, but not by two people as in the past, but by a Vastaya. And not just any Vastaya, no, it was Rakan's best friend who attacked her. Why is she dreaming this? A bad feeling spreads inside her and without thinking about it, her fingers touch her face, her fingertips rest on her lips.

Then she remembers that he had kissed her... she tried to fight back, but the alcohol ruined any chances. He stole the first kiss of her life... the first real one. Her stomach aches and cramps up.

Did that really happen? Or was that a dream too? She looks at Rakan questioningly, he smiles slightly but avoids her eyes for the moment. "I... I don't know..." Her voice sounds rough and she looks at him in question. "What happened?"

His voice echoes in their ears, far away, as in a dream.

_You'll never be alone again, I won't leave your side no matter what you do. Nothing can make me turn away from you._

He tilts his head and strokes her cheek again. " What... do you remember?" His voice sounds slightly uncertain and she looks at him wonderingly, it is not exactly his way to be surprised or even unsure. Rakan is the self-confidence in person, seeing him uncertain makes Xayah's alarm bells ring.

"I am not sure..." she whispers and looks into a corner of the tent. Her cheeks have taken on a slight pink shade and she avoids his glance, at first sight Rakan can see that she feels uncomfortable.

"I drank too much last night and... and, uh... I think I made a terrible mistake... I... I think... I think I may have... kissed... your... best friend..." She keeps staring into the corner, her stomach contracts painfully. "Well, actually, he made me, you know... but I didn't... managed to fight back... I'm a shame..." she whispers and continues staring in that direction as if she was lost in thought. 

Rakan takes her in his arms before she can even start protesting. He has caught her by surprise and holds her tight so that she can feel his hot breath on her ear. "You are not a shame, the only one who should be ashamed is himself." He takes her face between his hands and forces her to look him in the eyes with gentle force. "You are not a shame, no matter what has ever happened or will ever happen, never tell yourself that you are a shame. You are simply stunning and the only one I have ever met who is so wonderful, who wants to help our people back to their old glory. You should be proud about that, no matter what anybody says." She nods as well as she can. 

An almost familiar warmth spreads within him and he looks at her with a smile. "I want you to enjoy the party, no matter what happens, I won't leave your side and I'll always be there for you, I want you to relax and rest here", he continues to smile and his hand strokes her cheek again. 

For the second time in two days she wonders when they started to touch each other so tenderly, but she still cannot find the answer to this question. 

"A lot happened yesterday and I would like you to just forget the hardships and relax. Would you like to hear a song or a story?" 

Xayah blushes visibly and looks at him with big eyes. "A story would be nice...", she whispers and leans relaxed against his chest, eyes closed and secretly absorbing his scent, a warming feeling spreads through her body.

**"Many, many moons ago when our forests were young, there lived a young brave warrior who gave his heart to a mortal. Soon he decided to move from his world to hers, so that they could be united forever. And although she was a mortal, their souls connected, too strong were the bond of love.**

**They were so happy and yet they were prisoners. Prisoners of the force of time. While his time was endless, hers was fading further and further, her life was not infinite like his.**

**When the two realized that she had no time left, they set off for his home, a place where the earthly world and the other world meet, so that they could cross over together into Tir na mBeo, a place where they would live happily together forever. The journey was difficult and soon she became too ill to travel any further.**

**So they both knew that she would not make it and that they would not see each other again in the other world. When he noticed that her life was coming to an end, he sat down with her in his arms under the twinkling stars to make her last minutes as pleasant as possible.**  
**'Remember me and think of me, in the next life I will be waiting for you.' Her voice was barely loud enough for him to hear her and shortly afterwards he felt her body going limp in his arms.**

**In the distance he saw a light shining, an elven light that watches over her soul, surrounded by darkness. From that day on his life felt empty and incomplete, every day he thought of his lost love and how much he missed her.**

**Many centuries had passed and the day came that he too could finally begin his last journey. When he had left his earthly body behind him and passed over into the next life his heart beats faster. He recognized the music that filled his heart, even if he had not heard it for so long.**

**He had not forgotten her.**

**He went over to his beloved, put his hand on hers and the two kissed, reunited again."**

Softly Xayah hums to himself, lost in his story, her fingers circling over his chest, by now she is sitting on his lap and her eyes are closed. "Very romantic..." she whispers humming and then looks at him smiling. 

.


	14. Beltane

  
Rakan swallows, he brushes a strand of her loose hair backwards and strokes her cheek down, his heart beats faster. Softly Xayah giggles as she slides closer to him and all of a sudden he realizes what's going on. She was still drunk, he gently shoved her away, earning a confused look from Xayah. 

"I'll go get us something for breakfast." He smiles in a muffled voice and hurries out of the tent, hearing an unhappy grumbling behind him. He exhales with relief, yes, he desires exactly these things, but not if she isn't entirely sober. He refuses to be a dirty animal like Orome. He looks around the tent for a moment, then he notices Geillis and hurries over to her. 

Already from a distance she gives him a broad smile, he smiles back briefly. "Do you have something that would sober up my companion?" His voice sounds slightly amused and he stretches extensively. "How about a strong cup of coffee?" She winks at him, he pulls a short face then nods. Personally, he definitely prefers hot chocolate instead of this bitter stuff, but it should at least make sure that Xayah becomes herself again.

At a wooden plate, Rakan brings two big cups made of horn, filled with strong, black coffee, some fresh, still warm bread and a piece of cheese into the tent, much to his surprise Xayah doesn't sit on the bed any longer, instead she sits a bit away on the floor, head down, shoulders lowered. For a moment he thought that she might have an emotional outburst.

He carefully places the wooden board on a small table and walks slowly towards her, taking care not to frighten her. When he comes near her, she slowly turns her head in his direction and looks at him sadly for a moment. Out of the corner of his eye he can see that she has a small book bound in brown leather on her lap. He takes another step towards her and sits by her side. 

"When will the festivities begin?" Xayah's voice is soft, nervous. He looks at her calmly and puts one hand on her shoulder. "Tomorrow night, it' s starting at sunset." He presses slightly and she nods hesitantly. "I... I don't know if I can do this..." 

Surprised, he looks at her. Nervously she begins to nibble her fingernails, keeping her fingers busy. "I don't even know how to celebrate this festival anymore. And... especially not with your tribe. I can't even remember the customs of my own tribe... I am out of place here! Yesterday... that was a warning signal..." Her voice trembles and she shakes slightly, avoiding his gaze. He puts his hand under her chin and turns her gaze to his. " Please, just trust me."

  
\--- ~ * ~ ---

  
The mood is already lively when Rakan leaves the tent, strolling over to the others who are standing near a big birch tree. His trousers, held in a bright orange for this special day, stroke his legs as he moves in Ivera's and Geilli's direction. The two smiles at him and Ivera waves excitedly over to him. Her feathers glitter and stand out from her white dress, fine lace decorates the hems. A also white, split overskirt with fine embroidery and pearls plays around her slim figure. Her long hair is tied into a braided plait, interspersed with many thin braids, which decorate the plait together with many colourful flowers.

His gaze wanders back to the tent which he shares with Xayah. "I wonder what colour her dress will look like." He smiles at the thought, if he had to guess, he would choose white. White like innocence. Surprised, he notices that most of the young women in his tribe wear white, something he hadn't expected. 

"Will you be my date tonight?" With shining eyes Ivera shines at him, a hopeful expression in her eyes. Surprised, Rakan looks at her, shaking his head slightly. "I already have a companion, it is Xayah." He grins and looks in the direction again, his heart beats faster and his hands become slightly damp from nervousness as the tent opening swings to the side. 

Slowly Xayah steps through the opening, hesitantly looking around and blushing visibly, retreating back into the tent. "Lavender?", Ivera pushes out and grins mockingly, giggling, she looks up at Rakan. "Are you sure you want her as your date?" She smirked. He looks at her grimly, shakes his head silently and hurries over to the tent.

" Are you okay?" His voice sounds soft as he enters through the entrance. Ashamed, Xayah looks at the floor, her cheeks reddening. "They are making fun of me," she whispers, her ears drooping. Grinning, Rakan raises an eyebrow, then puts his hands on her shoulders. His gaze glides down on her and he smiles lovingly.

A loose, lavender-coloured dress with thin straps plays around her body, delicate, diamond-shaped lines accentuate the decollete, small white pearls at the places where the decorative seams meet. Just below the bust a thin band divides the skirt from the chest part, the flowing skirt is almost floor-length and on the sides there is a second layer of fabric, a soft ruffle, which playfully caresses her hips. 

Around her neck she wears a simple leather band, on it two small feathers. The feathers of her parents. Rakan takes a step towards her, his heart beats faster and he puts the back of his hand against her cheek, tenderly he slides down and smiles at her.

"Ivera is just jealous of you. You are so beautiful. It' s just breathtaking. But there's still one little detail missing", with these words he removes his hand from her cheek and steps one step behind her. It is the first time that Rakan notices that her hair is open, two strands pulled back and tied together, while the rest of her hair falls over her shoulders in light wavelets. Out of magic he forms a small feather which resembles one of his own and fixes it in her hair, taking a step closer to her. 

Enthusiastically, he absorbs her scent, a mixture of lavender, honey and... something spicy... ...patchouli, perhaps? Yes, that' it.

In wonder, Xayah turns her head in his direction, her ears are upright again and she tries to feel what he has done to her hair. Is that... a feather?' For a moment she frowned, then she turned around with a quick movement, her skirt bulging around her legs and she looked him straight in the eyes. "Did you put one of your feathers in my hair?" Rakan just nods and holds his arm out to her. 

"Yep. I figured since I'm your dance partner for this evening, I'll just mark you as exactly that one. To avoid having competition," he winks at her. She laughs briefly, but then grabs his arm. "Isn't this the best way to ruin your chances of finding someone to share your bed with?" He's just shrugging. "For me, there's only one person I want to share my bed with, all others are uninteresting." 

With these words he leads her out of the tent, denying her the chance to respond. From the side, her gaze falls back on his smile, her heart makes a small leap.

_What does he mean with this statement?_

  
\--- ~ * ~ --- 

  
As evening breaks, even Xayah has to admit that the atmosphere is relaxed and familiar. Apart from Ivera and Orome, she is treated by everyone like a regular member of the tribe, even though her dress has attracted some questioning glances. Most women her age wear white to symbolize their innocence. But what should she do? That course for her has passed. It is no secret that the clothes aren't formed by themselves, the magic that surrounds these special days in the nature creates the clothes by itself, at least if you are receptive enough.

The color of the clothing matches the personality, reveals the true essence of a person in front of everyone present. This is one of the main reasons why outsiders are not allowed at such celebrations, still Xayah wonders how she came to this honor, even more so since she is treated like a member of the tribe. This is surely due to Rakan. 

"I didn't knew you were such a good dancer," he whispers into her ear as they sit on the soft grass a little away from the fires, gasping for breath. Not too long ago, they were ceremonially lighted by Gawyn, and the first couples line up to be purified from all negative aspects of the fire. "I had a good teacher", she giggles quietly and watches the spectacle as the first couple dance between the fires, hand in hand. 

"Would you like...?" Rakan looks at her from the side, his face slightly reddened and his head tilted to the side. Surprised Xayah looks up, eyes fixed on him. "Isn't this something that couples should do?" Her voice sounds higher than usual and her face has also taken on a clear red tone, which definitely doesn't come from being close to the fire. "Yes, yes, we aren't lovers, but we are a couple somehow, we travel together, free Ionia's magic, try to prevent the downfall of our tribes and cultures. We might as well let ourselves be purified from negative, for the sake of our cause and to leave behind old burdens." 

He stands up and holds out his outstretched hand to her, and as she reaches out for his hand, Rakan pulls her close, gentle bending her backwards and looking deep into her eyes with a smile. Then he brings her back to a normal upright position and pulls her along behind him, lining up in the line of people waiting. 

'What was that?' Xayah's thoughts dance wildly, almost as wild as her heart beats after that brief moment. The time around her seems to pass slower, the heat of both fires growing stronger on her skin, a pleasant goosebump spreading over her whole body. Gently she turns her head in his direction, realising that he is looking at her all the time, smiling from ear to ear. 

Without thinking about it, she comes one step closer to him, cuddling up to his arm. He looks at her eyes surprised, her relaxed smile makes his heart race again. 'Besides, she likes you,' he recalls the words of his grandfather.

Is he right?   
Is there any hope?

As just one more couple waits in front of them, Xayah nervously reaches for his hand, he presses it lightly to calm her down. "Have you never done this before?", he asks quietly and she shakes her head briefly. He can see a kind of tension on her face that he has never seen on her before. 

"No, the last time I properly celebrated Beltane, I was far too young," she whispers back and presses his hand gently as well. "We can also leave if you feel uncomfortable." He smiles gently at her, with closed eyes she shakes her head. When she opens her eyes again, she looks straight into his face. The tension hasn't gone but her eyes are shining, almost sparkling and she smiles at him in a way she has never done before. 

She holds his hand with both hands and breathes a gentle kiss on his ankles. "No, I don't want to be anywhere else right now. I don't know how to say this... it just feels right, standing here with you now. Like it was meant to be, like it was..." She breaks off, looking for the right words.

" Fate?" He finishes her sentence and she nods, slightly hesitating, then smiles again. Rakan gently pulls her with him, now clasping one of hers with each hand, pulling her between the bonfires. She willingly follows him, right in the middle he stops and looks at her smiling again. Without a single hesitation, he closes her in a firm embrace.

Stunned, Xayah stands motionless for a moment before she throws her arms around him and returns the hug. "I almost expected you to push me away", Rakan laughs and looks at her. "Because of your 'no touching' rule," he adds and she smiles embarrassed.

"I think we can throw this rule in the light of the fire." She bites her lower lip and looks at him nervously. With a tender movement of his hand he strokes over her clan tattoo, then his hand moves to the back of her head and he presses her gently into his chest. 

"Thank you." His arms enclose her tighter.

After a felt eternity they separate from each other and step out on the other side of the fires standing in front of a big wooden plate. Various herbs and plants lie on it in small heaps, pieces of cloth on the other side, questioningly she looks at Rakan.

"Oh, I forgot, you probably don't know this part of the tradition." He takes two pieces of cloth from the pile and hands her one of them. "You choose the herbs that you hope will be effective in the coming year, then you put them in the cloth and tie the bundle tightly together, together we ignite them and throw them into the fire together, that should bring good luck and affect the year the way we want it to be". He smiles, slowly she nods at him. 

Her gaze falls on a small, yellow flower, she carefully picks up a flower and looks at it. "A good choice, that's Alant, it dispels negative vibrations." He smiles at her and she looks up from the flower, returning his smile. "I know my dad had some of these hanging in little sachets in my room, I think there was one in his bedside table, too." Hesitantly she puts the flower on the piece of cloth. 

"You know about herbs?" Rakan sounds surprised.

Xayah laughs softly. "A bit, my father was good at it, my mother..." She breaks off, pausing in her motion. From the side he looks at her, it is the first time he hears her mention her mother. "My... My dad once told me that my mom probably drove him crazy with herbs and plants. She explained all sorts of remedies, which plant could help with which illness. " Her voice is soft, almost emotionless. "She was a healer."

Gently he puts a hand on her back and she smiles gratefully at him, taking a step towards him. Xayah's hand rests over a branch of lavender, hesitating. Questioningly he looks at her. "What are you thinking about?" he asks her gently and she shrugs slightly. "I'm not sure... What if a plant has different properties, different functions. How do you know you're not using it the wrong way?"

For a moment Rakan remains silent, then he laughs and looks at her with a grin. "You think too much. Just listen to your heart. And by the way, I am not aware of any negative qualities of lavender. Or is the strong rebel leader afraid to fall in love?" He winks at her and Xayah can literally feel her face taking on almost the same colour as her hair.

'I'm not afraid of that, it might already be too late for that...' it comes through her head and she sighs softly. Then she lets her eyes wander over the herbs again, adding Johannis herbs, valerian and monkshood to her little bundle. A glance at Rakan shows her that he has already spread much more on his piece of cloth. 'Doesn't he worry about what he's putting in his bundle?' she asks herself and lets her gaze wander over the herbs again.

"You should take a piece of mandrake root." He points to a pile of small pieces of wood, which are a bit off to the side and Xayah looks at him questioningly. "Mandrake root? What is it for?" With the tip of her fingers she picks up one of the small pieces and looks at it curiously.

"Oh, she is said to have various abilities, to bring good luck and protection, as well as to have a positive effect on love and fertility." The last two effects he says in passing, Xayah stares at the piece of root in her fingers and drops it instantly. "Fertility booster?!" Her voice is high, almost a squeak and her face blushes again. 

Rakan smiles slightly, a little surprised about her childish behaviour, then he remembers again that it is the first time she celebrates this holiday, at least as an adult. "Yes", he laughs and grins at her. "But you are aware that you have to sleep with a man for that quality to even affect you, aren't you?" He can' t hold back a light scoff and presses the piece of root back into her hand. 

Her face glowing red, she takes it and puts it on the pile in her cloth, giving out some unconnected words and staring shyly at the ground. Rakan looks at her from top to bottom as she stands in front of him with a bright red head, her gaze still turned to the ground in shame. His gaze remains fixed on her dress. Lavender-coloured.He frown and puts his hand on her shoulder. 

  
"Xayah?" 

She looks up for a moment and smiles timidly, but then her eyes turn back to the piece of cloth in her hand and she begins to close it with untrained fingers. "Rakan?"

"Can I ask you something?"   
"Didn't you just do that?" She grins, and without meaning to, he has to smile.  
"I guess that's true. But actually I wanted to ask if you have formed your dress yourself or ...?" Rakan can see how she bites her lower lip again, then shakes her head. "No, I had no influence of my own on it, at least not with the colour... if that's what you mean." She looks down again.

"I only thought like that because you seem so inexperienced," he smiles and puts his hand on her cheek. For a moment she gives in to the touch and closes her eyes, smiling. When she opens her eyes again, she smiles weakly and shrugs her shoulders. "I don't know why it is lavender, I can't explain it to myself. It was already a struggle to know that I am an outsider, but then I was also one of the few people not to wear white... and to hear the mockery... ...I wanted to run away again." 

She smiles, but the expression in her eyes clearly shows Rakan that she is still hurt. "I don't care what colour you wear. In my eyes you are the most beautiful woman here." For a moment he puts his forehead against hers and smiles at her with an encouraging smile. While Xayah is still processing his words, Rakan is already dragging her with him again. "Let's light the herbs," he laughs softly and holds his bundle into the flame, hesitantly she does the same as him, but her eyes still rest on Rakan.

In fine strands the smoke rises into the dark night sky, mixing with each other, while Rakan takes a step closer to her and puts his arm around Xayah's waist. She nestles closer to him and her eyes follow the thin trails of smoke as they blend and fade into the night's vast skies, becoming part of the big entity, part of what surrounds everything around them.

She shivers and strong goose bumps like never before run over her body, she feels as if she' s at home. Almost like before, when her father held her in his arms, and yet completely different. She closes her eyes, absorbing his presence and scent, preserving this moment for infinity. 

No matter what the future will bring, she wants to remember this very moment for the rest of her life. 

\--- ~ * ~ --- 

  
The music becomes cheerful, faster and without even meaning to, Xayah is drawn into the circle of dancing women by Geillis, while the men and some of the other non-dancing women stand on the sidelines and clap their hands. The arms hooked into each other, swinging and jumping, they dance around each other, changing the dance partner again and again. Flowing, relaxed movements in a family environment. 

And whether she likes it or not, Xayah feels more like a true part of the tribe from moment to moment, as if she were part of it, being accepted. It is as if her whole world has changed, has become more colourful and cheerful, not just monotonous and gloomy as in all the years before.

She turns wildly around herself, her skirt swings gracefully around her legs, her eyes closed as soft hands touch her tenderly. Slowly Xayah opens her eyes again, directly in front of her stands Rakan, puts his hand around her and the other at her waist, pulling her slightly and spinning together. "I just had to catch the chance when you were already dancing alone," he whispers to her and she blushes slightly, they have never danced so close before. 

With flowing movements they rotate together around the fire, playfully around other dancers. The more they spin and dance closely together, the faster her heart beats in her chest. As the music is coming to an end, after another spirited spin, Xayah lands at his side again, in the same position in which they started their close dance. 

Once again he strokes her cheek with his palm, down her neck, an unknown heat rises in her as his face comes closer to hers, she can feel his hot breath on her cheek. Her fingers tingle. 

What should she do?   
Scream?  
Push him aside?  
Yell at him, what the hell is he doing?  
Or let it happen and finally admit to her own feelings instead of trying to repress them?

An unexpected warmth spreads through her body as his lips touch hers, careful and gentle, tender. His hand rests on her back. Xayah closes her eyes, letting it happen and giving in to his kiss.

Her heart beats up to her neck, this kiss, it feels so different from what she has known so far, not harsh or demanding. It feels wonderful and she could lose herself in it.

And even if she never thought it was possible, or at least never wanted to admit it, in that moment she realized that she had fallen in love with Rakan a long time ago.


	15. The Past is in the Past

After a nearly endless moment, their lips separate from each other, Rakan glances aside, concerned. " I... I'm sorry, Xayah. I... I should have controlled myself." His voice sounds quietly in her ears and Xayah takes a step closer to him, leaving hardly any space between the two of them. She shakes her head, locks her arms around him and puts her head against his chest. 

"Thank you," she whispers into his chest and closes her eyes.

In surprise, he looks down at her, his arms around her as well. "Thank you? For what?" He sounds confused and at the same time somewhat relieved. All he receives is a soft humming while she continues to press herself against him. " I might explain it to you later, someday," she says softly and smiles at him slightly. 

Smilling at each other, the two step out of the circle of dancers and without another word, Xayah allows herself to fall into the grass a little aside, stretching herself extensively. For a moment she is surprised when Rakan doesn't sit down next to her, but then she realizes that he brings a bottle of mead and two cups over to her. He hands her the bottle and one of the cups, then he lets himself drop beside her and grins at her broadly. Hesitantly she takes a look at the bottle before she hands it back to Rakan. 

"Do you think it's such a good idea if I drink alcohol? After yesterday?" She looks embarrassed to the ground, but Rakan keeps his grin on his lips. "Don't worry, my dear. I'll take care of you, nothing can happen to you. No matter how much you drink. I promise you that." He smiles gently and takes her hand in his. "Just trust me."

" These words again," it comes to her mind. Her drunken self had decided to trust him, but does she trust him now? She opens her mouth to answer something, but then closes it again because she just doesn't know what to say. After some hesitation she finally nods and stretches her cup towards him. 

His face brightens up, being aware about the meaning of this gesture, and he pours her a generous sip of mead. Surprised, she looks at him. "What's it mixed with?" She sniffs at it lightly. "Cherry juice, it gives a fruity touch. Very tasty, but you have to be careful, you don't notice the alcohol content and get drunk faster if you are not careful. But don't worry, no one will try to approach you in any inappropriate way," he smiles at her and strokes a strand of her hair from her face.

They toast together as Geillis joins them. "Congratulations my dears," she smiles broadly and looks from one to the other, but both avoid her gaze. " Look, its not wh-... we are not ... you misunderstood something, Auntie", Rakan brings out and takes Xayah in a gentle embrace. Geillis raises an eyebrow questioningly, she receives a nod from him in reply, indicating that he will explain it later.

Then they also fill Geillis' glass with cherry mead and toast together. While Rakan and Geillis drift off into a lively conversation, Xayah snuggles closer to him, he gently puts his wings around her. Also Gawyn, Ivera, Orome and three other persons Xayah can't relate to join them, the larger crowd of people makes Xayah feel very uncomfortable.

After some time she retires from them with the excuse to want to go to bed, Rakan's shed to put her to bed with a wave of her hand rejecting. Even if she didn't want to admit it, it was just too much for her, but she didn't want to ruin his evening. After making sure that no one is watching her, she slips past the tent she shares with Rakan, disappearing towards the forest. 

She just feels like being alone for a while, gathering new strength, sorting her thoughts. So much has happened, so much that she hasn't been able to process yet, so much has been said and hinted that she needs some privacy and silence. There is no better moment for this than right now.

~ * ~

Lost in thought, Xayah lies on the nearby river where she had been the day before, her gaze wandering over the gentle movements of the water, over the leaves of grass growing on the riverbank, the full moon reflected in the water. With a deep breath she draws the cool night air into her lungs, absorbing the smells. The scents of fresh grass and sweetish flowers blend with the smell of smoke carried over from Rakan's tribe. Her fingers drive thoughtlessly through the cool wet.

For a moment she feels young again, weak and defenceless, like when she lived in her safe home with her father. When she stomped away sourly because she was not allowed to go hunting, when she argued with her father about what she was allowed to do as a woman and what not, when she discovered that the wild magic of Ionia was captured by humans.

She still wonders what would have happened if she hadn't left under the protection of night, if she hadn't rebelled against her tribe, if she hadn't broken the rules. Would things have been different then? Would her tribe not have disappeared? Or would she have been dragged down with her loved ones? Is it better what happened to her than what happened to her tribe? 

But what happened to her? Her memories are fuzzy, at some point non-existent. Does she even want to know what happened that day? One part of her screams yes at the thought, while another, fearful part clearly denies it. Isn't there a reason why she has blocked out what she experienced? 

Even if she would not admit it, Xayah knows that she was afraid and to a certain part, still is. She was never like the others, but she could never understand why, this knowledge and so much more makes her afraid, the simple thought of trusting others, of allowing them to become a part of her life, had caused her incredible panic. 

_Too strong was the fear that she could lose everything that was important to her again._   
_That she would be hurt again._   
_That her trust might be betrayed once more._   
_That she would be abandoned a second time._   
_She might end up left all alone again._

''And yet everything changed. You are no longer alone. Even when you told Rakan to go, he stayed. He heard you scream in the night and stayed. You punched his nose bloody while you were sleeping, he didn't just stay, he even showed understanding. He noticed that you are a wreck, that there is something wrong with you, and he stayed. He even kissed you. And promised to protect you.' 

She bites her lower lip, her eyes staring into the distance as her fingers move through the water. A tingling sensation spreads in her fingertips, she stares at the surface of the water completely fascinated. The water around her fingers bounces up in small pearls, drops dance around on the trembling water surface and some larger water drops rise into the air, reflecting images in them.

For a moment time stops and Xayah holds her breath. In a drop close to her face she can see her father, who is clearly younger, filling up his water bottle. Behind him stands a young woman. As the drop falls down again, she can clearly hear her father's voice as he tells the young woman that it' s not far from here. A strange feeling spreads over her arms, it is both warm and cold and Xayah's gaze falls on the next drop, which is just falling back into the water. 

Taking a closer look she can see that this time it's not only her father, she can also see herself, but much younger. She jumps around him laughing, he grabs her in the jump and playfully throws her into the river to pull her out again as soon as she comes within his reach. As the drop melts into the water, she can hear her own childish voice squealing happily and telling her father how much she loves him.

"What the..." she pushes out and leans up as the last drops fall back into the water, but this time without sound. " It' s said that water has a memory", a voice tears her out of her thoughts and she turns around startled. When she realizes that it' s just Rakan, she relaxes, straightens up and looks at him in surprise. "How can water have a memory?" Her voice sounds doubtful.

  
" Unlike us, but everything it touches is stored and preserved for centuries. Perhaps even more is stored than we know or can guess. I don't know anyone who's actually examined it. But if you use your magic the way you just did..." He smiles at her and sits down beside her, her gaze sinking back down to the water. 

It is clear even in the darkness around her, Xayah can see the small pebbles on the ground. "I didn't even know I could do that," she whispers. "What... what did I just see there?" Her voice sounds husky, she timidly straightens up and sits down next to Rakan, her eyes still fixed on the spot in the water where the drops have fallen back into the stream. He smiles at her. "Those were moments that the water has stored up. I didn't see everything, but I could see the drop and the words that were connected to the last drop." He looks at her thoughtfully and takes her hand in his. "Excuse me if I shouldn't ask, but the man in the memory who threw you in the river, was that your dad?" 

With sparkling eyes Xayah looks at him and the pressure on his hand increases slightly. "Yes, that was my beloved father." Her voice is different from what Rakan is used to, softer, lovely. "l... I'd almost forgotten what he looks like, what his voice sounds like. But now I remember so many details, so many thoughts that I had suppressed or simply forgotten over the years. Is it weird? All those years I was afraid to remember until I just forgot most of it." She smiles sadly at him, he slides closer to her and puts his wing protectively around her back.

"Tell me about it. About your home, your childhood, your parents. Everything." His voice is soft and he smiles at her with an encouraging smile. She blushes slightly, avoids his gaze. "That would just bore you," she laughs cautiously and stares at the water again, an uneasiness spreading in her stomach. 

_What would he think of her?_   
_When he hears about what she has done?_   
_That she has violated the rules of her tribe in this way?_   
_That her tribe's disappearance is her fault..._   
_How naive she was and trusted humans?_   
_That she used her magic to make humans feel good?_

But weren't the little girls happy about it? Weren't they grateful? Had it really been a mistake or was she just telling herself that to further increase her hate towards humans? 'No, humans are horrible, they have taken everything that meant something to you, they have taken your family and your home, they have attacked you, tried to steal your feathers and... have you forgotten all of this?' whispers a thin voice in her head and for a moment Xayah becomes tense, her gaze seems distant, startled, confused. 

"Xayah?" 

Rakan's voice tears her back to reality, frightened she flinches, frees herself from his protective wing and retreats. Her arms protectively wrap around her upper body and she turns away from him, a few steps away. "You should go back, to the others, celebrate and enjoy your life. And stay with them. I'm a wreck, you shouldn't waste your time with someone like me,' she says low, but her voice is clear and determined. 

  
In a state of shock, she looks up as a hand rests on her shoulder. "No matter if you're sad, if you' re a wreck, or if you've hit rock bottom, you still have to keep going. I don't care if you're a wreck, I like you the way you are. Everything that's over is the past, it's gone, the future is ahead of us. Don't let the past affect or ruin your future. You must let go, start enjoying your life again." He smiles at her, for a moment he expects her to turn around and run away again. 

But instead she falls into his arms with trembling lower lip, clinging to him. Soothingly, he strokes her back. "Tell me about yourself, I want to get to know you. Not the strong rebel leader, for who nothing exists but her next mission, but rather the graceful young dancer who laughed and sang with me and who claims to be a wreck." The smile in his voice is clearly visible.

After a short hesitation she nods, sinking to the ground together with Rakan, again he puts his wing protectively around her. With a tender movement he wipes a single tear from her cheek, then he waits until she is ready.

"I... have always been different from the others. The only one in our tribe who grew up without a mother after she... she died soon after I was born. My father was wonderful, loving, he saw every wish I had, we traveled and went to many festivals." A smile flits over her lips as she remembers it.

"I can't remember much of it, but I remember that as I got older, it got harder. I wanted to help protect our tribe, we never had many fighters. I had asked to go hunting with the men but my father was against it. He said that hunting and defending the tribe was something for men. I left that day angry. It was then that I first really realized that the nature around us was dying."

She looked around briefly, the plants in the nearby surroundings were in good, healthy condition, the magic in this part of the area was strong and clearly present. With a slight shiver she feels Rakan's fingers running gently over her back.

"The eldest said we'll wait and see how things go on, he didn't wanted to negotiate with the humans to leave our magic alone. That night, I remember it so well..." She bites her lower lip, her eyes turn away from him, staring into the distance. After a strong breath she continues, quietly and shakily. "That night I ran off, I wanted to speak to the humans and save our magic." 

Her laugh is more of a snort than anything else and her eyes darken, as Rakan notices directly. He takes her tighter in his arms and holds her soothingly. It is obvious that something must have happened to her which is why she hates humans so much.

"The first humans I came across were some small children, they were so kind and warm-hearted. At first they were amazed at my ears and I even allowed one of the children to touch them and magically grow flowers for them. They also gave me a present, a wreath of flowers, the girl proudly put it on herself. I really thought that humans could be our friends like in the old stories... but then..."

She starts to tremble out of control and tears rise in her eyes, his arms close tighter around her and he puts a hand on the back of her head, pressing her face into his chest. "I always thought that humans would respect us, accept us, but... but... that's not how it was... there were two men, they attacked me, I don't remember most of it, but I remember they tried to tear off my dress and rip out my feathers..." 

Her voice breaks off, trembles. "Still... ... I never felt... ...so afraid... I thought... I would die..." she sobs and wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. "That was the moment when I realized that I could create feather daggers with my magic. I killed both of them, the first one in fear... the other one simply because I wanted to. I wanted revenge for what he did to me and I killed him for it... And I have no regrets. I don't know how much time had passed, but at some point another human came, a guard, I thought he would help me, he would take care of my wounds or at least bring me a blanket so I could cover myself, but he saw the two dead bodies and called me a monster, attacked me..." Her voice breaks off, silent tears run down her cheeks while she is still in his arms. 

"I can't promise you that you'll get over this properly one day, but what I can promise you is that I would never let anything like this happen to you again. I will always look out for you and protect you." He looks at her gently, his embrace becomes a little looser.

"Thank you. For everything. It's good to have been able to tell everything to someone I can trust. To have a friend. All these years I've been hiding my inner self, my memories and thoughts buried inside me, confused and feeling kind of... lost. But since you've been by my side, it's somehow become less so. For the first time in a very long time, I feel alive again."

With a gentle movement he strokes Xayah's cheek, giving her a smile. "Do you want to go back?" She hesitates briefly, then nods and lets Rakan pull her onto her feet. While walking he takes a look at her from the side, which comes to a halt on her dress. Lavender. An uneasy feeling spreads in his tummy as he thinks about her words and his experiences with her.

She said that she had not chosen the colour of the dress herself, that she didn't know why it wasn't white. Her nightmares, the screams at night, the fear in her eyes when he touched her for the first time, the trust issues, the attack he had just heard about, and that she herself couldn't remember all of it. He swallows and puts his arm protectively around her shoulder, hoping that his guess is wrong. 

He leads her through one of the entrances back to his tribe and over to the shared tent. Unnoticed, they slip inside while the noise of the still dancing and celebrating tribe members is carried to their ears. It doesn't take long until they have changed their clothes into loose, comfortable nightwear and lie down on the mats. 

To Rakan's big surprise Xayah slides closer to him than he is used to, he looks over to her. Golden eyes sparkle in the darkness and he can guess the smile on her lips. He turns to her as well, returning her smile. With one hand he strokes her cheek, then he says softly, in a gentle voice. "And Xayah? Next time don't run away, I was worried. Please let me know if you want to go somewhere."

She nods slightly, staring at him further. He's right, what's over, is over, it's time to let go. For the first time in a very long time she feels safe and secure, having someone by her side to comfort her, someone she can trust. She's not afraid of it any longer, not anymore. With her purpose clear in her mind, she realizes she has everything she needs. The rebellion and Rakan. That's all she wants to be happy. She feels at home, like she has finally arrived. 

Beside her she can hear Rakan's steady breathing, already blissfully asleep. Hesitantly she reaches out a hand to him and strokes his cheek. Then she turns to the side, also vanishing into dreamland.


	16. The World has somehow shifted 1

"If we keep up this speed, we should reach Terekusa-Sō by sundown." His voice sounds exhausted and Rakan struggles not to yawn. "Are you sure we shouldn't just set up our tent?" Nervously Xayah bites her lower lip and looks towards the horizon, if she had to guess, she would assume the sun will set in two hours or less. Although she doesn't like to admit it now that they've spent the days in Rakan's tribe, it feels kind of... strange to be on the road again. 

"Why so nervous?" His eyes shine gently as he casts a glance over his shoulder. Her eyes once again turn to the sky, her lips pressed together in a thin line. Rakan frowned, stopped. Returning to her direction, he puts a hand to her cheek. " What is wrong?" His voice is as gentle as his eyes, soft as silk. 

For a short moment she smiles, but soon afterwards her face expresses discomfort again. "It's nothing important," she evades his request, taking a look at her map. For a moment her heart starts hurting when she realizes that they are only a day's distance from her old home. She stops for a moment, closes her eyes and groans loudly before surrendering to her fate and following Rakan further in the direction of the village.

'It's been so long, it doesn't have to end in another fiasco.' Agreeing with herself in thought, she catches up to him, walking side by side again. "I still don't think it's a good idea Humans are monsters, we should stay away from them." Once again she bites her lower lip, avoiding his gaze. He stops abruptly, looking into her eyes. 

"You really don't need to be afraid, I'll protect you. I have promised you and I don't intend to break that promise. Not for any humans or Vastaya who aren't standing behind us." A serious expression reflects in his eyes and she nods hesitantly to him. Even now she hasn't really got used to not being alone anymore, to having someone who really cares for her. 

  
\--- ~ * ~ ---

  
Before nightfall they arrived in Terekusa-Sō and could even rent a room in the small tavern without any problems, even though to Xayah's displeasure unfortunately there is only one room with a double bed. But with a little luck this is no problem and should Rakan become more intrusive than it is okay for her - which she doesn't expect - there is still the possibility to ban him to the floor with a blanket and a pillow.

If she is honest to herself, then she is well aware that Rakan doesn't cross any borders, he has proven that to her in the last weeks and months. Mindlessly she puts her backpack on a chair and steps over to the small window, with a quick movement she pushes the curtain aside and looks outside. 

A small alley leads under the window, which ends in a dead end. She swallows, after a longer hesitation she tears herself away from the view out of the window. 'What is over is past. Don't let your negative memories drag you down', it comes to her mind and she sits down on the soft bed before she falls backwards and stretches out.

"I guess it wasn't such a bad idea to rent a room instead of sleeping in a tent after all?" Rakan grins as he steps out of the small washroom and sees his companion lying stretched on the bed. Catched she jumps up, leaning on her elbow and looks at him with a slight grin. "I didn't say that, I'm still not sure if it's such a good idea to rent a room between humans. And this is even a completely human village, there's no Vastaya around here." Her voice is quiet, worried and Rakan slowly approaches her.

"How do you know there are no Vastaya here?" He sounds surprised. She smiles slightly at him, but then raises an eyebrow, hiding her real feelings. "I grew up near here, don't you think I know the places around here?" She grins broadly, a fake, forced grin. 

  
"That's right, we're not far from your home. Do you want to...?" He sits down next to her, his head hunched over and he gestures with his hands. She turns around and looks at him in surprise. She hadn't expected that and his question caught her off guard. "I... I do not know. I've been there a few times, but it never made any difference. Except negative..." She breaks off and lets herself fall down on her back. 

With a broad smile he looks down at her, resisting the urge to stroke Xayah over her cheek. "You don't have to decide right now, if you like we can go down to the bar room and have some wine," he smiles, stands up and stretches his hand out to her. She hesitates for a moment. "Wouldn't it be better for you to go downstairs without me? I'm sure you won't find anyone to spend your evening with... ... with you." She emphasises the last word and smiles at him reservedly. 

For a moment Rakan looks at her with open mouth, a mixture of surprise and delight lies in his look. "I told you before that I don't want to share my bed with anyone but a very specific person. I'm not interested in others any more." His grin widens as she grabs his still outstretched hand and lets him pull her upwards.

~ * ~

The taproom of the tavern is busy, but not so crowded that it would have been uncomfortable for Xayah. While Rakan goes to the bar, Xayah finds a free table in the back of the room. Her gaze wanders through the room, some young men sit together at two tables that have been pushed together, drinking beer and playing cards, in one corner a couple is sitting, a large, red-haired man, on his lap sits a petite, young woman, almost still a girl, with long, white curls. 

Xayah stares at them captivated and without meaning to, she asks herself what the poor girl must have done to be punished like this. Even with a lot of good will, she cannot imagine that she would voluntarily sit there with the man and let this happen to her. 

_It's probably easier to just let it happen to her than to stand up and fight back. Didn't the two men back then also say that they would like it if the girl fights back?_

With a shiver, Xayah forces herself to look away, fixes her stare on the tabletop. It doesn't take long before Rakan makes his way to her table, holding up two bottles of wine. He places the bottles on the table and sits down across from her, with a movement of his hand burning the candle on the table. 

"It's so much nicer this way," he grins as Xayah nestles her fingers along a strand of her hair and avoids his eyes. For a brief moment she casts another uneasy glance at the couple at the window, then she looks into the flame of the candle. Astonished, Rakan looks in the direction in which she had just looked, his forehead frowning. "Do you know that man?"

Harshly Xayah is torn from her thoughts and looks at Rakan in surprise. "No, not literally. He just reminded me of someone," she whispers evasively and twirls the end of her hair with her fingers. He nods, uncorks the first bottle of wine and hands it to her, without hesitation Xayah takes a big sip and hands the bottle back to him. The wine is very sweet and has a slight blackberry taste. 

The evening passes quickly and Rakan tells her long and detailed about some rather funny adventures from the time before they met. She listens interestedly to his stories, her face supported in the palm of her hand. It sounded almost like stories from a completely different world, a happy, cheerful and colourful world, while her own had been grey and monotonous for so many years.

Loud shouts tear them out of their conversation and the two look at the young men in confusion, the cards lying around the table, a broken glass bottle a little far away on the floor. Astonished Rakan raises an eyebrow and looks at Xayah with a grin, but her attention is focused on the couple in the corner. "What's wrong?" His voice is quiet, or it seems so quiet to her because of the shouting of the others, she isn't sure.

Then she looks at him, a little depressed. "The girl was about to leave, but he held her down and pulled her back in. She's just a human but..." She breaks off, biting her lower lip. He nods understandingly and winks at her. Then he gets up, walks slowly towards the table like he wants to open the window. In doing so, he knocks over the mug of beer, so that the contents run over the table and the man's trousers.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Rakan gives the man a big smile when he jumps up and pushes the girl from his lap. Roughly she lands on her bottom and looks out at the two men in surprise as a hand is placed on her shoulder. Frightened, she drives around, her face just a little away from Xayah. "Come with me," she whispers and grabs the girl's hand, pulling her behind her. 

With quick steps Xayah leads the girl to the exit, out into the cold, a fine drizzle covers the earth. "I can't leave, I have to...", the girl looks down and avoids looking at the young woman. Surprised, Xayah looks at the girl. " Whats your name and why do you have to?" Her voice is quiet, rough.

"My name is Rucia. We need the money ..." Still she does not look into Xayah's eyes. Then she grabs the door handle to the tavern, but is stopped by Xayah. "Wait, dear. Where do you live? Is it far away?" In reply she shakes her head and points along the path to the main road. "My Sister and I live in the single house near the city border. in the big field." Xayah nods to show that she has understood. "You go home now, we'll come back tomorrow, so I know you got home safe." Xayah pulls out a small cloth bag, fishes for some coins and gives them to Rucia. She shakes her head and wants to give her the money back. "Now go on, run home, I'll see you tomorrow." She gives the girl a warm smile and turns back to the tavern door, tears it open and rushes back in.

The first thing she notices is the changed smell. A mixture of sweat, blood and vomit hangs in the air and takes her breath away for a moment. She is used to many things, but this smell is much more than she can stand right now, yet she enters the tavern without wasting another moment, the impulse to vomit, suppressing. 

The scenery in the tavern has changed, some of the young men are lying unconscious on the floor, two others are fighting offside. In the middle of the room a large crowd of people trying to knock each other's heads in, fighting. And in the middle of the group Xayah can make out the golden feathers, which are so familiar to her, even from the entrance of the tavern. 

With a broad grin she runs into the room when she notices the red-haired man from earlier grabbing a chair and heading for Rakan. Without a second thought she grabs an empty wine bottle, which is on the table next to her, and throws it at the man's head.

_Hit. Nailed it!_

The redhead goes down with a muffled sound, which makes Rakan turn around in surprise. One look at the unconscious man and his attention already falls towards the tavern entrance, when he sees Xayah his face brightens up and he points his thumb upwards, signalling that everything is great. She returns the gesture and shortly afterwards Rakan is standing next to her, a golden shield surrounds them. "Is the girl safe?" he whispers to her and strokes her cheek with a finger. 

Nodding, Xayah looks at him from top to bottom, looking for injuries. "And what about you? Are you hurt?" A worried expression is reflected in her eyes and Rakan smiles as another bottle is thrown and bounces off the wall behind them. Rakan lets the shield fall again and throws one of the candlesticks on the tables in the direction from which the bottle came from. 

"You really messed up the place," she giggles and looks deep into his eyes for a moment, Rakan returns her glance, then opens his mouth to say something, when something flies right past Xayah's face and scrapes her cheek, leaving a bloody scratch. Rakan looks at the small knife stuck in one of the wooden beams behind them, his head abruptly moving in the direction the knife came from. 

The red-haired man throws another knife in the direction of the two of them, babbling and cursing about the 'wild animals' and 'monsters', 'the filth of society', even though both Rakan and Xayah have to guess more about what he is saying than they understand. Without thinking about it, Rakan flips over the nearby table, the empty and partially half-full bottles fly across the room. With a quick movement he pulls Xayah behind the table into safety and out of reach of the drunken archer. 

Gently he puts his hand on her injured cheek and wipes the damp blood with his thumb, leaving a slight mark. For a moment their eyes meet and Xayah feels her heart beat faster, she rests her head in his hand, enjoying the touch. 

"Miella..." For a split second, Rakan stops, not knowing how to express his thoughts in words without her leaving him standing. Hesitantly she opens her eyes, this new, so incredibly tender nickname both astonishes and frightens her, and yet an unknown warmth spreads within her when she hears it. „M... Rakan?" Her voice trembles slightly and she looks at him, an expression on her face, which Rakan has only seen a few, rare times before. A mixture of nervousness and shyness.

"I don't know how to say it, but I fell in love with you, and I know that you are not interested in such things, that your entire purpose is the rebellion, that there is nothing more important to you than seeing that the Vastaya can be free again, that our species can rise again and live a peaceful life, and your passion for your cause is one of the things I love about you. I know that you believe that we are all damned and that one day the day will come when we all end up in the grave and that humans will exterminate us mercilessly if we fail to be careful, and i know that you think your only purpose is to save us from this destruction.But I have fallen in love with you and will follow you until the end of my life."

For a moment she withdraws, her eyes get bigger and a shiver runs down her spine. Rakan glances at her hopefully.


	17. The World has somehow shifted 2

His eyes rest on her while Xayah retreats a little, her glance resting rigidly on his face. She swallows and her thoughts run wild. Uncertainly she turns her eyes away, towards the floor, a small pool of an undefinable liquid fills the floor near her and she stares captivated at the moving liquid, then she looks up again and smiles slightly. 

"Rakan, I... wait... what?!" Her face turns into a grimace as she realizes in an endless moment what Rakan has just said, what his words mean, or rather what they are _supposed to mean_. 

_Is he serious?_   
_Or is he just talking without thinking?_   
_Because he' s bored?_   
_Missing the warmth of a woman inside his bed?_   
_Or does he really mean it?_   
_But what if he just said it like that? What if she admits to her feelings towards him and that she loves him, and he just said it to get her into bed?_   
_To lighten his mood?_

_Would she ever get over it? Could she ever recover from it?_ She bites her lower lip, knowing the answer very well. _No, she wouldn't , that would be a bruise she' d never recover from. If he would just vanish now... her world would shatter forever, she would never feel whole again._ Rakan has already captured a huge part of her heart, even though she would never admit it.

Rakan gives her a loving smile, his hand stretched out in her direction, but the distance between them is too wide to touch her. "I said I love you," he repeats and his smile grows even wider. He looks for her eyes, but she continues to avoid him, biting her lower lip tighter, a little too tight, after a moment she can notice a slight taste of blood on her tongue. "But... how? How can someone like you feel something for someone like me? And why now all of a sudden?" 

She looks up curiously, for a moment their eyes meet and she smiles slightly. " Like how can I feel something for you? How could I not? You mean the world to me. And it''s been like that for a long time, I thought a lot about how I could tell you how I feel for you, this time it just slipped out." He smiles again, moving a little closer to her. 

"I'm a wreck, how can you feel anything for me? You could have anyone!" Once again she averts her eyes, her voice is quiet and can hardly be heard through the noise of the brawl. ' He just has to be joking, he can't be serious', a small voice whispers in her head as she slowly gives in to her negative thoughts and bites her lower lip again, stronger than before, the taste of blood becomes more intense. 

"But I don't want to live with anyone else, my heart beats for only one person and that person is you Xayah. I don't care if you're a wreck, no matter what you do, no matter what you say, nothing will turn me back from you, I love you way too much to do that. Do you understand me? There's no one in the world I'd rather sit here with right now than you."

Gently he puts his hand under her chin, making sure that she has to look straight at him. " What about you? How do you feel? How do you feel about me?" His voice is soft, once again she can recognize a hopeful undertone, his eyes sparkle and for a moment she is about to lose herself in his blue crystals. "What... should be with me? I..." 

Nervously she nestles her hair around, avoiding his look and tries to direct her concentration on something else, unsuccessfully. All she can hear is the screaming of the men in the bar, feeling Rakan's hand, his warmth, his soft touch. Then she looks him in the eyes, one hand is resting lightly on his cheek, the thumb passes over his cheekbone and with slight surprise she can see that his ears are slightly drooping down. "I love you too", she whispers, almost impossible to hear because of the noise. 

Immediately his face brightens up and he takes her in a tight, loving embrace, unintentionally she snuggles up to him, completely forgetting her surroundings. "Miella...", he whispers softly into her ear, his hot breath tickles it and she can' t suppress a twitch. She blushes slightly as he breathes a gentle kiss on the tip and continues to hold her lovingly in his arms.

"Let's leave here," he smiles and takes her upwards with a light movement, forming a shield around them both and leading her through the crowd to the stairs up to their room. Arriving at the door he drops the shield and Xayah reaches out for the doorknob, hesitating. A double bed, at afternoon still something completely harmless, now it makes her uncomfortable and causes her more trouble than she is prepared to admit.

Then she opens the door and enters the room, her steps are stiff, the moonlight bathes the room in a cold and dire light. Worried, Rakan looks over at her as he enters the room behind her, closes the door. He steps towards her, one hand wraps around her waist and drags her gently towards him, with the other hand stroking her cheek and breathing a loving kiss on her forehead. 

"You don't need to be scared, just relax. We're gonna do this at your pace, you decide when and how far we go, okay?" A grateful smile flits across her lips and her arms close around his neck, slightly changing her position. Their eyes meet again, they remain standing like this for a while, not knowing how much time has passed, while looking into each other's eyes in love. 

Once again his hand is resting on her cheek, his thumb is stroking her Clantattoo. "May I... kiss you?" he whispers and Xayah nods, this time without hesitation. She comes a step closer to him, carefully puts her hands on his chest, shyly looking up at him, then she nods slightly. "Yes... yes, you can," she whispers, stands on the front of her claws and stretches out towards him, breathing a gentle kiss on his lips. 

Immediately he returns her kiss, tender and loving, her heart pounds up to her neck. As they break away from the kiss, she sighs with relief, her head rests against his chest and she can hear his heart beating. How could she live side by side with him for so long, traveling, watching him make out with other women, but not letting him into her life herself?

She don't know and she doesn't want to either, but she knows that she never wants to miss this wonderful feeling again, never wants to miss Rakan again. Yes, she's sure. She loves Rakan with all her heart.

As they separate, Xayah slowly walks over to the window, before she can close the curtain, her look falls back down into the alley, it is dark and just slightly illuminated by slight candlelight. She freezes, images rise before her inner eye, images she can't remember, unconnected and cruel, they push themselves into her mind. She shudders, a cold shiver spreads from her spine over her whole body, she begins to tremble all over her body without even understanding why. 

Rakan slowly steps towards her, a hand gently lays on her shoulder and he takes her close to him, wrapping his wing around her. Then he also looks out of the window, down into the dark alley. From the side he looks at her. "It was here, wasn't it? You were attacked in this village, in the alley below, isn't that right?" He puts his chin to her head, humming softly as she clings to him, nodding silently. 

With a hand he draws the curtain, blocking the view of the alley. Then he pulls her gently towards the bed with him. "Don't worry, we won't do anything you don't want to", he whispers as he notices her tense up as he takes her over to the bed. She nods, still feeling uncomfortable. 

Using magic, they remove their clothes and form more comfortable nightwear, even though Xayah puts a little more effort into it this time than usual. Even if she is not happy to accept it, she wants to please Rakan, make him happy. When they have changed completely, she quickly combs her hair and starts to clean her feathers as fast as possible, Rakan looks at her questioningly, doesn't speak it out. 

But Xayah understands the meaning of his look, she shakes her head slightly. "Not yet... maybe soon," she whispers as she slides into the bed next to Rakan, he nods to her humming, his fingers running through her hair and he breathes a gentle kiss on her neck.   
Gently, she cuddles up next to him, her fingers resting on his chest, as does her forehead, while his chin rests on her head again, his arms around her waist. His wing covers her side, holding her in a safe embrace while he hums softly. "Miella?" His voice is tender, loving. She hums to let him know she can hear him. "Would you like to hear a story?" Another humming, this time accompanied by a nod, while she snuggles even closer to him. 

And so he begins to tell the Titans' story, the story which he knows is her favourite. It doesn't take long before Xayah sinks into deep sleep. Calm, dreamless, for the first time in a small eternity she sleeps through the night without waking up. Shortly after she falls asleep, Rakan also sinks into a deep, relaxed sleep. 


	18. Crossing the Line

The sun is already burning in the sky and some birds are chirping in front of the tavern window. Rakan, still drowsy, yawns and takes the young woman, which is lying next to him and still deep asleep, into his arms. Tired, he closes his eyes and runs his hand through her hair. It takes a moment before he finally realizes that it' s not just some random woman lying next to him, this is Xayah. 'It wasn't just a dream?' His heart stops for a brief moment, he really thought it was just a wonderful dream, but she rests in his arms, pressed tightly against him, her head pressing directly against his chest. 

Gently he strokes her back, brushes her wing, breathing a gentle kiss on her forehead. She slightly starts to squirm in his arms, her eyelids fluttering. His eyes are fixed on her, for a moment he holds his breath, not knowing how she will react when she wakes up in his arms. Will she immediately remember what happened last night?

When Xayah opens her eyes, she stares at him in shock, motionless, but after a moment she relaxes, her gaze becomes softer and she puts her head back into the pillow, back on his arm and against his chest, her eyes closed again. To Rakan's big surprise, she reacts more relaxed than he would have expected, somehow he had expected her to faint or trying to stab him with her feathers.

Humming softly to her, his fingers fiddling with a strand of her hair as she snuggles closer to him. "How did you sleep?" he whispers softly, still playing with her hair. "Well... a bit too good," she hums and looks him in the eyes, smiling. "And you?" She gives him a light kiss on the cheek, his eyes light up and he turns so that she lies under him, pressing a soft kiss on her lips, his eyes closed and whispers softly to her that he also slept well. 

When he opens his eyes, he is shocked to find Xayah cramped underneath him, stiff as a board, her eyes wide open in panic and fear. He withdraws immediately, sitting beside her and stares down at her worried, a guilty conscience is visible on his face. He stretches out his hand to her cheek, strokes it lightly, frightened, she shrugs, her eyes pressed together.

"Xayah?" His voice is gentle, concerned. Her expression changes, as if she'd woken up from a trance. Suddenly she relaxes again, looking apologetically at him, a slight blush runs down her cheeks and she bites her lower lip. She would like to avert her gaze, but his face keeps her fascinated. "I'm sorry," she whispers, her voice is low, hardly more than a whisper. Is she really prepared for all this? Is she good enough for him?

He shakes his head, puts his hand on her cheek, this time she doesn't flinch but holds on to his touch, more than that, she nestles against his hand. He smiles again, his voice is gentle as he whispers in her ear. " Don't apologize. That's not necessary, Miella." Lovingly he kisses her, timidly nodding as she stares into his eyes, almost losing herself in them.

~ * ~

From a distance they can already locate the house Rucia was talking about the night before. Right in front of the house itself is a large field, which borders directly on the city gate. Abruptly Xayah stops, recognizing the place. It' s the field on which she grew colorful flowers of magic on that fateful, all-changing day so many years ago. For humans. Just to be attacked shortly afterwards by other humans, to be attacked, struck and violated by them, who tore off her feathers.

The previous experience had influenced her, she had become careless, had not paid attention. She gritted her teeth and clenched her hands into fists. Scared, she moves around as Rakan puts his hand on her shoulder, gently grabbing her, giving her comfort. She smiles gratefully at him, her muscles relax a bit, her heart beats nearly as normal again. She sighs softly, releasing the tension. 

He gives her an encouraging smile, before Xayah goes ahead, towards the house where Rucia seems to live. With a family member. They will just stop by, check if the girl is all right, if she has arrived at her home safely, then they'll be on their road again, planning to arrive at the meeting point in a few days, Keir and the others will probably almost be there already, after all the two of them have been in the village for almost a day now. 

She knocks on the door, almost immediately she turns to Rakan and shrugs her shoulders. " No one' s here, let's go." He smiles slightly at her strange behaviour, then steps past her and also knocks the door, a little louder. Nervously, his companion looks around, slightly retreating into his back. It takes just a moment and the door is opened, a young woman looks at Rakan in surprise, her eyes remain on his ears for a moment, then they remain on his feathers. Her eyes begin to sparkle, joyfully she claps her hands together. "A Vastaya!" Joy resonates in her voice and her brown eyes shine with excitement. "Rucia! Get over here, you must see him!" Then she looks apologetically at Rakan. "We hardly ever see Vastaya here. I apologize if I've been disrespectful." Rakan just shrugs and winks. 

That' s good. As more people see him, it' s better. After all, it's not every day you see such a handsome man, and almost nothing, and nobody even gets near his feathers. Except Xayah, even if he doesn't necessarily say it out loud, the last time he said how good-looking she was, she looked at him sceptically and left. But maybe that's changed now, now that she's his, right? Maybe now she believes him. 

It doesn't take long until the girl from last night arrives by the door, her eyes curiously looking at Rakan and she puts her head slightly turned. "Hello", she says quietly, her gaze falls past Rakan to Xayah, who stands behind him nervously and troubled, chewing on her lower lip. She nods slightly, except for the last evening this is her first direct contact with humans since... _that_ day. She swallows and gives Rucia a crooked, fake smile. 

Rakan puts his arm around her shoulder, dragging Xayah forward while holding her protectively in his arms. " I' m Iduna, thanks for helping my sister." She smiles sincerely and takes a step closer to Xayah, her hand reaches out in gratefulness, then she hesitates, her forehead frowning and she stares at Xayah. Her brown eyes have taken a thoughtful expression and her eyes focus on Xayah's ears.

Uncomfortable, Xayah takes a step back, turning away slightly. "We should get going, there is still a long way to go. Rucia is fine, that's all I wanted to know." Her voice almost flips over and she turns away, walking towards the exit. In her mind's eye she sees herself running out of the gate in panic, her dress torn and full of various stains, her feathers all messed up, her hair tangled. She trembles and Rakan looks at her with concern.

"Wait!" 

Iduna rushes to her, grabs her hand and Xayah freezes, stiff as a brick and her body begins to shiver uncontrollably. "I know you, don't I? It' s you, right? The girl who used magic to grow flowers for us. I recognize you, your ears. I was so rude back then and asked if I could touch them, I made you a wreath of flowers that day, remember?" Her voice sounds excited and her eyes shine. Rakan looks at Xayah in surprise, she trembles more, her gaze fixed rigidly on the ground. 

_The wreath of flowers that slips off her head and falls into a puddle._   
_Rough hands clawing into her feathers._   
_Threatening laughter that freezes the blood in her veins._   
_Rude hands tearing at her dress, ripping it apart._   
_The same hands which..._

She' torn from her memories as Rakan clutches her tight in his arms. She looks up at him, her lower lip trembles and tears form in her eyes, her legs threaten to collapse. 'How could this day ever be a new day after it? How could my life just go on like this? Since that moment nothing is the same anymore, I' m a wreck, a numb pile of messes... Rakan deserves better.' She suppresses a sob, grits her teeth and clenches her hands in fists. "I must repress these thoughts, I can' t let these feelings control me'. She sighs and then looks at Rakan, still trembling but not quite as strong as before. 

Then she glances at Iduna and nods slightly. "Yes, that girl was me. And shortly afterwards some of your kind attacked me and tried to steal my feathers." Xayah's voice sounds cold and sharp, almost hostile. Why was she helping Rucia in the first place? She's human, nothing else. She couldn't have cared less about what happened to her. 

_Because you didn't want her to be forced into something she didn't wanted._

She shakes her head, repressing her own thoughts. The humans are bad and dangerous, she experienced that first hand and even today she still struggles with the consequences. Once again she bites her lip. Iduna looks at her seriously. "I don't think we should discuss this out here, not everyone here is sympathetic to your kind, come inside, we'll talk in here." Her voice is quiet and she looks around carefully, apparently there are no listeners. 

Rakan looks at her judgmental, then nods. Carefully he leads Xayah over to the entrance of the house, as the front door comes closer she starts to struggle against it and attempts to prevent being taken inside. "Don't worry, Miella, I'll take care of you." His voice is just a whisper, impossible for anyone to understand but Xayah. Her will to fight dies and she lets herself be led into the small house without further problems, losing herself in her dark thoughts again.

Apathetically she allows Rakan to lead her to a chair and lets herself fall down on it, her ears rumbling. As longer as they stay in this place, the stronger she feels the darkness catch up in her, swallows her up and wipes out everything positive of the last weeks, all the happy moments with Rakan at her side, leaving behind only the old familiar feeling of emptiness, numbness.  
 _Will it ever stop?_ Once again she starts to tremble, her mind blocks out all sounds, the one thing she can still notice are the slurred voices of her attackers and her own frightened voice, begging to be left alone, to stop with **this** \- _with what?_

An unpleasant goose skin spreads over her body and causes her to tremble, so much so she almost loses her balance without even being aware of it.Rakan takes her in his arms, strokes her back, over the back of her head, whispers soothingly to her, but the only sound that comes through the murmur in her ears is a muffled hum that reminds her of Rakan. 

  
From aside, Rakan gives her a worried look, it hasn't escaped his attention that her condition has steadily worsened since last night. "We can' t stay much longer. We still have a long way to go." Iduna nods, then she approaches Xayah, grabs her hands and holds them firmly in hers. Frightened, almost panicked, Xayah looks up, into the soft eyes of the young woman. 

"I wanted to thank you for protecting my sister yesterday, and for the flowers back then. Our mother explained to me that it' s a great and meaningful gesture when a Vastaya allows a human to touch one of his features. And I' m very grateful to you for that. What happened to you is terrible and I don't want to excuse it or pretend that it' s a small matter, but not all humans are like that. There are many for which it is a gift to spend time with one of you, after all we are all united, children of mother earth". Xayah's eyes soften a little, she nods. 

Maybe Rakan is right, maybe not all humans are bad. "You were the first humans I met in the field that day, wrapping wreaths of flowers. I remember it very well, I was so surprised, I never would have thought that you humans were so similar to us, as a child I often bound flower wreaths as well. But when the other two humans came..." She breaks off, looks to the side, biting her lip.

Then she looks up, her eyes seem distant and there is once again a cold reflection in them. "I killed those two men." She looks Iduna straight in the face, watching her face, but she just shrugs her shoulders. "They got what they deserved. Our father used to say: ''Cause what you buy, is what you own. And what you own... always comes home to you.' It's their own fault. If they hadn't attacked you, they wouldn't have died." She smiles gently, her eyes moving across the room. "Where is your companion?" 

Xayah looks around in surprise too, she was so fixated on Iduna that she didn't even realize that Rakan had left, as had Rucia. "Rucia?" Iduna's voice sounds confused, it doesn't take long before Rucia comes back into the room, followed by Rakan, he holds something in his arm, covered by his wing and Xayah gives him a questioning look. 

"I introduced Rakan to Enya," Rucia smiles, and after a closer look she realizes that the something in Rakan's arms covered by his wing is a little girl. Brown waves surround her face and her blue eyes shine wide as she sees Rakan's ears wiggling. Questioningly she takes a look at Iduna, who nods with a broad smile. "My daughter", she explains with a smile, her eyes directed at Rakan and the little girl, who jumps up and down on his leg, laughing loudly and with beaming eyes. 

For a short moment her heart leaps up at the thought that Rakan would surely be a great father, just like her own father had been. But then it crosses her mind again that it is almost impossible for her species to have children, one of the reasons why they are on the brink of disappearance. One of the reasons she is fighting and struggling... Her heart tightens slightly. In fact, she has never thought about the possibility of a family, and she doesn't want to start now. 

She's not even sure if all of this was a good idea. If Rakan will stay by her side or if he will just decide to abandon her like so many others before. 

"We have to leave now, though, I'm glad you're okay Rucia. We still have a long way to go. The last words were rather directed to Rakan, he nods and puts Enya on the ground, then he gets up and stretches his hand towards Xayah, gently grabbing her and with a quick movement he holds her close, putting his forehead against hers and looking into her eyes. 

For a short moment she blushes and looks down, it' s all so new to her. It's time to get back on the road, to return to what she is used to. She can hardly wait to get the wind in her hair again, to walk under the open stars and finally get one step closer to her dream again. 

And still, this time everything is different, for the first time she feels free, can approach the world openly. Yes, Rakan is right, not all humans are bad, maybe it's time to change her old behaviour, maybe it's time to take a step forward, to go this new way and see what it brings. To live a life without bitterness, spending all of her strength in the rebellion, in Rakan. 

Lost in thought, Rakan leads them out. Yes, she got a new plan, and she's going to follow it with everything she's got. For a better life, for the Vastaya, for the humans who deserve it, for people like Iduna, Rucia and Enya. She looks over her shoulder, then she stops. She watches the little girl waving from the entrance, a broad smile plays around her lips. 

"Enya!" she shouts loudly and waves the little girl to come to her. The little face looks up at her mother, Iduna looks at Xayah in surprise for a moment, then she points to her daughter, so that she can go to her new friend. It doesn't take long and Enya stands next to them, her big eyes glowing curiously. Xayah takes her little hand in hers and leads her across the grass to a place near the spot where she first saw Iduna so many years ago. 

Together they crouch on the field and around them many colorful flowers emerge, spread out on the grass and completely change the whole scenery of the surroundings. Enya's eyes sparkle, she beams at Xayah and picks a large white flower which she shoves behind one of her ears. Xayah gives her a light kiss on the hairline and straightens up, staggering. 

In the next moment Rakan stands at her side, supporting her, a light golden aura surrounds him. He looks at her concernedly. She smiles slightly. "I just used a little too much magic, I'm not used to that like you. And I'm not as gifted as you are either." She giggles softly, leaning against him. He takes her in his arms and gives her a tender kiss, then they turn to Iduna and Rucia, waving goodbye.

Smiling at each other, the two Vastaya make their way to the end of the village, walking towards their new location. It will take them about a week to reach the meeting point where they will meet Keir, Greer, Mayra, Jamie and Anice. A week in nature, on her new path, her heart is light, she feels free. The wind in her hair can be felt, from the side she smiles at Rakan, then she snuggles up to his arm and grabs his hand.

He looks down at her in surprise. A wide smile appears on his lips and he presses her hand lightly, signaling that he is with her, that he will not leave her. 'She has crossed the line', it comes to his mind, softly humming and together they set off for their new destination.

The whole world is open to them, so many places to visit and to help so many others. Even if he would never have imagined it, but he loves his new life, as long as Xayah is at his side, he is happy, his life has a purpose. 


	19. Doubts

"We should set up our tent before the rain starts." Rakan's gaze is turned to the sky, it is dark, deep rain clouds clearly visible. Her glance follows his, then she shakes her head. "We should find some other shelter, there is a small village near by, maybe we might also find a cave or something like that. I don't want us to wake up soaking wet tomorrow." 

He nods and steps closer to her. His eyes drop on her map, with quick movements she points out to him where they are right now. That' s when she points to a small spot, not far away at all. "I guess it will take about two hours to reach the village, maybe a little longer if we don't keep up our pace." She frowned, looked at him. "I'm not sure if there's a tavern, though." Her voice is soft, apologizing.

"Let's find out, then." He grins at her with a crooked smile and walks ahead towards the village she just showed him. With quick steps she follows him, after a moment passes him, quick, bouncing steps, in moving around she turns to him, walking a little slower to make sure she doesn't run into anything, while walking backwards, one hand stretched out towards Rakan, singing softly. 

His eyes are shining, ignoring her hand he runs towards her, his heart beats faster and he feels the urge to just hold her in his arms, it is rare that Xayah sings and even more rare that she initiates. Most of the time it takes a while, he has already left most of the song behind him when she decides to make a duet from his song. 

After a few steps he has caught up with her, his arms wrapped around her waist, astonished eyes staring at him. With a quick movement he lifts her off her feet, spins around with her in his arms, with a mixture of laughter and screaming she clings to his neck. After an incredibly long moment he puts her down, they look each other lovingly in the eyes. Then she grabs his hand, dragging him behind her, still singing the song her father told her as child. 

Thunder breaks through her voice, drowning out everything around them, thick raindrops falling down on them. Surprised, they look at each other, the rain has started faster than they thought. "We should see if we find shelter." Rakan's voice sounds distant, yet she can see him standing beside her. The rain is getting heavier by the moment.

"Come with me. And we should see if we can find some dry branches along the way for a fire." Surprised, he looks at her. Has she discovered a place he hasn't seen? He follows her willingly, quick steps are taken when he follows her through the trees. Her steps become slower, more searching. "It must be here somewhere...", she whispers, her eyes searching the surroundings, her ears twitching at every little sound. 

Then her eyes brighten. "All we need now is firewood," she laughs with relief and points to a small gap between two rocks. Rakan's forehead wrinkles, he looks at her questioningly. "Are you sure this is a hideaway?" He sounds doubtful, it looks like a crack in the rock, nothing more. A look of surprise is reflected in her face, her shoulders dropping for a moment. She bites her lower lip, averts her eyes from him. She is overwhelmed by uncertainty. "We... can also look for somewhere else to hide," she avoids his question, turns around and goes back in the direction they came from. 

Amazed, he looks after her, drops the few almost dry twigs he has already collected and runs after her. "That's not what I meant," he tries to soothe her, still keeping her eyes on the ground. In her mind she tries to remember how long it has been since she has been here. 15 years? Or even longer? 

_Had the decision to bring him here been wrong?_   
_Was it wrong to come back here again?_   
_Her home is right this way, less than an hour away._   
_She knows the area better than any place else in the world._   
_What made her come here?_   
_homeward bound?_   
_No, it's not her home anymore._   
_It hasn't been for a long time._

A gentle touch tears her from her thoughts, Rakan has taken her in a firm yet tender embrace. With one hand he lifts her chin and looks into her eyes, a smile on his lips. "Show me the shelter. But nevertheless I'm interested in how you know it's one. It doesn't look like a cave or anything like that." She nods, not knowing if she's really gonna tell him what the place is all about. But maybe that's not necessary.

They go back towards the hiding place, picking up the branches he dropped on the way, then she leads him to the crack in the stone. It's a small gap, just big enough for Rakan to pass through. Herself fits through it without difficulty.

With quick steps Xayah runs into a corner of the dark room which is behind the crack in the rock. For a moment Rakan can make out the flickering of a small flame that Xayah has conjured up, shortly after the cave is changed into a soft golden orange light, an oil lamp illuminates the room with a cosy flickering. Rakan's gaze drifts through the room, leaving him speechless.

Then his eyes turn to Xayah, ashamed, she looks down and bites her lip, avoiding his glance. "What is this place?" His eyes catch some glittering stones scattered on the floor and illuminated by the light of the oil lamp, then his attention shifts to the other objects in the room, to the walls. "This... This was my hiding place when I was a child. This is where I used to hide when everything got too much for me or when my father wanted me to spend too much time with the other girls. On the other side is the river, I discovered this room when I was playing nearby the river..." She bites her lower lip again. 

His look drops on some dried flowers that are stuck in holes in the wall, he walks curiously through the room while Xayah lights more oil lamps. Then she looks over her shoulder, directly at Rakan. "Would you light the fire?" Her voice trembles slightly, immediately he jumps up and nods, the branches arranged side by side. Within a few breaths he has dried the branches by magic and a cosy fire crackles near the entrance.

After a moment she returns with a kind of fence, blocking the entrance with it. "To prevent unwanted attention from our fire." He nods understandingly, his eyes resting on her for a moment. Then he opens his rucksack and takes out a lemon, a galuh fruit and a piece of ginger. Afterwards he starts to untie the small kettle. For a moment she looks at him in surprise. 

"I thought some tea would be good. You said there was a river nearby." He smiles and she nods, amazed at herself for not having thought of it. She reaches for her own backpack and takes out some pieces of dried meat wrapped in cloth and a piece of bread.

After Rakan has finally managed to free the kettle, she reaches for it. "I'll go get the water. Will you take care of the other ingredients?" She smiles at him, also reaching for the water bottles. He nods and begins to cut half of the lemon into thin slices, as well as half of the Galuh fruit. He cuts the ginger into small dices. Next he cuts the rest of the Galuh fruit into somewhat wider slices, knowing that it is one of Xayah's favourite fruits.

It doesn't take long before she comes back with the water, humming softly. She sets the kettle down on a large stone in the fire and looks at the cut tea ingredients, which Rakan immediately dumps into the water. Then Rakan reaches for his sleeping bag and spreads it out near the fire, far enought so that no sparks can ignite it. After a short moment Xayah also takes hers out and unfolds it right next to Rakans so that they can rest side by side. 

His eyes sparkle and he reaches out for her, his fingertips touching her cheek and she smiles slightly. Then she stands up, looking around the room. "I haven't been here for ages. I'd almost forgotten what's all here." Her eyes meet an old rag doll, black wool threads are waved across the doll's head, grey buttons represent the eyes. The green dress is dusty, the once light green sleeves are dirty. A broad smile plays around her lips, she turns away from him, when she is sure that Rakan can' t see her, she presses the old rag doll close to her. 

"So this was your sanctuary as a child?" Xayah can literally hear the smile in his voice, she lets the doll sink and turns to him, nods slowly. "Yes, I spent quite a lot of time here." He nods, smiles, somehow he thought that she was somewhat gloomy as a child, the way he got to know her and from everything she told him, it would have suited her. 

But the room here hints that she had been rather the opposite, warm, playful, curious. 'What she experienced must have changed her', it occurs to him and he looks back into the fire for a moment. Of course it did, it would have changed everyone. "'You must have been a real girl once,' he laughs, hoping to get her over her guard and hear a little more about her. But she only pokes her tongue at him. "Oh, yes, so much that even you would look like a man!" Her voice sounds teasing and she has a big grin on her face.

"Hey!" He laughs loudly and drags her down to him, onto the sleeping bags and presses his lips against her neck, his nose rubs lightly against her neck and he kisses her there gently, pinching her slightly with his teeth there so that Xayah gives a strange sound, a mixture of delight and sighing. With satisfaction Rakan notices the change in her voice, her position. 

As she realizes which sound she has made, she looks to the side, her cheeks turning into a dark shade. She struggles to keep her face from burying in her hands. Realising that she is uncomfortable, he stops, smiling apologetically at her. "Would you like to sing me the rest of the song you sang on the road earlier?" he tries to change the subject and change her thoughts. 

She looks into his eyes, gratefulness in her look. "I don't know... I'm not very good at it..." She starts to wrap a strand of her hair around her finger, more to calm herself down and keep herself busy than anything else. "I think you sing lovely." His hand goes to her knee and she looks up at him, slowly nodding. She raises her voice while trying to remember the text of this song. A song about a passionate girl who dont accept the rules and want to find her own way in this world.

She pauses for a moment, swallows. In the past she never really thought about the lyrics, today she recognizes that her father may have taught her this song for a reason. Did he suspect something? How she felt deep inside?

Her gaze is locked on the fire, she swallows. Although it is warm in their shelter, she feels cold, a strange feeling creeps into her. A gentle hand rests on her shoulder, she looks up, right into Rakan's eyes, a gentle smile on his lips, which she immediately returns. "I never heard this song before. Who taught it to you?" His voice is soft as velvet, his hand still resting on her shoulder. 

"My Dad."

She slides closer to him, snuggles up against his side, his arm slides down to her waist, holding her tight. "It's been ages since I sang it. And I've never showed this place to anyone else either. You' re the first. Getting to be kind of routine, I guess." She giggles softly and he presses her closer, his lips resting on her forehead. "You know, Miella, I wanted to talk to you about something else", his voice is soft, serious. She stands up, her forehead furrowed, a worried expression on her face. She has never seen him so serious before. 

"What's wrong?" Her voice sounds uncertain. 

He reaches for the kettle and fills some tea into both cups, passing one to her. With trembling fingers she takes the cup. He looks at her in astonishment. Is she feeling cold?', he asks himself in silence and wraps his wings around her, keeping her warm. He sips his tea, thinking about how to bring up the subject. Nervously she looks at him from the side. 

"Well, you know, I thought now that you've seen that not all humans are bad, we could talk again about your attitude and behaviour towards humans." He smiles softly, reaching his hand to her cheek, but she just glared at him, an undefinable expression on her face. She leaps up, knocking her cup over. 

"What?!" Her voice trembles.

"Wait, I phrased it a bit silly. I just want to talk to you about our future with humans and how you'll behave towards them." His voice is soft, although he realizes that his words are still poorly chosen.

She turns away from him. "So this is all my fault? I'm the bad one, right?" She trembles. Now Rakan straightens up too, takes a step towards her, stretching out his arm at her again. Pain is written on his face. 

'How can he blame me for everything?! The humans steal our magic, they capture us, make us become their slaves. They attacked me, beaten me, ripped out my feathers, tried to rape me. But _my behaviour_ towards them is wrong?!' The trembling increases, tears rise in her eyes, her arms cling to each other, enclose her upper body, her nails drill into her flesh. Once again she bites her lower lip, tasting blood. 'Maybe this is all a mistake after all?!'

  
"Whatever it is you're going through, we'll get through it together, like we always did. Im here with you." His voice is soft.

"Are you even listening to yourself?! You think i'm the problem? My behaivor is wrong?! You don't even hear how condescending you are... Like you always have been." For a moment she stares coldly at him, then back down. She turns away, runs towards the entrance and exit, pushing the screen aside and running out into the rain. Rakan follows her immediately.

"Miella, Iisten-"  
"For what?!"  
"You know this isn't true-"  
" Isn't it?"  
" Just look me in the eyes-"  
"And now?"  
"I know how you feel, let me help-"  
" You have no idea."  
"Miella, listen-"  
"I'm listening."  
"I swear, we can get through this together, just let me in. Dont run away, we need to talk about all this... just wait. _Please_."

She slowly turns to him, her eyes cold as ice, behind the cold Rakan can see the pain even from a distance. His hands stiffen into fists. "I did not mean to hurt you and my words were poorly chosen, I'm sorry, _Miella_." He especially accentuates the last word, hoping the fragile bond that has bound the two of them for some time hasn't been completely torn. He reaches out for her, her eyes sink to his fingers, a single tear runs down her cheek. 

Rakan's heart tightens. He didn't want to provoke an argument, he just wanted to compromise. He should have waited, waited for the bond between them to become stronger, or he should have expressed himself better. Or both. He' s silent.

"You wanted to talk, so talk."

Her voice is sharp, sharper than he is used to, her eyes are still cold, but the pain slowly but steadily gains the upper hand. He looks down troubled, ordering his thoughts. He takes a step towards her, reaches out his arm towards her, but she retreats, she stops pressed against a tree, a slight panic spreads in her eyes. He looks into her face, moving a little further away.

"I didn't wanted us to argue. I just wanted to talk to you, about the future, _our_ future _together_ , about humans like Iduna and Rucia, about small changes, improvements. I should have expressed myself differently, my words had hurt you, given you a wrong feeling and I am incredibly sorry. I just thought we could loosen the rules a little bit, that we don't kill every human being, you know? That we just kill the humans who _deserve_ it, humans who attack us, exploit us, steal our magic. And spare w _omen and children_ , spare _innocents_."

He takes a step towards her, reaches his hand to her again, in the faint hope that she will take it, showing him that she still trusts him, that they are still a couple. That this fight hasn't gone too far, that her fear and pain haven't won. She hesitates, staring at him. "Miella... please..." His voice is soft, pleading. She turns her eyes away, her trembling becomes stronger, biting her lower lip again, then she looks into his eyes one more time, her expression becomes softer and from one moment to the next she runs towards him, falling sobbing into his arms.

'Everyone fights sometimes, right? The important part is to hold yourself together, isn't it?' Her thoughts run wild, he gently strokes her back with his hands, whispering into her ear while the rain drenches them both. "You're right. Only those who deserve it..." she whispers softly as her tears fade away. His arms wrap around her tighter, and after a moment he picks her up and carries her back into the shelter. 

Relieved, he sets her down on the floor in front of her sleeping bag, so that the places where they sleep don't get wet, he takes the hood off her head and runs through her pony, with a quick movement he opens her hair from the leather strap and strokes her cheek. "You should put on some dry clothes." His voice is slightly rough, hotter and he looks in the direction of the fire. "You too." Xayah's voice is softer again as she puts her hand on his chest. 

It doesn't take long before they have formed dry clothes and snuggled into their sleeping bags, at first leaving a gap between them, not knowing how to deal with each other after the argument without making the other feel uncomfortable. After a while, Xayah takes all her courage and slips towards him, cuddling up against him, breathing a loving kiss on his lips. 

Relieved he returns the kiss, the last tension falls from his shoulders and together they fall into a deep sleep.


	20. Nightmares

Rakan is abruptly torn from his sleep, a painful scream shatters the silence of the night. Startled, he turns to Xayah, who screams and writhes in her sleep, her face twisting in pain. Between the screams he can recognize a few words, unconnected and mumbled, at one moment panting in pain, the next moment a soft pleading. 

Yes, Rakan has heard her murmuring many times in her sleep, he has seen her kicking and crying. But this is new, he slides the upper half of her sleeping bag aside, the thin nightgown sticks to her body like a second skin, almost completely coated with cold sweat. He swallows, his hand rests on her cheek, brushing a wavy pattern on her cheek. But instead of calming down, her head moves suddenly to the other side. 

"No..." Her voice is barely more than a gasp. " Leave me... please..."

Rakan freezes, a cold shiver runs down his spine, his hands clenching into fists, pressing his eyes and teeth. 'My fears seem to be true.' The thought spreads through his mind, settles down. Trembling, he reaches out for her, touches her wet shoulder. "Don't worry, I'm with you," he whispers, his voice is soft and depressed. He lies down beside her, takes her in a light embrace, only a blanket separates the two of them, his arm rests on hers and he continues to whisper calmly at her. 

He doesn't know how much time has passed until she has quietened again, but it seems to him like a millennium, never before has a night been so cold and numbing, so empty. Her disturbed voice, the screams, the fear and everything else he had to hear has burnt into his mind, his worst fear seems to have come true. And what is even worse, unlike him, Xayah herself seems to know nothing about it, like she can't remember any of it. 

Except at night, when her mind comes to rest, the only time when she is completely vulnerable. Rakan begins to realize why she has stayed away from others for so long, her subconscious has made this decision for her and that already a long time ago. He takes her in his arms lovingly, his wing covers her protectingly. With relief he notices that her breathing has returned to normal, her twitching and whimpering has stopped. "I'm with you, go back to sleep," he whispers quietly and gives her a light kiss on the cheek before he, also, sinks into a light, restless sleep.

~ * ~

When he wakes up the next morning, Xayah is still lying next to him, her hair sticking to her face, and she twitches slightly in her sleep. His fingertip gently strokes the bridge of her nose, up her forehead, repeating the touch. After a short while she relaxes again, that twitching disappears and she cuddles closer to him while half asleep, her legs placed between his. 

The first thing he notices when he looks at her are the deep and dark rings under her eyes, Rakan is sure that they hadn't been there the night before. The second thing he notices is that a layer of sweat covers her whole body and makes her stick to him. The thought sends a light, hot shiver down his body. His thoughts are running wild in his head, he has more trouble controlling himself than he would have thought at first.

With great relief, Xayah's eyelids begin to flicker, and shortly afterwards two golden orbs stare at him tiredly. "Good morning, Mieli..." she mumbles and buries her face in his chest. A smile flits across his face, it's the first time she calls him like this and his heart in his chest starts pounding. After a moment she tries to turn to the side and notices that she is almost sticking to him. 

She stands up in confusion, struggles to remove the stuck hair from her face and gives Rakan a questioning look. He just shrugs his shoulders and gives her a light smile, while he covers his mouth with one hand as a yawn makes its way out.

He puts his lips to her neck, pressing a tender kiss. "We really need a bath..." he whispers into her neck, breathing another kiss on her skin, his teeth brushing her skin and, as the day before, a pleasant goose bump spreads over her body as she shivers. Without thinking she nods, straightening up with trembling legs and taking him by the hand, dragging him upwards and leading him to the other exit out of the room. 

The sight he sees is magnificent and reminds him of another place. He immediately decides that she must see it, that she must see his favourite place of all Ionia. He is sure that she will appreciate the beauty of this place as much as he does. And that they could spend a few romantic days there is nothing more than a - admittedly pleasant - side effect.

His gaze wanders along the riverbank, the sun is reflected in it and wild roses grow on the bank near the cave entrance. Xayah is already standing on the edge, her hair hanging open around her shoulders and a strap of her nightdress hanging loosely from her shoulder, she is frozen and her eyes are fixed on a point in the water. Rakan frowned, went over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder, she turned around in fear, lost her balance on the wet pebbles and landed with a loud _splash!_ in the water. 

This time it is time to stare for Rakan, his gaze is directed at Xayah, who is sitting in the water with wet hair, bright red head and an almost transparent nightdress. She looks at Rakan, then she follows his gaze, her eyes widening as she realizes that her nightdress has become almost transparent. For a moment she freezes down on herself and feels like screaming out loud. 

But then when she sees Rakan's face, his wide open eyes, the slight shade of red in his face, the arrogant grin blown off - she can't help but laugh. "Are you done staring?" She grins, gathering all her courage. He has seen some of her skin in the past, but never from such close distance, usually they always stood some distance apart when they went bathing, intent on maintaining some privacy.

"No, I'll never get enough of that sight." His voice sounds serious and his eyes shine, which makes Xayah blush even more. He slowly takes a step towards her, watching her reaction. To his surprise, she climbs further into the river, looking at him invitingly. _It' s Rakan, after all, the only person who is allowed to see her like this, isn't it? If he sees her like this, or even without her nightgown... would it be so bad?_

Yes, a small, fearful voice cries out in her mind, but another, much more dominant voice says loud and clear 'No' and that it' s Rakan who sees her like that, nobody who is dangerous. It' s completely okay if he sees her like that but, after all, he is the person who loves her. Even if she doesn't let him notice it, she has noticed his looks again and again, his kisses, how they become more intense, more alluring from time to time. 

How he tries to get that weird sound out of her from last time. On the riverbank he gets rid of his sleeping clothes and climbs into the fresh water, she stares at him for a moment, then averts her eyes, chewing on her lower lip. He is the first man she has seen naked. 

With a light movement of her hand she lets her nightgown turn to magic as she slides deeper into the water. Surprised, he stops, his eyes glistening as the realization overcomes him. 

With quick steps he runs through the water, spills hit her cheeks and he lets himself fall into the water next to her, not sinking half as deep as she does. His eyes turn to a soft look, one hand strokes her cheek and she closes her eyes, humming softly to his touch. He takes another step towards her, giving her a tender kiss, which hits her completely off guard. But after a short moment she returns his kiss, her hand resting on his chest. 

Breathlessly their lips separate and they look each other deeply in the eyes before Rakan rubs his nose slightly against hers. "Miella... has anyone ever seen you like this before?" His voice is rough, a bit rougher as his eyes pass down her body, before he returns to her face shortly after. 

After a brief hesitation she shakes her head. "No, you're the first one to see me like this. I have no experiences of any kind in these matters. I' ve only kissed you so far - if you don't count Orome. And I' m... well... still a virgin..." Her face turns red, she looks embarrassed at the surface of the water, her face has taken almost the same color as her ears. 

' I'm not so sure about this...', he thinks to himself and for a moment she looks at him in astonishment, then he catches himself up and crosses over to her, enjoying the sight as long as he can.


	21. Sorry, Brother!

  
With a mischievous grin Xayah splashes a handful of water in his face, with a laugh he throws himself on her, sinking under water together. It takes a moment until they break through the water surface again, then they look at each other and burst into loud, happy laughter. Where she felt insecure just a few minutes ago, embarrassed that Rakan sees her like this, the tension has now completely disappeared from her shoulders as they fax and splash in the water together, a harmless, cheerful fun.

Her eyes sparkle as she looks at him again, gasping for breath, her chest moving in deep, rhythmic beats. He looks at her apologetically, taking a step towards her and putting his arms around her waist, gently pulling her back towards him, his head resting on her shoulder, he kisses her again, this time lovingly and tenderly. She immediately returns his kiss, pressing herself further against him. When he holds her close, she freezes for a moment, but quickly relaxes again, as Rakan notices with satisfaction. 

After a moment he sits on the stone in the water again, pulling Xayah with him and positioning her on his lap. Surprised, she looks at him, moving slightly to the side, then she freezes, an unknown feeling overcomes her, feeling a slight press. With bright red head she stares to the side, her muscles tense up and she feels overwhelmed by the situation. Gently Rakan presses his lips on her neck, kisses her up her neck until he comes to a stop near her ear. "Don't worry, Miella. You don't have to be afraid, I won't do anything you don't want me to. Being close to you is quite enough for me." 

Goose bumps spread over her body, his hot breath on her skin lets her relax and after a moment she puts her arms protectively in front of her chest so that he can' t see anything, but she can' t avoid a quiet sigh.

\--- ~ * ~ ---

  
The sun is already setting when they finally reach the camp. The trip took longer than they first thought, but to their big surprise they arrived only two days late. Despite the two longer stays, neither of which had actually been planned. From a distance, Xayah can see Rakan standing near the fire with Jamie and Greer, gesturing wildly. To her surprise, Anice has already disappeared into the tent, wishing everyone a good night before they arrived. 

"Then wouldn't you rather delay the meeting until tomorrow?" She looks at Keir questioningly, but he just raises an eyebrow wonderingly. He carefully puts a hand on her shoulder, expecting that she could slap him any moment, but she just gives him a questioning look. Then she drops herself exhausted onto a tree trunk near the fire. The way had been stressful and exhausting, even if Rakan would have liked to take one or two more breaks, he respected her wish and they travelled with as less interruptions as possible.

"If that's the way You want it, of course we can do it. You are the boss." His voice sounds strange, even though she doesn't know exactly what's different about it. "And before we have the meeting, I'd like to talk to you In private. I've made a decision, and I'd like you to support it when I tell the other of them tomorrow. You're one of my most trusted advisors here, and I know you'll support me and my decisions." She looks down, biting her lower lip. He looks at her sceptically, not knowing exactly what to make of this short speech. With a movement of his hand he tells her to keep talking, his green eyes twisted into slits.

For a short moment she takes a deep breath, closes her eyes and then looks at him with a slight smile, takes out her notice book, a small book bound in leather, a map is attached to it with a leather band. She kneels on the ground, spreading the map out. With a small wooden stick she points out a place on the map, with quick movements the stick slides over the piece of parchment while she quietly explains her plan to him. 

"It's simple, in and out, we won't need to take any casualties, not on either side. We can knock the humans unconscious, rush through the corridors, free the prisoners and get out on the other side before they wake up, we are long gone. She looks up at him, his expression is sceptical, almost cold. "Why should we risk exposing ourselves to this? After all, they are just humans." 

"The humans there aren't interested in harming us. They're forced by the army to guard for them. They didn't choose to capture our people."

"Please tell me you're kidding me?! Xayah, they're humans, nothing else!"

"I know they are human, but they are innocent, I want us to spare women and children from now on, as well as innocent ones. It's not their war, so why should they pay with their lives for something they didn't choose?!" She straightens up again, arms crossed over her chest, a cold expression in her eyes. 

"Whatever you say, Xayah, you're the leader, you decide." His voice is sharp, he turns away and lets Xayah stay, her shoulders drop, then she runs after him. "Keir, I don't understand why you're reacting this way, please explain."

"I really have to explain?! Xayah, these are humans, do I have to remind you what humans do to us? With our kind? Why do you want to let them live? Doesn't the rebellion mean anything to you anymore?" 

She snorts angrily, her eyes taking on a dismissive look, her voice cold and sharp, sharper than she intended. " The rebellion means everything to me. But my life has changed, I have begun to question my thoughts and actions. There' s no point in killing them all, it doesn' t improve anything for us. We only draw others' hate towards us and our cause."

A cold laugh slips out from Keir. "Yes, I can see how far your life has changed. You've become a bed toy for that clown over there! You're not interested in the important stuff anymore. What else did he put in your head? Or did you come up with this stupid idea by yourself?"

"Keir, that's enough! What the hell are you talking about?!" Her voice trembles slightly. Anger is clearly visible on her face. "How do you even know that I made this decision has anything to do with Rakan?!" For a moment she must fight the urge to spit in his face. A mixture of rage, anger and sadness spreads inside her, not understanding why Keir reacts this way.

"What is this about? I just don't think you're capable of leading us anymore, you've lost your focus and you make us vulnerable. You bring this pretentious asshole here, you come days late, you forget your family! Your home! What's important. Maybe we should settle this right here and now once and for all."

Xayah recedes in shock, her eyes taking on a wounded expression. "Keir, you can't be serious. I don't forget anyone, I know what my purpose is, where my home is, to whom I owe my life, do you think I've forgotten all of that?"

Without giving her another answer, Keir hurls a flash of green light at her, she avoids him with a simple jump to the side, her eyes are directed at Keir again, some strands of his black hair have come loose from his braid and fall confusedly into his face. "Keir, please, stop it, come back to mind, you don't need to do this! We'll fix this, do you hear me?" Her voice trembles slightly. 

The ground beneath her feet begins to quiver as Keir hurls another bolt of lightning in her direction, which strikes the ground not far from her, drawing the others' attention to the two of them. "Keir, we don't have to fight! We can settle this some other way!" She avoids two more bolts of lightning, and from the corner of her eye she can see Rakan running in her direction.

" No Rakan! That' s between Keir and me, no one is allowed to interfere! She looks at him seriously, a bolt of lightning hits her side and hurls her off her feet. Dazed, she kneels a bit away, a shadow appears over her, weakly she points her head upwards, shocked, she has to realize that Keir manifests another, stronger lightning, with the intention to end the fight before she decides to fight back. 

She rolls herself groaning to the side as he lets the lightning strike her, her teeth clenched in pain. As he sends a wide flash in her direction, she jumps onto a nearby tree stump, with a bounce she rises into the air, sprinkling the nearby surroundings with countless feathers. When she comes back to the ground, he looks at her with a mean grin. "As I said, you are too distracted, not one of your feathers has hit me. A poor performance, even for you." 

"Sorry, Brother!"

Her look is sad, with a flick of her hand she takes the feathers back to herself, they pass cleanly through him and with a dull thump he drops to the ground, death before he hits. Her lips are tightened to a narrow line. Without saying a word to anyone, she turns around and walks over to the tent Rakan had set up earlier.

He has asked for it. He provoked it. It was his own fault.  
Then why does she feel so bad now?


	22. Too Far Gone

  
With swift steps Rakan runs after her and inside the tent. When he passes through the entrance she' s already sitting on the ground, her back turned towards him, her shoulders drooping. He can clearly see she is trembling, her whole body is literally throbbing. 'Is she crying?', he asks himself and walks slowly closer to her. "Honey?" His voice is soft and at the same time she can hear a hint of concern. 

" Leave me alone for now, darling, please. I just need some time for myself," she sobs quietly, not looking at him. He freezes, he would love just to go over to her and take her in his arms, comfort her, but that isn't what she wants. And whether he likes it or not, he has to tolerate her wish. "If you need me, call me, okay?" For a moment he walks to her, kneels behind her and gives her a light kiss on the back of the head, then he turns around and leaves the tent, going back to the others.

Sighing loudly, he lets himself fall onto one of the wooden blocks in front of the campfire, his head lowered, staring at the embers in the flames.   
"How is she?" Greer sits opposite Rakan, Jamie right next to him. Some others, unknown to Rakan, also spread out around the fire. "I don't know..." His voice is low and he looks down on the ground. 

" So why aren't you with her?" It is Anice, drawn from the tent by the noise of the battle. He raises his head, looks at her sadly, then tries to smile. "She wants to be alone for now, I will try to talk to her again later. Right now we have to respect her wish. Even if it's hard for me..." He stares at the ground again.

Understandingly she nods, sits down beside him and puts her hand on his shoulder. "Is he really...?" She also looks down, while Rakan slowly nods. "He has attacked her, she hasn't even fought back. She said the whole time that they could solve this without violence, but he just didn't listen to her. He was like obsessed." Anice looks to the side, after a moment she looks from one to the other, her look is serious and at the same time ashamed.

"He deserved it. I know you shouldn't say something bad about the dead, but let's be honest, he was an asshole and got what he deserved. I'm more worried about her. Is she injured?" Once again she looks at him, worried, slowly he nods at her, his gaze wanders over to the tent again.

"That's right, he has been very aggressive in the last weeks, attacked some of us, mostly without any reason. He knocked Anice a tooth out just because she wasn't hungry." Jamie's eyes glow with rage and Greer confirms the whole situation with a nod. "That idiot isn't even worth talking about anymore."

"What's the next move? For our cause?" Shona looks questioningly from one to the other. "Will Xayah be able to keep leading us? And does she even want to?" She strokes a strand of her peach-colored hair back and looks intently at Rakan. He nods. "Yes, I think so. She thrives on rebellion, but there are some changes she wants to discuss with you. But you will be informed tomorrow."

For a moment he stands up, looks from one to the other. "The rebellion won't fall just because some fool tries to kill our leader! It'll take more than a jerk like Keir to put her down. Nothing and no one can stop her from fulfilling her dream and returning the Vastaya to her former glory." He looks proudly from one to the other.

Determined faces nod to him and a relieved grin spreads across his face. Yes, just because Keir has gone over the edge doesn't mean the rebellion will succumb. 

"We should eat something and let the evening pass," he says bluntly and reaches for his backpack to grab some roots, which he puts into the fire. Shortly afterwards Jamie comes back with some thick pieces of meat.

So they sit around the fire for a while, each one thinking his own thoughts, when Anice suddenly looks up and smiles at Rakan. "Hey, would you like to sing for us? You're so good at it, and maybe it will calm everyone down." She winks at him and indicates with her head in the direction of the tent. Astonished Rakan looks over his shoulder, to his surprise the entrance of the tent is slightly open. 

"This is a great idea! Music brightens up even the darkest mood", he smiles and begins to sing in his bright voice, while the others join in and clap their hands. 

" **Annûn na amrûn i vereth brona**  
 **(From sunset to sunrise the festival will last)**  
 **Uvan sír nûr egor air na**  
 **(No one is lonely today)**  
 **Annûn na amrûn i vereth brona**  
 **(From sunset to sunrise the festival will last)**  
 **Covo mí medir a linnar**  
 **(Come together, we eat and sing)**

 **Fire, burning in our circle.**  
 **Water, dancing to the music**  
 **Blaze up in our hustle and bustle**  
 **Come in and join our song**  
 **Now is the time of summer nights**  
 **Now is the time for the melody** "

Cheerfully Anice and Shona dance arm in arm while Rakan sings lively, Jamie throws a few more chunks of meat on a stone in the fire and then sits down close to the others, watching the two dancing women. Out of the corner of his eye, Rakan can see Keir's body slowly dissolving, blue fragments break free from him and disappear into the upcoming darkness.

'I think the others are in a good mood again, the worst is over. If I only knew how Xayah is doing...' He sighs softly and begins another song, a faster one about a woman who gives her lover a scarf when he goes to war as a sign of her faithfulness. While he is on his way, the wind tears the scarf away with him, magpies argue about it, a river carries it away, so that the young man realizes that a scarf as a sign of faithfulness isn't worth much. 

During the next song he flinches in surprise when a familiar voice joins his singing and makes a duet out of it. His heart beats faster and he smiles happily at her, putting his arm around her shoulder. She presses herself lightly against him and closes her eyes, losing herself in the common singing and fading out the world around her for a moment, nothing but Rakan exists around her, everything else has lost its meaning. The pain and guilt have disappeared.

And hit harder than before, as she opens her eyes again and looks from one to the other. Her gaze sinks to the ground, Xayah bites her lower lip and clenches her hands into fists for a moment. Then she looks from one to the other. Her eyes are cold and serious. For a moment Anice looks at Rakan with concern, then her look returns to Xayah.

When the other members of the group have calmed down and spread around the campfire, she stands up, her gaze wandering from one to the other, cold eyes looking calculatingly at the worried faces.

"I suppose that all of you have noticed meanwhile what has happened. The fact that I killed Keir. His death is entirely my fault, my failure caused him to lose his mind and he went insane, I failed and left you all in danger. No matter what I say, it doesn't change my guilt. That's why I'm leaving the decision up to you. Will you continue to follow me or is your trust in me shattered? I don't blame anyone for their decision."

For a moment everyone silences, looks at her in confusion. Anice is the first one to regain her self-control, she stands up and looks at Xayah seriously as well. "I said it to Rakan earlier and I stand by my words. Keir has got what he deserves. I stand behind you, now and forever. Tha mo dhìlseachd dhut. “ 

Speechless Xayah looks at the young Ranyu as the next ones rise and announce that they stand with her. Each one ends his words with the promise of loyalty that Anice has brought up. Then she nods slowly. 

For a moment there is another silence, then Shona looks up, a questioning look on her face. "You were arguing before the situation escalated. What was it about?" Xayah hesitates, she glances briefly at Rakan and bites her lower lip, then looks from one to the other. "Actually, I was gonna talk to you guys about this tomorrow, but I think we can do it now. I planned some changes, which I told him. As you noticed, he didn't really liked them."

A light smile flits across her lips and she looks sadly from one to the other. Then she clears her throat before starting to speak again.

"I want us to stop killing everyone from now on. We will only kill those who can' t be avoided or who are a real danger. Everyone who attacks you is your target. Whether human or Vastaya. And if we can, we will spare women, children and innocents".

She looks at the others, waiting for answers. "Why?" Shona sounds surprised, but not upset. Xayah smiles. "It's not their war, so we're going to spare them. We don't need to kill everyone, there are good humans, too. I've long forgotten that, but I guess I grew up and started thinking like an adult." She laughs briefly, getting a big smile from Shona. 

"I think it's a great improvement, just because some humans are merciless, doesn't mean we have to do the same. We are not like them." The others nod in agreement and the atmosphere relaxes again. Rakan looks at her with relief and she returns his gaze, also smiling. And without thinking about it, he pulls her towards him and kisses her tenderly. 

They have not yet talked about whether or not to tell the others that they are dating, but it seems that Rakan has spontaneously decided to let the others know about it in a different way. 

Both are aware that there is no turning back from this point. For none of them.


	23. Guilt

  
As the two of them separate, Xayah looks down with reddened cheeks. "That's not the way the others were supposed to find out about this," she whispers, cuddling closely to him as his hand brushes over her wing and the other gently rests on the back of her head. He hums softly as he looks at the others. 

Grinning, Anice reaches out her arm towards Jamie, who warps his mouth. "I won! You owe me a silver coin," she giggles and with a grin he drops the coin into her extended hand. Questioningly, Rakan looks at them while Xayah buries her face in his chest. Anices grin becomes even wider as she looks at Rakan. "We were betting whether you two would become a couple."

For a moment Rakan is speechless and Xayah wriggles out of his grip with her eyes wide open, needing more strength than she usually needs, as Rakan holds her tight in his arms and tries to stop her from freeing herself. "You did... _what_?" Her voice sounds startled and she almost drops from her seat when she finally manages to break free.

Without further explanation, Jamie yawns and gets up. "I'd say it's time for bed. Most of the others are already gone so far, somehow I didn't realize. " He laughs softly, looks over at the other two, then his eyes wander for a moment to their tent, which is set up much more separated than the others' tents. " _Have fun_ and sleep well," he winks. 

Irritated, Xayah looks up at Rakan's face. "What does he mean?" But Rakan just blinks, gets up and pulls her over to their tent together. Carefully he closes the entrance behind them and lights up one of his feathers with magic, which he ties to a leather band on the ceiling of the tent, so that the inside is bathed in a warm light. When he turns to Xayah, he notices that she has already formed sleeping clothes, a simple, wide top with thin straps and short pants of the same fabric. She is sitting on the floor of the tent, holding her canteen in her hand and slightly sipping on it. 

Slowly Rakan walks over to her, kneeling behind her and running his fingers through her hair. Smiling, she looks over her shoulder, straight into his face, sliding with her back a little closer to him and bending her head down a little, causing Rakan to gently comb her hair with great pleasure, while humming softly. After a while he puts his head on her shoulder, his nose rubs against her neck and he breathes many little kisses on her neck and throat. 

For a moment, Xayah closes her eyes in a relaxed way, biting her lower lip. As his teeth glide down her neck, she has to suppress a gasp, a pleasant shiver runs through her body and she trembles slightly. Rakan doesn't miss her reaction, with a bright smile he puts his arms around her waist, pressing her tightly while he bites her neck gently. After a few seconds the nibbling turns into sucking and without wanting to, Xayah opens her eyes, a pant slips out of her lips. When she realizes what kind of noise she has made, she looks to the side in shame, but Rakan turns her face back, kisses her neck up to her ears and slightly bites the tip of it, which is answered with a somewhat louder moan.

Ashamed she wants to turn away, but Rakan denies her this plan. " Don't hide, Miella, you are so sexy. I could watch and listen to that the whole day. You're awesome."His voice is soft, rougher, and she can hear another tone, an unknown. His lips kiss down her neck again, one of his hands slides under her top, stroking tenderly down her belly, while his other hand slides over her shoulder and lowers the strap of her top. For a moment she tense up and Rakan pauses until she relaxes again and lies relaxed in his arms.

Again he kisses her neck, with his teeth he moves slightly from her neck down to her shoulder, a soft mewing sigh comes from her lips and without thinking about it she throws her head back, her fingers bury themselves in his pants and her breathing gets faster. 

Satisfied, he looks down on her, intensifying his endeavor. He gently moves his hand from her belly down to the inside of her thigh, stroking tenderly over the soft skin. He hums gently in her ear as he notices that Xayah begins to cramp, she stiffens, the only thing he can hear from her is a low, frightened whimper. "Rakan," she whispers quietly.

  
He immediately takes his hand off her thigh and looks at her apologising. "I was too fast, I'm sorry, Miella..." he looks at her for a moment, then looks away. She takes a moment to regain control of herself, then she turns and looks at Rakan apologetically. When she sees the look on his face, she throws herself around his neck and presses her face into his hair. "Don't be sorry, you haven't done anything wrong... I' m the problem..." He shivers as he feels her hot breath on his ear, his arms embrace her once more in a loving embrace. 

"I should have asked, I said we'd do it at your pace, I should have stuck to it." She can literally hear the sadness in his voice, hesitantly she releases herself from the embrace, inhaling his scent once more, then she takes his face in her hands and looks him straight in the eyes. A smile plays around her face, she kisses him gently and his face brightens up a bit.   
" I' m not ready to take that step. Not yet." 

She smiles excusingly at him and presses herself close to him again, his arms tighten around her and he lets them drop together on top of the unfolded sleeping bags, his fingers stroke her cheekbones and they smile slightly at each other. Then Rakan covers them with the blanket and it doesn't take long before Xayah can hear his steady breathing.

She stares at the ceiling of the tent, Rakan's feather still glows dimly and without meaning to, tears form in her eyes and it doesn't take long before she is throbbing with tears. The feelings of guilt she has been holding back the whole evening burst through her.

_The guilt._   
_The pain._   
_The grief._

Keir's death is her fault alone, she made him lose his mind, she made him freak out and attack her. The more she thinks about it, the more her body trembles in tears. She is sure that he felt betrayed by her, left behind, rejected.   
She swallows and another sob frees from her throat. 

He saved her, gave her shelter, encouraged her to fulfill her dream, helped her form the rebellion. And yet she rejected all his advances again and again and again. It must have drove him wild to see her traveling with Rakan, even if he joked about it.

Another sob leaves her body shaking as she cries herself into a restless sleep.

As her breath calms down a bit, Rakan gently takes her in his arms, his hand passes over her cheek and he tenderly kisses her tears away. He always does so, he waits until she has let her emotions run free and as soon as she has dozed off, he kisses her tears away and holds her comfortingly in his arms. He noticed a long time ago that she only allows her feelings to flow when she thinks he is asleep. This is her way of dealing with feelings and pain, he has accepted it and found a way to still be by her side, even if she doesn't know it. 

~ * ~

  
With the dawn Xayah wakes up, exhausted, she looks to her side, Rakan is still sleeping peacefully. As quiet and careful as possible she frees herself from his embrace, straightens up, through magic she changes her clothes from her short pajama to her dark red dress, she runs her fingers through her hair and ties it with a leather band, then she steps outside into the morning air. 

With quick steps she goes to the near forest edge and collects some dry twigs, with a proper amount she goes back to the camp, arranging the twigs to a campfire. In a tent to her right she hears a rumbling sound and soon after Anice stumbles out of it, wearing a long greenish nightdress and wild, messy hair. She yawns extensively, covering her mouth with one hand while the back of her other hand rubs over her eye. 

"Good morning", Xayah grins and looks at the drowsy Ranyu, Anice raises her hand in greeting and drags herself away to take a bath in the nearby river. Or much more, to really wake up. Laughing Xayah looks after her, yes, it had been a good decision to take her with them, even if Xayah doesn't know why, she likes Anice.

The next ones to fall out of their beds are Greer and Shona, both in a much better condition than Anice. They nod at each other, then they sit down on one of the places around the fire. Xayah returns with the small kettle in which they usually heat water for tea or for washing. She goes to one of the backpacks a little aside and takes out a small glass with flour, pouring about half of it into the kettle, adding some water and a pinch of salt. With her fingers she mixes the few ingredients and goes back to the others. 

Greer is already placing some flat stones directly around the fire, which Shona has cleaned with a little water before. "Damn, I can't get the chunks out properly", Xayah grumbles annoyed, Greer grins at her broadly. "Then we'll have flat bread with flour chunks, if someone complains, we'll know who'll take care of breakfast tomorrow." Shona and Xayah both laugh at Greer's words, then Xayah nods. 

She walks over to the fire, smearing a blob of the flour mixture on one of the stones, repeating for each stone until the kettle is empty. Then she goes back to the river with the kettle, cleaning both the kettle and her fingers. With the caldron filled, she returns to the camp. To her amazement, Shona has already started to cut some lemons into pieces and has taken some peppermint from a bundle of herbs. 

"Good morning ladies!" Rakan sneaks out of the tent to join the others, a broad grin on his lips. "Why didn't you wake me, honey?" He looks at Xayah questioningly. "You're always so grumpy when you can't sleep in and we can prepare breakfast even when you're still asleep." She winks at him and he snorts playfully.

"If you want to help us, then bring the honey for the tea," she grins and bends slightly over the fire, placing the kettle over a triple rack, when she feels a slight slap on the backside. Startled, she moves around, Rakan stands grinning behind her, "You forgot to say please," he laughs, dodging a slap from Xayah. 'You're lucky that I love you, otherwise I would have aimed better. Or I would have stepped aside and let you fall into the fire.' She must smile at the thought. 

She's happy to be on the road again, to work on her cause with the others, to feel useful again. She's missed it more than she'll ever admit. Even though she is aware that today will not necessarily be a pleasant day when the last members of the rebellion hear that she killed Keir. 

But either they accept it, or they leave. Since the others have already decided to follow her further, at least she doesn't have to fear a revolt. At least something good.


	24. Confrontation

Frustrated, Xayah slips a hand through her hair, holding a feather with the other. Lost in thought, she taps the tip against her lips, leaving a black ink stain on her dark red lips. Irritated, she looks up from her notes, her fingertip gliding over the still wet ink on her mouth. "Damn it," she mumbles and drops the quill, reaching for a piece of cloth. 

Black spots of ink splash across the opened page of her book, making a few words unreadable. Annoyed, she straightens up, knocking the small inkpot with her knee, so that the contents spread over the bottom of the tent. "Oh, come on...", she curses angrily, slapping her sleeping bag with her fist. 

The entrance of the tent swings aside, Rakan looks through the entrance with a broad smile, his eyes shining as he looks at her. "Is everything alright? I heard you cursing." She glares at him annoyed, her lips pressed into a thin line. "Does it look like everything's all right?" Her voice sounds harsh. She didn't mean to snap at him like that, but it just slipped out. Ashamed, she looks down, biting her lower lip. 

Rakan sinks down beside her on the sleeping bag, his arm rests on her shoulder and he gently strokes her wing. Hesitantly she looks at him, after a moment she cuddles up and closes her eyes, repressing the negative thoughts. "Thank you, darling." Her voice is soft and gentle once again, her hand resting on his thigh and she traces small, circular patterns on it.

"Come on, show me what's bothering you so much." He gives her a gentle kiss on the cheek and looks down at her notes. She hesitates for a moment, then picks up her notebook and presses a piece of cloth on it, reducing the ink to a minimum. When she is sure that the ink has been absorbed, she puts the piece of cloth on the ground, where the remaining ink is spilled on the tent floors. She smoothes the map and places it next to Rakan, picking up some small stones. 

She places the first one at the place where they are right now, the next one a bit apart. "Here is the entrance, do you see the drawn lines here? These are the paths to the cells, no matter how I turn it around, I just find one way in and out, there is no second exit. The usual method doesn't work, we can't just start a distraction, go in from one side and out from the other. We're forced to go back the same way we came in." Understandingly Rakan nods, his forehead wrinkles.

"And what's the problem?" He looks at her questioningly. "I... thought at first that we'd just stick to the same plan as always, with the exception that instead of killing everyone, we'd knock the guards unconscious. But now, if we have to go out the same way we came in, then..." She looks to the side, avoiding his eyes. It's not that she has a problem with killing humans, but she doesn't feel any satisfaction in doing so anymore, like she used to. Yes, Rakan has changed the way she feels. 

And more importantly, Rakan doesn't like to see innocents killed, she has promised him that she will not do so in the future. And now it turns out that she can't avoid it, that they will be forced to kill numerous humans, or they would risk losing their own people. "Sometimes it can' t be avoided, Miella. But I appreciate that you're really trying to spare them. I don't disagree with you regarding one thing - the safety of our people comes first. And if we must kill innocent humans to protect our people, then we will." 

He gently presses his lips to her forehead and she smiles gratefully at him. "I promised you. And if I make a promise to someone, I won't break it." She can literally feel him smile and an almost familiar warmth spreads through her. Tenderly she strokes her fingers across his cheek.

"Keir! Come out, you old rascal! We've made a big catch! We' ve got wild boar for dinner!"

As the voice breaks through the silence, Xayah tense up, soothingly Rakan strokes her back. Blaan and Wylie are back, probably a few more. Even though she has been aware all this time that it won't take forever until the others return at the camp, she has hoped this confrontation will take some time.

She looks at Rakan with sad but firm eyes, clutching the quill in her book and placing it aside. She gives him another loving kiss, then he stands up and takes her with him. "Let's go, this might be funny..." she mumbles and walks over to the entrance of the tent. He puts his hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, it will be all right. We support you and your decisions." Nodding, she steps out of the tent and into the bright midday sun.

"Hey." Her voice sounds more secure than she feels, with quick steps she walks towards the group. "Xayah! You're finally here. What took you so long to... wait, who the hell is this?" Blaan looks at Rakan and he raises an eyebrow questioningly, his eyes fixed on Xayah. Her gaze wanders across the other members of her rebellion who hadn't been there the night before. Four men and one woman. Except for the woman she knows all of them, even if she didn't have the best connection to them. This was Keir's group, his followers.

"This is Rakan, we met a while ago, he'll be leaving us in the next village. We're going with him to make sure he gets there safely. You know the forests aren't safe anymore, there are more and more hunters in our lands." 

The decision to lie occurred to her instinctively, should some of them decide to leave the rebellion, it would be better if nobody knew that she and Rakan are a couple, to protect their cause. And for his own protection. The other men nod, agreeing with her in a low murmur. "Where is Keir?" Wylie sounds surprised, his eyes wandering through the crowd looking for him.

Xayah clenches her teeth, she looks down for a moment, fighting the grief. Then she turns her face towards the newcomers. "He is dead." Her voice is cold, emotionless, almost empty. Her gaze free of any emotion, her body numb. How long will it take her to deal with this? Will she ever get over it?

" He' s dead, how?" The young woman looks coldly at Xayah, taking a threatening step towards her. Blaan holds her back for a moment, looking questioningly at Xayah. "What happened?"

"He freaked out, he attacked Xayah. You know he's becoming more aggressive lately, but this time it was different. He was like obsessed, he was trying to kill her. She didn't even fight back, just tried to talk to him. But you know Keir, you know how he is when he loses his mind. But I've never seen him like that." There's a sad undertone in Shona's voice.

"I killed him." Her voice is empty, little more than a whisper, and she looks down. 

To her surprise, Blaan takes her firmly in his arms, her muscles tense up and she freezes, her whole body shaking. As his hand is placed on the back of her head, a soft whimpering fights its way out of her lips. "Dont touch me... please," she whispers, panic rising inside her. Surprised, he looks down at her, when he notices her frightened look he lets go of her immediately. 

"Is this supposed to be a joke? You killed him? And in return you give her a hug?! What the hell is going on?!" Wylie's voice quivers, anger clearly visible in his eyes. Blaan looks at the young man calmly, shaking his head. "You haven't been around long enough, but believe me, if Xayah killed him, there is a serious reason She and Keir had a special kind of friendship, she would never carelessly eliminate him. She's one of the good guys, the other's are always her first priority. Even if she doesn't believe it herself." He smiles down at the young Vastaya, for a moment he is about to stroke her cheek, but then suppresses the reflex. 

"Keir wasn't just a friend, he was like my brother and like my family. I wouldn't have killed him if I had any other choice." Her voice is firm, though quiet. Wylie snorts, looks at her angrily. "Anybody can say that! We weren't here, you can tell us a lot!"

"I could, yes. You got that right. But I don't have to. If I wanted to tell you a lie, I would have just said he was caught by hunters." Anger resonates in her voice and she looks at the boy angrily. Just as angrily, he conjures up three little balls of light dancing around him. She raises her eyebrow, looks at him coldly, conjuring up three Feather Daggers.

" I' m not interested in fighting you. But if you leave me no choice, I will defend myself again. However, I will give you the same option I gave the others. You can decide for yourselves, either you stay here and accept what has happened, or you turn your back on me and my cause and leave the rebellion. I will not blame anyone for their decision, since it was me who caused this situation by my own doing."

Again, Wylie snorts, the lights around him fade away and he turns around. "I'm leaving. I refuse to have anything to do with a vicious killer in my own camp." With these words he walks away, the other newcomers mumble something to each other, nodding goodbye to the others for a moment and then follow him. Blaan looks sadly after them, but then he finally looks at Xayah again. 

"I'm staying, Keir's been acting like a complete idiot these past few weeks, I thought it was temporary, but well, better that than having him become a serious threat to everyone." Sadness resonates in his voice and he looks at the others. A light smile flits over Xayah's lips, her eyes following the four figures who disappear in the distance. Then she looks Blaan in the eyes.

"I lied about one thing because I didn't know who would stay and who i could trust, I didn't want this information to leave the rebellion. Rakan won't leave us in the next village, he stays with us. He is my mate." She smiles slightly and takes a step closer to Rakan, who immediately puts his arm around her and breathes a kiss on the back of her head. 

Blaan looks at her in surprise, then he smiles. "Welcome to the family." He winks at Rakan, then looks at Xayah. "No room for vulnerability, right? If no one outside the rebellion knows the leader has a mate, it can't be used as leverage. Smart plan." She smiles slightly, then looks at the others. 

"We'll have a meeting later, a real one. Until then, please leave me alone for now." She looks from one to the other, then at Blaan, a big smile on her lips. "Thank you." 

With that she turns around, grabs Rakan's hand and pulls him back to the tent. 


	25. Look at the Flowers

  
As soon as Xayah pulls him into the tent and closes the entrance firmly, Rakan finds himself lying on the sleeping bags, she sits on his lap, her fingers sliding across his chest. After a moment she laid down on him, her legs hanging down to his sides. Astonished Rakan looks at her, but her face is turned to the side, but even like that he can see a clear redness on her face.

"Is everything okay?" His voice is slightly surprised, it is the first time Xayah takes the initiative and then directly so obviously. Gently he kisses her hairline, which is immediately answered with a soft sigh. Irritated, he straightens up, pushing her up with him, his hand rests on her cheek as she closes her eyes, pressing herself against the palm of his hand, her breathing is slightly choppy. "Yes... no... I, uh... I don't know," she whispers.

For a moment Rakan suspects that the whole situation is just too much for Xayah, that she tries to distract herself. Tenderly, he puts his free hand on her waist, making her press tightly against him, pressing her hips against his, breathing out another short sigh. 'Didn't she just say that she wasn't ready for this step two days ago?' Rakan's forehead wrinkles and he looks at her in confusion, his hand slipping from her cheek to her chin, making her look at him.

For a moment he feels her eyes burning, he has only seen that expression once before, last time she had taken a few days off and if he remembers correctly she didn't leave her rented room during that time, she said she had to make plans, she needed silence for that. He smiles gently at her, empathetic, his hand goes back to her cheek and he gives her a loving kiss. "I understand." His voice is gentle, he straightens up into a sitting position and takes her in his arms, breathing a gentle kiss on her forehead. 

She shudders and presses herself tighter against him, her breathing quickens. Her look is aroused and disturbed at the same time, even if he tries to suppress it, he feels sorry for her and closes her tighter in his arms, kissing her neck. Immediately she moans, her fingers bury themselves in his trousers, tense up and she rears up slightly under his tenderness. Apologetically she looks at him, not knowing why her body reacts so extremely. 

"You don't need to be afraid, I won't do anything that I even suspect you don't want me to do. Maybe we should delay the meeting? Two or three days later? When you're more yourself again?" He smiles slightly, his voice is soft and she looks at him in confusion for a moment. Then she nods hesitantly. 'How can this happen from one moment to the next? In the morning everything was just normal and now...' She shakes her head about herself, not knowing what a traitorous body is doing to her.

Rakan gives her a kiss on the forehead, then straightens up, going to the exit of the tent. "I'll tell the others you need a few days rest, you need to process the experiences of the past few days, so there won't be any further questions to be asked." He smiles at her briefly and then leaves the tent.

She lets herself fall backwards, her body trembles and her thoughts run wild. What the hell is wrong with her? Why can't she suppress her feelings, like she always did? It's bad enough that she hasn't managed to stop it completely, knowing that Rakan knows doesn't make it any better for her. But it's never been this extreme before and Xayah feels so overwhelmed. How did she get to the point where she lost control of herself? She practically threw herself at Rakan... He could have done anything to her.

  
  
~ * ~  
  


Rakan looks around the camp, there is no trace of the others, with wrinkled forehead he checks the near surroundings. After a moment he exhales with relief, not too far away he sees Shona and Anice talking, they laugh softly and prepare dinner. He smiles slightly, his excuse settling in his head. Then he goes over to them and sits down opposite.

"What's up?" Shona sounds surprised, raising an eyebrow. Her friend returns her gaze and they look at Rakan questioningly. "Could you let the others know that we're delaying the meeting for a few days?" His voice sounds excusing and he smiles at them. "What's wrong?" There's a slight concern in Anice's voice and she looks at him seriously. 

"It's nothing, Xayah just needs a few days rest so she can find herself again and deal with everything. The situation is just too much for her." He looks over at the tent, his shoulders drop a little. In that sense he hasn't even lied and if he is honest, he doesn't know how to deal with this situation. 

Yes, Xayah has made a lot of progress lately, she hardly flinches when he touches and kisses her, she almost shows him that she likes it. Even though she had suppressed her arousal at first and no sounds came over her lips, meanwhile she even lets out a sigh and pant, once even a real moan. 

But now, when she is in this suffering, lustful state, how should he recognize whether she really wants it? Is she taking another step or is it because she is in heat? He doesn't want to risk doing something she would regret afterwards, and yet he wants to help her, to take away at least a little bit of this almost painful lust.

Shona tears him out of his thoughts. "Is she all right?" She sounds worried, a look into her face shows him that her forehead is wrinkled and her eyes have taken on a sad expression. He nods, hesitating, then smiles slightly. "She will be all right, but she needs a few days. It would be good if you could leave us alone for a while until we get back to you." Anice nods to him, her head slightly tilted to the side. "She will be all right. Take good care of her, we will wait until Xayah has recovered from this, if she can. I don't want to have to imagine what it's like to kill your best friend. Or to know that I had to kill him, or he would have killed me." He nods, remains silent. Then he turns back towards the tent, makes a short detour to the supplies and then goes back to Xayah.   
  


~ * ~  
  


After some time Rakan opens the tent entrance and climbs back inside, to his surprise Xayah has buried herself under some blankets, the only thing he can see of her are some single feather tips sticking out from under the blankets. He gets down on his knees before her, puts a hand on the bundle in front of him, no reaction, not even a twitch. 

Carefully he lies down next to her, his arm above the blankets. "You don't have to hide, my dear, it's all right." His voice is soft as he whispers to her and it doesn't take long before she starts to squirm under the blankets, slides up to him and pulls the blankets off her head. 

He looks her straight into the eyes, his hand under her chin, giving her a tender kiss on the lips. She presses herself tighter against him, the kiss becomes more demanding and he closes his arms tighter around her. She trembles and nestles against his chest, a soft whimper escapes her lips, her eyes are pressed together tightly and her ears are resting against her head. "Miella..." he whispers and kisses her hairline.

Gently he presses her against him, her gasping breath is felt clearly on his chest, his hand strokes from her back down to her backside and he presses lightly against it, receiving a gentle moan in response, her hips pressed against his again. "Sorry", he whispers and kisses her once more, she shakes her head slightly, looks at him with big, almost pleading eyes.

His hand strokes her cheek, he looks at her lovingly. " Can I help you?" She hesitates, biting her lower lip, evading his gaze, then nods hesitantly. His hand runs down her side, across her hip, he feels her breathing speed up, literally feeling her nervousness. "Are you sure about this?"

She nods again, this time without hesitation. Carefully he twists her on her back, lies down next to her and strokes her upper body, although she shouldn't feel much because of the dress, her body rears up under his touch and she looks at him apologetically. He presses his lips against hers and shakes his head. "You don't need to apologize, just tell me when you want me to stop, okay?" His hand passes over her cheek, down her neck and rests on her shoulder. " Can I undress you?" His voice sounds slightly crooked and at the same time a little nervous.

She nods again, holding her breath as his hands move over her dress, slowly taking it off. A light goosebump spreads over her body as her skin meets the slightly cool spring air. He kisses tenderly along her body, his hands glide over her soft skin and she trembles with excitement, biting her lower lip, suppressing the urge to moan. 

His lips enclose her nipple and he begins to suck gently on it, she rears up under his touch, squirming underneath him without being able to control it, her legs spread and she pants softly. His hands slide down her body, over her belly down to the soft skin of her thighs, nervously he waits to see how she will react this time. Like last time she stiffens up, but her body relaxes shortly after and she moans again. Eyes still closed, lips a little bit open.

His hand rests on her pantie, his lips drop from her breast and he kisses her neck up. " Do you mind?" His voice sounds hushed, she can hear his own excitement clearly. He gently presses her abdomen and she nods, slightly hesitant. He breathes more kisses on her neck, after a while he starts to suck on it and lightly touches her silky skin with his teeth, knowing that last time it almost pushed her over the edge. 

His palm slides down a little further, he can feel her Pantie soaking wet, with a simple movement he strips the small piece of cloth off. For a moment she holds her breath, his hand just a few centimetres away from her privates, preparing for what is coming next. His fingertip touches her wet slit, moves up a little and remains resting on her clit. After a short moment he starts to stimulate her with light, circular movements, a sigh comes from her lips, her body rears up and her eyes are wide open.

How can it feel so good? It feels so much better than what she has felt so far.

With a little more pressure his finger rubs over the sensitive skin, her sigh becomes a soft moan and she presses herself against it. His lips suck stronger on her neck, increasing the excitement to a maximum. His finger slides down, resting at her entrance. " Can I?" He looks at her questioningly. She bites her lips together, then nods slightly. 

He gently pushes his finger into her, gliding effortlessly into her up to the base of his hand. He freezes, his heart stops for a moment. Rakan looks up, studies her face, but he can neither recognize fear nor discomfort. And no sign that she realises what all this means. 

Her eyes are wide open, her teeth drill into her lower lip, her hands resting tense on the sleeping bags, a distinct redness running down her cheeks, fighting the urge to release her arousal. Slowly he starts to move his finger inside her, his thumb rubbing across her clitoris, satisfied he notices that her breathing becomes choppier, her soft moaning changes into panting and her body tenses up more and more. He looks at her brightly, intensifying his efforts.

It doesn't take long before he notices her body trembling, a mewing gasping escapes her lips and Rakan can feel her abdomen tightening around his finger as the first climax of her life breaks over her body. He gently strokes her clit, kissing her tenderly and returning her back from her high. 

It takes a moment for Xayah to catch her breath again, carefully she reaches out her hand to him, also wanting to help him. His excitement has not remained hidden to her, but when she touches his pants he tenderly takes her hand away and kisses her ankles. " You don't need to do that, babe. Seeing you like this is satisfaction enough, let's take it slow." His voice is soft like butter and he kisses her again. 

Reluctantly, she nods, snuggling up to him. It takes a moment before she realizes that she is still naked. She blushes slightly and looks to the side, not knowing how to deal with the situation. Normally she would be ashamed, but after what they just did, it seems somehow wrong to her, why should she show shame right now?

As though Rakan knew exactly what was going on inside her, he grabs one of the blankets and puts it around her shoulders, still holding her firmly in his arms. Then he turns her face in his direction, caressing her cheek with a finger. She looks at him in confusion, his face showing a mixture of seriousness and sadness, a strange feeling spreading through her, not knowing what is going on. 

"Miella... I have something I need to tell you. But first I want to know if you liked what we just did." His voice is low, he looks her in the eyes. She nods slightly without thinking about it. "It was wonderful, darling. I... didn't know it could be so lovely." Her voice is soft and the red tone on her face becomes stronger, a slight smile spreads on her lips.

He exhales with relief, his hand still resting on her cheek. "You know, honey, this is what it feels like to be in love, when you want to make the other person feel good. I want you to keep it always in your mind." She nods, puts her head slightly to the side, looking at him in admiration. 

He hesitates for a moment, then takes her more firmly in his arms, his hand rests on the back of her head. "Remember how you said some time ago that you are still a virgin? Well, when I inserted my finger in you... I realized you aren't one anymore. Honestly, I've been thinking for a while now that there was more going on in that attack than you remember, and I think I was right..." 

He can feel her stiffening in his arms, starting to shiver. He looks down at her, her eyes fixed on him, wide open, golden orbs, he can see the panic rising in them. His embrace becomes stronger and he kisses her on the forehead.

Silently she begins to whimper, processing his words. Panic rises within her, helplessly she clings to Rakan, her nails digging into the soft flesh of his back and she can feel a damp heat under her nails, unable to move.

_Rough hands, tearing at her dress._   
_Another, also rough, pair of hands tearing at her skirt._   
_Ripping her panties and dropping them into one of the puddles on the ground._   
_Sharp, burning pain, driving from her abdomen through her whole body._   
_Blood running down her legs._

For an endless moment he holds her in his arms, a trembling, desperate pile of misery. His pile of misery. How could those bastards do this to her? She was just a child... If those two hadn't been in the ground, Rakan would have killed them himself.

He grabs her by the shoulders, holding her away from him. Xayah's face is covered in tears, her body trembling with despair. With one hand he creates some yellow wildflowers floating in the air, right at the height of her face. "Xayah, hey, shhh, calm down. No one can hurt you anymore, do you hear me? Calm down, honey, look at the flowers. You hear me? Just look at the flowers."


	26. Hearts still beating

  
The last days had been hard, never had Rakan thought that it would become so difficult. And also, he never imagined that Xayah could be so unpredictable. Usually, she is the one he can count on, strong and determined, his tower of strength, nothing and no one even slightly able to distract her from her path and her purpose. 

But since she has realized what really happened back then, everything has changed, many times he has seen her flinch, panicking from one moment to the next without anything even happening, being happy and laughing in one moment, it could happen that only a few seconds later she was staring depressed and close to bursting into tears. Even though he is aware that she has to work through the realization first - and that it isn't necessarily easier after such a long time - it' s a strange feeling for him. 

Over the last few days he has been doing everything he can to help her to sooth her fears and to support her, to influence her positively. And now when he sees her standing in front of the others, her face serious and at the same time determined, how she walks up and down in front of them, he simply knows that his efforts haven't been in vain. And not only that, it just seems as if she is stronger than before.

"I know that we will be able to make it together, as long as we stick together and stand up for each other, we will get closer to our destination. We will help our people back to their old glory, the Vastaya will come back to their former glory, rising from the ashes like a phoenix. And nothing and no one will be able to turn us away from this dream. 

And yet I have decided that some changes have to be made, we have to improve our future, the future for the generation after us, for our children and children's children! We have to stop seeing all humans as hostile, not all of them are against us. Believe it or not, there are humans which stand behind us, behind our cause, who not only want to live in harmony with us, but who want our freedom! 

I experienced myself that humans are cruel creatures, without scruples and conscience, it was not without a reason that I said we mercilessly exterminate each of them, but I realized that I was wrong, that my decision to kill each of them was wrong! Who am I, if I wouldn't realize my own mistakes, if I wouldn't change my decision? 

I would be nothing else but a human, power-hungry and dangerous! But we are not like them, we realize when we have made a mistake, we want to change the future and fight for a better life, not only for us, for all those behind us.

My dear friends, I want you to consider this as the day when our rebellion will take a new path, a better one. We are fighting for us, our children, our freedom and for all those who stand behind us, whether they are Vastaya or humans!

We don't kill innocent human beings anymore, no children and no women, no one who doesn't attack us. Our targets are the real dangers, those who want to attack us, put us in cages or enslave us, those who want to make our cause fail! If someone attacks you, give him what he deserves, no matter if he is a human or a Vastaya! We fight for ourselves, for our family and our sympathizers, we take our life and our actions into our own hands and stand up for what we do!

We decide according to what we think is right. We do what we have to do, only in this way can we and all those who mean something to us and who stand behind us survive. No matter what will cross our path, I know we will make it.

I know... we all can change if we want to. Our hearts are still beating, as long as our hearts are beating, we can change our future and fight for a better life, for everybody! For the Vastaya, for the humans!

You may wonder why we should fight for the humans when they're the ones denying us our freedom. The reason is simple, we're not like them! As long as there are some humans supporting us, we'll fight for them as well as for ourselfes! 

Will you join me? Are you supporting me? Then let us lead our cause into new horizons for a better future! For us! For the freedom of our people and supporters!"

Breathing heavily, Xayah looks from one to the other, her face more serious than ever before, she gasps for breath, a slight blush running down her cheeks. She hadn't intended to say so much, but once she started, everything else just came on its own and she hadn't been able to stop. The first person to move is Blaan, pointing and middle finger extended, the remaining fingers resting on his palm, arm raised above his head. 

She is surprised for a moment, then a smile spreads across her face. Shona and Anice follow his example and soon everyone except Xayah and Rakan reach out their arm, showing their support for the rebellion, that they are part of the movement. Anice looks at Rakan questioningly, one brow raised. "You're not with us?" Her voice sounds surprised and his look is just as surprised. 

"Oh, I have to show it too? I thought it was obvious that I' m with you." He laughs and raises his arm, imitating the gesture of the others. 

Relieved, Xayah nods to the others, relaxing a little. "Tomorrow I will show you the current plans for the next mission, just as a little information in advance, it's a rescue operation, it can be dangerous. I'm not forcing anyone to come along." She smiles slightly, then sits down next to Rakan at the fire, with the others. The relief is clearly visible in her face, as is the exhaustion of the last few days.

Though some questions are still being asked, she is glad that no major issues are being addressed. After some time Blaan gets up to accompany Shona with a nod, and together the two of them disappear, sticking the prepared meat on skewers and fixing them in the ground. 

"Now comes the most pleasant part of the evening!" Rakan's eyes sparkle and he takes out a few bottles of wine, which he hands to the others. With swift fingers he opens another bottle, hands it to Xayah, who gratefully takes a big sip of mead with cherry juice. She hands the bottle back to him and cuddles up to him, eyes closed, trying to relax. 

It doesn't take long before Rakan realizes that she has fallen asleep, protecting her, he puts his wing around her, his hand resting on her cheek, a smile spreads on his lips as he watches her, face twitching slightly in her sleep and her fingers clinging to his trousers, accidentally clutching one of his feathers. He never thought he wouldn't mind someone messing up one of his feathers, but to see her sleep so relaxed - at least by her standards - means so much more to him than perfectly smoothed feathers.

For a moment Blaan stares at them, a smile spreads across his face. "I need to say, I know Xayah for more than 15 years and in all that time I have never seen her so relaxed or happy. I'm really glad you guys met." He reaches for one of the skewers and hands it to Anice, then another to Mayra and Shona. 

Rakan smiles at him. "Believe me, it wasn't intentional. And if she had it her way, we wouldn't even know each other. She told me to go to hell, if it had been up to her, we would have parted ways again the same day. But, you know, I'm so gorgeous, she couldn't resist." He grins and winks at him. His next words are a loud whisper. "She hated me at first." He laughs, his eyes wandering down to her as he notices a movement under his wing. 

"That's just what you think...", she mumbles softly in her half-sleep, unconsciously he presses her closer to him, one of his fingertips glides over her neck, a soft sigh comes from her lips, dozing off again. 

"I think we are on the right track regarding our cause. You know, she's right. We're not like humans, and if we all work together, we'll achieve what we desire, and we'll do it without hurting innocent lives." Shona looks from one to the other, nodding in agreement. Once again meat skewers are passed around, as well as bottles of wine. 

Yes, today was a good day, as exhausting as it's been lately, things are starting to get better. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know, this one was abit short ;D


	27. The Waterfalls

" Get up, you sleepyheads! Breakfast is ready!" 

Grunting loudly, Rakan turns on his stomach, covers his head with the blanket. The disturbance outside the tent is loud, too loud to go back to sleep. A glance to the side shows him that Xayah is still sleeping peacefully. Astonished, he raises an eyebrow, strokes her cheek, breathing a gentle kiss on her hair. She murmurs softly in her sleep, slipping closer to him, fingers pressed firmly against his side. 

All of a sudden the entrance to the tent is torn apart and Blaan's grinning face appears in the tent, looking at the two sleeping ones. "Get up! Breakfast is served." His grin is wide and he evades a leather-bound book, which is throwing from a sleepy, very grumpy Xayah. "Have you ever heard of not tearing up other people's tents?" she grumbles and lets herself fall back into the soft blankets, right next to Rakan who is holding a pillow over his head. 

He laughs out loud and grabs his canteen, pours some of the water into his hand and sprays it straight into Xayah's face. Within seconds she sits upright and glares at him angrily. " Are you fucking serious?! I'll give you a five-second lead, run!" With this she leaps up, bulging out the ceiling of the tent and runs after him, causing the tent to collapse over Rakan.   
"Oh, come on!", it comes annoyed from inside the tent, while Xayah chases her friend across the campground. 

"What's going on?" Shona's voice sounds surprised, her gaze follows the two of them incredulously. "I just woke them up", Blaan screams to her laughing, dodging a punch and hiding behind a tree, so that Xayah has to make a sharp turn to avoid plunging completely past him, leaving a significant trail in the forest ground. "You are like kids," Anice giggles.

Snorting, Xayah stares at everyone present, hands clenched in fists. "How dare you just burst into the tent?! What if we..." She breaks off, blushing, and looks down, biting her lip.  
"Ohooo", Blaan bursts out, raising an eyebrow, grinning broadly, looking out from behind the tree trunk. "So you're already that far gone?" His voice is teasing and without even looking at him Xayah turns and stomps away, towards the river. She must calm her mind before she says anything worse.

Hesitantly she looks around, with great relief she realizes that she is alone, with a simple movement of her hand she lets her nightgown disappear and slowly climbs into the water, carefully covering as much of her body as possible with her feathers. After a few steps she sits down on a flat stone in the water and spreads water over her body wherever possible. After a short moment she drops her shoulders with a sigh, her thick pony falls into her face. 

She didn't realise that she had no soap with her, the situation with Blaan distracted her too much. "Did you forget something, honey?" Rakan's soft voice reaches her ears and she looks surprised behind her. Not far away, he stands with a few cloths and a few bottles and rags. Xayah can see that one of these rags contains a bar of soap, even though she doesn't know exactly which one he brought.

Apologetically she smiles at him, throwing a little air kiss to him. "I must have been too distracted," she says quietly and continues looking over her shoulder, straight at Rakan. With a gesture of his hand he symbolizes that he has caught her kiss and presses it against his chest, then slowly walks towards her, big golden eyes staring at him in admiration. After a moment, barely longer than a heartbeat, he sits down next to her and strokes her back tenderly, caressing the soft skin under her wing. 

With a slight shudder Xayah shivers, she leans against his chest and closes her eyes, which Rakan notices with a satisfied purr. Not long ago she didn't even want to sleep with him in the same tent, avoided any physical contact, and now she sits cuddled up beside him and lets him touch even the most sensitive parts of her body. ' She finally trusts me', it goes through his head with his heart beating faster. 

A faint, lovely scent rises into her presence, shortly afterwards she feels Rakan's gentle hands spreading the soap over her back, she turns her head in his direction, puts her hair over her shoulders, her eyes set directly on his face, a gentle expression in it. "Cherry blossom", she whispers softly and closes her eyes again. He hums to his confirmation. He kisses her neck gently and sends a comforting shiver down her body.

"Go underwater for a moment," he whispers, and without thinking she follows his beg, goes deeper into the water and sits down in the light stream, submerging her body as much as possible. Satisfied, Rakan nods and goes over to her again, stroking her hair with the soap and spreading the foamy substance in her hair before he cleans the soap.

Reluctantly, he puts his hands on her feathers and for the first time since he came to her, she winces. "May I?" His voice is soft, withdrawn. For a moment Xayah holds her breath, then timidly shakes her head. "Not yet... ... someday." Her voice is barely audible, but Rakan has understood. Immediately he takes his hands off her plumage and instead closes her in a tender embrace, his lips resting on her neck, sucking lightly, which she answers with a gentle sigh. 

"We have all the time in the world, take as much as you need." 

A slight burning sensation spreads in her eyes and makes Xayah swallow, not knowing where the sudden tears come from. "Thank you," she whispers just as softly and slips closer to him, touching his chest with her back.

"Hey Miella, I wanted to ask you something else..." Softly he kisses her hairline, feeling her tighten for a split second. She hums softly, letting him know she is listening. Lovingly he runs his fingertips through her hair, thinking about which words he would say best, so that she doesn't reject his idea immediately. Then he bends forward, his chin rests on her shoulder, one arm wrapped around her belly and the other around her chest, holding her tightly, whispering softly in her ear. 

"I thought to myself, if we make our way to Fer'lor tomorrow we might make a little detour, not for a long time, I promise. I want to show you something... and honestly, a day or two of rest will be good for us. I really like the others, but I miss the time alone with you. 

His hot breath on her ear leaves her trembling, for a moment she closes her eyes again, struggling with herself. "Rakan... I'd really like to, but I have a job to finish, and if..." He puts his finger on her lips, silencing her. "It's just one day, Miella. Two at the most. We can spare the time."

She sighs, but nods after a moment. Why can't she deny this man anything?

  
~ * ~

  
As much as Rakan has grown close to the other members of her cause, he is happy to be alone with Xayah again, he missed the time together more than he would admit. Since almost two weeks they are on their own again and he is sure that they will reach his destination soon. It is only a matter of time now, he is sure. 

"Why actually Fer'lor? Isn't that already part of Noxian territory?" Questioningly, he looks at her from the side, earning a slight smile, then nods. "Yes, it is. But before Noxus took the island, it was part of Ionia, we lost it to Noxus during the invasion. And there are two smaller vastaya tribes nearby. Especially since they're in Noxorian territory, I check on them more often to see how they're doing and if anything's happened. If they need help, or have any information for us..."

Thoughtfully, Rakan plays with his beard. "So they' re like undercover agents, right? Isn't that dangerous for them?" With keen eyes he watches her, sees her bite her lower lip. Her eyes are set on the ground. "Yes. Yes, it is dangerous. That's why we check the situation there regularly. In the last few months mostly Shona and Blaan and also Greer and Bhreac have been checking the situation there, because I just couldn't get anywhere near there myself. That' s why I' m all the more eager to get there, you know what I mean? The others have told me that the people there are fine, but I just have to check it myself. See it with my own eyes. I just... have trusted people there." Once again, she bites her lower lip, not looking at him, speeding up her pace. 

A hand rests on her shoulder and only a moment later Rakan's face appears next to her again. " When the others say they are well, they are fine. Don't worry, Miella. We can also go to Fer'lor first, then you can convince yourself and after that we'll travel back a bit and spend a day or two where I' ll take you." He smiles lovingly at her, puts an arm around her shoulder and drags her close to him, earning a grateful expression from her face. "Thank you, Mieli."

  
~ * ~  
  


As it turned out, Rakan was right. If the others say their allies are doing well, then so be it. Still, Xayah clearly feels the relief. Silently they walk along the path, Rakan ahead, leading them both to his favourite place. "Is it much further?" She sounds exhausted, suppressing a yawn. They have been on the road for a long time, dusk is already falling, and yet the two of them intend to reach the place today.

He looks over his shoulder, smiling, reaching out for her hand. "It's not far now, honey. Shall I carry you?" Her nose curled up, she looks at him, one brow raised. "I'm not a little girl," she laughs softly and walks a little faster, catching up to him. Her gaze is directed at the sky, although it is already incredibly late, the sky is still relatively bright. "Summer is coming," she says, the smile is clearly heard in her voice. "And the midsummer," he adds, his gaze is directed at her, watching her facial expressions. 

"Let me guess, you would like to celebrate the summer solstice?" She laughs softly, but avoids his gaze. She is well aware that it is one of the important celebrations of both their tribes, and yet she just doesn't have the time to celebrate any festivities. Beltane has stopped her long enough. Hesitantly, he nods. "Of course, but I know that we don't have the time for that. Our magic just doesn't free itself. But maybe we could start a small fire and... well... celebrate by ourselves?" 

She stops suddenly, staring at him. When he notices that she has stopped, he also stops, looks at her surprised and questioning at the same time. For a short moment she shakes her head, chasing away all thoughts, then she runs off, back to him and they continue their way together. It really doesn't take much longer and they reach the place Rakan was talking about. 

Some rocks block the way and it leads them through a crack in the rock, up to a large area surrounded by more rocks. From both sides glittering waterfalls flow into an extensive lake. The setting sun is reflected in the water surface, a large pasture extends over the edge of the lake and high grass, mixed with delicate flowers, borders directly on the edge of the lake. In the high grass near the willow there is a small paddle boat, the holes in the wood are visible from afar. 

"Wow", Xayah says, her eyes widen as she takes in this incredible sight. "Welcome to the Aphae Waterfalls", Rakan whispers into her ear and a shiver spreads over her body. "' It' s beautiful!" Her voice sounds awed and her eyes glide over one of the waterfalls. 

"Behind the waterfall over there is a cave. We can spend the night there, Miella." He points to the waterfall she is looking at and smiles contentedly. He got what he came for, Xayah is enchanted by this romantic place. 

"I swear, Jacob, I heard voices..." 

The soft whisper causes the two Vastaya to flinch, their eyes are directed to the willow, the two figures in her shadow have completely escaped them. But now that the two humans have risen, they are clearly visible. Immediately Xayah summons some of her Feather Daggers and goes into a defensive stance. The silver shine of metal hasn't escaped her notice. 

  
"Well, who came to us willingly? Look at this, man, this is a small fortune." One of the men steps out of the shadows, holding a long, extremely sharp-looking blade in his hand. The other, much younger man is carrying a bow and arrows, already cocked and aiming at Rakan. With searching eyes Xayah scans the surroundings, but apart from the two of them no one is to be seen. "It's just the two of them here," she whispers to Rakan and relaxes, "two humans are really no problem, they have already finished more than the double. Even their exhaustion doesn't cause any problems. She nods to him, he grins and with a single leap he stands next to the humans, forming a golden aura around him and knocking the two off their feet. Without even the slightest effort Rakan grabs the younger man of the two still in the fall, spins around as if he were dancing with him and then throws him into the air, which Xayah watches with an eye roll. A well-placed feather ends the hunter's life before he goes down. 

Playfully Rakan grabs the other man as a ear-piercing blast shatters the silence, out of the corners of his eyes Rakan sees purple feathers going down to the ground, his nails drilling into the skin of the man he is holding, a rustling noise drowning out every sound around him. He hadn't noticed the other human, and apparently Xayah hadn't noticed him either. The exhaustion seems to have clouded her senses. His eyes are fixed on the pile of purple feathers lying on the ground a little distant, no movement comes from them, no sign of life. 

His heart tightens. 'No... this can' t be.' Anger rises within him, he grabs the man more firmly and hurls him against the tree violently, a loud crackling can be heard and he remains lying motionless at the base of the tree. Within seconds Rakan stands next to to the human, his still smoking weapon falls to the ground and he stares at Rakan with eyes wide open, without hesitation Rakan grabs him and with a quick movement he breaks his neck before he lets the lifeless hunter go down as well. Blood rushes in his ears, a mixture of panic and rage in his body. 

He rushes over to Xayah, taking her lifeless body in his arms, her dress torn and full of blood, the skin blown off at the same spot, the flesh shattered. Blood drips down the corner of her mouth. Tears form in his eyes as he looks for a pulse. It takes time, but he manages to find it, weak but better than non-existent. He forms a feather of magic and immediately places it on the gunshot wound at her side, the bleeding stops and the wound closes. Another feather of magic is created, and he carefully lays it on the already closed wound. Just in case the wound was too strong for the healing spell.

Relieved, he notices that her breathing is a bit stronger than before, not nearly normalized but a little bit better compared to the previous one. For a moment he lays her down in the soft grass again, reaches for the backpacks they had put down before the attack, then he carefully picks her up, holding Xayah in his arms like a precious doll. "You can do it, Miella. You' re a fighter, an injury like this won't get you down. Please, Miella... stay with me", he whispers and presses her closer to him. Her arm hangs limply down, her head tilted back, her eyelids don't even flutter. For a moment Rakan notices a change in her song, a small interruption before the melody continues timidly.

Worried, he looks at her lifeless figure, breathing a kiss on her neck, then takes her to the cave behind the waterfall. He swallows, his gaze falling on the sleeping bags that are spread out, the oil lamps and backpacks. There are three of each. How could he not have thought that there might be other hunters in the cave? He had been here so many times before, and yet he hadn't considered this possibility, which caused him to have Xayah lying motionless in his arms instead of standing next to him as he had imagined. 

Carefully he places her on the floor, pushing out the hunters' sleeping bags, as well as their backpacks. He leaves just the lamps untouched. Then he unfolds Xayah's sleeping bag and gently rests her on top of it, spreading a blanket over her. Another blanket is rolled up and placed under her head. Then he spreads out his own sleeping bag right next to hers, grabs the kettle and fetches some water from the entrance of the cave.

He leaves the kettle next to the sleeping bags, strokes her cheek with the back of his hand, receiving not even a twitch in response, and looks at her worried. "Don't worry, babe, I'll be right back. I'll just dump these monsters' sleeping bags and get us some firewood, I'll make sure you don't catch a cold during the night." His voice is gentle yet concerned.

Hurrying to the exit, he grabs the sleeping bags and throws them into a far corner, then he takes the bodies of the hunters over there as well. Not wanting the first thing she notices when she awakes again are the bodies of those monsters. Then he collects some dry branches from the ground around the willow and hurries back to Xayah, stacking the branches for a campfire and lighting it with magic. Then he puts the kettle near the fire to heat the water. 

Once again he places his fingers on her throat, feeling for her pulse, to his relief it has become firmer, more powerful. He sighs loudly and lets himself fall next to her, his hand on her cheek and with his thumb stroking her Clantattoo. "You can do it, I believe in you. You've seen worse things, come back to me." His whisper is soft and he looks at her motionless features, her skin even paler than usual, her dark red lips so much whiter than before. 

He reaches into his backpack, takes out a soft cloth and a bar of soap, then he takes the kettle from the fire, dips the cloth into it and spreads some soap on it. Then he carefully pulls down her dress until she is lying in front of him in her underwear. With light, circular movements he rubs the soaped piece of cloth over the spot where the injury was before, removing the blood and then washing the rag out again to soap the rest of her body as well and afterwards removing the soap with warm water.

Tenderly he dries her afterwards with another soft cloth and spreads more blankets over her. Then he dumps the bloody water away, cleans the kettle and boils another portion to clean himself. When he is finished with this as well, he checks her pulse again. He is stronger, almost normal, relieved Rakan sighs. 

He is sure she will survive the night. Of course, as if a few shabby humans could rip her from his side just like that.

~ * ~

A twitch wakes Rakan from his restless, light sleep, startled he looks down at the squirming girl, she looks so much younger than usual, fragile and innocent. Gently he puts his hand on her cheek, strokes his thumb over her damp skin, wiping away her tears. Panicked, wide-open, golden eyes stare at him before she clings to him the next moment, whimpering in fear and pain. 

"It was a nightmare, Miella. It's all right. There's nothing to be afraid of." His voice is gentle, lovingly he strokes her wing, puts his own wing around her protectively while she continues to cling to him. Hesitantly she nods into his chest, then she looks at him insecurely. "What happened? It all went so fast... I can barely remember anything but fragments," she whispers and looks at him questioningly. His eyes turn away from hers, he presses them closer to her. "We... have missed one of the humans. He shot at you. I'm so sorry, Miella. I didn't protect you. I promised you I would protect you with everything I have. You trusted me and I failed you." 

Her arms close around him, a sharp pain shoots through her body and she hisses softly, then she puts her head against his chest. "You don't need to apologize, Mieli. You did everything you could. You saved my life. Thank you, darling." She looks up at him, her eyes fixed on his, glad that he looks back at her. Gently she places her hands on his cheeks and presses her lips lovingly on his, immediately he returns her kiss and looks at her gratefully. "I was so worried... I thought you..." He breaks off, closes his eyes and takes her tighter in his arms, she groans painfully into the kiss. 

"Does it hurt much?" he whispers and she nods briefly, separating herself from him. With a quick movement of his hand he forms a feather of magic and places it sideways on her stomach, where the injury was before. "We should stay here until you're properly recovered." His hand rests on her cheek, she shakes timidly. "That isn't possible, the others are depending on me, they are waiting for us in Weh'le." 

"The others can wait. Your health has top priority!"

His voice is strict, leaving no room for discussion. Hesitantly she nods, realizing that she doesn't need to discuss, that he is simply right. With this pain she wouldn't get very far either. "But as soon as I'm feeling better, we must leave..." Her voice is soft and she bites her lower lip, he gently strokes her hair and smiles at his little victory. 

After a short moment of silence she looks at him in confusion. "How long was I actually unconscious?" She furrowed her brow, looked at him questioningly. "Almost two days." He looks at her with a slight smile. "You can't imagine how worried I was. In all my life I've never been so happy as I am right now." Gently he puts his lips on hers, it doesn't take long and the tender kiss becomes slightly more passionate. As her lips separate again, he looks at her with relief. "We should eat something. I'll get some water. You sit down and rest."

For a moment she frowned and tried to straighten up, ignoring his words. All of a sudden the pain shoots through her body again, stronger than before, with a sharp scream she drops back, her hands pressed against her side. Startled, Rakan moves around, concern is written on his face. "Miella, I told you to take it easy. We can handle injuries better than humans, but that doesn't mean that a serious injury disappears immediately. And damn, believe me when I say I had to heal an entire part of your body by magic because the bullet shredded a proper hole in your side. So stop overdoing it and let my magic and your own healing abilities take effect." His voice sounds stricter than she's used to.

"A hole?" Her voice sounds sharp and she looks down at her side, hands pressed in place. she swallows, biting her lip again, then nods. "Thank you." Carefully she laid down more comfortably and stared at Rakan from her spot, her thoughts turning over. 

She never thought that something like this could happen, that she could be torn out of life just like that. That something could happen to Rakan, in the worst case because he wants to protect her. They belong to a near-eternal race, but that doesn't mean that they are invulnerable, that violence has no effect on them. Once again she has become painfully aware of this.

'I can't do this any longer, I still keep Rakan at a distance, he only wants my best and I... and I'm just too much of a coward to make him entirely mine, to take the final steps. What if I had died? What if I paid for that carelessness with my life? I never would have shown Rakan how much I really trusted him. And that because of my stupid fears... I must change this. I have to show him how important he is to me, how much I love him. That he is everything to me'. 

She reaches slightly for her backpack, but she can't reach him. After a moment she bites her lower lip. With all her strength and clenched teeth, she sits up again. "Honey?" Her voice is quiet, she looks down in shame, she doesn't like the thought of having to ask for help at all. He looks at her questioningly, takes a step towards her. "Yeah?" She lets her ears droop, a hand plays nervously with the tip of one of them. "I can't reach my backpack... would you...?" She breaks off, her voice little more than a whisper. Smiling, he walks up to her backpack and hands it to her. "Thank you."

For the first time, she notices that you have to say thank you quite often when you are sick. She sighs softly and opens her backpack, pulling out some cloth-wrapped packages. "Could you hand me the wooden plate," she asks quietly, in surprise Rakan turns around, raising an eyebrow. "You should rest, babe." He looks at her firmly, she just shrugs her shoulders and smiles slightly. "I am," she says, "that's why I'm asking you to give me the wooden plate. I can't just sit here doing nothing all the time. It's driving me mad. And cutting up the food isn't a problem." She smiles innocently at him and points to the plate. 

Rakan sighs with resignation and hands it to her. His look causes Xayah to giggle softly and she spreads some pieces of ham, cheese and beef jerky on the plate, then she cuts off some slices of bread and shreds a small apple. "Done!" Happily she smiles at Rakan, at least not feeling completely useless. "The tea is almost ready too." He looks over his shoulder and smiles back at her with a cheerful smile. Some time later he hands her a mug of hot water, slices of lemon and honey. 

She gratefully takes the cup from him and smiles broadly at him. "Thank you, darling." She leans over a little and kisses him gently on the cheek, a slight throbbing pain spreads. For a moment, she grimaces her face. "Is the pain still very bad?" A worried expression is visible on his face, she shakes her head briefly. " It' s all right, if I don' t move too much, it hardly hurts. But I'm going to need your help again. I'm sure you'll like this help, though." A reddish tinge runs down her cheeks and she looks shyly into her tea.

He looks at her in curiosity, raising a brow. "I'll be glad to help you with anything, honey. As long as your pain is kept to a minimum." He spreads an affectionate smile on his lips. "I would like to take a bath." Smiling, she continues to stare into her tea, the red colour in her face getting stronger. "No problem, honey. I'll prepare two healing feathers for you and take you to the lake. If I hurt you, please let me know." He smiles broadly at her and with one hand gently strokes her hair, his eyes fixed on her face. 

She nods, her eyes slowly fixed on his face and she smiles at him shyly, taking a sip from her cup. Grinning, Rakan picks a piece of cheese from the plate and flicks it in the air, catching the cheese with his mouth. He winks at her grinning and she rolls her eyes, smiling. Typically Rakan.

When the last pieces of their meal are finished, Rakan straightens up, stretching his hand towards Xayah and dragging her carefully into his arms. "Shall I carry you?", he asks gently, his eyes shining at her, but she just moves her head. "I can handle it, but thanks, darling." His hand forms another healing feather out of magic and he holds it on her side. With a green-golden glow the feather is released and the meanwhile very familiar tingling of his healing magic flows through her body. 

Gently she puts her arms around his shoulders and tenderly kisses him, with shining eyes he answers the kiss before leading her down to the water. With nimble fingers she wipes the little bit of cloth she has worn off her body and climbs into the cool water with slightly shaking legs. To her surprise, the last healing has made her pain almost completely disappear. 

She turns to Rakan, who just lets his clothes turn into magic and follows her into the water, this time it's Xayah who reaches out her hand to him. With a grin he grabs her hand, runs over to her and closes her in a firm embrace. His lips press on her neck, squeaking in surprise, her eyes wide open, she bites her lower lip, preventing any further noise. Then he reaches for the piece of soap that he has laid down in the grass at the edge of the water and spreads it out in his hands before he starts to gently massage her body with soaped hands. 

Sighing softly, Xayah twists her eyes, one of his hands rests on her chest, gently massaging her while the other lies on her belly and moves up and down in slightly circling movements. Her ears sink and she presses herself closer to him as her breathing becomes faster. "Ra... Rakan", she sighs in a pointed voice and buries her face in his upper arm. 

" Sorry, honey. I couldn't resist." Once again, he lightly bites her neck, which is rewarded with a mild gasp. Then he separates his lips from her neck and turns her face towards him, breathing a tender kiss on her lips. " Go dip your head, I want to wash your hair." She is a little confused for a moment, but then dives completely under water without another word, before she breaks through the surface of the water again a moment later, her entire view obscured by her sticky hair. 

For a short moment Rakan has to laugh, then he strokes her wet hair backwards out of her face and uses the soap to stroke through her hair before he rinses it out again afterwards. Then he puts his hands on her feathers, hesitating. "Before you ask, darling. Yes, you can...", she whispers softly, for a moment Rakan freezes. His lips approach her ear, a light goosebump spreads over her body as his hot breath tickles her ear.

"Thank you, darling. Let me know when you want me to stop." His voice is loving, almost tender, as his hands gently stroke her plumage, straightening each feather. He hums softly to her, taking care not to disturb a single one of them. He can clearly feel that she is tensed, but the longer he takes care of her feathers, the more relaxed she becomes. 

"And we're done," he whispers softly and strokes the back of his hand across her neck, again sending a slight shiver down her body. "Should I...?" She looks at him with big, uncertain eyes, but he just smiles apologetically. "I did mine before I came to you." His voice is soft and he puts his palm on her cheek, lightly stroking her tattoo with his thumb. She nods and looks at him in delight before throwing herself into his arms. 

They remain in the water for a while before Rakan leads her back to the edge of the lake and wraps one of the cloths around her, helping her to dry herself. "I can do it myself, the pain is almost gone, darling." She smiles at him and tries to take the towel off, but he slaps her hand aside. "No, I'll do it, you shouldn't move so much, or the pain will come back."

She smiles at him timidly and lets him dry further, when he is finally finished she conjures a plain purple nightgown around her, a deep neckline ending in a thin border of also purple lace. A look down shows her that the neckline is much deeper than it should have been, she is a bit too flat for that. She frowned for a moment. 'Let's just hope that Mieli likes it.' She smiles at the thought and puts the blanket back around her shoulder, which she had put on before when she was wearing nothing but her underwear. 

When Rakan is finished as well he puts an arm around her shoulder and leads her back to the cave behind the waterfall. They sit side by side, Rakan has put one arm around her shoulder, while they enjoy the wonderful view together as the light of the setting sun falls through the waterfall. "May I comb your hair," he whispers quietly, surprised she looks up, then nods slightly and slides forward so that she sits directly in front of him.

Buzzing, he runs his fingers through her damp hair, loosening the big knots before combing out the small ones with a comb. Then he begins to braid her hair into a simple, quick braid. "You look cute, honey." He gives her a big grin, receiving a snort in reply. "Don't say that, you know I don't like it." She slips away from him, drops onto her sleeping bag, her eyes fixed on Rakan. 

Then she curls her lips, indicating to him that he should kiss her. With shining eyes he leans over her and kisses her tenderly, the longer they kiss, the more passionate the kiss becomes. After an endless moment Rakan separates from her and settles down next to her, his hand rests on her cheek and she slides closer to him, puts her hand on his hip and makes light, circular movements. Surprised, he looks at her, she smiles slightly and lets the blanket sink so that he can see her in her nightgown. His eyes start to shine immediately. 

"You like it?" She bites her lower lip, looking away in shame. Without saying anything to reply, he bends over her again, his hand gliding lightly across her chest, massaging through the fabric of the nightgown. For a fraction of a second she tense up, then relaxes again and closes her eyes, biting her lower lip firmly. He presses his face into her neck, gently kissing her before he gently starts gnawing at her neck. Xayah bites her lips harder, a moan suppressing her groan, her head pressing into the blanket which serves as a pillow and she twists her eyes.

His hand slides under the fabric of her nightdress, massaging her nipple. "You are so sexy, Miella. I want to hear you...", he whispers, one hand stroking down the strap of her nightgown and the other exposing her breast. Tenderly he kisses her neck down over her décolleté down to her breast, her nipples tenderly embraced by his lips. Without trying to control it, Xayah emits a light sigh, her hands clasp into her sleeping bags and her breathing becomes faster. 

His teeth rub gently against her nipple, his other hand gently strokes her thigh. For a short moment she tense up, this time Rakan notices it too. "Should I stop?" His voice sounds worried, yet she can clearly hear his excitement. She shakes her head, smiles encouragingly at him. "No, darling, I just need to get used to it." He nods, looking at her from top to bottom. "May I undress you?" he asks softly, again Xayah nods slightly in reply.

Without a moment's hesitation he pulls down her nightgown, his heart beating faster as he sees her naked upper body lying in front of him. "You are so beautiful," he whispers in awe, causing her face to become even redder. His hands then slide over her stomach down to her nightdress, taking it off completely. Surprised, he looks at her when he notices that she was wearing just the nightgown. 

'Did she plan this?' it shoots through his head, his eyes wander back to hers, a slight smile on her lips. He kisses her lovingly as he gently strokes her cheek with one hand and the other slides her thigh up and down. "Say if I go too far", he whispers into the kiss, while his other hand brushes her abdomen only moments later. With the tip of his finger he moves between her inner lips, surprised by the wetness that has already formed. 

Her hand gropes for his pants, strokes over the distinct bump in his crotch, he groans excitedly, pressing himself against her. "Miella..." His voice is rough, without thinking further he presses his finger halfway into her, letting her sigh out loud. Motivated by her reaction, he draws his finger out of her to move the finger back in deeper. 

"Rakan... oh god...", she grits her teeth, twisting her eyes while her hand finds her way into his pants. Intensifying his efforts, his hand becomes faster as she rears up under him. "No... not..." she gasps as her breath becomes even more choppy. Rakan stops immediately and looks at her with concern. "What is it, Miella? Did it hurt? Are you afraid?" 

Quickly she shakes her head. "No... If you go on, then... I'll finish." A distinct blush spreads over her face, he looks at her in surprise. He places his hand on her cheek and forces her to look at him. "That's why we're doing this, honey. I want to bring you to the peak, hearing your sweet voice," he whispers, kissing her neck.

She nods, her breath still choppy. "I... I know, but... not like this." She smiles shyly at him, it takes him a moment to realise what she actually means. "Are you sure about this?" He kisses her gently, waiting for her answer. Without hesitation she nods, causing him to move his finger again, only to carefully insert a second one shortly afterwards. "Tell me if I hurt you." His voice resembles a gasp, excited, he looks down at her. 

" It' s good", she whispers and closes her eyes, arms around his neck. For a moment he separates from her, while she opens her eyes nervously as he removes her hand from his trousers. Now also naked, he spreads her legs as far as he can and positions himself between her thighs, the tip of his hard member throbbing slightly at her entrance. Nervously she looks at him, he smiles encouragingly at her. "Are you sure you're ready?" His voice is soft, she nods with a slight smile. 

He grabs her hands with his, their fingers intertwine and he looks deep into her eyes, with pounding heart she looks straight into his eyes. He pushes slowly, eyes fixed on her face, looking for signs of discomfort or fear. To his surprise, the excitement seems stronger and after a few moments he is completely within her. Her breathing changes again, changing to a kind of gasping. Worried, he looks at her. "Is everything okay?" She nods, biting her lower lip again. 

She averts her gaze from him. "Give me a moment... "I need to... get used to this." Her voice is a soft whisper, to his shock he can hear pain coming from her voice. Worried, he looks at her and turns her face back towards him. "Miella... I don't want to hurt you! Should I stop?" He kisses her lovingly, one of his hands strokes her neck. She quickly shakes her head. "No... I'm just not used to this... my body has to get used to you," she whispers softly, closing her eyes in shame since she can' t look away through his hand. He nods understandingly and kisses her neck again, scratching her skin slightly with his teeth, while one of his hands brushes her chest, reigniting the fire. 

Aroused, Xayah moans, her hands clasp his back, her breathing becomes faster. Rakan looks down at her with enthusiasm, begins to move inside her.First slowly and carefully so that she can get used to it, and to his delight she can no longer suppress her moaning. 

  
The next thrust is stronger, just as her moans are stronger, and after a few more, stronger thrusts, Rakan realizes that his stronger thrusts take her beyond her limits. With gleaming eyes he holds her at the hips, thrusting deeper and harder into her abdomen, producing a loud sigh. 

Underneath him, Xayah's body begins to tremble, her eyes twist and she exhales a loud groan before biting her lower lip to avoid further noise. Her cheeks are clearly reddened and her breathing becomes increasingly choppy. The sight pushes Rakan also to the edge and with a loud sigh he comes deep inside her. A strange, pleasant feeling spreads inside her and she looks deep into Rakan's eyes, her hand gently stroking his cheek. "I love you," he whispers softly, giving her a tender kiss on the lips. As their lips loosen again, she struggles for breath for a moment. "I love you, too."

Slowly he withdraws from her and lets himself fall onto his sleeping bag beside her, his chest rising and falling faster than she is used to. After a short moment she slides closer to him and cuddles up close to him. "We'll be on our way again tomorrow, I'd say." His slightly tired voice breaks the silence, she nods to him in reply and they fall silent again, before falling into peaceful sleep.  



	28. On the Road

The sun isn't entirely shining yet when Rakan finally opens his eyes that morning, his gaze wandering towards Xayah, who lies snuggled close in his arms and stares at him with a light smile and big golden eyes. He gently strokes her cheek, smiling back at her. "Good morning", he whispers, pressing a gentle kiss on her lips, which she immediately returns. "Good morning," she smiles, running her finger over his chest with gentle strokes. Yawning, he straightens up, taking her up with him. Together they leave the cave behind the waterfall, going down to the lake. 

The rising sun is reflected in the gentle movements of the waterfalls, a light mist hanging over the ground, spreading from the old willow to the water, giving the surroundings an enchanted touch. "Incredible", Xayah whispers awefully as her eyes wander over the surroundings. With a loving smile, Rakan reaches out to her with his hand. "Miella... let's dance." His voice is warm, almost loving and a brief look into his eyes is enough for her to take his hand and accept the invitation. 

He holds her tightly in his arms as they slowly spin through the dense mist, her head tenderly pressed against his chest. His hand moves gently through her hair, moving back to her cheek, passing to her chin. With light pressure he makes her look at him. There is still a loving smile on his lips, but his eyes have taken on a serious expression as he looks down at her. "Xayah...", he begins quietly, her gaze fixed on his face, her eyes on his, also smiling.

"I... don't know if it's too soon or if this is all too fast for you. But I can' t keep it to myself any longer. I love you, my heart beats for you and you alone..." His voice is still soft and loving, but there's a distinct hint of nervousness. In this moment she throws herself back into his arms, presses herself against his chest. "I love you too, Rakan, my heart also beats just for you," she whispers and presses her face against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. "I promise," he whispers into her ear, a pleasant goosebump spreads over her body, then she repeats his words in a whisper. 

As they separate after a while, Rakan removes one of the raptor skulls from his belt, loosens some feathers from his wing and magically attaches them to the raptor skull. With a smile he holds the skull with feathers towards her, for a moment she stares at it, then a smile flits over her lips, with nimble fingers she releases the skull on her shoulder and also attaches some of her own feathers to it. Shyly she holds the skull out to him, a slight redness runs down her cheeks. His eyes shine, he takes a step closer to her and attaches his skull with golden feathers to the spot where she had loosened the other one before. Then she ties the skull with purple feathers to the front of his plaid. 

In love they smile at each other before Rakan takes her into his arms again and kisses her tenderly. Then she puts her head back on his chest, listening to his heartbeat again. For the first time in her life she feels at home again, with him, in his arms, his breath, his smile. There is no one better than Rakan.

  
~ * ~

  
"Where are those two?" Anice looks worried from Blaan to Shona and back again. They have been waiting for almost a week for them, but so far there is no sign of Xayah or Rakan. "Don't worry, they'll be fine, probably have some work to do, which is why their arrival is delayed." Blaan smiles encouragingly at her, the young Ranyu nods hesitantly and then looks back at the cup in her hand. 

He is certainly right. After all they were faster than first planned and the way to Weh'le was done quickly and without problems. A coughing behind them makes Anice flinch, Blaan and Greer look startled as well. A little aside there' s a tall figure wrapped in a long, dark red cape, a hood pulled deep into his face. 

"I' ve heard rumours. Are you really part of the rebellion?" From the voice Blaan can recognize that it' s a woman, her voice is soft and gentle. He looks directly at her, a light, calculating smile on his lips. "That depends on who's asking and for what."

"I'd like to talk to the leader, but... not here. I want to avoid unwanted ears listening to the conversation," she whispers quietly, pulling her hood back a little. Her grey eyes glance at him friendly. 

Blaan and Shona look at each other, then they nod. Leading her up the stairs that bring them to the bedrooms, Blaan stops. "Anice, can we take your room? It's the most distant, and as far as I know, the only other guest in the hallway has already checked out." Astonished, she looks at him, nodding and reaches into her bag before throwing him a small bronze key. He smiles at her. "We'll be right back."

Together with the stranger, the two continue their journey and lead her to the second floor, along the corridor and to the last door. Shona enters, followed by the young woman, the last person is Blaan, before he closes the door his gaze roams over the corridor once more. It is empty, they are the only ones around. Silently he closes the door and turns to the young woman.

"Who are you?" His voice still sounds friendly, but certainly enough to show her clearly that there is no room for discussion. Shona gives him a questioning look, surprised at his appearance. The young woman takes off the hood completely, her grey eyes are accompanied by pointed white ears covered with fur, she looks from one to the other, her gaze resting on Shona. "I' m Lughs and I'm here to ask for help. I know that the rebellion helps other Vastaya when artifacts are stolen and a prisoner has to be rescued..." Her voice is low and she looks down.

Shona sits down on the bed, her hand pointing at Lughs to sit down as well while Blaan remains standing. "Now... our leader isn't here yet, but what exactly do you need help with?" She smiles friendly at the Fox Vastaya. "I don't know if you can help me, but you are my last hope," she whispers softly and looks at her hands. 

"My son Drystan, he was an explorer and adventurer. He collected rare artifacts and returned them to where they belonged. Then a few years ago he didn't return and one of his adventurer friends told me that he found his cold grave during the Harrowing while he was in Bilgewater to get back an artifact from our tribe. He probably received the artifact, it is a magical amulet filled with light magic, but it was carried away with him in the black mist. I would like to know that my son's death wasn't in vain and the amulet will be returned to our tribe." 

She stares at her fingers, knowing that a request like this surely doesn't come up often and that this request involves great danger. "The amulet is on the Shadow Isles?" Blaan's voice sounds hushed, he looks at Shona, a startled look in his eyes. Lughs nods, still staring at her fingers. 

"I honestly don't know if we can accept this request. We will discuss it with Xayah as soon as she arrives. But we won't promise you that she'll accept. Personally, I would refuse this request, the Shadow Isles are an incredibly dangerous place and I don't know how successful we would be." He looks at her seriously, she just nods again.

"Thank you."

  
~ * ~

It takes a few more days before Xayah and Rakan arrive but the joy of seeing each other again is great. Especially Anice seems to be relieved when they sit together in the tavern that evening and pass around a pot of tea. For a long moment Greer's gaze rests on the raptor heads with the feathers of each other, then she looks at them with a raised eyebrow, though both ignore her glance. 

"How have you been? Did you get here safely, or were there any complications?" Xayah's eyes wander from one to the other as she stirs the honey in her tea with a small spoon. Relieved, she drops her head back when she hears that everyone is fine and there were no problems. When she is asked why they have taken so long, Rakan answers rather evasively, she had made it clear to him before that nobody needs to know about the incident with the hunters. It' s simply that they are worried too much.

The further the evening passes, the more relaxed the atmosphere becomes and after a while Blaan tells the two latecomers about Lughs and her somewhat questionable request. "Is the artifact located in Bilgewater or Shadow Isles?" Xayah looks questioningly at Blaan, sipping her tea. "Probably on the islands. or somewhere in the sea around them." She nods at him, staring thoughtfully.

"I think we should accept the mission. If the artifact is so important to her, I should try to get it back. But I'll do it alone, I don't want to risk any of you." She smiles slightly, taking out her black book. "I'll come with you." Rakan rests his hand on her shoulder, but she just shakes her head. "I don't want to risk you." He smiles at her broadly. "If it's not dangerous, where's the fun in that?" 

With a slight smile she shakes her head, while her hand under the table looks for his and presses it firmly when she finds it. This journey will be dangerous, both of them are aware of that.

  
~ * ~

  
Blaan takes Xayah firmly in his arms and presses her against him. When he gently holds her away and looks her in the face, she can clearly see his concern. "Take care of yourself. Both of you. I wrote everything I know about the island and what I heard, I don't know what is true and what isn't, but I heard that very few people leave the island alive again. I expect you both back, alive! We'll meet in Zhyunia in four months. And if you don't show up by then, we'll wait a while in case you're late again. In the meantime, we will take care of all the important things. You don't have to worry, we'll take care of everything." His voice is serious, even though he tries to take the tension out of the situation, he doesn't really succeed. She smiles at him, winks. "Don't worry, we've handled worse." His forehead wrinkles, for a moment he realizes that she has no idea what she has gotten herself into. 

With firm hands he pushes the notes into her hand and hopes that she will actually read them. "We have to go now, take care of yourselves, see you soon." He walks over to Rakan, puts his hand on his shoulder. Shona and Anice return the gestures and then go over to Blaan. After a few steps they wave goodbye once again, not knowing if they will ever see each other again.  
  


~ * ~  
  


"When will we have land under our feet again?" Xayah stares wistfully across the wide sea, unable to see the mainland to either side. She doesn't know how long they've been on the road, the last stop had been in Raikkon about a month ago, where a few more travellers got on the ship. 

She looks at her notes again, reading the information about her destination and the artifact once more, at least what Blaan could find out before they left. As far as he knows it' s the amulet of infinite light, with her fingertips she runs across the sketch of the ornament. Then she looks at Rakan, who is sitting a little bit aside with another passenger and is having a lively conversation. 

The young adventurer had joined them in Raikkon after visiting the Temple of the Serrated Knife. Apparently he travels more often, at least it seems the long time on the sea doesn't affect him half as much as her. His light, blond hair floats in the wind while his bright, blue eyes wander across the sea. "It won't be long before we reach Bilgewater. If we keep it short, it'll be about three more days." His voice is carried over to her by the wind. 

It doesn't take long and Rakan appears with the stranger in front of her while she leans with her back against one of the outer walls, deeply buried in her notes and struggling more and more from one minute to another against the urge to vomit. Hesitantly she looks up from her notes. The stranger nods to her, his hand pointing to the book. "Your friend said that you are trying to obtain an artifact without knowing what you will be dealing with? May I take a look at the sketch? I'm pretty familiar with these things." 

He smiles at Xayah and nods slightly in the direction of the book, for a moment she looks at Rakan seeking help, then she nods. The two also sink to the ground, Rakan right next to her and the stranger a little away. Then she hands him the book. He briefly scans the notes. "The Amulet of Infinite Light, a very powerful magical artifact. It was stolen during the invasion of Noxus. As far as I know, a soldier in Bilgewater later exchanged it for a fur coat. After that, its track is lost." The stranger looks at them with a slight smile. 

"It's supposed to be on the Shadow Isles now, we're on our way there." Xayah looks at him suspiciously, not wanting to give any more information. The stranger's face lights up and he shines at them both. "I' m also on my way to the islands, we could travel together if you like." 

Suspicious, Xayah raises an eyebrow and looks at Rakan questioningly. "What do you want on the Shadow Isles?" The stranger notices the suspicious undertone in her voice and grins at her broadly. "I want to discover what led to the ruin of the islands. There are many rumors and tales, but I want to know how it really happened." His eyes sparkle and he looks at the sea. 

"What is your name?" 

Surprised, the stranger looks up, smiling again. "I guess I ain't made much of a name for myself in Ionia yet. I' m Ezreal, explorer and adventurer." Then he nods at them. "And who are you?"

Xayah freezes for a moment and looks for help at Rakan, who puts a hand on her thigh. " I' m Rakan and this is my mate Xayah, we are... artifact collectors."


	29. Welcome to the harbour town

  
When the boat after days finally docks at the harbour Xayah is close to kissing the floor when she finally feels solid ground under her feet again. With an amused grin, Ezreal looks down at her as she leans against a wall in relief, eyes closed, while Rakan glances around curiously. His eyes rest on the façade of the building his lover is leaning against. "Is this... a part of a ship?" His voice carries a surprised note and he looks at Ezreal in wonder. 

For a moment, he tilts his head, his eyes resting on the golden peacock, clear astonishment visible on his face. "You've never been in Bilgewater, have you?" A short nod confirms his words, he also just nods briefly as if to confirm himself. "Many of the buildings here are made from the remains of ships, people here use everything they can. Have you never left Ionia before?" His voice sounds curious and he looks back and forth between the young man, who is still looking enthusiastically from one building to another, and the young woman, who looks like she might vomit at any moment. 

To his surprise, it' s Xayah who raises her voice first. " Well, for me it' s the first time I've left Ionia. This cruise... it was terrible. I've made a note for myself that I don't like to travel by boat." She tries to smile and Ezreal can't help but laugh out loud, then he nods in the direction of a nearby building. " There' s a tavern over there, you can also rent rooms."

_To the Rusty Hook_

' What a strange name', it shoots through Xayah's mind as her eyes are fixed on the wooden shield at the entrance, worm-eaten and slightly swaying in the wind. With a quick movement, Ezreal brushes his hair out of his face and heads towards the tavern entrance, opening the door and holding it for them. While Rakan immediately steps into the room Xayah hesitates, her eyes roaming the dark room, just a few candles bathing it in a surreal light. 

"Don't worry, it may not look like a very safe place to stay, but it's really nice here. The host is a good friend of mine." He winks at her, immediately she rolls her eyes and enters the room, almost running into Rakan. "I was wondering where you guys have been. I've picked a table for us, a little further back, so it's not so easy to sneak a peek." He winks at them and gives Xayah a quick hug, breathing a kiss on her forehead. "Not in front of others," she whispers softly and a slight blush tints her cheeks.

For a moment Rakan rubs his nose against her cheek, a slight smile on his lips. "Why?" His voice is a soft whisper, then he winks at her and leads them to the mentioned table, which is standing in a corner right next to the window, a slightly dirty plaid tablecloth is lying on it, a candle is in the middle of the table, hot wax flows down on it and leaves light stains on the cloth. Not far away on a small plateau reminding of a stage, a young girl is standing, long blond hair is falling down her body in gentle waves, her grey-blue eyes are shining happily as she waves into the crowd. Her simple, beige skirt is tattered, her shirt hangs loosely over her upper body and a blue tartan cloth is wrapped around her hips. 

Interested Xayah looks at the girl, all in all the child seems rather worn down and makes a sad impression, if there wasn't the sparkle in her eyes. The girl sets her violin in place, after a short moment she closes her eyes and starts to play the first notes. With quick, practiced movements the bow dances across the strings and breathtaking, lively music fills the room, bathing it in a colourful light.

Without registering it, Xayah straightens up, her ears twitch and she stares at the girl with eyes wide open, getting lost in the sounds while listening to the musical story. She bites her lower lip, her eyes still fixed on the young violinist. She knows the song, she knows it all too well. While she has been on her own, she has heard it several times when she has taken a break somewhere. It is a song that is widely spread among the humans and has found its way even to different Vastaya tribes.

How many hours did she spend humming this song while traveling alone, through the darkness, in the rain, completely alone and abandoned by everyone else. After her tribe disappeared, after she had a fight with Keir, when she was close to losing hope, just giving up. 

**You're never too lost to know where the road is**   
**It could be dark**   
**You could be hopeless**

Yes, those lines have dominated her life for a long time, helping her to walk upright and fight for something she didn't know if it was really worth it. She swallows for a brief second, her eyes are still fixed on the girl, so that she doesn't even notice how a young lady asks for their orders, whether they want something to eat or drink.

**But, I'll wait 'til you find your way**   
**You're never to far to be forgotten**   
**Here in my heart, I hear you calling**   
**So I'll wait 'til you find your way back home**

Her gaze leaves the girl and turns to Rakan instead. For the first time she really realizes how much time and patience Rakan has invested in this relationship, how long he has followed her, without even knowing if she would ever let him become a part of her life, without knowing if his efforts will ever succeed. 'Because he didn't care, he really just wanted my best. He never really pushed me, gave me all the time in the world. He supported every stupid idea I had. No matter how hopeless or dangerous. Even now he's by my side, even though this trip is so incredibly dangerous.' 

The thought forms in her head without her being able to do anything about it, again she bites her lower lip, looks at him. Then she smiles at him timidly, rising from her chair. Surprised, he looks up as she looks down at him, reaching out a hand and wordlessly asking him to take her hand.

Just a moment later the two of them stand pressed close together in front of the stage, his arms wrapped tightly around her body while her head rests on his chest, swaying gently in time to the music. Xayah hums softly to the rhythm of the music, while she continues to press herself firmly against Rakan, her eyes closed.

"Thank you."

He looks at her in surprise, strokes her hair. "For what?"

"For everything. Your love. Your tenderness. Your care. And for your patience. Simply for all these things." She looks at his face and smiles lightly, while light tears form in her eyes.

Lovingly he returns her smile, strokes her cheek with the thumb of his right hand. "This is what love means." Tenderly he kisses her forehead as the music changes, quickening. The girl has started a faster song unknown to them, some men - already clearly drunk - immediately start to sing a vulgar sailor's song to the rhythm of the music. For a short moment Xayah moves her mouth, then Rakan grabs her hand and pulls her back to the table, where already three big cups with a brownish liquid and a big plate with different snacks are standing. 

When they sit down again, Ezreal grins at them. "That was...cute," he grins and winks at Rakan, then his eyes wander to Xayah, a mischievous grin on his lips as he raises his glass. "The greatest danger in life is to become too careful." Ezreal grins at them again, lets his toast sink for a moment. Then the two Vastaya do the same and raise their glasses as well, toasting each other and slightly knocking the glasses together. 

"So, Ezreal, tell us about this place. You said you were familiar with places like this. Neither Xayah nor I have ever been here, what stories are there to tell about this town?" Rakan looks at him with glowing eyes, holding his glass in his hand while Xayah carefully sniffs at hers. "Um... what is this stuff? I've never seen a drink like this before."

Astonished, Ezreal raises an eyebrow, then shrugs his shoulders for a moment. "This is brown rum, tastes very intense and this particular one is slightly sweet. That's because it had raisins in it." He takes a sip from his glass, licks his lips slightly. "What can I tell you about Bilgewater? Well, first things first. If you're carrying any valuables, don't show them to anyone. Unless you want to be found in the dock with your throat slit, without your belongings. There are many gangs, petty criminals and smugglers out there, so be careful who you talk to and who you trust."

"We trust no one. Except ourselves. Not even you. Excuse my directness, but it's a fact." Xayah looks at him calculatingly, and Ezreal just nods. "I don't trust you either, we don't know each other. But you seem more trustworthy than most of the people around here. Even though I don't quite believe you're artifact hunters. If you were, I wouldn't have had to explain to you what it has to do with the object you are looking for. But it's none of my business what you're really seeking on the Shadow Isles. Or rather, why." He winks at them, leaving his words to take effect while crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Nervously, Xayah gives her lover a fleeting glance, but Rakan sits calmly in his seat with a grin on his face, taking a sip of his rum before he takes a calamari ring. "It was probably obvious," he chuckles softly, causing Ezreal to nod silently. Without thinking about it, Xayah brings her glass to her lips and takes a deep sip, tears instantly shoot into her eyes as the burning liquid makes its way down her throat. "Um... you probably shouldn't drink so much at once." 

Concern resonates in Ezreal's voice, his brows furrowed, he looks over at her. Then his eyes turn to Rakan, who looks at his companion with an indefinable expression. "Is she stable?" For a moment Rakan is silent, then he looks at his new friend. " Yes and no, sometimes she can take more, sometimes less. But this stuff is strong, I doubt it's a good idea to drink so much of it at once." Ezreal nods slightly. "We should keep a closer eye on her then. You can call me Ez, by the way."

Rakan nods, taking another sip from his glass. "So then, let's get some information. Where around here should we be careful and where can we hire a driver to take us to the islands?" He lightly wraps his arm around Xayah, eyes still fixed on Ez. 

For a moment, Ezreal remains silent, hand on his chin, thinking. "In any case, you should stay away from the blood harbor. A long series of brutal deaths continues through the ranks of the people working there. And not only those who work there are affected, captains and others. Some say that the Slasher of the Blood Harbor is a crazy serial killer, who chooses his victims just for fun, others say that the killer would carry a list with him on which all passengers of a ship called Terror are listed and that he would choose his victims from this list." 

Then Ez leans forward a little and looks at the two of them seriously, a little quieter he continues. "However, other sources tell that the slasher is a restless soul who was left for dead by his companions and his captain. It is said to be the ghost of a harpooneer who is seeking revenge."

Rakan looks at the dripping candle wax, Xayah is the first to respond. "They just left him behind?" Her voice sounds husky, she avoids eye contact and focuses on a small square on the tablecloth. Ez nods. "They say the captain panicked and cut the safety line. This is certain death for any harpooneer. They say the captain fled with the rest of his crew."

Her eyes move from the square on the blanket to the floor and for a moment she bites her lower lip. "I can understand him. He has been betrayed by those he trusted. They left him alone, left him to die. To save their own lifes. Like he's not worth anything, ballast, a replaceable good. He wants to correct the harm done to him and get revenge. There's nothing wrong with that."

Thoughtfully, Rakan looks at her from the side, his forehead slightly wrinkled. He can clearly hear the bitterness in her voice and he is sure that her emotions are not only caused by this story. Gently he puts his arm around her waist, pulls her close to him, hoping that his closeness will soothe her emotions a little bit.

She smiles slightly at him, while Ez gives her a thoughtful look. "I'd say his victims disagree. But I get your point. However, things are a little different here, the propensity to violence in Bilgewater is much higher than in Ionia and injustice is punished by further injustice. A few years ago, a very well known reaver king murdered the family of a little girl in front of her eyes, she was the only one who survived. Not long ago she took revenge on him by blowing up his flagship while he was still on it." Again Ezreal takes a sip of rum, Xayah does the same and empties the rest of the glass in one go, which Ez just watches with a raised eyebrow. 

It doesn't take long and a clear redness can be seen in Xayah's face and after two more glasses her head is resting on the table. With a slight smile Rakan looks down at her, taking another sip of the drink. "Do you know any other legends of this area?" Interested, Rakan looks at the blond man, who nods with a broad grin, while Rakan pulls Xayah closer and strokes his drunk girlfriend tenderly over her back, which remains hidden from others by her wing.

" Of course! For example, there is the legend of a former sailor, he is called Nautilus. It is said that he is supposed to drag everyone into a cold grave who refuses to pay a coin as an offering to the sea to soothe the gods living in the sea and request a safe passage. I heard somewhere that many years ago he was an ordinary man who died because his captain didn't pay this tribute. Or something like that." „

For a moment Rakan frowned, looking directly at the young man. "All these legends here are so dark... ...are there no positive ones?" For a brief moment Ez muses on his words, then slowly shakes his head. "If there are any, they are unknown to me. But you know, negative things spread easier and faster than positive things." He laughs cheerfully and looks at the two of them smiling. "I have already hired a captain, tomorrow we start the passage to the Shadow Isles, that will take a few hours again, the crew of the ship includes four more men. We will dock in a small establishment near the islands and rent rooms there, according to the information I have received about it, the building is about five hours away from the isles. From there we can sail daily to the island and back again until dusk. You should be out of the water around the isles before nightfall."

Rakan nods, then smiles broadly at Ezreal. "Thanks for all your support. We should get some rest now, tomorrow will be a tough day." Ez nods with a grin as Rakan gets up and takes his drunk girlfriend up with him. For a moment he hesitates, but then decides to simply pick her up and carry her in his arms upwards the stairs and put her to bed. At the bottom of the stairs Rakan turns around once more, nods gratefully to Ez and heads upstairs. 


	30. Black Mist

The sea is rough, the small boat shakes uncomfortably, making Xayah literally hanging over the railing, fighting the urge to vomit again. With one hand Rakan strokes her back, the other holding her pony out of her face, while Ezreal gets a glass of water. "Damn... I wish..." For a moment she has to choke, but as it turns out - to her huge relief - it's just a misalert. "I wish we had never left Ionia. I'm sick and tired of this seafaring." 

Sinking down to an outside wall near the railing, pale and trembling, Rakan puts an arm around her and tries to calm her down as Ezreal hands her the glass of water, which she gratefully accepts. "Maybe you're just pregnant?" He smiles at her suggestively, winks slightly. Xayah's gaze wanders to the ground, she bites her lower lip as Rakan smiles sadly at him. 

" That' s impossible, no children have been born for several human generations and the situation is getting worse every year. It won't take many generations, and we Vastaya have almost disappeared." Ez looks thoughtfully at the water, nodding understandingly. "I'm sorry," he says softly, the usual grin fading from his face. Xayah's sole reaction is a disbelieving snort. "Why should you humans care if we Vastaya disappear?" 

It's obvious she doesn't believe him. He looks at her with a raised eyebrow. "Why shouldn't it? Even as a little boy I read recordings which focused on your people, I will never forget the day when I finally met some of them. Most of the Vastaya I was allowed to meet were very nice, even if some preferred to keep a secret about their true identity." He winks at them one by one, then puts his arms against the back of his head, leaning against a metal pole. "I would love it if my children could have the same experience one day." He smiles and looks over at them with attention.

"And I would love it if we could change the subject...", she snaps off and pauses abruptly as the boat is shaken by a sudden, unexpected force and is driven to the side, turning the stream of water in a completely different direction than before. The crew rushes to the railing, stares down at the water, a noticeable bump in the water is visible, approaching a boat not far away.

"Oh shit...", Ezreal whispers with big eyes, staring at them both. "Do you remember what I told you yesterday?" Rakan looks at him with wide eyes, nodding wildly and stammering a nervous "yes", while Xayah looks back and forth between the two of them without understanding. "Um... no? I don't remember anything from yesterday. At least almost nothing." Ezreal nods in the other boat's direction.

Just a few moments later, a huge fountain of water shoots up, a giant anchor bursts from it and crashes through a side of the boat, which is torn into the depths just seconds later, swallowed by the cold water and lost forever. A second later the sea is once again calm, as if nothing had happened.

They look at each other in silence, Xayah attempts several times to say something, but doesn't manage to get a single word out of her mouth. "Was that... Nautilus? The sailor you told me about yesterday?" Rakan looks at him with wide eyes, Ezreal and Xayah still staring at the spot where the boat had been moments before, nothing even suggests that any of this happened. 

" It seems the captain didn't make a sacrifice. Like I said, a coin to appease the gods, or Nautilus comes and... well, you've seen what happens then." The two Vastaya nod, then Rakan reaches into his pocket, grabs a gold coin and flips it into the water. He looks at him with a raised eyebrow. "The captain has already made an sacrifice." A slight smile is on his lips, but Rakan just shrugs his shoulders.

"Anyway, just to be sure."

~ * ~

  
The sun has already set a long time ago when the small boat stops at the pier, on a hill in the middle of the water is a small tavern, the stone hill ends in a sandbank, which probably feels comfortable in the sunshine. Some flares are stuck in holes in the stone, lining the way to the entrance. "We will spend the night here and tomorrow, at daybreak, we will head over to the shadow islands. The passage takes about two hours," explains Ezreal and leads the others to the entrance of the tavern. 

Surprisingly, the interior of the tavern is more comfortable than the small group would have expected. Some cushioned chairs stand around small tables, candles give it a cosy touch, while a warm fire in the fireplace is crackling softly. With quick steps Xayah runs to the fireplace, arms stretched towards the flames and warming herself. 

When finally peace has returned, everyone has moved into their rooms and is slowly getting ready for the night, Xayah throws herself onto the bed, stretching out and visibly relieved to be back on solid ground. "Ez will give us as much information about the islands as he can during the passage tomorrow. I thought we could spend the evening entirely alone again." Rakan smiles at her with sparkling eyes and lets his words take effect for a moment before he lies down next to her on the bed, stroking soft lines across her belly with one hand. 

Her face immediately brightens and she literally shines at him, without saying anything back. She straightens up, puts a hand on his chest and kisses him tenderly, while his hand slides against her back and he closes her lovingly in a gentle yet firm embrace. It takes what feels like an eternity before their lips separate again, still staring at each other in love. 

He gently lets her return to the bed, his lips caress her body, her fingers glide over his skin and her breath goes faster under his touches. It doesn't take long and she rears up under him, her fingernails pierce his back and she whimpers softly. For a short moment Rakan looks at her fearfully, worried that she might be afraid or hurt, but to his relieve it is rather the opposite. 

After some time he lets himself fall on her exhausted, again his lips move to her neck and he starts to suck on it gently, which makes Xayah sigh lightly, before she gives him an surprised look through her half closed eyelids. Smiling softly, he shakes his head and takes her in his arms before they fall asleep cuddled close together.

  
~ * ~

  
The sun mercilessly breaks through the window the next morning, the bright light leaves Rakan groaning, while his beloved sits upright almost immediately and slides to the edge of the bed to face the new day. With his eyes closed, he reaches for her, finds her back and moves along the tender skin to her belly, before he gently drags her back in his direction, back to bed, as if he wanted to prevent the day from starting right now. 

Laughing softly, she lets herself be drawn towards him, shaking her head over his efforts to delay the start of the day. "Darling, we have to get up, we have something to do," she laughs softly, her hand strokes his cheek and she looks at him lovingly. "I can't hear you... I'm still asleep," he mumbles softly, his eyes still closed, but his hands pull her onto his stomach. 

For a moment she gives in to him, lies down on his belly and kisses his chest, which he answers with a kind of purring. Then Xayah straightens up again, slips down from him and out of the bed, which Rakan notices with a disappointed grumbling, still not making any effort to move out of bed in the near future.

"Come on, get out of bed, Mieli, the earlier we leave, the sooner we'll be back and can once again make ourselves as comfortable as we were last night," she whispers and creates her dress out of magic before quickly running her fingers through her hair and tying it into the usual braid before she takes a look over her shoulder. 

Satisfied, she notices that Rakan has jumped out of bed enthusiastically, a smug grin on his lips and shining eyes. Then she looks at her leather-bound book, looking at her notes once again. "I hope you meant what you just said," he whispers into her ear, closing his arms around her waist from behind. Surprised, she looks up, she hasn't even noticed him approaching her, she smiles mischievously at him and shrugs her shoulders. "You'll have to find out," she then giggles softly and looks at her notes again.

Quietly grumbling, he lets go of her and begins to straighten his feathers, which makes her look up from her book again and watching him. She realizes that his whole back is covered with scratches, fresh scratches that are already healing but still clearly visible. One or two even look as if they would leave scars. 

Questioningly he looks at her, noticing her staring, but she just shocks her head, ignoring his unspoken question. She can't remember the night before, yes, she had been very excited, but she didn't expect to leave such marks. A slight reddening spread over her cheeks and she looked at her notes shamefully once again. 

"Hey, honey, what's wrong? I always know when something's on your mind." Rakan doesn't look up, continues to straighten his feathers, but his ears betray him, she can clearly see that his attention is focused on her, which is pretty rare. Normally he isn't focused on anything or anyone. Or rather rarely, in certain situations. "It's just..." She breaks off, her gaze is once again directed to her book before she looks up at him again, shyly, he looks at her expectantly, a soothing smile on his lips.

She blushes even more, biting her lower lip. "I just noticed... that last night left its marks. And some of them even look like they're going to leave scars... ...I didn't mean to..." She breaks off again, bites her lower lip and turns her head towards the ground before he takes a step towards her, placing a hand under her chin and making her look at him. "Miella, I have so many scars, a few more won't be noticed." A chuckling laugh fills the room, he takes her lovingly in his arms again, his hot breath tickling her ear as he whispers softly, giving her goose bumps.

" There is no other scar I wear so proudly as this one. And as long as you don't think it's gross..."

Surprised, she looks at him, exhales her breath, not even realizing she has held it. "I think scars are sexy. Especially on you." Her voice is little more than a whisper and he holds her closer. "Okay, I get more." 

Again the chuckle and she slaps his chest lightly, also laughing. They kiss again before they head off to the Shadow Isles.

~ * ~

Xayah doesn't know how much time has passed already, but this time the trip doesn't affect her as much as before. Maybe it's because the sea is calmer than the other times, or maybe she just got used to it. A cold shiver runs down her back while she listens to Ezreal's explanations about the Shadow Islands. According to his story, the islands were once a kind of sacred place where a variety of special artifacts were kept. But some misfortune destroyed the islands and changed everything, the people who lived there, the animals, the nature. 

" Well, I guess today there are just ghosts and shadowy creatures on the island that you really have to watch out for. The black mist ahead... that means we are close, we should be able to see the isles soon. In the past, the mist was probably white and was used to protect the isles, but after the destruction the mist changed and became dangerous." Ezreal's gaze rests on the mist, the others follow his eyes.

An uneasy feeling spreads in Xayah's stomach and for the first time ever she wonders if it really was a good idea to accept this mission. Blaan had been right, the isles are dangerous and coming here could end up being a fatal mistake. Nervously she searches for Rakan's hand and grabs it firmly when she finally finds it. Surprised he looks down, gives her an encouraging smile and presses her hand as well, hoping to calm her down. She puts her head to his chest, presses herself against him, her eyes wandering to his face.

"Hey Rakan..."  
"Yeah?"  
" Do you remember the Aphae Waterfalls? I'd like to go there again."  
"Well, try not to die then."

He puts his arms around her waist, pressing her against him, a slight chuckle in his voice as he can recognize the outline of the isles in the mist.


	31. The fallen town

  
Uncomfortably, Xayah looks around, searching with her hand for Rakans, and when she finally finds it, he presses it lightly, hoping to calm her down a bit. Looking at her face from the side, he catches a quick look. It' s tense and another, rarer emotion is hidden in her eyes as she takes in the surroundings, even if he isn't sure which one it is just yet. If he interprets it correctly, it is a strange combination of sadness and pain.

His gaze also moves over the surroundings, over the black sand on which they stand, to the burnt grasses not far away, to the withered, dead trees whose split branches extend far into the black sky. It is darker, and Rakan is sure about that too, as if the light had taken off to safety as soon as they entered the black mist. In the distance he can see broken rocks and fragments of ruins, frozen in the air. For a moment he frowned, looking again in the direction of the dead trees. Looking more closely, he sees leaves swaying gently in the wind, as if a mild breeze were blowing, but there isn't any wind at all. ''Echoes of a long gone time', it shoots through his mind. 

Protecting Xayah, he pulls her closer, putting an arm and his wing protectively over her shoulder, his eyes wandering to Ezreal. "What happened here?" He looks up into the dark sky before his eyes turn to the black mist, which floats in thick strands between the trees and slowly approaches them. 

"I don't know how much of what they say is true. About a thousand years ago it didn't looked like that here, it was once a blessed place, full of scholars and scientists.It is said that one day a king came here with his deceased wife and he didn't want to accept her death. In his desperation he brought the deceased queen to a healing spring, but when her body touched the water something was shattered and the bond that separated the world we live in and the spirit realm from each other was torn apart and turned the blessed isles into what they are now. The people here are damned and time has stopped here, the victims of the catastrophes relive the last hours day after day, for all eternity."

His gaze follows that of the others, taking a closer look at the devastated landscape. The mist seems to become even denser than it already is, and an ever-increasing feeling of uneasiness spreads within him, almost giving Ezreal the feeling of being observed. Next to him Rakan begins to look around nervously. "Is it my imagination, or do you also have the feeling of being watched?" Rakan looks uneasily back and forth between Xayah and Ezreal, which he gets answered with a strong nod from Ezreal. Protectively he pulls Xayah closer to him once more before he opens his mouth again to say something, when Xayah silences him with a clear gesture. 

With one finger she points slightly at a spot between two trees, surrounded by tall, dead undergrowth and dense wafts of mist. Between the plants a light and blueish glow that moves slightly is visible. She slowly walks towards the spot of light, as a preventive act, already some Featherdaggers summoned, when the leaves shivered and the blue light spot disappeared. She stops for a blink of an eye, just to run off in the next moment and start the hunt. 

Whatever this spot of light is, he has been watching them and she wants to know what it is all about. She can hear the other two behind her as she chases after the light spot, between dead trees and decaying undergrowth. The closer she gets to the spot of light, the sharper the spot becomes, she briefly frowned. This spot of light seems to have human contours.   
To her right side a golden light flashes between dead trees, she leaps to the side in alarm, her featherdaggers in attack position, while her body goes into a defensive posture, searching with her eyes for the source of the suddenly flickering light. Behind her she hears a rustling sound, she drives around and looks into Rakan's tense face. For a moment she looks at him confused, frowning, normally she can hear the music that accompanies him from a distance, but not here, of course. It is dead silent, as if the mist absorbs all sounds except their words and steps. 

Once again the golden light flashes, this time closer, without even thinking, Xayah immediately returns to her defensive posture, the featherdaggers ready to attack again, while Rakan steps in front of her, ready to throw the one who is after them off his feet. The air around her feels so thick with tension that Xayah feels as if she could cut it with one of her Featherdaggers. 

Again the golden light, this time much closer. A rustling can be heard, from the spot where the golden light was visible and a moment later Ezreal steps out behind one of the trees, when he sees the attack positions of his companions he raises his hands smiling. The two Vastaya relax and in the next moment Xayah moves in front of Rakan, stomping towards Ezreal and grabbing him by the collar of his top. "What the hell was that?! Can't you give us a warning when you do something like that? I almost turned you into a pincushion! And to make things worse, we lost sight of the person who was watching us because we thought you were an attacker," she hisses at him with fiery eyes. Once again Ezreal raises his hands in a calming gesture. "I'm sorry, I should have informed you in advance." His stupid smile is on his lips again and for a short moment she feels reminded of Rakan. The two are so similar, no wonder they get along so well. 

She opens her hand and lets go of his shirt, so that Ezreal lands on the ground with a hollow noise. Without paying any further attention to him, she settles down on a fallen tree trunk, head towards the ground and eyes closed while massaging her temples. Sometimes Rakan alone is a lot to handle, but two of this kind... in a place like this. _Uff_.

"We should make sure we find the person. I know more or less where he went." Ezreal grins broadly, hands at his sides and taps his foot impatiently. Surprised, Xayah looks up. "You know where it has gone?" He nods briefly, then points his head in the direction in which the figure has run. Immediately Xayah jumps up again. "What are we waiting for. We need to know what we're up against," she whispers quietly, in case there are other creatures around. 

Slowly, and this time more cautiously, the three of them set off in the direction Ezreal has indicated. "I still feel like I'm being watched," Rakan whispers softly, his voice faltering and he looks around again without finding anything. "You are paranoid. Nothing is here and I' m beginning to think that we have lost track of our target," Xayah whispers back just as quietly, albeit a bit grumpy and disgruntled. 

With a grin, Ezreal looks at her and shakes his head, pointing to a spot between the trees. "Behind the trees seems to be the person." Xayah raises an eyebrow, looks at him questioningly. After a moment when she has bitten her lower lip, her gaze wanders back to the spot between the trees that Ezreal has pointed to. She can't see much, but she can make out many, small, blue-green dots of light.  
"You also saw that it was a human being who was watching us, didn't you? At least whatever this place made out of the people who lived here." Her voice is quiet, but Rakan clearly hears a sad undertone and gives her a quick glance. 

Ezreal nods his head and the grin has disappeared from his gaze as he looks seriously at her face. "I could clearly see that it's a person, or rather a kind of ghost. And it looked like..." He breaks off, staring again at the spots of light further away.

"A child's ghost?" whispers Rakan, his voice hollow and hushed. Both Ezreal and Xayah nod, an uncomfortable silence spreading over them as they think their own thoughts, though they are probably all alike. The catastrophe that has happened to this place has, from one moment to the next, completely destroyed the lives of all those who once lived here, driving them to eternal perdition. 'They were innocent, they were farmers, women, children, nobody deserved such a fate. No one deserves to die for the mistakes of other people, to die for them and be damned forever,' Xayah thinks before realising. All the color fades from her face, she rushes over to a bush, kneels and throws up.

Hasn't she caused the same misery to others? How many innocent people has she murdered and had sent to be killed by her people? How many women and children? Farmers who only cared about their families and villages? How many lives did she take completely senselessly and destroyed other lives? How many families destroyed and thereby driven into a damnation of grief and suffering? Her victims may not be trapped in her suffering forever, but that doesn't make her crimes any better. She vomits again. 

She feels a hand on her shoulder and drives around in panic, looking into the sad eyes of Rakan. For a moment she has the feeling that he knows exactly what is going on inside her and gratefully grabs the water bottle he hands her, taking a sip and fighting against the urge to vomit again. She had never thought she could ever be haunted by such feelings of guilt for what she had done. After all, she had good reasons for doing what she did. Didn't she?

Whether she wants to admit it or not, Rakan has changed everything. 

Gently he lifts her up on her feet, leads her back to Ezreal, who looks at the two questioningly, but doesn't ask. Grateful that he keeps himself out of their affairs, she nods to him and together they step out between the trees, towards the blue-green lights. 

All three of them hold their breath as they step out onto the open area, dark, almost black, burnt grass spreads out in front of their eyes and almost the entire area is full of small blue-green spots of light, three figures are standing in their middle, thin, fine bands of the same green-blue light lead from one of the figures to the small spots of light. It' s a tall figure with a tattered, dark robe and an also worn cape, which covers his face. In his hand he holds a rod with a small lantern attached to its upper end, and although he looks sinister, he doesn't make a terrifying impression. On the contrary, somehow he seems comforting to the three.

The other figure is clearly recognizable as the figure of a woman, her once pale hair still framing her fine, ghostly features and her elegant dress still hiding her now ghostly body. A dark, green cloak, matching her headgear, nestles up against her body and in her hand she holds an open cage, ghostlike birds flutter cheerfully around her body and she seems to be having an enthusiastic conversation with the other ghost-like being, while her other hand rests on the shoulder of a small ghost girl, her long, black hair tied in a braid, a dark blue tattered bow decoratively in her hair. She is wearing a simple, tattered farmer's dress, in the same dark blue, her ghostly face in the same blue as the figure they followed. Without a doubt, they have found the person who has been watching them.

Slowly they approach the ghostly creatures, when the girl already points her bluish finger at the three and starts babbling excitedly, they can hear her high, slightly squeaky voice, but they don't understand her words. Excitedly the girl runs around the other two, careful not to touch any of the other lights, her arms stretched out and a soft laugh reaches the ears of the others. Astonished Xayah looks at Rakan, who gives her a similarly irritated look. The girl stops and waves both arms to the three visitors, Ezreal just shrugs his shoulders and makes his way to the ghostly creatures. "Don't touch any of the others! Otherwise they will be afraid," shouts the ghost child, her hands placed in front of her mouth like a speaking pipe.

Again Xayah glances at her lover before the two of them follow Ezreal, careful not to touch any of the spots of light. If they didn't know any better, one could easily think that this little girl is nothing else but just that, a happy girl, playing in a field and still alive. The closer they get to the ghost beings, the more the uncomfortable feelings fall from their shoulders, with a broad grin Rakan kneels before the ghost girl. "Well, little lady, you've been watching us, haven't you?" He asks smiling, the girl looks briefly at the creature with the hood and then back at Rakan, nodding. For a short moment he thinks he can see a sparkle in her black eyes, but he's not sure if he just imagined it.

"I was playing in Helia and saw you arrive," she giggles and kneels down on the dark grass, ghostly fingertips lightly riding over it. "Helia?" Xayah looks at the girl in surprise, and her gaze moves to the other two ghostly beings. "Helia was the capital of the Blessed Isles, it is so long ago." The ghost woman's voice carries a sad tone, it has a bit of an echo, carried over the centuries. A light smile rests on her face, her black eyes seem distant, far away. As if she is not in this place, maybe not even in this time. Ezreal looks at the figure in the cape. "What is all this?"

He points his arm across the many tiny dots of light. The figure withdraws his cape a little, showing his face, black eyes on greenish light, where his mouth should have been, a huge hole open, from which the thin bands of green-blue light run to the spots of light on the meadow. His voice sounds off-center, as if it were coming from somewhere deep inside him. "When this place was known as the Blessed Isles, I was a simple shepherd, I looked after the sheep and goats of some farmers and took the farmers' children to the fields when they needed some time without their children. But after the islands were destroyed I began to protect the souls of the weaker ones from Thresh. When the disaster struck, little Taya was with me at one of the meadows and we tried to bring some of the animals to safety. Back then, we thought there was a way to escape our fate". The echo in his voice sounds sad and Xayah looks at him thoughtfully. 

Rakan tilts his head, making a funny face, and the girl starts giggling again. "So your name is Taya," he asks laughing, whereupon the girl nods wildly and leaps up. She briefly touches his arm, a light shiver running down Rakan's back as her cold fingers touch him. "Catch me," Taya laughs and runs off, making sure she doesn't touch any of the other ghosts that are drifting off in different directions, trying to avoid them. For a moment, Xayah looks at them smiling, 'Rakan is really good with children, he would have been a great father,' it flashes through her mind, knowing that it will never happen. Her species hasn't procreated for so many generations, so considering alone would be foolish.

Her eyes turn again to the former shepherd. "Who is Thresh?" For a moment, the soul shepherd is silent, his eyes seem distant, then he turns them again onto Xayah. "He is the chain warden, a cruel creature, bloodthirsty and dangerous. He loves to play with his victims and torture them before killing them. Most of his victims he robs their souls and locks them in his lantern, so that he can see and feel their suffering and torment every day, others he simply kills and leaves them to the black mist, leaving them to transform into one of the creatures here, so he can hunt his victim every day anew, torturing him and mocking him over and over again. Everything the black mist consumes will be forced by it to eternal damnation on this isle". He looks at her earnestly. "You should leave here while you can. While he doesn't know that you are here. Once he starts hunting you, he'll keep doing it until he gets all of you. And soon there will be another harrowing, so he will be able to leave the isle under the cover of the mist without any trouble and will be able to ambush his victims and make them one of his kind. It is said that he can even leave the isles without the protection of the mist, he is one of the most powerful ghosts here. As are Kalista, Mordekaiser and Hecarim. If you come across any of them, run. Don't look back, run and leave this place."

Ezreal looks up, surprise is in his eyes. "I have heard of Kalista, that you can give her your soul in exchange for revenge. It is said that she was betrayed in her lifetime, which drove her to death." He looks curiously at the soul shepherd, but it is the young woman's spirit that answers him. "She was betrayed, it' true. If I remember correctly, she was the niece of a king who was looking for something on these isles, but a member of the Iron Order betrayed her. Back then she gave me the impression that she was an incredibly strong woman, courageous, determined and incredibly talented in the use of her weapons. He had promised to support her, but instead of keeping his word, he stabbed her in the back and helped to turn the blessed islands into the godless place that it is now". The woman's voice has taken on a bitter undertone.

"Wait, does that mean you experienced the destruction of the Blessed Isles firsthand?" Ezreal's eyes widen and he stares at the woman's spirit with fascination, her eyes turn to him in surprise and she nods hesitantly. "That's right, I lived in Helia back then, it was a bloodbath on this day. All her followers were brutally slaughtered by Hecarim and the Iron Order then and Kalista saw this in her death throes, I suspect this is the reason why she swore revenge." She puts one of her translucent fingers on her chin, nodding. "Yes, it was somewhat like that back then."

"And what happened after that? What caused this disaster? And is there any way to undo it?" She looks at him sadly, shakes her head. "No, what has happened can never be undone. The king from the empire where Kalista came, I think he lost someone close to him and lost his mind. He thought he might cheat the dead, and he left the body... his wife, yes, it was his wife then who was poisoned, he put her body into the Water of Life and contaminated it causing a cataclysm which turned the Blessed Isles into what you see here." Her eyes wander over the remains of the place that once burst with beauty and positive energy and is now nothing more than a sad reminder of its former existence. 

"What are you even looking for here? You could hardly find a more hostile place than this." 

Hesitantly, Xayah takes her notebook from her pocket, opens it to the page with the drawing of the amulet. " During a harrowing the son of a friend was caught in the mist, carrying this amulet. His mother asked us to get it back." For a moment the Widow of Forgotten Songs looks at her, nodding. 

"Your best chance to find it will be on the other side of the isle, at the black beach, but the way is dangerous and you should consider carefully if you really want to risk it. We can accompany you for a while, but once we get to the edge of the safe zone, we'll go back." She smiles slightly and Xayah nods gratefully, her eyes wandering back to Rakan who is still playing fetch with Taya. Does she really want to take that risk? Ezreal has already gotten what he came for, he heard from first hand what happened, a time witness has told him about it, but should they really risk going further? Her eyes turn to the side with the drawing, she bites her lower lip, then her eyes move back to Rakan.


	32. Betrayer

  
For a split second Xayah hesitates, biting her lower lip again and starts pacing up and down, considering her options and trying out various possible scenarios in her mind. They could go back, interrupt the mission, travel back to Bilgewater and then back to Ionia. They would simply leave the artifact here. She bites her lower lip harder, tastes blood. If they went back now, they would have wasted several months.

_But Rakan wouldn't be in danger._  
_She would fail Lughs, deny her one last memory of her son._  
_But Rakan would be taken out of danger._  
_They would leave the artefact behind._  
_But Rakan would be safe._  
_She would abandon her cause._  
_But Rakan...!_

She bites her lower lip once more, her hands clenching into fists, opening and closing again right after that, repeating, realizing with surprise that her fingers are slightly moist, a thin layer of sweat covering them. She closes her eyes, her thoughts run wild, spinning in circles over and over again.

_Artifact. Rakan. Artefact. Rakan. Artefact. Rakan._

**Rakan!**

Determined she opens her eyes again, with a slight smile on her lips she realizes that she didn't even need to think about it, it was already decided from the beginning. She would never put a mission above Rakan, put him in danger. Xayah freezes, the realization hits her with the force of a fist punch. Never in her life she would have thought that anyone could be more important than her cause, that someone could have a higher priority, that someone could stand above her cause. And yet that is exactly what happened, this person is standing not far away from her and brings a smile to the lips of a little girl's ghost.

She would do everything for him, give everything for him, protect him with her life. If anyone would even try to touch a hair on his head or a feather, they should pray that they can run faster than her featherdaggers flying. Nothing and no one will put her Rakan in danger, she'll make sure of that.

"We're going back."

Determined, she looks at the two young men, Ezreal nods slowly, his head tilted and looks at her slightly questioningly, but says nothing and buries his hands in his pockets. Rakan takes a step towards her, a brow raised and his arms crossed in front of his chest. "We haven't found the artefact yet." He looks at her calculatingly, searching for the reason for her sudden change of mind. Hesitantly she moves her head, her gaze wanders to the two ghostly beings, resting on the widow of forgotten songs, a bird-like creature of greenish light glides around her before changing direction and hovering towards Rakan. 

From one moment to the next, the soul shepherd raises his staff, the small lantern at its tip begins to glow and the small spots of light float towards the source of light, disappearing inside the lantern. " It' s too late, he knows you are here", his voice sounds, echoes through the surroundings and fades away in the darkness. 

"Who knows we're here?" Ezreal looks curiously at the ghostly being, runs his hand through his blond hair, his eyes looking intensely at the surroundings. The black mist comes towards them in denser clouds, very slowly, but undoubtedly getting closer. "What artifact? What is an artifact?" Curiously, Taya looks back and forth between the visitors, her eyes as black as the fog that imprisons the island and all its people, holding them forever in this state between life and death. For all eternity.

An unknown sadness spreads in Rakan as he almost tenderly puts his hand on the shoulder of the ghost girl. Xayah crouches before her, showing her the page from the book. "We are looking for this necklace. It belonged to the son of a friend and she misses him very much, the necklace is supposed to ease her grief," she explains to the little girl, a slight smile on her lips. Taya looks at the picture for a moment, then looks up at Xayah and asks, "You're looking for the necklace? 

Both Xayah and Rakan nod, causing Taya to start giggling with a resounding chuckle, clapping her hands. "I know where the necklace is! I saw it, in Helia!" Her black eyes widen, a bright blue appears, as if she is gaining strength, her smile becomes wider. "I can show you where it is", she adds laughing, running over to the edge of the forest and coming to a halt in front of some dead branches.

"I think it would be better if you tell us where it is. I don't want to cause you any trouble." With a slight smile on her lips, Xayah looks down at the girl, she doesn't know why, but somehow she likes her. It's almost as if Taya is reminding her of herself, a version of herself who died many years ago, her innocent, naïve self, who died that day when humans attacked her and died with every further attack, every insult and every chase. With every stone that hit her, every punch, every offence. 

With a quick movement Xayah shakes her head, repressing the thought. "Thresh will be more dangerous for you than for us, we will accompany you to Helia to reclaim the artifact and escort you to your ship. Helia is on the edge of the safe zone, however... Thresh and some of the more powerful Spirits are often near the city. We must be careful." The widow looks at the three visitors from her bright green eyes, a dreamy smile on her lips. "I haven't been to Helia since the fateful day," she whispers softly.

Thankfully, Xayah nods to her, straightening up again, her gaze wandering over to the edge of the forest, to where Taya has already walked, she follows the girl over there, together with the others. They walk together through the forest, leaving behind dead trees and bushes. In the distance they can see the first remains of ruins, which were hurled through the air that day and frozen in time. A strange voice attracts their attention, hiding behind a bush, they observe the scene that takes place in their immediate surroundings. 

"I betrayed you!" 

The voice is calm, a hint of sadness resonates in her. The young man, to who the voice belongs, looks straight at the woman in front of him, who abruptly turns to him, her blue eyes shining coldly towards him. 

"I should have called as soon as the order was given", the young man continues. "I knew that Hecarim was looking for a reason to get rid of you. You had always been the king's favorite. It all happened so fast, but I should have been even faster. We could have faced him, back to back. We could have fought our way out together and been free! I betrayed you with my failure in this, Kalista. I have failed you." 

Out of the bush, they can see Kalista materializing a spear, the man spreading his arms, waiting for what is coming. Kalista rushes towards him and just seconds later the spear goes through him, then the next and the next. The first spear makes him stagger backwards, the second pierces him and yet he stubbornly remains standing. The third brings him to his knees, he collapses. With his last strength he asks her to finish it, with the intention of freeing her. 

They watch in fascination as the scene changes, Kalista reaches out for the figure she executed before, it almost seems as if her eyes are filled with tears. She whispers softly to herself, not understandable for the group. Carefully they sneak past the scene, between bushes and trees, protected from Kalista's gaze. When they are sure that they are far enough away from her, Ezreal sighs. "That was quite strange," he exclaims, which Xayah only answers with a nod. Rakan remains silent, his gaze rests on Taya, then wanders to the widow of the forgotten songs and from there to Xayah.

" It seemed to me as if she had become the person again who she once was. Maybe there's some way to free the victims of this catastrophe after all..." His voice sounds thoughtful as they continue walking through the dead forest, Helia getting closer and closer.

~ * ~ 

It doesn't take long and they reach the city, which once must have been Helia. Or rather what is left of it, since the first thing they notice is that a large part of the town has sunk, the sea has taken back what once belonged to it. With shining eyes, Taya grabs Xayah's hand, pulls her behind herself, to where she had seen the amulet. To Xayah's great relief it is really the amulet, it simply lies on a large stone plate, shining in the darkness. 

A large stone drops from her heart, and yet it runs down her spine, like ice. It is as if she is getting weaker with every passing minute, as if her energy is fading away with every single minute. Together with Taya she makes her way back to the others as she notices a movement out of the corner of her eye. 

Immediately she moves around, two figures are standing rigidly at a distance, it's a little boy and a little girl, he has ears like Xayah's, softer feathers can be seen. The girl has smaller ears like those of a cat and a tail just as well. They both stare at her and a strange feeling spreads inside her. It seems to her as if she has to remember the two of them, but she can' t memorize them. She wrinkles her brow, thinking with all her might, but she can't remember how she could know them. She moves her head again, turning around and walking back with Taya and the artifact to the others, back to the boat they arrived in. 

They stop on a burned, former green area, not knowing how to say goodbye in this situation. "Thank you," Xayah whispers, bending slightly forward, holding the amulet firmly in her hand. Taya smiles widely, making a small jump and looking from one to the other. For a moment her gaze rests on the ghost girl, a thought comes to her and with a light smile Xayah crouches on the burnt field. She looks Taya straight into her ghostly face. 

"You were really brave and you helped us so much." Her voice is soft and she places her hand lightly on the grass, concentrating her thoughts again on the flowers she created back then for Iduna and a short eternity ago - as it seems to her in this place - for Enya. She wants to give Taya a flower, a real, living, colourful flower, one that has not been extinguished by this place. Like back then, she feels the tingling in her fingers, but nothing happens, the earth underneath her fingers remains black and burnt, dead, in an act of full effort, Xayah presses her eyes together, concentrating further on the flower, the slight tingling turns into a stronger tingling and shortly afterwards a sharp pain runs through her body and it feels like she is on fire. 

Blurred, she sees a single white flower standing on green grass, the blurred contours of Taya and the widow of the forgotten songs appear before her eyes, they are no longer ghostly anymore but human, but as fast as they looked again like the day before the islands were destroyed, as fast their appearance changes back to what they are now and in the next moment Xayah loses consciousness. A bluish glow covers the flower and the spot of green grass, draining all life from it and making the plants part of the environment, another part of dead environment.

Together with Ezreal, Rakan brings Xayah back to the boat, neither of them noticing the figure who is watching them.


	33. The Day will come when you wont be

  
More than 24 hours have passed since they left the Shadow Isles, they are still on the same ship they entered and left the Isles with, sailing back towards Bilgewater. With slightly hesitant steps, Ezreal walks towards the sleeping cabins, carrying a carafe of water, a piece of bread and some dried meat. Without knocking he pushes the door to the room with his back open, his eyes fixed on Rakan. "Is she awake?" His voice sounds tense as he hands him the tray. The one asked shakes his head, then looks at the blond-haired man. "No, but her eyelids fluttered earlier. It's just a matter of time before she will wake up," he whispers quietly, a hopeful undertone in his voice. 

Maybe they really should have left the islands when she said it. Just left the artifact where it was. _To hell with the amulet!_  
His eyes drop on the pendant on the small side table, the reason for all these strains, the reason why Xayah collapsed. Or maybe not, the real reason is rather that Xayah wanted to give Taya a little present, that she should see a real flower again after all these years. A light smile spreads on his lips as he brushes a strand of her slightly damp hair from her face. Gently he puts the back of his hand on her forehead, not feeling any signs of increased temperature. Her eyelids flutter and shortly afterwards her eyes open slightly and she looks at him with dull eyes from half-closed, heavy lids. The exhaustion is clearly visible on her face, yet a slight smile flicks across her lips when she sees him. "Rakan..." she whispers softly, her voice rough. 

Immediately he holds a cup of water to her lips, giving her a few sips, causing her to cough. "Are you all right?", he whispers worriedly, his hand resting gently on her cheek and she nods hesitantly. "I, um... just overexerted myself..." She tries to straighten up, with Rakan helping her right away. Cautiously Ezreal clears his throat, pulling a chair up to her bunk. "I'm sorry if this is an inappropriate question, but why did you pass out?"

She scratches her cheek nervously, her eyes turning away from them in shame, turning to the wall on the other side of the bunk. "I just overexerted myself. I wanted to create a living plant, but the environment absorbed so much of my magic. But I really needed to make it work." She bites her lower lip, looks at them again. "I know it was stupid from me and my mistake could have been dangerous for all of us."

Rakan looks at her earnestly, nodding. "You're right, that could have gone wrong. The Shadow Isles are full of malevolent and dangerous ghosts and in a few days we'll have Samhain. We should travel back to Ionia as soon as possible." His eyes turn away from her and towards Ezreal, a questioning expression on his face. "Are you going back to Ionia or are you going somewhere else?" Ezreal is surprised for a moment, then leans against the wall, arms crossed in front of his chest. "I'd love to see one or two ancient temples in Ionia, but there are no real records of where to find any of them. Their whereabouts are a well-kept secrets," he smiles, stroking through his hair. 

A quiet, joyless laughter slips out of Xayah's throat, she looks at him sadly. "Unfortunately it isn't well enough protected." Slowly Rakan nods, stepping up to her again and helping her out of the bunk. "We will arrive in Bilgewater tonight, and tomorrow we should be able to travel on."

  
~ * ~

  
The cool night wind blows around the figures standing at the railing and staring towards the approaching harbour, blurred lights are visible in the distance. The howling of the wind gets stronger with every second and sends a cold shiver down the skin of the three friends. For a moment Rakan frowned, the howling grew louder and louder, seems to come from behind them. Surprised, he stares in the direction he suspects the sounds are coming from, his stomach turns for a moment and all the colour disappears from his face. 

"Um... Guys? Can the black mist follow us?"

The others look in the same direction Rakan is facing, but nothing but deepest darkness is visible until a flash of lightning illuminates the scene and gives a glimpse of what is coming towards them in the darkness. Shadowy creatures of various shapes and sizes are in the black mist, coming towards them and approaching faster than they would like to. Screams and disembodied moans reach their ears through the distance. "What is this?!", Xayah exclaims startled, her eyes widening, she has never experienced anything like it before. The experience on the Shadow Isles was already... something special... but this is beyond her wildest expectations. 

"This is the Harrowing, I have already heard about it. The beings of the Shadow Isles can manifest and leave the islands, looking for more victims. Anything caught in the black mist is brought by it to the Shadow Isles and has to spend the rest of its existence in the mist".

"Then why are we still here? Shouldn't we get away from this ship as soon as possible?!" Rakan looks at his two companions with questioning expression on his face. Timidly, Xayah shook her head. "Where do you think you're going? Do you want to swim to Ionia? And even if we get to Bilgewater in time, I don't think the ghosts will turn back just because the mainland announces its arrival." She smiles faintly, conjuring up one of her feather daggers, playing with the tip of the blade on her finger. 

Surprised, Ezreal looks at her, his gaze resting on her feather. "Do you think you could stab a ghost?" He grins coyly at her, which she only nods slightly. " This plan is better than none at all," she replies simply and shrugs her shoulders. "You heard my lady, we're gonna send some ghosts back into the mist." 

They sail on towards the harbour, but after a while they have to realize that the black mist is faster than their ship and has almost caught up with them. It takes just a moment before the first shadowy figure rises at the railing and crashes with a muffled sound onto the deck of the ship before straightening up and staggering towards the group. Without discussing it the three of them take a defensive stance, Rakan is the first to take action. He jumps into the air, an aura of golden magic surrounding him as he leaps towards the shape. He would undoubtedly have pulled it down if it had been flesh and blood, but instead it simply vanishes into thin air with a shrill, deafening scream.

"Whoo-hoo! Did you see that?! That was amazing," Rakan cheers, his eyes sparkling with excitement, answered by a slight smile from Xayah. Out of the corner of his eye something catches Rakan's attention, the excitement on his face disappears and gives way to nervousness. 

A greenish spot of light appears in the middle of the mist, slowly but steadily approaching the ship. The further this light makes its way to the edge of the mist, the more clearly a kind of skull becomes visible, bony bulges stand out from his head and a hook hangs from his belt, attached to a thick chain.His skull is twisted into a cruel grin and all three of them feel the cold running down their spines, while the chain warden approaches them with torturously slow steps. 

  
A muffled knock draws the attention of everyone around from Thresh and back to the ghosts which are making their way onto the ship. Three ghosts are standing at the spot where the first ghost had entered the ship before, to their right the ghost of a captain appears, a sword stands out of his chest and half of his face seems to have been consumed by something. 

Behind them, two other ghosts appear, the one of a butcher, who wields an axe, and the one of a vastaya. Xayah frowned, staring at the ghost of the vastaya. Rakan follows her gaze, his shoulders lowered, then he positions himself a bit in front of her, blocking her view. He is a Lhotlan, like both of them, his feathers resemble those of an eagle, but what makes his heart heavy is his clothing. A dirty, tattered sheet tied around his body with a rope. A slave. 

Without looking at him any further, Rakan jumps towards the lhotarian slave, golden magic surrounds him and the slave also disappears in a resounding scream. Three feathers fly past Rakan, hit the butcher in the chest - and pass through without even making him falter.

For a short moment Xayah looks at her feathers, then onto the butcher's chest, annoyed she drops her head to the neck and kicks with one leg clearly audible while releasing her frustration. "Oh, come on! Seriously?!", she curses, knowing that her only way to defend herself and attack them is completely ineffective. 

Rakan gives her a worried look, getting closer to her again. "Stay close to me, I'll protect you," he whispers, looking for her hand, but she avoids him, shaking her head. "Protect yourself. I brought us here... if anything happens to you... I could never forgive myself..." She looks at him earnestly, biting her lower lip. Then she raises to the tips of her claws, looks Rakan in the eyes and gives him a tender kiss. If she should die here, she wants to feel his lips at least one last time. 

When their lips separate, Rakan smiles. "I will protect you, Miella. Whether you like it or not. If we die here, then together. But Miella... before we die this way, I want to ask you something." He laughs. It's not his usual laugh. It's guttural and tense. "Will you marry me? Today?" A tremor crashes through the ship, sweeps them off their feet. "If we should survive this... ask me tomorrow aaaaaahhhh....gainl!" Another tremor shakes the boat, mashing Xayah's last word with a scream. Another jolt goes through the boat, out of the corner of her eye she can see Ezreal being hurled to the ground, she jumps up and gives him her hand, tries to reach him, another tremor prevents this. 

A glance over her shoulder shows her that the chain warden is getting closer and closer. A kind of panic, which she hasn't felt for many years, crawls up inside her, pressing her chest together and preventing her from breathing. It' s the same kind of panic she felt when she was attacked, when she reached the dead end and knew that there was no escape. Deathly fear. She slides closer to Rakan, buries her head in his chest, her ears lowered as he beds his head on her hair and pulls her into a tight embrace. Waiting for the inevitable.


	34. The paths we choose

They sit closely embraced on the deck of the ship, the sinister clicking of the chains being carried by the mist to their ears. Xayah tense up in Rakan's tight embrace, the words her father said so many years ago come back to her mind. United in the other world. With wide eyes she looks up at Rakan's face, her hand cramping around his cap. If they would give their lives through Thresh's hand now... then they would never be able to be together in the Otherworld forever, eternally connected. 

"We... ... can' t just wait for him to come for us!" Her voice trembles.

Rakan looks down at her questioningly. "Why?"

She bites her lower lip, her hand resting on his cheek, stroking the protruding bone. "Because... we will never meet again in the Otherworld... I, um... ...love you and want to be with you in the next life..." Her voice is soft, hardly audible through the howling of the wind.

"Miella..." He smiles at her, kissing her gently on the forehead. "I didn't thought you would wish to go over to the other world together after we died. So, honey, what's the plan?" 

She bites her lower lip again, freeing herself from his embrace "Get Ez, then I'll explain everything else!" She nods at him, running to the front of the ship. Rakan nods at her, hurrying away in the direction of where he last saw Ezreal. 

Xayah glances in the direction where she suspects the chain warden, her heart beating loudly and painfully in her chest as she checks her position. The mainland is not far away, but neither is Thresh. 

A fleeting glance into the water shows nothing but darkness, she swallows. 

Not far away is a thick rope, she grabs it and ties one end of it around her waist. It doesn't take long and Rakan comes running with Ezreal in tow. Quickly she nods at them, giving Rakan the other end of the rope, he nods understandingly and ties the middle part of the rope around his waist, before he passes the other end to Ezreal, who also ties himself. 

"What's the plan?" Rakan looks at her questioningly. 

With a nod towards the water she climbs onto the railing. "We leave the ship, if we stay here, the chain warden will get us." 

Ezreal looks at her sceptically. "We don't know what's down there in the water... Besides, we could still drown!" 

Xayah snorts and looks at him with a raised eyebrow. "You're welcome to stay here and let Thresh kill you, personally I'd rather drown than spend my life in his goddamn lantern forever." Rakan smiles. "I'd rather drown than become a toy for that shadowy guy." He winks at Ezreal before he follows Xayah onto the railing. They both look at Ezreal, waiting for his decision.

With a loud sigh, Ezreal rolls his eyes and follows them onto the railing. Xayah grins at him from her position. "You have just become very sympathetic to me", then she grabs Rakan's hand, presses it firmly. "Okay guys, if you're ready, this is our stop, last stop Bilgewater!"

They look at each other for a moment before Rakan grabs Ezreal's hand and the three of them jump down into the freezing water together. The cold water stings their skin while strong waves whip them around and tear them under water. 

Rakan holds his breath as he searches the dirty water for a sign of Xayah, pulling the rope closer. For a brief moment his heart stops as he sees her magenta hair floating wildly through the water, preparing for the worst, until with a quick movement of her hand she brushes the hair from her face and looks in his direction, stretching a thumb towards him. 

Relieved, he nods to her, looking out for Ezreal. He also gestures to him to indicate that they have to go back to the surface, which Ezreal answers with an unbelieving look. _As if he hadn't realized that anyway!_

The first thing that Rakan realizes with fright when he breaks through the water surface is the extreme cold when the wind blows into his face. "We have to go at land," he shouts to the other two, but isn't sure if they can hear him through the roar of the wind and the waves.

"What do you think the plan was?!" 

He grins at Xayah, who just rolls her eyes before she swims away towards the mainland, the other two close behind her. Rakan swims next to her, humming softly to himself, she looks at him completely taken by surprise, her forehead wrinkled. "Seriously? You're humming? Now?!" 

He looks at her in surprise, a smile on his face. "Sure, why not? We have every reason to celebrate, we're still alive!" He winks at her and Xayah has to bite her tongue to say nothing. 

_'We're still alive. Who knows for how long, the night isn't over yet.'_

She glances over her shoulder, meanwhile they have gained a significant distance between themselves and Thresh, even though the mist itself is still after them. She wrinkles her forehead, stops for a moment floating at the spot, her gaze directed at Thresh, even though she can hardly recognize him anymore, too huge are the shapes that cut off her view of the Chain warden.

"Traitor!", it echoes through the mist to them. Right in front of Thresh two figures have reared up, one of them the warrior they have seen before, Kalista. The other seems to be a hybrid of man and horse, who is caught up in a fierce battle with Kalista causing Thresh to be unable to get past them.

Without meaning to, the two ghostly beings have made it possible for them to escape from certain death. A heavy weight falls from Xayah's chest.

_'Do not rejoice too soon, we are not safe yet.'_

~ * ~

By the time they reach the safe harbour, all three of them are incredibly exhausted, but this success - albeit still small - makes them euphoric. "We made it! I can't believe it! We're still alive!" Rakan touches his body, his feathers and then looks over to Xayah, searching her body for injuries. 

"This night isn't over yet. We have to get out of here before the mist catches up with us again. We need to find a place to hide for a while, where we'll be somewhat safe." Nervously she looks around, releasing the rope from the middle of her body, ignoring Rakan's searching gaze and slowly walking away towards an alley. "Where are you going?" Ezreal's voice sounds surprised as he looks after her.

"Well, I'm not gonna wait here until the mist comes for us! Hurry, we need to find shelter."

Without paying attention to him Xayah walks with quick steps along a narrow alley, while the other two run after her. "I think..." Ezreal doesn't get any further because Xayah takes a corner, ignoring him. 

"I really don't think we should go this way!" 

Ezreal looks at her earnestly as he tries to keep up with her. Questioningly, she looks at him, but doesn't slow down and continues to run almost down the alley. 

They reach another part of the harbor, while Ezreal tries again to get Xayah to turn back. She twists her eyes, turns in his direction and crosses her arms in front of her chest, clicking her tongue impatiently. "Why?"

"First of all, this is also a dock, so we're no safer than before. Also, this is the blood port, nobody is safe here, at least not today.We should-" Rakan's wavering voice cuts into Ezreal's words, with his finger Rakan points to a figure that is almost invisible through normal, white fog.

  
"Um, guys... I think we got a problem." 

Xayah turns to him, one brow raised. "You think or know?"

Unsteadily, he looks at her, his finger still pointing at the figure in the mist, sharpening a large serrated blade. "I... er...I know we got a problem?"

With a short twitch the figure disappears in the fog, nothing but a strange moan can be heard, disembodied echoing through the surroundings. 

"Wonderful! It's really wonderful!" The sarcasm is clearly audible in Ezreal's voice. "You had to come here tonight of all nights!" Ezreal glares at her from the side, frustrated and angry at the same time.   
A crack to her right makes the three flinch and jump aside, just in time when the jagged blade emerges from the ground and comes to rest where Rakan had stood seconds earlier. 

With a choked laugh he points to the blade. " That... was very close! I almost had to leave feathers there...", he jokes around trying to loosen up the overall situation a bit. Immediately, Xayah summons some of her Featherdaggers, taking a defensive stance and keeping a sharp look at the surroundings. Her ears twitch from one direction to the other, listening for every little sound. 

She hears the blade approaching before she sees it, evading it with a small jump and throwing her feathers in the direction from which the blade came before. The figure of a sailor, or at least his remains, emerges from the fog, his mouth covered with a red cloth that shows long, pointed teeth.

The featherdaggers are stuck in his upper arm, but that doesn't seem to bother him, he slowly walks towards them, his eyes fixed on Xayah. With a movement of her hand she retrieves the blades, which tear a piece of flesh from his arm. He ignores this, too.

Xayah becomes hot and cold, unpleasant goose bumps spread over her body. For the second time this evening her feathers seem to have no effect at all. 

_Where the hell did they end up here?!_

Immediately Rakan takes position in front of her, protecting her from the attacker, the cold sparkle in his eyes gives a hint of his cold grin, but despite all this Rakan feels miserable. Once again Pyke disappears into the fog, becoming part of it before his blade protrudes from the side of a boat, heading for Ezreal. He evades with a roll, but is hit in the arm. With a loud curse he holds on to his arm, blood pouring out between his fingers. 

Rakan looks at them seriously. "Bring him to safety! I have an idea," he gives Xayah a tender kiss, strokes her cheek briefly. Her eyes widen, she looks at him in surprise. 

"You... have an idea?"

He nods, taking her hand in his and squeezing her slightly. "I don't know if everything will work out, but I have to try. Get yourselves safe, I'll be right back. And just in case..." he breaks off, taking one of his feathers and pressing it into Xayah's hand. She shakes her head in panic, he gives her an encouraging smile and runs away, over to the dock. With a loud scream he draws attention to himself, out of the corner of her eye she can see a slight glimmer, probably some kind of magic Pyke has used to merge with the fog.

An unknown fear spreads in Xayah, she takes a step forward, still covered by some barrels, behind which Rakan has pushed her and Ezreal before, her fingers cramping in front of her chest and her lower lip trembling. The thought that something might happen to Rakan drives her almost crazy and she would love to run over to him immediately and protect him with her life. 

However, she doesn't know if it would destroy his plan and eventually end up putting him in even greater danger, so she tries to resist the urge to run to him. Instead, she begins to tremble all over her body, fighting her rising panic.

From a distance she can see Rakan running to a small boat and jumping in, sailing out to sea with it. Out of the corner of her eye she can see how the shimmering spot has also crept onto the boat. Next to her she sees Ezreal nervously looking at the scene when water near the boat begins to vibrate. Ez squints his eyes together. "The sacrifice... Rakan... you idiot, you forgot the sacrifice...", Ezreal mumbles to himself, hands opening and closing as the water around the boat becomes more and more restless. 

Just as the blade rises from the bottom of the boat to attack Rakan, a jolt shakes the boat and a giant anchor tears the side and makes the boat shake. While the anchor comes out of the water a second time, Rakan jumps down from the boat, while the boat - together with Pyke - is torn into the depths. 

When Rakan sees that the danger is over, he drops a golden coin into the water, hoping that this delayed gesture will be enough to calm Nautilus. To his great relief, Nautilus lets go of him, so that Rakan swims back towards the coast, where Xayah and Ezreal are already waiting for him and pull him up in relief, where Xayah almost knocks him over with a firm embrace. 

She clings to him as if he had just risen from the dead, her hand strokes his cheek and tears of relief run down her cheek as the sun slowly rises in the east. Scattered ghosts, which are on the harbour and the nearby water, simply disappear and leave nothing but an incredible feeling of relief. 

Rakan never wants to let go of her, her lips press on his, which he immediately returns, while tears still run down her face.   
They look at the spot on the sea where they have gotten off their boat, there is nothing more to be seen of the ship, it has sunk. Or maybe the black mist has dragged it back with it, to the shadow isles, so that on the next Harrowing it will sail as a ghost ship. 

"We don't have the artifact anymore, we left it on the ship in the confusion." Rakan looks at her apologetically, but Xayah just gives a loud laugh. "Fuck the artefact, as long as you're alive!"

She kisses him again, giving vent to her despair and fear. Never in her life has she been so afraid of losing someone. 

_What would she do if something happened to Rakan?_  
_She doesn't want to know and she doesn't want to think about it._  
_He's fine, that's all that matters._


	35. Fear

  
  


"I can't believe you! Are you kidding me?!" Rakan glares at her angrily, rage is reflected in his eyes, the same kind of rage that can be found in Xayah's eyes. She looks at him furiously, arms crossed in front of her chest. 

"Oh, of course I'm serious. I don't understand your reaction! Your life is far more important and I don't want you to risk it all for me in any way! It's not worth it!" 

"It's not worth it? How can you say that?" The rage in his voice fades, he looks at her hurt, causing her to look away, biting her lower lip. He takes a step towards her, puts his hand under her chin, forcing her to look at him. 

"You're worth it, you understand?" He smiles slightly, but she shakes her head. "Not if you die for it...", her voice is so low that even Rakan can' t understand her, he looks at her questioningly as a tear runs down her cheek.

Since Rakan has risked his life to protect her and Ezreal, several weeks have passed, several weeks in which they have argued over and over again about this issue. Weeks of stress, screaming and nights of tears. 

It's the first time Xayah can't hold back the tears during the argument, every other time she has managed to hold back her outburst of emotions until later that night, when Rakan is already asleep, but this time it doesn't work and wordless tears run down her face.

Without hesitation he takes her in his arms, simply forgetting the argument. He strokes the back of her head, trying to calm her down, but that just leads to more tears running down her cheeks. "I... I can't risk... losing you..." she sobs into his chest, nose up. 

He leads her over to the bunk where they sleep together, sits down and pulls her onto his lap, spreading a blanket over her, then gently cradles her in his arms, humming for her. Without thinking about it, she puts her head against his chest, closes her eyes and listens to his heartbeat and the song he hums for her. 

It doesn't take long and they fall asleep cuddled close together.

  
~ * ~

_She runs as fast as she can while listening to the foot steps behind her. They're getting closer. Her heart beats faster, she trembles._  
_She keeps running farther when she sees him. Her father is standing nearby, looking over at her._

_He turns around slowly, walks along the dark alley. Panic rises in her, he has seen her after all, why doesn't he come to help her?!_  
_She runs faster, but she doesn't manage to get away from the spot._

_"Athair! Help me!"_

_Tears are running down her face, the steps behind her are getting closer. To her relief, her legs start to move, she runs after her father along the alley._

_There is a cold laugh heard behind her, frightened she moves around, looking into the faces of her attackers. "Come back... Athair... help me... please...", she pleads, the men laugh louder._

_She runs further until she reaches a dead end. Desperately she lets herself slide down the wall, sobbing in preparation for the inevitable._  
_They rip her dress, toss her to the ground._

_The smell of rotten earth and excrements rises in her nose, making her even worser than she already is._

_Where did he go?_  
_Shouldn't he protect her?_  
_Why did he leave?_

_She sobs loudly, feels those hands on her skin, she feels nothing, feels like she is dead. She feels something hot running down her skin and the earth begins to shake, cracking open. The picture blurs before her eyes and turns black._

~ * ~

Xayah opens her eyes in panic, frees herself from Rakan's embrace and climbs out of the bunk, almost tripping over her own feet. She has to get out of here, out of this small room, into the air, taking a breath. 

She rushes out of the room, ignoring that she is just wearing her thin, white nightgown. Cold sweat on her forehead. With quick steps she hurries over to the railing, the cold wind feels good on her skin, cools her glowing thoughts.

Since she started dating Rakan she hardly ever has such dreams anymore and she can't explain why she starts again now. During the last weeks these dreams had become a kind of routine again - a routine she could easily avoid.

_And why does her father keep appearing?_

She can't explain it, her gaze is directed towards the moon, the only light sources are the moon and the stars.  
She closes her eyes, stretches out her hand carefully, a tear runs down her cheek. 

_What if something happens to Rakan? Because of her?_  
_What if he gets tired of her and leaves?_  
_What if he breaks up because they argue so much?_

Her fingers cramp around the railing, her eyes still fixed on the moon and the stars.

_None of that will happen. She'll make sure of that with everything she's got._

Rakan turns in his sleep, his arm groping for Xayah - and reaches into nothing. Immediately he is awake, he takes one of his feathers and brings it to glow, there is nobody in the bunk except him and the room is empty, as well. His gaze glides to the door of the room, which is open slightly.

He jumps out of bed, hurries over to the door and out onto the deck, his eyes need a moment to get used to the darkness. To his surprise he sees Xayah standing at the railing, she doesn't seem to notice him. He takes a step towards her, tilts his head. 

Most of the time the song that surrounds her soul is full of passion, love, devotion. But now, now it's a different melody, one he hasn't heard before.

Her song tells of loneliness and sadness, of a loss from a time long ago. It's like she's lost a love that she'll never get back. The air is filled with that melody. 

He stands at a distance, staring at her, completely captivated by her appearance. Her open hair is flowing in the wind, as is her loose nightgown, slightly translucent fabric is floating in the wind, while she stands bathed in starlight.

He walks a few steps closer to her, but she doesn't notice him.

There is something special about her sight, something magical, as if she is a fairy or something similar, as she stands there alone at the railing and stares at the stars while her tears glisten from the moon and starlight.

He comes so close to her that he can put a hand on her shoulder. She looks at him in surprise, the air still filled with her song. A ballad of sadness and loneliness. He reaches out his hand to her cheek, brushes the tears from her face, giving her a loving smile. 

"Rakan..."

She looks at him with irritation, her eyes wandering over the surroundings. For a brief moment her forehead wrinkles and she gives him a questioning look. He looks at her from the side, absorbing even the smallest movement. 

From one moment to the next she throws herself against his chest, clings tightly, a choked sob comes over her lips. "Please, don't leave me... I don't want to lose you too..." 

He puts his hand under her chin, looks her straight in the eyes, pressing her firmly against himself with the other hand. "I'll never leave you alone. Do you understand that? As long as I can decide for myself and still breathe, I will never leave your side."

He kisses her tenderly, she immediately returns his kiss, at first slowly and hesitantly, then from second to second more passionately, almost desperately, as if his lips were the only thing that would still hold her. 

Finally he leads her back to their room and to her bunk, caressing her lovingly to sleep. For the rest of the night she sleeps through, dreamless. 

When they step out on deck the next morning, they can already see the outline of the harbour in the distance. They are at home, Ionia lies directly in front of them. Xayah exhales with relief, Rakan's hand pressing firmly. They look at each other, protectively he covers her with his wing. 

As soon as they have solid ground under their claws again they have to clear some things. She burns to hear news from Blaan about what the others are up to. And they must report the failure of their mission. She bites her lower lip. Xayah hates to admit to herself that a mission went wrong, but at least they came back alive.

"I'm glad that now our normal everyday life is returning," she whispers to him. He nods to her, pressing her tighter against himself. "We must discuss the further plans for our cause with the others. I hope that Keir will be there this time. I' m slowly getting worried, I haven't seen him for a long time.

For a split second Rakan looks at her in shock, his eyes wide open, then he catches himself. And he remains silent.


	36. Back home

Xayah almost runs off the ship when it finally docks at the harbour, the expression of pure joy and relief on her face. Smiling, Rakan looks after her, his eyes shining as he watches her dropping her backpack to the ground and throwing herself into a large pile of leaves by the path, cheering loudly. For a moment she gives him the impression of a child experiencing autumn for the first time in her life. Smiling, he drops his backpack next to hers and throws himself onto her, pinning her wrists to the ground and looking deep into her eyes.

He bends down slightly to her, pressing a tender kiss on her lips, his hand stroking lovingly over her cheek. Immediately she answers his kiss, opening her lips slightly and turning the gentle kiss into a passionate French kiss. Goosebumps spread over her body, more because of the cold that emanates from the frozen ground on which she lies than because of the kiss. 

With shining eyes she straightens up, her chest rises and falls fiercely, her fingers stroke along his cheekbones, down his cheek and over the tender skin of his neck. "We... should go. The others are already waiting for us in the pub," she whispers, her voice slightly hoarse and a slight redness has spread over her cheeks. 

He gives her another kiss, nodding slightly, Rakan straightens up and takes her gently with him. She hands him his rucksack and puts her own back under her wing, then she encloses his arm with both of hers, her head leaning against his shoulder. His gaze rests on her head, a slight smile plays around his lips. 

"You are so cuddly today," he laughs softly, pressing his head against her neck for a brief moment, breathing in her scent. She looks at him in surprise, a shy smile on her lips. "I can show you later how cuddly I am," she whispers, an obvious undertone in her voice that makes her blush even more. 

Rakan grins, his hand wrapping around her waist, drawing her closer. "If you can accept the consequences", he whispers to her, his hot breath on her ear sends a hot shiver through her body and she bites her lower lip, repressing the thought. She lets go of him and playfully slaps his chest, a teasing grin on her face. With bouncing steps she runs a little ahead of him before she stops and turns her upper body in his direction, looking at him in a challenging way. 

"Are you coming?", she grins at him.

Without thinking much, he runs after her, quickly catching up with her, his arms closing around her waist, lifting her up into the air as he turns around himself for once, which Xayah answers with a soft squeak. For the heartbeat of a second she feels reminded of her childhood when she jumped off her bed into her father's arms and he held her in his arms while he turned around before throwing her into the air and she felt the feeling of true freedom, as if she could fly. 

She laughs out loud and when he drops her back on the ground she throws her arms around his neck, pressing another kiss on his lips. Then she grabs his hand and takes him over to the only pub in Weh'le, the parchment Blaan had sent her, in her hand. Before she opens the door she looks at it again.

  
_Meeting-point changed._   
_Weh'le_   
_Same time._

_Be careful._

  
They were lucky, the courier caught them just as they were about to land in Zhyunia, one look at the writing and they rushed back on board. Rakan gives her a questioning look, but she just shakes her head briefly, smiling slightly, her mood has changed. Where she had been happy and playful a few minutes ago, she is now cold, distant and calculating again. The rebel, who he first saw at the autumn festival more than two years ago.

The mission has priority, she can't afford that someone might not take her Seriously. He nods slightly at her, opens the door and letting her enter first before following her. As usual, Rakan attracts the attention of those around her with his golden feathers, which allows her to scan the surroundings unnoticed and keep an eye out for her friends.

After a short look, her eyes drift to a table in the corner, an oil lamp standing in the middle and a few persons sitting around it, whispering softly. Even from a distance she can recognize her family, a smile flits across her lips, with a nod she suggests Rakan to follow her to the table and they push their way between the other tables, to the small table where the others are already waiting for them.

The first one who notices them is Anice, her eyes light up, excitedly she whispers to the others and shortly afterwards they turn their heads in the direction of the newcomers. Relieved Blaan stands up, first closing Xayah, then Rakan into a firm embrace. 

"You are late. We have already feared the worst. What has delayed you?" He looks at them questioningly, but Xayah just shakes her head. "Later, first tell us how you've been? How are the other tribes?" She looks expectantly from one to the other as she reaches for a chair and joins them. Anice points with a questioning glance at the teapot that is on the table and pours the two a drink before she receives an answer and tells Blaan to describe the current situation.

"We have been able to visit most of the tribes, the Ursun are already prepared for the winter, they will spend the hibernation in their cave system like every year. The Ranyu and the Anuran are also doing well. Furthermore, two Ranyu have joined our cause, Anice and Jamie obviously know them very well and say that they are really ok and we can rely on them. One of the Anuran has also joined us. He will join us later this evening, you'll be surprised." He smiles at her, which Xayah just answers by raising an eyebrow. 

But after a moment of hesitation she nods. "What about the Zumi?" She looks at him questioningly, but he shakes his head briefly. "We haven't made it there yet, you know their tribe is so far away. We'll set off that way and look over there as well." She looks at him for a moment, then shakes her head. "There's no need for that. We'll take care of it, I know the tribe quite well and have some close contacts there, so it's important for me to come and have a look myself." She smiles weakly, taking her cup and sipping.

"This may be a dumb question... but what kind of Vastaya tribe are the Zumi? I don't think I've ever heard of them." Rakan looks questioningly from one to the other, resulting in a slight smile on Xayah's lips. "The Zumi are a very small, familial tribe, mousy Vastaya. When I was young we used to go to them for trading." She smiles dreamily. "Our tribes were about two hours apart back then." She takes another sip of tea, remains silent.

"So, now tell me, how have you been? Why were you so late?" Shona bends over the table a little, looking at them curiously. "Be glad that we arrived at all", Rakan laughs, then he looks at the others seriously. "Let's stop joking, it was really closer than it was good for us. I don't know which was worse, Bilgewater or Shadow Isles, but neither was a walk in the park." He's looking at the others seriously.

" I can tell you, the passage..." mumbles Xayah to herself, her eyes fixed on her tea.

Rakan laughs briefly, remembering her reaction during the ship passages. "We were delayed on the way to the isles, the sea was very rough. Besides, it took us several attempts to find the artifact, it took us almost a week to find the amulet, and that was just thanks to some ghosts we met on the isles". When he remembers the three of them he has to smile again and Xayah feels the same. 

"You have the amulet?" Shona's eyes widen and Blaan looks at them in surprise. "I didn't expect this," he says softly, amazement can be heard in his voice. Xayah bites her lower lip unintentionally, evading the eyes of the others. "No, we didn't. I screwed up..." she whispers, still not averting her gaze from her tea. 

Rakan clicks his tongue, looking at her sternly, shaking his head. "Don't say such bullshit." He looks at the others. "We were caught in the Harrowing on our way back to Bilgewater from the Shadow Isles, one of the ghosts of the Isles tried to get at us and we had to leave the ship in a hurry, the amulet was left on the ship," he explains, slightly sighing. The others nod understandably.

"You were lucky to get out of there alive," Blaan agrees with him, Xayah just barely nods, still having a bad feeling about the failed mission. But the further the evening passes, the better her mood becomes, happy to be back with her friends. Her eyes wander through the pub again and again, as if she is looking for someone, and Rakan watches her from the side, a thoughtful expression on his face. Her words from this night still resonate in his mind. 

"I don't believe it! At last you are here!" A voice tears Rakan out of his thoughts, he and Xayah look in the direction the voice came from, and suddenly Xayah's face brightens up, shining broadly at the newcomer. Rakan follows her gaze, watching the Anuran from top to bottom. The frog Vastaya is tall, about as tall as himself, his black skin shining in the candlelight that illuminates the pub, under his mouth, down his neck his skin is milky yellow and light blue tattoos decorate his face, as well as his arms. His green eyes shine, fixed on Xayah. 

"Teo!" 

Her voice resembles a squeaky scream and she jumps up, running in his direction. Surprised, Rakan looks at the others questioningly, he didn't expect such a reaction and has never seen her before, not even with Keir. "You don't need to worry," Blaan winks at him, Rakan huffs, his eyes focus on the stranger and Xayah again, they stand a little bit away and discuss excitedly before she playfully bumps into him with a shoulder. She points with her finger again and again in the direction of the table, then she looks at Teo again, shortly afterwards she walks away with him towards the counter, together they return with some bottles of mead. 

To her amazement there isn't a free seat left, Xayah looks embarrassed from one to the other. "The official part of the evening is over, isn't it?" She smiles shyly, harvesting a nod from the others. Suspiciously, Rakan looks from her to Teo and back again, then he notices that she is looking at him, she bends down to him for a moment, whispering in his ear. Surprised, he looks up, then nods and pulls her onto his lap, his arms closing around her waist. "Of course you can sit here, Miella," he whispers into her ear just as quietly, for the second time that day his hot breath sends a shiver down her spine.

"By the way, this is my mate, Rakan. Darling, this is Teostra, one of my oldest friends, our fathers knew each other long before we were born." She laughs cheerfully, snuggles closer to Rakan and puts her head against his chest. She is happy that there is just the closest circle of her rebellion around her, those she really trusts and in front of which she doesn't have to pretend that there is no close bond between Rakan and her. The ones present here are happy for the two of them and have already recognized him as a steady part of her small rebel family. Have realized that the two simply belong together.

Like light and shadow.  
Sun and moon.  
Day and night.  
Darkness and fire.

Two halves that create one big whole. Without him she feels incomplete and lonely, unhappy. Gently she lays her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, with a broad smile she looks at him, which he immediately returns, offering her a sip of mead.

Without hesitation she offers him her horn cup, which he fills with the golden liquid. As soon as all the cups are filled, they lift them up, bumping them against each other. They talk lively, their mood becoming more and more exuberant, so that Anice and Greer start to sing and the others start to clap in time until the others join in the singing. 

"Shut up, you filthy animals," a voice from one of the other tables shouts over, which the small group simply ignores. Instead, they lift their cups and look at each other, still singing. Laughing loudly, their cups clack together before they take a long sip together, grinning at each other and enjoying a relaxed evening. 

Singing loudly Xayah looks at the others, a twinkle in her eyes, the mood so good that she is contagious. Her arm is stretched up, the cup high in the air, while the others do the same as she does. A bottle comes flying in her direction, hits her arm. Surprised, she looks in the direction from which the bottle flew, then looks around her table, grabs an almost empty bottle, takes it and drinks it empty then throws it in the direction from which the other bottle was thrown. One person ducks down, the bottle hits another man, who goes down. 

The men at the table laugh out loud, one of them gets up and throws the next bottle, Xayah ducks down too and the bottle hits the wall behind her, shatters into pieces.

She laughs excitedly, jumps up and grabs another empty bottle and throws it as well. One of the men shouts an obscene insult at her, which he immediately regrets when Rakan stands up to his full height and punches the man who has insulted Xayah so hard that he falls off his chair and remains unconscious on the floor.Within the blink of an eye a brawl is started like you haven't seen it for a long time.

While the fists flit, the small group sings and laughs, some of the uninvolved from the brawl seek shelter under tables and stairs, a few can escape to the lady behind the counter. It takes what feels like an eternity for the brawl to subside, tables are knocked over, broken pieces and unconscious persons lie scattered on the floor, as well as debris from chairs and one or two tables. 

Breathing heavily, Rakan looks at her, her breast rises and falls again fiercely, his hand strokes her cheek and he kisses her passionately. When her lips separate, she looks at him expectantly and bites her lower lip, her fingers looking for his. "Let's go upstairs and spend the rest of the night in private," she whispers, directing him slightly towards the stairs. As they pass, they wave to the others, wishing them a good night.

  
~ * ~  
  


The door behind them has hardly fallen into the lock and is blocked, when Rakan finds himself lying with his back on the bed, Xayah sitting on him, her eyes burning. Her lips press on his and he immediately returns her kiss, as passionately as she does. Her fingers glide over his upper body, running gentle lines across his chest and her hips press against his. 

"You're quite aroused, huh?" He winks at her, and she kisses down his neck, nodding slightly. "I told you I'd show you how cuddly I am," she gasps, her lips moving down his torso. He closes her in a tight embrace and the very next moment she is lying on her back, him on top of her, his fingers stroking her dress before they come to rest on her chest. „R... Rakan", she mewles, eyes wide open, biting her lower lip. 

His lips approach her ear, his hot breath sends shivers down her back and she twists her eyes for a moment. "And I told you you'd have to live with the consequences." His voice is soft and clearly expresses excitement. His hands glide to her hood, sliding the hood off her head, carefully removing the piece of cloth and letting it slide to the ground and before it hits the ground it has already changed back into particles of blue, pure magic. He strokes along her neck, under the straps of her dress, before slowly taking it off, revealing delicate skin. 

Gently he strokes her upper body, massaging her breasts, his lips wrapping around one of her nipples, sucking on them, making her gasp softly, her fingers digging into the blanket. Satisfied with her reaction, he intensifies his efforts, running his teeth over the sensitive skin, while his hands continue to slide down her dress until it slides past her knees, down her legs towards the floor and dissolves into magic as soon as it loses contact with her body. 

Excited, his fingers glide along her thighs, satisfied to find that she only cramps for a brief moment and relaxes almost immediately, his hands glide up the inside of her thighs and along her intimate area. His finger glides along the tight slit, slightly pushing inside, she flinches again briefly before she relaxes again. To his great surprise she isn't just wet, she's soaking , with shining eyes he looks up at her. She smiles slightly, then she closes her eyes enjoying the pleasure, a clear redness on her face and her lower lip trembles as he parts her labia with two fingers and holds them open, licking slightly over her clitoris. 

She gasps, her hips writhing under this entirely new sensation, trying to escape this intense feeling, but she can't, as Rakan's hands press harder on her abdomen, robbing her any chance of resisting. Without being able to control it, she moans, writhing further below him, his eyes fixed on her face. Her breathing becomes faster and she looks at him with wide open eyes, pleading for him to come back up to her.

Satisfied, he straightens up, stripping his clothes as well, before he places her on the bed and lies down beside her, stroking her cheek with one hand. "Are you ready?" he whispers softly, kissing her neck again. She sighs once more, writhing under him. "Ever since you pressed me to the bed," she gasps, biting her lower lip again.

He grins and puts her hand aside as she makes her way to his member. Playfully, he shakes his head, kissing her again. "I'd like to try something and see how you like it," he whispers, looking at him in confusion, a slight uneasy feeling spreads in her, but she nods, trusting that he has nothing painful in mind. He smiles with satisfaction, spreading her legs and positioning himself between them. Carefully he enters her with his tip, grabbing her legs and positioning them on his shoulders, before he moves into her completely and he hardens inside her to his full size, her eyes glossing and mouth dropping sligthly open at the suddenness of it.

She bites her lower lip harder, struggling against the need to moan loudly. He lies down on her, his arms around her neck and he presses her head against his chest, feeling her jerky breath as he begins to move inside her, slowly and carefully at first so that she can get used to his size and then faster and stronger, remembering that she liked it much better the last time.

It doesn't take long and she begins to tremble under his thrusts, her fingernails drilling into his back and she pants his name loudly, almost screaming. Her ecstasy also brings him to his peak and with another firm thrust he reaches deep into her, spilling his hot cum deep into her while holding her in a tight embrace, they look deep into each other's eyes, exhausted but happy. Tenderly he rubs his nose against hers as she strokes his cheek with her hand.

"Why shouldn't I touch you?" She looks at him questioningly, a sad expression on her face. He winks. "Because otherwise I wouldn't have lasted long, you weren't the only one who was already warmed up." He laughs softly, giving her a gentle kiss. She returns his smile, snuggling up to him. "I didn't dare on the road, Ezreal kept bursting in without knocking." Her voice sounds embarrassed, she closes her eyes and puts her hand on his chest. A loving smile lies on his lips and he presses them gently against her, his chin resting on her head and humming softly until they both fall asleep. 


	37. Preperation

  
When Rakan wakes up the next morning, Xayah is still asleep in his arms, her features twitching and she mumbles restlessly, her hand resting on his chest. Lovingly he holds her in his arms, one of his hands moving to her back, underneath her soft plumage, the other lying on her hip, stroking the velvety skin. Her body cramps up, she jerks her head to the side, a single tear runs down her painfully distorted face.

Carefully he puts his lips on her forehead, breathing a tender kiss on her hair. He whispers soothingly to her, feeling her breath on his chest again, softly beginning to hum for her. To his relief he feels her relax again, her breath and heartbeat return to normal. Cooing contentedly he pulls her close again, his legs enclose hers and he spreads little kisses on her hair and face, a loving smile on his lips. 

Again she mumbles something in her sleep, slipping closer to him and cuddling up tightly to him. A moment later her eyes open a crack wide, sleepily she rubs the back of her hand over her face, her golden eyes fixed on him and smiles exhausted. "Good morning Mieli", she mumbles, smiling slightly at him and letting her head fall back onto the pillow. He laughs softly, stroking her cheek, then his gaze becomes serious.

"How are you?" He sounds worried, immediately he puts his arms around her again, while she looks at him questioningly, his forehead slightly wrinkled. "You had another nightmare," he whispers softly, kissing her neck.

_Oh..._

She smiles sheepishly, tilts her head and starts playing with her fingers. " It' s... since we were on the isles, it's gotten worse since then..." Her voice is soft, almost inaudible. He puts his forehead against hers, then he sits up, dragging her with him. Gently, Rakan presses her into his lap, arms tightly wrapped around her and a blanket spread about her while his hands stroke down her sides. "You have nothing to fear, Miella. I' II always be there for you and protect you with my life."

She slides down a little, puts her head down her neck so that she looks him straight in the face. She smiles slightly, not the real smile that makes Rakan's heart beat faster, it's the fake, simulated smile. He strokes her cheek with the back of his hand, his eyes fixed on hers, trying to read in them. Almost immediately he can see that a deep pain is hidden in them, even if he is not sure what caused this pain.

She opens her mouth to say something, but closes it again almost immediately without making a sound. After a moment she cuddles up closer to him, her head almost resting on his lap and one hand resting on his thigh. She closes her eyes again and starts to make small circular movements on his thigh with her hand while he looks down at her and plays gently with the tip of her ear, humming on. 

Timidly, her hand moves to his crotch, gently stroking it, causing Rakan to exhale clearly audibly, his muscles cramping briefly. He had not expected this. He looks down at Xayah, her eyes still closed, but he immediately sees that her efforts have a clear purpose, a bright smile spreads over her lips.

After a moment she looks up, smiling at him. She straightens up, presses him gently back into the pillows while she puts her forehead against his and looks him in the eyes before kissing him tenderly. His hand strokes along her side, down to her bottom, giving her a light slap on it. Without being able to control it, she sighs into the kiss, his hand moving up to her breast, gently massaging her. 

She releases her lips from his and drops her head on his chest, clearly audible panting, motivating Rakan to continue. Without thinking, she withdraws from his fingers, kissing down his chest, her fingers sliding over his abs as she continues kissing down his body. 

After a short hesitation she takes all her courage and slowly slides down his trousers, stroking his member with her hand. "Miella..." he sighs softly, not averting his eyes from her. Carefully she closes her hand around it, lightly pressing it, which Rakan answers with a groan. Slowly, she moves her hand up and down while gathering all her bravery. 

Shyly she looks up at him before carefully putting her lips around his hard member and lightly playing with her tongue on the tip, not sure if he likes it. Fascinated he looks down on her as she stares at him with big eyes and licks and sucks his hard one, the sight alone causes Rakan to hold on to himself. He moans excitedly, puts his hands on her head and gently strokes her hair. 

Exhilarated by his reaction, she begins to suck his tip stronger, stroking with her hand further up and down, stimulating him further. He clenches his teeth, his moaning gets louder and he looks at her aroused, his hands bury themselves in her hair and he pulls lightly on them, motivating her to suck harder. He moans loudly and indicates to her to stop. Surprised, she withdraws, looks at him questioningly while Rakan struggles for breath, his chest rises and falls jerkily. Without thinking much, he pulls her up, giving her a passionate kiss, his eyes shining with excitement. 

Gently he bites the tip of her ear, whispering softly that she should get on her knees. She looks at him in confusion, and follows his request, she gets down on her knees, staring at the wall with her face. His gentle fingers lift her a little, soft pillows are placed under her abdomen, before he gently slaps her bottom once more, she moans slightly once again. 

With two fingers he strokes along her slit, entering a bit into her, which she answers with a loud gasp. He rubs with the tip of his member through the entrance, before he enters her all at once. "Ra... Rakan!", she moans with a sharp scream, twisting her eyes and biting her lower lip. Her arms threaten to give in and she drops her upper body a little, the feelings that rock her body are too much.

He holds her at the hip and begins to move in quick, demanding thrusts, penetrating her deeper with each thrust until he is completely inside her and remains so for a moment, bending forward and biting Xayah's ear slightly. "Oh God...", she gasps, her arms give in under the pressure and she presses her face into the pillow, trying to soften her moan.

Nodding satisfied, he straightens his upper body again and begins to move inside her again, this time faster and harder, one of his hands slides towards her bottom and he begins to knead it gently, almost making her moan into a scream as she trembles under his efforts. From there it' s just a short moment until she feels Rakan coming deep inside her, the feeling is too strong and with a sharp scream Xayah also comes, before she falls back into the pillow, panting and breathing heavily, Rakan lying beside her.

  
~ * ~

When the two of them enter the taproom some time later, the others are already sitting around one of the big tables, jugs of water and milk are spread out on top of it, as well as some plates with pieces of meat, eggs and bacon. Between them baskets of bread are placed. Greer looks up, greeting the two latecomers with a gesture of her hand. "Good morning", she grins, reaching for a piece of bread. "We've ordered quite a bit, I hope you're hungry."

She winks at the two of them, which Xayah notices with a surprised look before she also sits down, reaching for a piece of bread. " Very much!" she laughs softly and bites into it. "I'm not surprised," Blaan grins and winks at the two of them, a grin earned from Rakan. Questioningly she looks from one to the other, forehead wrinkled. "What are you talking about?" 

Rakan chuckles, letting himself fall on the chair next to her. "I'd say they heard you," he laughs softly as she stares at him blankly. Until she understands what he means, her face turns bright red and she buries it between her hands. "'This can' t be true ... this can' t be true", she mumbles softly and ashamed to herself. "It's not that bad, as long as we don't have to call Rakan God too, everything is fine," Blaan laughs and puts a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, I' m a god! Well, okay, not quite, but close," grins Rakan, taking a slice of bacon and biting it cheerfully. Ashamed, she stares at the piece of bread, the situation overwhelms Xayah. It's still a strange feeling to be in a relationship with Rakan,especially since they took the final step, but for the others to know... she bites her lower lip, still not looking up. 

Greer clears her throat, eyes fixed on Xayah. "So what's the plan?" Her voice is soft but firm. Relieved at the change of subject, she raises her head and straightens up again, looking at the others one by one. "Winter will come soon. The earth has already frozen to a large extent, as I noticed yesterday. We have to prepare slowly for winter. I would say we split up again and keep an eye on the surroundings before we meet up again after snowfall. But before we do so, I'd like to check out some of the tribes with you. The Zumis will be visiting Rakan and me during our onward journey to make sure they are doing well." 

A nod goes through the round. "Where are we going now? And where will we meet after winter?" For a moment, Xayah remains silent, taking out her leather book and reviewing the last pages. Then her gaze wanders through the taproom, it' s almost empty and the few people present aren't interested in the group in the far corner. She spreads the map over the plates, points to the island below the village they are in. With her finger she drives slowly and clearly visible to the others along the route they will take.

"We will... sail to the island..." She sighs loudly, which makes Rakan smile. "We will check how the people in Wuju are doing and from there we will travel on to Tevasa. On our way we will check the small tribes and see if they are doing well." She looks at the others again, unspokenly asking if everyone has understood the plan. A few nods give her the confirmation she needs. 

"And where shall we meet after winter?" Blaan looks at them questioningly. 

"In Selo, you know where." She looks at him seriously, he nods, as do Shona and Greer, while the rest of the people present haven't the slightest idea what is meant. She casts a glance out the window, it's just a matter of time before the first snow falls, and when it does, her cause will almost freeze up, as it does every year, until the thawing weather allows travel again. A slight shiver runs down Xayah's spine. Her eyes wander back onto the map.

Then she folds them back together and stows the map in her book. It's time to leave, they don't have much time left.


	38. Beside the dying Fire

  
The boat shakes restlessly, the autumn sun shines brightly down onto the group, as if it wants to give everything one more time before its warm rays have to give way to the icy winter air and the first snowflakes. "I hate seafaring...", Xayah mumbles, a shiver runs down her back and without meaning to, she has to think of Thresh. Of his horrifying appearance, which slowly but surely came closer through the mist, of the lantern, which bathed the mist in an ominous light. Of all the souls trapped in the mist. 

And of Kalista, who is trapped on this isle by betrayal without being able to have any peace. Or to experience vengeance. She bites her lower lip, searching for Rakan's hand under the table, pressing it tightly as she manages to grab his hand. Surprised, he looks at her, a smile on his lips, which quickly disappears when he realizes that something is bothering her. Even more than usual.

"What is wrong?" 

He puts his face against hers, rubbing his cheek against hers and returning the pressure to her hand. Her eyes turn away from him for a moment, across the surface of the water, where a shallow mist is floating. "It's nothing..." she whispers softly, looking at him again, but the smile she tries to put on her face doesn't succeed. Rakan raises an eyebrow, it is clear that he doesn't believe her. From the other side of the table Jamie looks at her thoughtfully. "For nothing, you look quite... sad." He tries to sound unconcerned, but just as Xayah failed to hide her emotions, so does he.

Blaan nods in agreement, grabbing his cup and taking a sip. "You don't have to tell us what is bothering or worrying you, but you should know that you don't have to carry every burden alone. We're a team, we fight together, and we'll get through anything together, no matter what it is." His voice is soft, as are his eyes, causing Xayah to nod at him. She knows Blaan's right, but she doesn't know why she still thinks about this place. Or the creatures trapped there. 

After all, they were just humans, not even anyone she knew, and yet it still haunts her. Her thoughts drift to the two Vastaya children she saw on the isle, recalling her feelings at that time. She knows that she should know the children and yet... she doesn't remember. No matter how hard she tries, she just can't remember. She sighs in frustration. 

"It's just... ...what happened on the Shadow Isles... I can' t get it out of my mind. The beings trapped there... they are damned forever... It makes me sick that we can't help them. I know that they are still the person that they were... and there's nothing I can do for them..." She bites her lower lip again, squeezes Rakan's finger harder. "And... and..." 

Xayah struggles for the right words without finding them, looking for help, looking at Rakan who just gives her another smile. "You can tell us anything, no matter what it is. We will work it out together. Like Blaan said, we're a team, a family." She nods hesitantly, staring at her cup. "I saw two children on the islands, Vastaya children. I know I should know them, that they should tell me something when they showed up, but I don't know... I can'! remember them." Her gaze is still fixed on the filling of her mug, while her thoughts run wild, with no satisfying result.

Surprised, she looks up, to her astonishment it is Greer who has put her hand on Xayah's shoulder and looks at her with a smile. "Don't worry about it, it's probably stress. The trip was thrilling and so was the time spent there, and our minds just block out unimportant information." Reluctantly Xayah nods, now smiling as well. Rakan looks at her thoughtfully from the side while he gently strokes the back of her hand with his thumb under the table. 

_Again she can't remember something._   
_Just like back then, about a part of the attack._   
_All the things the men did to her._   
_And... Didn't she say recently that she hadn't seen Keir for a long time?_   
_Doesn't she remember killing him?_   
_Why doesn't she remember this?_

Rakan swallows, his touch gets a little firmer as he looks at her intensely from the side, which causes her to return his gaze, her smile fades slightly and she looks at him questioningly, her forehead slightly wrinkled. 

'All the things she can't remember are always situations that were very painful for her... physically and emotionally... I wonder what else has she blocked out?' 

Even if he would like to bring up this topic, tell her about his fears and deal with the problem together, he doesn't know how to bring it up. 'Winter is coming soon, you'll have plenty of time to think about it', it crosses his mind, making him smile again slightly. 

  
~ * ~  
  


To their great relief, the situation in Wuju is as it was expected - good. And also the Vastaya tribe, which is located directly nearby, is in a good condition, enough supplies are available and the humans in Wuju keep to the agreements. 

"When we arrive in Hesta and everything is fine there, where will we go?" Greer looks questioningly over at Xayah, who looks at her friend smiling. "Tekayana," she replies without even looking at her card. "And from there we go on to Tevasa, then Úyane and from there back to the mainland." 

"Aren't these places mostly human?" Jamie looks at her in surprise, getting a nod in response. "Exactly, but there are Vastaya tribes in the immediate area, the humans there always stick to the arrangements. When the rivers almost dried up the humans started to bring water from their wells regularly and in Ùyane the humans and the Uncia tribe have been living side by side in one village for almost two years now. So far everything seems to be going well." A sad smile is on her lips as she looks at Jamie. 

Even if it is a nice improvement that humans and Vastaya live peacefully side by side, the disappearance of nature, the dying of rivers, trees and plants is something that has always affected Xayah, something she has been fighting against since her youth. Something where she has made almost no progress.

Understandingly he nods, catching up with Anice again. After some time Rakan starts to sing quietly and to his great joy Shona, Anice and Greer join in his song shortly after. A light goose bump runs over Xayah's arms while she listens to the sad ballad in which a woman loses herself in the loneliness of the pale moon and remains deep in the forest, between ice and snow, so that at some point nobody remembers her. 

"How about something more cheerful?" She looks questioningly at Rakan from the side, a timid smile on her lips, even though the expression in her eyes suggests that she doesn't feel much like smiling. Rakan puts an arm around her shoulder, pulls her closer to him before he starts a new song. To her relief, it is a cheerful, happy song, full of positive vibes, a homage to nature and all that lives in it, a reminder that life is fleeting and that everyone should enjoy it every day and give their surroundings the attention they deserve.

Quietly humming along, she lets Rakan guide her to the top of the group, closer to the others. As she passes by she looks at the members of her group curiously, watching the changes in the others. To her great satisfaction, the others seem to feel more comfortable, not only agreeing with the change of direction of the rebellion, but also being happy. She smiles merrily at Blaan, who immediately returns the smile. She would never have thought that Blaan would integrate so strongly into her group that he would eventually become such an important member of her cause. Yes, Blaan was there from day one, he followed her. But the moment Keir rejoined her, Blaan went to him, traveled with him.

But now that Keir seems to have one of his ego trips again and is travelling alone, Blaan has stayed with her for whatever reason, and he has become an incredibly valuable member of her cause, a person she doesn't want to miss anymore. 

The small group passes Hesta without any complications, also everything is fine there and even the nearby tribe is happy and satisfied. Relieved the group travels on towards Tekayana.

  
"I thought when we reached the village, we could spend the night there." Surprised, the others look at Xayah as if she had said something completely senseless or incomprehensible. "Why don't we travel on?" Shona looks at her with a raised eyebrow, whereupon Xayah shrugs her shoulder briefly. "It looks like rain, if we get into a storm or rain showers, it could quickly happen that one of us gets sick, that would be fatal. We might travel slowly or not at all during that time. I prefer to find shelter in the village and then leave in the morning. 

Greer nods in agreement and they walk on, humming and singing, while exhaustion gnaws at their strength. Until they notice the change in their surroundings, at first only very slightly, but with each passing step it becomes more and more obvious. Something is wrong. 

Xayha's gaze searches the surroundings, but the trees and grasses look as alive as ever, there is no sign that anywhere near one of these crystals is stealing the magic. She bites her lower lip, looks at Rakan from the side. He also seems to feel it. She looks at the others, all of them seem to feel it.

"Nature cries. Something has happened nearby," whispers Anice, eyes on the ground, approving nods and murmurs flow through the small group. They walk on, more cautiously and keeping a close eye on their surroundings, searching for the reason for this unpleasant feeling. 

"Is this... smoke?" 

"It's coming from the direction of Tekayana!"

Without thinking, Xayah runs off, past the group, already three Featherdaggers summoning in the run, in case something nearby is dangerous. Yeah, it's definitely smoke, and it's way too much for a normal fire. Her breathing gets choppier, she can hear the others behind her, following her, close on her heels. Xayah doesn't know for how long she has been running, her side stings painfully, she gasps for breath and her legs threaten to give in when she finally breaks out of the dense undergrowth and looks at Tekayana - or at least at what is left of the village.

There isn't much that remains of the houses, they are burned down to the skeletons, wooden ruins, still smoking and quietly crackling. An incredible heat is in the air and without being able to control it, Xayah feels tears rising in her eyes. She walks forward with quick steps when she feels a hand on her shoulder holding her. 

Questioningly she turns around, looking Rakan in the face. "What are you doing?" His voice sounds serious, clear concern can be heard, and yet she can hear the sadness just as clearly. "We have to search for survivors," she whispers, biting her lower lip, her gaze wandering again to the remains of the village.

"I hate to say this... but we won "t be able to save anyone here. All life has disappeared from this place, Mother Nature mourns her lost children," Rakan whispers and takes her in a firm embrace, pressing the head against his chest. For the first time in months he feels her body go limp in his arms, her muscles tense up and she begins to tremble. 

Xayah knows he's right.  
Even though she won't admit it. 

This place, this village... it's dead. There isn't any life anymore, the music has died, life has been extinguished.   
Just like at her home.

  
~ * ~

  
The night was restless, no one could sleep properly, as everyone was thinking. They had quickly come to an agreement, nobody believed in an accident, somebody had burned down this village on purpose. The question is... why? 

The only thing that can be heard in the camp is the steady, quiet crackling of the fire, nobody speaks a word, not even Rakan. He looks at Xayah from the side, she is still holding her bowl of hummus in her hand, some thin flat breads lie on her leg, she stares at it without taking a bite. 

"We should set off, check Tevasa and Úyane and see how things are going...", she whispers quietly, some nods indicate that at least some of those present have heard her. "You have to eat something," whispers Rakan, sliding his finger over her cheek. " I' m not hungry," she mumbles, putting the bowl on the floor along with the flat bread. Rakan frowned, stroking her cheek again. "You must eat, we need you strong and not exhausted." 

"I said I'm not hungry!" she hisses at him, a mixture of anger, sadness and pain is evident in her eyes. The others look at her in surprise before Xayah jumps up and turns around. "Excuse me... I need a moment alone..."

"What was that?" Anice looks at her frowning, then she looks at Rakan, who smiles apologetically. "I should have expected her to react like that..." he smiles apologetically. "I don't understand her reaction. Since yesterday Xayah has been acting weird. I've never seen her cry, even after what happened to Keir, but over a village where she doesn't know anyone..." 

"It reminded her of her home," Blaan whispers, looking in the direction she ran off. Anice looks at him blankly, her gaze wandering from one to another. "Didn't she tell you about this?" Blaan looks back in surprise at the young Ranyu who is just shaking her head. "She doesn't talk much about it," Rakan whispers quietly, still looking in the direction where Xayah disappeared.

With a piece of flat bread Blaan dips into his hummus, taking a big bite. "When she was younger, even younger than you, she wanted to negotiate with the humans, something must have gone terribly wrong. I don't know what happened, she never mentioned it, but she once told me that after the failed negotiations she ran back home and nobody was there anymore. Everyone was gone, the whole area was like dead. To this day she still doesn't know what happened to her tribe. Whether they were kidnapped or killed. or... if she was just left behind."

Anice looks at him with big eyes, her gaze wandering to Rakan, who just nods slightly. "How old was she?" The two men shrug their shoulders. "I don't know the exact age, but as far as I know she was a young teenager, she fought her way alone for a long time until she met Keir. That's all she ever told me." Anice nods understandably, looking back into the fire. 

After a while they start to take down the tents and pack everything up again, making all the preparations to leave as soon as Xayah is back. It doesn't take long and she comes back, much more relaxed than before. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just run away," she whispers and looks around searching, there is no trace of Rakan. She listens to his song in the surroundings, but can't perceive it either, panic creeps up inside her.

_Has her behaviour scared him away?_   
_Because she snapped at him like that for no reason?_   
_Did he get sick of her and left?_

She swallows and looks at Blaan with big eyes. "Where is Rakan?" Her voice trembles, a buzzing in her ears reduces all other noises and voices. From behind, two arms lay around her, frightened she moves around, looking into Rakan's face. Relieved, she falls around his neck, pressing herself against him. "I thought you'd gone," she whispers, still trembling. 

"I was just gathering water", he chuckles softly, stroking her hair with his hand. "I'm so sorry I snapped at you earlier," she whispers, but he just shakes his head, pressing a kiss on her hair. "It's okay, I shouldn't have..."   
"Stop blaming yourself. It was me, I fucked up. You know that as well as I do." She looks him deep in the eyes, her thumb runs down his cheek. "I know I made a mistake and I'm really sorry."

He smiles softly, taking her hand in his, kissing her ankles. "It's okay, Miella."

A little later, the small group leaves again, heading for Tevasa. hoping to find the villagers as healthy as possible. 


	39. Remember

Filled with relief, the small group realizes that everything is fine in Tevasa, the humans are doing well and the small Vastaya tribes in the surrounding area are also very healthy. The humans keep to the agreements, more than that, the villagers and the individual tribes have started to trade with each other, the few that they have in abundance, to exchange for what they lack. 

"I told you, not all humans are bad," Rakan whispers to her smiling, one hand stroking her cheek. Playfully she pokes him in the side, Xayah's eyes shine in the autumn sun and she looks at Rakan with a broad grin. 

From the side Blaan watches the two of them, a huge smile on his lips, Greer and Shona also look at the scene amused. "You've changed," laughs Shona and looks at the leader of her small group from the side. "This is all Rakan's fault!", she pouts, head down, so that her bangs fall on her face. To Xayah's surprise she can see out of the corner of her eye how Greer puts a hand on his arm, winks at him and grins. 

"Well done!"

With a broad grin and wagging eyebrows he looks down at Xayah, who - now also grinning - pushes him away. Her gaze is directed up to the sky, it is relatively warm, warmer than it has been the last days, even though the ground is still frozen. An unmistakable sign that winter is coming. They probably have five to six hours of sunshine before it disappears behind the treetops again and the night rises. 

"We should hurry a little, I'd like to reach Úyane before nightfall." A light nod runs through the round, Jamie runs a little ahead, casting a glance through the surroundings, looking for dangers between the trees. From a distance he nods at Anice, who returns his gesture and quickly approaches him. "The immediate surroundings seem safe, would you look for signs of danger in the distance?"

Quickly she nods and he helps her to climb one of the trees from where the young Ranyu takes a look at the surroundings. When she lands on the ground next to her tribe brother her face is pale and her long floppy ears hang depressed on her shoulders. "In the distance black smoke rises..." she whispers, face down to the ground. 

The others look at each other in fright, eyes wide open and fists clenched in nervousness as Xayah bites her lower lip again. "Another fire?" Jamie's voice sounds husky, he looks at the others depressed and Anice nods tentatively at him.

" You said black smoke?" Xayah looks at them questioningly, to which she nods again in response. "That means the fire is still burning..." Surprised, Rakan looks at her, one brow raised. "How do you know that?"

"If the fire was extinguished, the smoke would be white." She looks at him with a raised eyebrow, Blaan, Shona and Greer also look at him in surprise, even Jamie seems irritated. "Oh, come on! You all knew that?!" Pouting, Rakan looks around, with a slight smile on her lips Anice places her hand on his arm. " Don't feel bad, I didn't knew that either."

"Well, you're much younger than Rakan," Xayah giggles and grins mischievously at the two of them. "Babe, you should stand behind me!" Indignant he looks at her, cheeks puffed up, whereupon she just rolls her eyes. "Isn't that what you're supposed to do?" Blaan winks at him, and Rakan just grins.

"We'd better keep going or we won't make it to Úyane this year. And maybe not even next year." With these words she starts again, moving through the trees and towards the fire.

With growing concern, the group realizes that the source of the fire is in the same direction as their destination, an uncomfortable feeling spreads in them as they continue walking with quick steps. The fact that the environment is changing, the music is getting slower and quieter doesn't exactly make them feel better. On the contrary, the more the music fades away, the more restless they become. 

While the exhaustion gnaws at their bones and the first ones are already slowing down, Xayah accelerates her steps, banishing the bad feeling. She stops abruptly, blood seems to freeze in her veins as a bloodcurdling scream shatters the silence of the afternoon. 

Without thinking about it, she runs off as Rakan shoots past her, running much faster than she does. As the group breaks through the forest one after the other, they stand frozen, their eyes wide open in horror. 

Before them lies Úyane.

  
But the peace that used to reign in the village has left the place, most of the houses are on fire, humans and Uncia-Vastaya are running wild, while their sheltered homes are being transformed into a sea of flames, as if coming straight from a nightmare. 

Not far away, they see a young Uncia girl, her small, roundish ears covered with black patches and white fur, her paws, which are covered with the same fur, whirling up dust, while her tail, which resembles that of a snow leopard, is tightly wrapped around the middle of her body. The next moment she goes down to the ground where she remains motionless, an arrow sticking from her back. 

Not far away, three other survivors go down, in the depths of hellfire they can spot a figure that seems all too familiar to those present. "Try to help as many survivors as possible," Xayah says so quietly that the other figure can' t hear her, but still loud enough for her followers to understand her through the confusion. 

Jamie and Anice run to the right where they grab some of the survivors by the arms and drag them to the edge of the forest, Greer, Shona and Teostra hurry to the left side and search for survivors as well. Worried, Xayah looks at Blaan from the figure she hasn't taken her eyes off since the moment she appeared, he stands frozen beside her and can't take his eyes off the figure between the flames. 

"Wylie?!"

Shock spreads across Xayah's face, as she too realizes after a moment who is standing there in the flames before them, her eyes wide open, her lower lip quivering. A cold shiver runs down her back as Wylie slowly turns to her, his eyes staring cold and mischievously at her. 

"Xayah, Blaan! Long time not seen!"

She looks at him in surprise, her head tilted to the side and her forehead wrinkled, but the rage in her eyes is clearly visible. "What's this?! We don't kill innocent people, women and children! We've changed!" Horrified, her eyes wander over the surroundings, over the senseless destruction, all the innocent blood spilled, while Wylie looks at them amused, shaking his head and snorting loudly.

"Do you really think you can still give me orders?! That I give a shit about your words?" She shakes her head in confusion, biting her lower lip briefly. "We're family after all!" He snorted again, anger in his eyes, his arms hanging down to his sides, his hands clenched in fists, the tension in his muscles clearly visible. "Are you kidding me?! Family?! After what you did to Keir?!" Wylie's voice almost bursts with rage, while Xayah just stares blankly at him. 

"What are you talking about?" 

Her voice trembles, brows clenched instead of answering her, Wylie conjures up a reddish aura around him, three big, red balls of light dancing around him, three small ones a little bit offset above the others, waiting to ignite their target. 

"What did I do to Keir?" Her voice trembles stronger, a shiver spreads throughout her whole body, panic rises up inside her. "What is this?! Don't be so hypocritical!" Threateningly, Wylie takes a step towards her, one of the flames twitches in Xayah's direction, leaving a burn on her cheek. Within a heartbeat, Rakan stands next to her, a golden shield around the two of them, against which red flames strike before they disappear into nothingness. Astonished Blaan looks at the two inside the shield, his forehead wrinkles and Xayah's words come to his mind again, with which she revealed herself to them on the ship.

_I saw two children on the islands, Vastaya children. I know I should know them, that they should tell me something when they showed up, but I don't know... I can't remember them._

His eyes rest on Xayah as he connects the points in his mind before he realize whats going on. "Wylie, stop! She really can't remember. Stop it!" he shouts across the battlefield, staring at his former friend. 

Another person emerges between the burning houses, a bow rests in her hand and her wild red curls hang confusedly on her face. "Was Keir's death so unimportant that she simply forgot about it?! Or has killing others coldly become a normal thing for your so-called leader?" Angry she looks at Blaan, her green eyes wander to Xayah and she conjures an arrow out of nothing, which is covered in a dark fog. 

"I didn't say that. And I certainly didn't mean it! Keir was my friend, but he went too far, he tried to kill her! Should she have been executed without a fight?!" Blaan glares at her just as angrily, then his face softens, he tries to smile. 

"Sanas, Wylie, we don't have to fight, we can move on from all this, you can leave or rejoin us. We have one and the same ambition after all, we can still manage any conflict together, we haven't gone too far yet. We all want to improve our future, we can work together towards this goal." Slowly he walks towards the young woman, a smile on his lips and his hand reaching out. 

Out of the corner of his eye he can see Rakan holding Xayah in his arms and stroking her hair, softly talking to her, her eyes wide open while she lies apathetically in his arms. Her ears don't even twitch when he softly talks to her, thoughts turn and almost running amok.

_How can this be?_   
_How can Keir be dead?_   
_I killed him?!_   
_Why?_   
_What happened?_   
_This can' t be, there is no way I could have hurt Keir... isn' t it?_

In her mind's eye she sees Keir rushing towards her, green lightning flashes, a sharp pain runs through her body. Did she feel that pain that day as well? She trembles more, hears Keir's mocking voice in her head, how he mocks and taunts her, how he is willing to kill her. Her own words.

_As I said, you are too distracted, not one of your feathers has hit me. A poor performance, even for you._

_Sorry, brother!_

She flinches, the sound of her own featherdaggers coming back to her, twisting her stomach, she gets hot and cold at the same time. 

"Never!" Sanas aims her bow at Blaan, firing her arrow at the same moment her scream echoes across the battlefield. With a quick movement he evades the arrow, throwing a ball of glaring light in her direction, while he evades another arrow and more followers of Wylie rush through the ruins of the village, lured by the noise of the battle.

The few survivors of the massacre, a handful of humans and Uncia-Vastaya, join the rebels and within a short time a bloody battle breaks loose, weapons and spells of all kinds flash through the air, while Rakan casts his magic on as many enemies as possible. Jamie finds himself in a sword fight with a young man, manages to disarm him and strikes the grip of his sword against the man's temple, knocking him unconscious before the next one engages him in a fight. 

Not far away, Greer, Shona and Anice keep four other opponents at a distance, while a young girl with white hair takes care of an injured man. An attacker runs towards Shona with his sword raised as he goes down with a loud noise, Teostra stands behind him with his hammer raised. " Everything all right?", he shouts briefly, receiving a thumbs up in reply, whereupon he throws himself straight back into the crowd, knocking out two other opponents with powerful blows.

Rakan throws three attackers into the air, making them easy targets for Xayah's feathers. The first hits one of the men in the arm, the second hits his chest, the third hits... not at all. Worried, he turns around, his eyes wandering from her face to her fingers, they tremble, as does her entire body. Without thinking about it, he ends the lives of the men he had thrown up before, his eyes turn back to Xayah.

He hates to kill, he hates the suffering that comes with it and that he causes for others, yet he knows when he has to. His eyes move back to the lifeless figures on the ground, he swallows as he sees a figure out of the corner of his eye, which is approaching Xayah at an incredible speed. 

She goes into a defensive stance, three of her feather blades in each hand, ready to strike down her attacker. She can already feel the heat of the fireballs on her skin when a golden shield surrounds her, from which Wylie crashes and is thrown to the ground. He lies motionless on the floor, his eyes twitching and he looks up, straight into the faces of Xayah and Rakan, who look down on him coldly and judgmental.

  
Xayah's voice trembles, her hands still haven't stopped trembling either. "Keir was my best friend, he was like a brother for me. I told you back then that I would never have killed him if I had any other choice. If he had given me a choice, but he forced me to let it end like this. Just like him, you had a choice and you made it. I'm giving you one la-"

She breaks off, out of the corner of her eye she can see one of Sana's arrows flying towards Anice, for a moment every noise around her turns into a loud murmur, she sees Jamie knocking Anice out of the way, how the arrow hits his chest. The murmur is replaced by a shrill, fearful scream that ends in a sob, before the sound of the battlefield comes crashing down on her again. 

Hateful she looks down on Wylie and her voice sounds cold and almost poisonous. "This is by your design." Without hesitation, she hurls a feather dagger at Wylie's neck, which slides effortlessly through the soft flesh, slicing the artery. Almost mechanically, her view resembles a tunnel, she turns to Sanas, who is thrown into the air by Rakan and is struck down by a glaring flash of light when Blaan ends her life. 

A loud sob tears her back to reality, her gaze slowly glides over the battlefield, over the countless corpses, over all those who fell in this senseless battle and those who became victims of this cruel bloodbath. 'This is my fault', it flashes through her mind and she bites her lower lip. 

Slowly she turns in the direction from which the sobbing comes, her hands clenching into fists. Jamie rests on the ground, his chest rising and falling jerkily, a painfully distorted gasping comes from his lips. Anice kneels beside his head, her forehead resting against his. Leaning over his chest, the young girl who had helped another injured person before sits. 

Hesitantly she walks over to the others, her eyes fixed on Jamie, a stone seems to lie in her stomach. Shona and Teostra stand a little bit aside, while Greer gives the young girl as much help as possible. The girl tears off one of her sleeves and covers the wound with it before she straightens her head and looks from one to the other, shaking her head slightly. 

"The arrow is wrapped in shadow magic, my healing spells have no effect. And... And the shadow magic seems to contain some sort of poison... It's already reached his heart." Her eyes rest upon Blaan, then they move on to the others. 

"Is there nothing...?"

Questioningly, Rakan looks at the girl, shaking her head again, shoulders lowered. Reluctantly Xayah nods, she looks at the girl, not showing any emotion in her face. "What is your name?" she asks quietly.

"Kira."

She nods again, placing one hand on her shoulder. "You've been very brave, Kira, and we are very grateful for your help." She closes her eyes for a moment, then crouches down slowly next to Jamie, before she carefully places his hand in hers, her thumb stroking the back of his hand. 

"Thank you, Jamie. We owe you so much. I' m so so sorry about all this. I hope you can forgive me someday. I led you here and I'm incredibly sorry it's all my fault..." she whispers softly, lightly squeezing his hand. 

"We fight... for th-those... who can't... t... for those-- who can't fight for themselves. For our... our future," he gasps, slightly returning the pressure.

"We will honor you and keep you alive in our songs." Her voice trembles as she removes one of her hands from his and forms a feathered dagger, he nods in encouragement, fixing his gaze on her face. "I'm so sorry, brother", she whispers, letting the feather slide into his chest, releasing him from his suffering. 

Crying, Anice throws herself into Greer's arms, loud sobbing fills the remaining silence. For a moment she looks over at Rakan, then she walks over to the edge of the forest, away from the mourners, away from Jamie. 

The others will mourn him for many moons and carry him in their hearts, she is sure about it. And she is also sure that the guilt of being responsible for his death will haunt her for the rest of her life. 

  
~ * ~  
  


She is still sitting leaning against the tree, her arms wrapped around her legs, her head resting on her arms, when Rakan comes over to her some time later. "Miella, we have prepared everything. We thought you would also like to say goodbye to him. That you might like to say a few words." 

She straightens her head and looks at him emotionlessly, nodding timidly, before getting up and following him to the others. Jamie's body rests on some dry twigs, wrapped in a large white cloth. She swallows, her eyes burning, but no tears find their way onto her face. The place is beautiful, she is sure Jamie would have liked it, a large green area, in some distance the bordering forest and right next to it a river. The others have placed a big stone right on the riverbank, with his name written on it with black paint. It's Rakan's handwriting, she recognizes it immediately.

With an encouraging smile Blaan hands her a burning torch, sadly she looks up at him, then she looks from one to the other before she puts her hand on the cloth. "We will miss you," she says quietly, whereupon the others nod. Then she holds the torch to the cloth, lighting it, before she puts the torch into the grove below. 

"Jamie was a very special young man who put the needs of others above his own. Instead of accepting things as they are, he joined us and fought to make this place into a better one, to liberate our people and save them from the threat of destruction. And I' m incredibly grateful to him and to all of you for everything, for every step we take together. 

Please my dear friends, don't shed tears for our lost brother, but remember our time with Jamie brightly, he will live on in our hearts.

He lived his life, even if it was too short, loved and suffered, received, lost, taken and given. He has laughed and cried, often side by side with us, reconciled and argued. He reached his destiny and it was wonderful, this life. 

He loved the woods, the mountains and the sea, the sun breaking through the fog and warming our souls day in and day out with its bright rays and suppressing all fears and doubts.

I don't want to say that we can' t or shouldn't mourn for our brother, and whenever one of us feels the need to tell him something or to remember him, I ask you to do so. 

If you want to see him, close your eyes. If you want to hear him, listen to the wind. If you want to see him, look at the stars. If you wish to hear him, come to the river. 

So, my dear friends, I beg you, when music rises or if you are singing, let Jamie be with you, when you raise the cups and celebrate as well. In the sunshine or in the firelight... Remember our brother and please be happy. 

And if you want him to be near you, keep the memory of him in your hearts and visit him here at his stone."

She looks at the burning bundle in the fire before closing her eyes, remembering the time spent together with him, before looking up at the sky, which has now become dark, stars glittering in the sky. Jamie would have loved that sight.

"Taitah be tervash."


	40. The Light of Life

  
Cheerfully Xayah strides through the rows of tents, looking out for Rakan and waving to the others in greeting. During the last years their cause has really flourished, a huge number of Vastaya have joined the rebellion and more tribes are asking for help, so they have made great progress and many parts of Ionia are in full bloom again. 

With quick steps she passes one of the campfires, Anice raises her hand in greeting and talks to the others around the campfire. A smile flits across Xayah's lips and she stops for a moment before walking over to her and giving her friend a firm embrace.

After Jamie's death, Xayah hadn't been sure how Anice would deal with the situation, the mere thought of losing Rakan already drives her crazy and as much as Xayah tried, she can't imagine what it must have been like for Anice. She may have lost her family, her tribe, but that happened so long ago that she almost can't remember it anymore.

For a short moment Xayah presses her eyes tightly together, suppressing the thought of her tribe. "Have you seen Rakan anywhere?" Smiling, Xayah looks around after she has released herself from the embrace. Her eyes wander from Anice to Kira, to Teo, over to Cyjana, a cat-Vastaya, to Erkos, a young Zumi, to Louis, which the others just call Lou, a Lhotlan. She looks around in surprise, Sarandar, a tribal member of Cyjana, is not to be seen anywhere, although he is always with the others. 

Purring satisfied, she realizes that her small family has grown, that she has more trusted people she never expected before. While the inner circle used to be just Rakan, Blaan, Greer, Shona, Anice, Jamie and Keir, the group around Anice has become an essential part of her family and she would give her life for the others - knowing that it would be the same the other way around. 

Anice ponders for a moment, then quickly shakes her head, causing the long floppy ears to beat against her cheeks, so that she looks down shyly for a moment before returning her eyes to Xayah's face with a slight grin, catching a soft laugh. "No, I didn't see him. Maybe he's with Blaan and the others?" 

Nodding slightly, Xayah looks in the direction Anice was talking about, she can spot Blaan and Shona from a distance. "That would have been my next thought," she smiles. "You'll be at the last dinner later?" Curiously she looks at the group, receiving occasional nods in response. Winter is approaching threateningly and, as every year, they will spread out over Ionia, protecting the tribes like this, before they meet again in spring, after the snow has thawed and the paths and forests are passable again, to tell each other about the situations on the place and plan how things will go on.

But there is still time until then, and Xayah knows that she and Rakan have a long way to go, as she has promised to spend the winter with his tribe this year to see how things are going. And if they are already near there, she can ask him directly for a little detour. In the last nine years he has asked for so many stops and detours, so it's only fair that she wants to make a detour, since it didn't worked out the last time. 

With quick steps she walks over to the other group, which is chatting animatedly and standing in front of some tents. As it turns out it isn't just Blaan and Shona but also Greer, Sarandar, Anuviel, Bhreac and to her great relief also Rakan. With a slight smile she joins the others, just giving Rakan a quick glance. If it were only Blaan, Greer and Shona, she would have probably fell around his neck, but as long as the others are around, she has to keep her role. Already a long time ago she decided that she doesn't want to show any weakness in front of the others, too strong is her fear not to be taken seriously by the others anymore. 

Just as she is not taken seriously by many, one of the disadvantages when you are still young, and yet she has learned to deal with it. "After the meal together, Rakan and I will set off, we still have a long way to go and I would like to have a big part behind us before the first snow falls. As you know, I'm not a big fan of snow." She laughs softly and looks at the others, whereupon they just nod. "We'll be leaving today as well," Shona adds shortly after, her head slightly tilted and looking up at the sky.

~ * ~

  
"I am glad that so many of you have come, although we don't have much time left before the winter comes and we are on our way to move into our quarters for the winter. But before we do so, I would like to thank you all for your support and loyalty, for joining us even though each of you knows how dangerous this is. Without you, we would never have gotten this far! What we have achieved over the past years is amazing and I think I speak for everyone of us when I say that I think we are on the right track. Enjoy the winter time, take care of yourselves and in spring, after the snow has thawed, we will meet again in Vlonqo, healthy and well, of course. And now, enjoy our meal, my dear friends!" 

Laughing, she sinks into the place next to Rakan, her gaze roaming proudly through the crowd. "What would you like to eat?" Rakan looks at her from the side asking, and smiles, but she just shakes her head. "I'm not hungry." He frown for a moment, then puts his hand on her thigh, looking at her earnestly. "You said that yesterday. And the days before that. You're not eating enough. Aren't you feeling well? Are you ill?"

She looks up in surprise, shaking her head again. "I'm fine, you needn't worry." She tilts her head slightly, giving him a big smile. Then she grabs a piece of bread. "Do you feel better now?" He looks at her in surprise for a moment before a slight smile spreads across his face and he pokes her in the side. "No, a little piece like that isn't enough." He laughs softly, reaching for a skewer. 

"Winter just makes me nervous," she then smiles, her gaze falling past Rakan to Shona, who is just taking a big bite of meat. "I'll miss you two," she smiles sadly, her eyes resting on Shona before wandering to Blaan. "It's a strange feeling to know not returning after the winter. Though I have already thought about coming to the meeting point after all. Let's be honest, is there any place safer than here? I think not." 

Shona smiles softly, her eyes wandering to Blaan who takes her in his protective arms. "I've thought about that, too. This is our family. Where would you two be safer than here? I mean, Shona doesn't have to go on any more missions, there are so many of us, it doesn't even matter, but I actually believe that our camp is safer than any other place in Ionia". Blaan smiles slightly.

For a moment they remain silent, Xayah gives her friends a stern look. "You know I love you like my own family, you are my family and to think that you are both gone indefinitely hurts, but a rebellion isn't a place for a child. If anything would happen to the little one, you would never forgive yourself. And neither would I. Do you really want to take that risk?"

Blaan gets up and walks over to Xayah, taking her hand in his. "No matter where we go, nowhere is safe. But here, here we have you. And if there's anyone I would trust with our child's life, it would be you. You, Rakan, Greer, Anice, all of you. You are our family and we trust you. And if anything should happen to us, we know our little one will be safe with you. Or will _you_ leave the rebellion?" He winks at her, a grin on his lips.

Confused, she tightens her brows, trying to figure out what he means. Rakan stares at her with eyes wide open, without thinking, he pulls her towards him. "Is this true?" he whispers, his blue eyes fixed on her golden ones. "What should be true? What are you talking about?" 

Reluctantly she looks from one to the other, freeing herself from Rakan's embrace. "I thought you were pregnant." Blaan looks at her in surprise as Xayah flinches startled. "What?! How the hell could you come up with such an idea?!" 

"You're barely eating, but you're gaining weight. And Shona recently saw you throwing up in the morning. And since we know how active you are, we've been putting one and one together." Blaan gives her a wink which makes her gasp and look at him shaking her head. "That's the stress, or else- wait, did you just tell me I'm getting fat?" She clicks her tongue in a huff, her arms crossed in front of her chest and looks at him with burning eyes. Then her eyes wander to Rakan. "And you claim that I'm not eating enough. If even others notice that I' m gaining weight, so much so that they think I' m pregnant, then perhaps I should eat less."

Annoyed, she throws the piece of bread into the fire, turns around and hurries away, Shona and Blaan look at her in amazement, while Rakan doesn't know whether he should run after her or whether she needs a moment for herself. 

"Don't worry, she'll be back in a minute. Let her calm down." Rakan nods at Blaan, then looks back and forth between them. "Were you serious? Do you really think she's pregnant?" His gaze wanders back to the trees that Xayah had previously stomped through. "It would fit, but she's right, loss of appetite, nausea and weight gain can also be a sign of stress. We just hadn't thought of that because we thought it was more likely that you also ...", Shona grins and looks at him.

"That would be bad. As Xayah said, we both think that rebellion is no place to raise a child, above all it would be too dangerous." Thoughtfully, Shona looks at him. "Have you ever talked about it or do you just accept her point of view? You know, we didn't plan it either, but by now we're happy that it turned out this way. And we're really excited about the kid. And, uh..." Shona breaks off, looks over at Blaan. 

He clears his throat. "Shouldn't we wait until Xayah comes back with it?" Shona gives him a strange look then shrugs and smiles at Rakan. "And we wanted to ask you both, in case something should happen to both of us, if you would take care of him or her. You are our closest confidants, and in case something happens to us, we would be relieved if you would take care of our child."  
"Death, but relieved," Shona adds with a slight laugh.

  
~ * ~ 

  
Away from the camp, Xayah lets herself slide down a nearby tree, eyes closed and fighting against the rising feeling of nausea. Carefully she strokes her hand over her belly, her thoughts running wild, at the thought of the countless times they didn't use protection, her stomach turns even more and she gets hot and cold at the same time.

Even when Blaan and Shona announced that they were expecting a child, she and Rakan did not think of using any kind of protection, no child was born in any of the tribes for so many years, and the last Lhotlan child was even much longer ago. She swallows, can' t control the trembling.

_Breathe in._   
_Exhale._   
_Breathe in._   
_Exhale._   
_And keep a clear mind._

_'It's nothing, it's the stress, like I told the others before. The rebellion doesn't lead itself, the stress, the tears and all of that has its consequences. It doesn't mean I'm pregnant, I'm the first one who should be able to notice it.'._

She sighs, fighting against the storm inside her, before she gets up and walks back to the camp, after all she wanted to discuss something with Rakan. 

~ * ~

Rakan throws a relieved smile at her as he sees her coming towards him, almost immediately he takes her in his arms, giving her a kiss on the forehead. A quick glance shows her that most of the others have already left and only her closest friends are still standing around her. "We'll be on our way in a moment." She smiles at her friends, who nod at her and Rakan. "We have to leave soon, we also have a long way to go." 

They nod at each other, then go over to their respective tents, taking them down and preparing to leave. "Hey darling", Xayah whispers as she rolls up the sleeping bags. She can feel Rakan's gaze in her neck, she looks over her shoulder and gives him a smile. "If we're on the way to your tribe, I'd like to make a little detour." 

Surprised, he looks at her, nods. "Whatever you like," he laughs softly, approaching her and lightly stroking his fingers through her feathers. "Would you like to tell me where to go?" He can see her stiffen for a brief moment before her muscles relax. 

"I... I'd like to check out my old home, see if I can find any traces."


	41. Four walls and a roof

  
Singing softly, Rakan walks through the forest, followed a little slower by Xayah, who has her eyes on the surroundings. "Can you be silent for just five minutes? Or don't you know how to do that," Xayah hisses, rubbing her temples with her fingers, hoping to escape the threatening migraine. 

Surprised, Rakan remains watching her from top to bottom before he prances towards her, closing her gently in his arms. "Shall I help you?", he smiles gently, stroking his fingertips across her neck, causing a shiver to run down her back. "Besides, I already told you more than 10 years ago that I could be quiet, but that I considered it senseless," he laughs softly, looking at her with sparkling eyes. 

Surprised, she glances into his eyes before crossing her arms in front of her chest and looking at him firmly, one brow raised. "So you want to tell me that you still know what I said to you more than 10 years ago, but you don't know what our plan is during a mission?"

He just shrugs his shoulders, smiles again, then his eyes get serious again. "How much further do you think it is? Can we make it before nightfall?" Slowly her gaze is directed to the sky, then she nods hesitantly. "We, uh... ...should make it." She smiles slightly, a forced smile, concernedly Rakan looks at her, his hand stroking her cheek. "We don't have to do this if you have changed your mind. Don't force yourself, Miella."

Her eyes wander to the ground and she bites her lower lip, searching for the right words without finding them. "I want to! I do... It' s... just so long ago that I was home." Tenderly, Rakan strokes her cheek with the back of his fingers, brushing her clant tattoo. "You can do this, you are strong, you have been through so much and survived everything, then you will manage this, too". Gently, his lips rest on hers, his fingertips stroke the back of her head. She nods timidly into the kiss before she lets go of him and they set off together again.

  
~ * ~

  
Her fingers close tighter around his hand, pressing even stronger than before, as she leads Rakan through a weathered fence, wild ivy and the remains of wild roses entwine along the rotting wood, covered by a layer of frost. Her eyes glide over the place of her childhood and for a split second she sees herself sitting around a large campfire in the middle of the place, surrounded by her friends, the elder and her father, as they baked apples with honey and nuts in a large cauldron to celebrate the autumn. How she went with her father to other members of the tribe so she could learn to sew. And how she sat there pressed against the fence, sobbing and hoping that her family would come back. In vain.

She swallows, taking another step onto the grounds. Then she runs over to a big tree, her gaze fixed on it, so that Rakan follows her gaze. He can make out several houses in the trees - or at least what is left of them after nature has taken back what belongs to it.

"There is hardly anything left," he whispers, slowly walking towards her. Surprised, Xayah looks at him, shaking her head before she gently places her hand on the trunk of the tree, followed by her forehead, whispering softly to the tree. Rakan's eyes widen as the surroundings begin to hum softly and the branches of the nearby trees slowly but steadily bend and rise in another direction, clearing the way to a staircase and the houses. 

Surprised, he looks at her, his eyes still wide open, which Xayah answers with a slight smile and carefully climbs the stairs. "How did you do that?" Curious, he looks at her from the side, one arm around her waist. 

"I have begged the trees to let us go to the houses so that I can see my home again."

Xayah's eyes wander to the ground and she bites her lower lip again before she comes to a halt a distance away in front of a torn and ripped curtain. In her mind's eye she sees her father grabbing her roughly by the shoulder and telling her that her behavior can' t go on like this. 

A short pain shoots through her shoulder at this memory and without thinking about it her hand moves to her shoulder. Just a moment later her hand slips down again and she looks at Rakan apologetically. 

"I grew up here. Together with my father," she whispers as a lump forms in her throat. Slowly Rakan nods, giving her an encouraging smile. "Ready?" His voice is soft and after a short moment of hesitation she nods, audibly exhaling and stepping through the curtain. 

Even though the furniture is as weathered as the fence outside and plants have fought their way into the building, it is like a little time travel for Xayah and without meaning to, tears form in her eyes. He lovingly takes her in his arms, pressing her head against his chest and stroking the back of her head. "It's okay, just calm down and share everything," he whispers quietly, pressing a gentle kiss on her forehead. She nods hesitantly, pressing her head into his chest. 

It takes a small eternity for Xayah to calm down again, remembering why she is here. With trembling fingers she scurries from room to room, looking for traces she might have overlooked the last times she was here. 

With held breath she stares into her old bedroom, her eyes scurrying over the moss-covered bed, the desk has collapsed and on the chair, which used to stand at the desk, a bird has built its nest. Slowly she walks over to the small bedside table, trying to open the drawer, but it is stuck. The more force it applies, the more insecure it feels, before the front of the drawer tears off and the force of the impact sends her to the ground. 

With satisfaction she realizes that she is getting to the contents of the drawer - a small bag made of red velvet, the contents rustling quietly. Rakan looks at her questioningly, but Xayah shakes her head briefly, signaling that she will later show him what she has taken.

Then she sets off again in search of traces of her tribe and her father. But just like her other efforts, they turn out to be unsuccessful this time as well. 

Depressed, she leaves the house, walks down the stairs and places her hand and forehead against the tree trunk again, thanking it for the help, before she turns around and walks over to the exit, closely followed by Rakan, while the branches return to their old form and block the entrances.

From the side, Rakan looks at her thoughtfully. "How was it for you to come home after such a long time?" Her eyes are fixed to the ground while frozen leaves crunch under her claws. 

"This isn't my home anymore. It's just four walls and a roof."

  
~ * ~

  
Quietly the campfire is crackling while they sit next to each other in silence and spend time eating. Rakan had managed to catch some fish in the nearby river where they had set up their camp for the night, which are now hanging over the crackling fire, while he watches Xayah listlessly removing small pieces with sharp fingers and eating them. 

"Are you okay, Miella?" 

He smiles worriedly, his hand resting on her knee. Hesitantly her gaze straightens up, looking at him and lowering the fish. Then she nods, hesitantly.

"I'm just tired..." she whispers, slowly straightening up and walking away towards the tent. Surprised, Rakan looks after her, removing the remaining fish from the skewers, wrapping it in paper and letting it disappear into one of their backpacks before following her into the tent. 

To his great surprise she is already lying under some blankets, eyes closed and breathing peacefully. He follows her slowly, changing his clothes into more comfortable nightwear and running his fingers through his hair before he lies down next to her and puts his arms around her belly, gently stroking over it.

For a fraction of a second he imagines that his hands might be resting just above his unborn child and a smile flits across his lips. He continues stroking her belly, circling movements and after a short moment he feels Xayah turning around, looking at him with big golden eyes. "Don't even think about it, darling. I' m not pregnant," she laughs softly, her head tilted.

"Not yet," Rakan chuckles gently into her ear, breathing a kiss on her ear. Then he straightens up, looking at her. "What did you actually take out of the drawer?" Curiosity is clearly visible in his eyes and he strokes her cheek, kissing her gently.

Hesitantly, Xayah pulls out the small bag, opens it and drops the contents into her palm before she holds it out to Rakan. Surprised, he looks at her. "A necklace?"

"A tourmaline. My father gave it to me when I became a woman, as he said. It belonged to my mother and was passed on from generation to generation. And I thought to myself... just in case..." 

Without another word, Rakan takes her firmly in his arms, giving her a long and tender kiss. When their lips separate again, he looks at her lovingly. " We' ll probably be with my tribe, our family, by this time tomorrow. I can't wait to finally tell them that we are mates."

"Are you sure they will appreciate it? After everything that happened the last time?" He looks at her in surprise, noticing the uncertainty in her voice. 

"Of course they will. My tribe loves you, for most people you would be a part of our tribe even if we weren't dating." He laughs softly, pulling her with him while he lies down again, again his arms close around her belly and he starts humming softly until they fall asleep together.


	42. Correction

  
Even from a distance Rakan is already waving, prancing through the entrance to his tribe. Surprised faces turn to him and from far away Geillis runs towards him, before she closes him in a firm embrace. 

"Long has it been! Nice to see you again!" She shines at him, which he immediately replies just as brightly. Then he pulls Xayah towards him, closing her in a gentle embrace. "You remember Xayah?" Her cheeks redden and she looks down, causing him to embrace her even tighter. 

" Glad you've come to visit us again, child! You two look half-starved, come with me." She grabs Rakan by the wrist and drags him behind her, over to a big fire. Before Xayah can say anything back, she is dragged along by Rakan and shortly after they sit together with Geillis at the fire. In some distance she can recognize Orome and a knot forms in her stomach while she looks for Rakan's hand and presses it slightly. 

It doesn't take long and the others also gather around the fire. "How have you been? It's been ages since you were here," laughs Geillis, sitting across from them and staring at them. 

"We've been on the road a lot, freed the magic of Ionia and even been outside of Ionia," Rakan counts up with a grin. "Outside of Ionia?" Ivera looks at him questioningly, followed by a cheerful nod. "We were in Bilgewater and the Shadow Isles." His voice resonates proudly, even though a slight shiver runs down his spine, without thinking about it, he pulls Xayah a little closer, wrapping his wing protectively around her. 

"The Shadow Isles?" Islay looks at Rakan questioningly, which makes him nod and grimaces for a moment. "On the way back, we experienced something called Harrowing, where the spirits trapped on the Isles moved to the mainland looking for the living to drag them to damnation with them". 

For a fraction of a second, Xayah sees in her mind's eye an ominous, green shining lantern and a ghostly skull, without being able to control it, she flinches. "But this was only one of the adventures we had. And it's not exactly one of those I like to remember," she whispers, her eyes fixed on the fire. 

Hesitantly, Rakan nods, his thumb stroking the back of her hand. She looks at him, smiling gently, and he returns her smile immediately. "How have you been?" Questioningly, he looks around, grinning at his family and friends. 

"Bedelia and Sinann have moved to sister tribes, where they have each formed a bond. Argyle, Grá, Sloan and Aonghus left to hunt some years ago and never came back, we suspect that they ran into the hands of hunters or mercenaries and Bhreac left some time ago to join the rebellion, which has been gathering more and more Vastaya for some years now, fighting for the rights and freedom of our kind". 

With a mixture of joy and sadness about the events, Gawyn looks at the two newcomers, arms outstretched and welcoming them before he sits down next to Geillis. Rakan gives Xayah a fleeting glance, noticing her restlessness. "Bhreac has joined the rebellion?" Rakan's voice sounds slightly surprised as he stares at his grandfather. Smiling, Gawyn nods.

"Like you, I would say." He winks at his grandson, receiving an surprised look in reply.

"You know about it?"

Geillis laughs softly, shaking her head. "We're old, but we're not stupid." She smiles at him. "We already suspected on your last visit that you met in the rebellion and not at an Harvestfestival. That's the only possible reason you could have been traveling so much."

"Oh come on, that' s exactly-" Rakan begins, but breaks off when Xayah places a hand on his arm, he looks at her in surprise.

"I think it's time they know the truth," she whispers, looking into the flames.

"But, we really met at the harvest festival in Vlonqo. Rakan sang for some humans and performed cheap tricks there. But I wasn't there to celebrate... I was on a mission and stole an artifact that humans had previously stolen the Shimon. I was a little distracted and ran into some mercenaries, Rakan saved my life. And put his own at risk." She sighs and looks at Rakan in surprise as she feels his fingers on her cheek.

"I would do it over and over again, Miella." He smiles affectionately at her, which she immediately replies. "Are you finally...?" Geillis looks at them with a broad smile, and both of them nod. 

"I confessed to her how I feel a few days after Beltane." Rakan looks around smiling. "During a tavern brawl," Xayah adds with a laugh, her eyes resting on his, before she looks over at Gawyn and Geillis again. "Rakan hasn't left my side since that moment with the mercenaries, even when I told him to go. He joined _my_ rebellion and since then we have been trying to make Ionia a better place for the Vastaya."

Geillis tilts her head, looking at her in surprise. " _Your_ rebellion? And where is Bhreac then?"

Hesitantly she nods, her gaze turned to the ground. "I don't know where he is, I didn't know any of you had joined us. I suspect he belongs to Blaan and Shona's group," she says quietly, thoughtfully.

"Friends of us," Rakan adds explaining. "He will probably have traveled with them, Kira also went off with them. They have some of the new ones with them." She nods, then she looks at him seriously. "I' ll send a message to him anyway, just to be sure." 

"Why didn't you tell us back then?" With arms crossed, Islay looks at them questioningly, Xayah looks at him in confusion, one brow raised. "Why? I don't know if you noticed, but back then most Vastaya weren't very sympathetic towards my cause. And I didn't wanted to make a bad impression, which I did in the end anyway. But what was important to me at that time was that-" She breaks off, biting her lower lip and breaking off her sentence, while redness spreads in her face. 

"No more secrets, okay?" Gawyn looks at her smiling, his hand extended over the fire. Timidly, Xayah nods, straightens up and gives him her hand. "No more secrets," she confirms, "Now bring your backpacks into the tent, I would say you go back to the tent you used last time". 

They nod to each other, a slight smile on Xayah's lips, before Rakan leads them over to the tent, which will be their home for the next time. 


	43. Snow

As soon as they enter the tent and put down their belongings, Rakan closes them in a loving embrace from behind, his chin on her shoulder. "I told you before that they like you," he whistles, a light song sings in his voice. With a smile she raises her head a litttle, looking him in the eyes. 

"They just don't want you to leave again right away, so they' d rather bear with me," she laughs softly.

Laughing, Rakan shakes his head, letting himself fall onto one of the straw mats, still holding her in his arms and dragging her down with him. "You don't believe that yourself," he laughs softly, stroking her cheek with the back of his hand. "' I' m so happy to have you by my side,'' he adds quietly, breathing a kiss on her forehead and holding her closer while his hands slide over her feathers, beneath them and over her back. 

"And I' m glad that you followed me. Even when I told you to leave. I don't know what I would do without you," Xayah whispers just as softly, pressing her lips gently on his. 

Rakan slowly straightens up a little, his hands wrapped around her wrists and he pins her to the mat, looking deep into her eyes, a loving smile on his lips. 

"No more secrets, right?" whispers Rakan, his forehead against hers lying. She nods, panting a quiet "yes" as she threatens to drown in his blue eyes.

"You know, when we were here back then, at Beltane..." he breaks off, looking deep into her eyes. She nods hesitantly, looking at him expectantly. "I knew already at that time that you were the only one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. The night you ran away and I brought you back when you were lying drunk in bed..." He breaks off again, closing his eyes.

"There's no need to feel awkward, darling. Whatever it is, it's been so long. And I still love you as much as I did on the first day." She smiles at him, hand against his cheek. 

Rakan closes his eyes for a moment, then takes a deep breath. "It wasn't in the tavern that I told you for the first time that I loved you. It was here that night. I haven't been able to bring myself to tell you before. I always felt it would change our relationship."

She smiles at him, stroking along his cheek to his neck, humming softly. "It may change our relationship," she hums, looking him in the eyes. "But it just makes it better." Tenderly, she puts her lips back on his, kissing him lovingly, before she frees herself from the clasp and stands up, walking slowly towards the entrance.

"You know, I noticed during the celebration at that time that I' m totally and helplessly in love with you. But... I didn't had the courage to admit it to myself." She laughs slightly, pushing the entrance of the tent aside and taking a step out before Rakan follows her. His hand closes around her wrist and he pulls her towards him, arms wrapped tightly around her.

"You don't know how happy I' am to know that. The last thing we need to do now is to reach our destination and liberate our people completely. And..." He strokes with a hand to her front and in a clear gesture across her belly.

"Rakan..." Xayah looks at him with a tortured expression on her face, retreating a bit. Surprised and hurt, he looks at her. "You will never try to start a family together?" From his voice she can immediately recognize that he is incredibly hurt. She swallows, shaking her head slightly. "This... that's not what I said," she whispers, looking to the side, evading his gaze. 

"But thought," he adds quietly, turning away from her. "I would never have expected you to... I just can't believe it! I thought you loved me, I thought you wanted to create a future together with me!" His fingers start to tremble, the rage that is burning inside him gets stronger by the minute. "But... if that's how you feel, then so do I. Do what you want."

"Rakan..." She grabs his hand and he stops without turning around. "Please, don't go away. Let's talk about this. Alone. Somewhere where no one can hear us. Please."

Silence. She lets go of his wrist, her arm falling limply to her side as she watches him go to the others of his tribe. Slowly she returns to the tent and disappears into it, reaching for a piece of parchment and writing some words on it. Then she takes her backpack and leaves the tent from the other side, disappearing through the back exit into the forest, towards the river. 

She needs time to think. To plan. Making decisions. Her eyes are directed to the sky, which is covered by thick, white clouds. It is only a matter of time before the first snow falls.

  
But still she feels an unknown coldness inside her, which spreads from one moment to the next further and deeper into her. Depressed, she bites her lower lip, stroking her belly with her hand. 

~ * ~

Sighing loudly, Rakan throws himself on one of the hay bales near the fire, nodding to Geillis as she hands him a cup of ale, which he empties in almost a single sip. "Where is your lover?" she asks him smiling, to which he replies with a shrug of the shoulders. She sits down next to him, placing a hand on his thigh. "I didn't expect to find either of you alone in the next few days." She looks at him attentively, her lips still formed into a smile. 

"We had a argument," whispers Rakan, staring into the flames. Surprised, Geillis frowned, looking at him questioningly. "You argued? About what?" For a moment, Rakan remains silent. "She doesn't want children. The rebellion is simply more important to her. She doesn't even want to try." He snorts quietly, his eyes wander to his aunt's wondering face. 

"How do you know that?"

Surprised at the question, he looks at her, his head slightly tilted to the side. "I mentioned it earlier, when we were standing in front of the tent. She flinched as if I had stuck a knife between her ribs." He snorted, his gaze wandered back to the fire. Lovingly she puts an arm around his shoulder. "You should talk to each other in the right way. I think you two need to talk."

She pours him another cup of ale, looking at him seriously. "You must settle this before something happens that you both regret." He sighs out loud, knowing that she's right. He empties his cup, walks over to the tent and enters. In surprise, he frowned, looking around. 

No sign of Xayah.  
Neither of her backpack.

Then his gaze falls on a piece of parchment, which lies folded on some blankets at the end of the straw mats.

  
_Rakan,_

_you promised me never to turn your back on me, no matter what happens. I wanted to talk to you, you didn't listen._   
_You turned around and left, leaving me alone and abandoned with my emotions._

_After everything that happened today, I don't know what our future looks like. If there is still any._

_You told me to do what I want. Then I will._   
_As you wish._

_If you want to talk, you know where to find me._

_\- Xayah_

  
Rakan's head rises, a cold shiver runs down his spine and a bad feeling spreads in his stomach. Without thinking further he runs off in the direction of the river. No other place would occur to him.

His side stings painfully, as does his lung, but Rakan ignores the pain as the river becomes visible in the distance. If Xayah is anywhere near, it is here. Relieved, he stops when he sees her sitting leaning against the tree trunk, her head on her knees. Her body trembles and he can see that she is sobbing. 

Slowly he walks towards her, crouching down in front of her. "Xayah, what the hell is going on? You've been acting so strange lately ..." he whispers, putting a hand on her shoulder. She looks up at him with a tear-stained face, her arm wiping over her eyes. 

"You broke your promise," she sobs, her body trembles more intensely and he sits down next to her, looking at her from top to bottom and searching for injuries. Confused, his gaze remains resting on her hand. She clutches some bright blue flowers, which have a black edge on the leaves, she seems tense and disturbed. 

His eyes widen in horror, he immediately puts his hands on her shoulders. "Did you take any of these?!" Panic resonates in his voice and she just looks at him without understanding. "Ueno flowers! Did you swallow any of these?!" With gentle force he takes her face in his hand and turns it from one direction to the other, looking closely at her eyes. 

"No..." she whispers as tears run down her cheeks. Immediately he closes her in a tight embrace. "Why did you gather them?" His voice trembles and he looks at her almost helplessly.

  
This time it' s Xayah who is silent. Her eyes wander over to the water, following the gentle waves. She shakes her head, not giving him a proper answer. "Rakan...", she starts after a while, before her voice dies again. 

Slowly her eyes are directed to him, looking at him seriously, while she obviously struggles with herself and searches for the right words. "Rakan...", she repeats, her eyes fixed on his. "I have to talk to you, I asked you earlier and you refused me. Will you allow it now?" Something in her gaze makes him shudder, it is something unknown. 

He doesn't know exactly what's different, but he could swear he sees fear of the future in her eyes, her fingers literally cramping around the flowers. 

"I'm ready, I'll listen to you, think about it and answer afterwards." He smiles broadly, even though he isn't sure if he will succeed.

"Do you still love me?" Grief resonates in her voice and without thinking, Rakan answers with "Yes, more than anything else on this planet", confusion clearly audible in his voice. She nods, hesitates.

"You asked if I want to start a family with you. Yes, I would like to, but we should both be aware that a rebellion isn't a place to raise a child and that we would have to change our entire lives".

He nods, placing a hand on her thigh. She hesitates, swallows, then her eyes turn back to Rakan, a fleeting smile on her lips as thick snowflakes fall down on them...

"It could be... that the others were right. Even if I don't like it." She puts a hand on his cheek, light and gentle. "Rakan... I don't know... I'm not sure. But... I might be pregnant."


	44. Do no Harm

For an endless moment, Rakan just stands staring at her with wide eyes, no sound coming from his lips. She looks down, biting her lower lip again. Through the arguments she hadn't thought about before that Rakan might have wanted to have children in a distant future and not now, being confronted with it from one moment to the next. 

Her fingers tighten around the flower stems, knowing that they would help her. If Rakan is against it, if he doesn't want children yet - or at least not with her, if their arguments should have ruined their relationship completely. 

"Pr... pregnant? Wow," he exclaims, continuing to stare at her with wide eyes while he moves a hand through his hair. "Didn't you say it was just the stress?" He smiles slightly, laying his hand on hers. Surprised, he notices that she is trembling. 

He sits down beside her, putting his arm around her shoulder and covering her with his wing. "You shouldn't freeze, Miella," he whispers softly, giving her a kiss on the forehead. She smiles lightly before she avoids his gaze again. "At first I thought it was stress, but when you brought up children again..." She breaks off, staring at the sky.

"I just had to think about what the others said and that I'd put on weight, even though I'm not eating any more than usual and... and that wasn't supposed to happen. And... and... and then my bleeding..." She breaks off again, biting her lower lip.

Slowly Rakan nods to her, his hand under her chin. "That's why you asked if I still love you, isn't it? You wanted to know if we are still mated and what our future looks like." Hesitantly she nods, her fingers still tightly closed around the flowers. He takes her hand in his, pressing her slightly, forgetting that she still holds the flowers in her hand.

"That's why you picked the flowers, isn't it? In case we had broke up, right? Ueno flowers are very common for abortion!" 

The pain is clearly visible in his eyes and a short moment later Xayah throws herself sobbing against his chest, nodding into it. "If you had left..." Her sobbing gets stronger and she clings to his plaid with her free hand. "I can't do this without you," she whispers as he closes his arms tighter around her. 

He hums softly to her, holding her in his arms, hoping that she will soon calm down. It doesn't take long and he can feel her chest rising and falling evenly while she has sunk into a somewhat peaceful sleep. Carefully he releases her fingers from the flowers and lets them slide into his trouser pocket. Then he lifts her up and carries her slowly back to his tribe. 

At the thought of the flowers in his pocket his stomach contracts painfully.

~ * ~

When Rakan wakes up the next morning, he notices to his satisfaction that Xayah is still lying beside him, sleeping peacefully. Her hair is spread wildly over the pillow and her lips are a slightly cracked, he can hear her murmuring in her sleep. Her hands pressed against his chest as if she could feel his heartbeat. Tenderly he strokes her cheek, careful not to wake her up. 

' If she is really pregnant, she needs her sleep. And she must eat more', it comes through his mind, stroking her neck with his fingertips. Carefully he puts his wing over her before he spreads another blanket over them both, protecting her from the cold. 

Although it is getting colder with every night, he feels a warmth in himself that he never thought possible. His other hand slides down her side, over the soft fabric of her sleepsuit, carefully gliding under the fabric until he reaches her stomach. Lovingly he strokes over it and his heart beats up to his neck as he feels a barely noticeable elevation, not knowing if it is just in his imagination as he wants it to be there or if it can really be felt. 

Once again he gives her a gentle kiss on the forehead, his hand rests on her back. "Good morning, Mieli," she whispers, his eyes moving down to hers and a smile spreads on his lips. "Good morning, boireannach ruadh. Sorry if I woke you, I didn't mean to." Tenderly, his lips rest on hers while she gently strokes his cheek with her hand. When her lips separate again, she can' t suppress a giggle. 

"I've been awake a little longer," she smiles, closing her eyes again. "Just didn't want to get up yet, it's just so comfortable," she mumbles, saying the last word stretched out. Laughing softly, he puts his forehead against hers, dragging her closer with his arms, as if they couldn't be close enough, like when they were freshly in love, when all this was still new. "We can lie down as long as you want. For a long time we have nowhere to go. The next few months are all ours alone. And I will enjoy every day."

They look at each other in love, smiling. "I love you," he whispers, looking deep into her eyes, to which she replies with a smile. "I love you, too." For a while they remain silent, cuddled up together and enjoying the closeness of the other. After a while, Rakan sits up, still smiling, while he takes Xayah with him and holds her in his arms, looking down on her. 

"Miella?" She hums softly, telling him that she is listening. "Will you marry me today?" He looks at her hopefully and his heart beats faster as he sees her smile. Lovingly she squeezes his hand, looking him in the eyes. "Ask me again tomorrow." She straightens up, giving him a tender kiss. "I alwys do." He returns her smile, placing his hand on her cheek. Something in him had hoped that she would finally say "yes" today, after all that was revealed the day before, but somehow he knew already when he asked that she wouldn't break the ritual. 

~ * ~

When they leave the tent some time later, Xayah's eyes widen, the whole place is covered with white, more fires than before are spread over the area giving warmth. Some distance away stands Geillis, already waving to them. "Shall we tell them already? Or should we wait until we know for sure?" Smiling, Rakan looks at her while Xayah tugs at her fingerless gloves. Even though the wool is pleasantly warm, it is unusual for her. 

"I promised your grandfather that from now on there won't be any secrets," she whispers, smiling at him. He nods to her, puts his arm around her and leads her over to the others by the fire. 

"Good morning, you two," Geillis greets them cheerfully, filling a mug with hot tea for each of them, which simmers in a kettle over the fire. "Thank you," Xayah nods with a smile, sipping the tea. "Where are the others?" Rakan looks at his aunt questioningly. "Some of the men are still hunting, I sent Orome along this morning, even though he has no business as a healer, but now with all the snow, it's probably better to have him along in case something happens to someone. Grá and Ivera are changing the candles in the tents right now, after that they will come to us".

He nods understandably. "We have some news for you, but I think we should wait until everyone is here, don't you, honey?" Her cheeks redden and she looks down, nodding. Laughing softly, he pulls her to his side, putting his wing around her, while his eyes look at her from top to bottom, shining. 

The winter dress she has formed looks completely different from anything he has seen on her before, although he must admit that he likes it more than he thought. The skirt is almost floor-length and blows with every breeze, although the fabric is heavy, a simple white shirt is inside, above it a plaid of thick, warming wool, all in a dark brown. 

Out of the corner of her eye Xayah can see Ivera coming out of the tent that Rakan and she are sharing, with some burnt candle remains, and a bad feeling spreads inside her. As far as she can remember, Ivera was not very sympathetic to her last time, nor was Orome, even though he had made it to the top. 

She presses herself closer to Rakan, standing directly in front of him, so that he puts his arms around her, one under her chest, the other around her belly and the chin on her head. Smiling, Geillis looks at them. "It looks like you've solved your problems," she laughs, sitting on a bale of hay with a thick blanket on top. 

Xayah smiles, nodding slightly. "Yes, fortunately we have." 

  
It doesn't take long and the others are back from hunting, the group gathers around the fire and lively conversations fill the place. To Rakan's great delight, Xayah also seems to make contact this time, she is standing some distance away with one of his closer friends and is having a lively conversation, even though he doesn't understand what they are talking about. As he knows Laoghaire, they are not exchanging recipes. 

"We'll be coming over to you in a minute," she laughs before she turns and runs away, while Xayah nods to her and then goes back to Rakan, giving him a gentle kiss. "What do you think of Laoghaire," he grins, pushing a wisp of hair behind her ear, making her smile. "I like her, she seems to think similarly to us, she wants to show me some recipes during our stay, which can be prepared without any effort when you are travelling with large groups and there is hardly any food left. This will help our friends and ourselves a lot," she smiles, whereupon Rakan nods. 

Even if they haven't talked about it yet, he knows how important the rebellion is to her - and to him as well. And maybe Blaan is right - which place in Ionia is safer than their small group, their second family. They take care of each other and once the children are born... by then they will have found a safe place near the rebellion where Blaan and Shona's child as well as their own can grow up. 

He smiles before Xayah breathes a tender kiss on his lips. "You don't know how much you have charmed me, darling," she whispers, putting her arms around his neck and looking deep into his eyes. "I have a rough idea," he laughs softly, stroking her cheek. 

"May I introduce you, this is Aengus, my mate," grins Laoghaire, her partner standing next to her. "Delighted," it comes laughingly from Xayah and Rakan, almost simultaneously, causing the laughter to get even louder. So they talk for a while until everyone is gathered around the fires and in an exuberant atmosphere, they serve each other food and drinks. 

"My sister mentioned earlier that you would like to share some news with us?" Gawyn looks back and forth between the two, Rakan nods with a broad grin, as wide as if splitting his face in half. "That's right, we have great news!" His eyes are shining and he looks over to Xayah again, dragging her closer, while his eyes turn back to his grandfather. 

"So... drum roll...", Rakan grins, imitating the sound of drums. "We'll probably be parents!" Gawyn looks cheerfully back and forth between the two of them, before he can even say a word, Geillis closes the two in a firm embrace. "That's wonderful," she laughs with tears in her eyes. "We don't know for sure yet, but we have every reason to suspect it," smiles Xayah, her eyes set on the ground.

"You... are having a child?!" Ivera looks back and forth between the two with eyes wide open, and as Rakan nods with joy, she turns around without another word and walks away. "I guess she didn't like that," Xayah whispers to him, making him simply shrug his shoulders. "She will get over it."


	45. Loving and fighting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there
> 
> I would like to mention in the beginning that this chapter contains a kind of **harsh wording** as well as **content** that might be **too much for sensitive people**.
> 
> Kind greetings

Humming, Xayah wanders between the tents, carrying a basket of freshly washed vegetables under her arm and waving to Geillis. The longer they remain in Rakan's tribe, the more it feels to her like exactly what it is. A home. On the other side of the place she can make out Laoghaire. Lifting up her skirt with one hand and holding the basket with the other, she runs over to her friend, cheeks red from the cold. 

"Lao!" she laughs, dropping the basket into the snow and almost falling around her friend's neck. "You shouldn't exhaust yourself in your condition," she scolds her playfully, before they sit down together on a bale of hay covered with cloths. "I didn't make any effort, I just ran, that won't kill me," she winks, to which Lao replies with a laugh. "You're lucky that looks can't kill you, otherwise you'd probably have been dead for weeks," Lao teases with a wink.

Nodding slightly, Xayah looks at her friend, her shoulders drooping. "She hated me from the beginning, who knows why," she answers, rolling her eyes, thoughtfully Laoghaire looks at her. "Maybe you should talk to each other, clarify the situation. How long did you plan to stay here?" Her forehead wrinkles while her eyes remain fixed on Xayah.

"Rakan would like to stay until the snow melts, before that the paths are almost impassable anyway," Xayah answers, dropping backwards and supporting herself with her hands, her eyes turned to the sky. Shortly afterwards she straightens up again, looking at Laoghaire. "You are right, I have to talk to her. Even if I don't really feel like doing it."

She laughs softly, straightening up completely and shaking the snow off her skirt hem. "Wish me luck," jokes Xayah as she gestures that she is hanging from a rope. Shortly afterwards both laugh out loud and Xayah says goodbye to her friend with a nod.

  
~ * ~  
  


Slowly Xayah walks through the tents before she reaches the tent she suspects belongs to Ivera. Hesitantly, she stops and looks around, but there seems to be no one around. "Ivera? Are you there?" 

"What are you doing here, Lass?" 

With arms crossed in front of her chest, Ivera enters the entrance, staring at her visitor from top to bottom, while her eyes are caught for a moment on Xayah's light but recognizable baby belly. 

"I only want to talk to you. May I come in?" 

Without giving an expression, she steps aside, letting Xayah in. "What do you want to talk about?" Her voice sounds cold, calculating, the disgust clearly audible. 

"Have I done anything wrong to you? Or given a reason that you don't like me?" Xayah asks straight out, eyes fixed on the young woman.

For a moment, Ivera looks at her in disbelief, her mouth open a little, before shaking her head. "You are really asking that?! You come here, pretend to be something special, take my husband away from me, and then you have the impudence to ask me why I don't like you? You're so full of yourself, you... you... ...whore!"

In surprise, Xayah takes a step back. "I took Rakan from you? You weren't even dating, how could I have taken him from you?" She pinches her eyebrows as she watches Ivera carefully.

"Rakan and I were in love! Whenever he came back from his travels he told me about it, he sang and danced with me! And then you came and you wrapped him around your finger! You took him away from me and condemned him to a life with you, now he is forced to raise your brood with you!". Ivera's lower lip begins to tremble and she stares angrily at Xayah, her hands clenched in fists. 

She shakes her head, her arms crossed in front of her chest, looking pitifully at Ivera. "Rakan never belonged to you, I have to disappoint you. He has never loved you, no matter how much you wish he did. A few years ago he told me that he had never been in love before, never had any interest in starting a family or getting married. Whatever you had, it wasn't a romantic relationship and I didn't took anything away from you."

"Liar!" 

Angrily, Ivera grabs a bowl placed next to her straw mat and throws it in Xayah's direction, who evades it without a problem. "I have come here to reconcile with you, for Rakan's sake. But I think that isn't possible this way."

Without saying another word she leaves the tent and goes back to where she was before with Lao. As expected, her friend sits by the fire, warming her hands. As Xayah gets closer to her, she looks up curiously, her head laid aside questioningly. "How did things go?" she asks when Xayah has come within earshot. 

With a slight smile she looks at her friend. "As expected - it was a total fiasco," she laughs, holding out her cup to Lao so she can fill it with a scoop of tea. "Will you tell Rakan about it?" Lao asks quietly, causing Xayah to shake her head slowly. "No, I don't think so. He would only argue with her and I don't want him to have a fight with his friends and relatives because of me."

  
~ * ~  
  


The fire crackles comfortably, illuminating the faces of all those who sit around it and spreading a pleasant warmth. " I' m happy to sit here with you today, Miella," whispers Rakan, his forehead laid against hers, while she hums approvingly and takes his hand between hers. "There is no one I would rather be here with than you," she whispers, looking at him lovingly.

"On this day, we should leave behind all that is burdening or negatively influenced and focus on what is our light in this world". Rakan's eyes focus on Xayahs and she smiles at him lightly, gently pressing his hand. "I want to leave all the arguments we had behind and go my path together with you. You know, maybe the path ahead of us is dark and unpredictable, but with you by my side, I know that I can go on and move forward step by step. For us, for our baby," he continues quietly, smiling broadly at her.

Tenderly she puts her hand on his cheek. "As long as you are by my side, I will never lose my faith in a better future and I will fight with everything I have for us to be happy, to build a future together and to make this world a better place. For him or her, for the child that Shona carries under her heart and for every other child that is born into this world".

Gently they place their palms and foreheads against each other, eyes closed. "I love you," Xayah whispers softly. With a slight chuckle in his voice, Rakan answers. "I know."

Playfully she slaps his chest, laughing softly while he looks at her with shining eyes. "Ohhh, something's coming up! I've got something special for today," Rakan grins before he jumps up and hurries over to their tent. Shortly afterwards he comes back, holding a bundle of paper in his hand. 

"What is that?" Curiosity sounds in Xayah's voice, and she looks at him with big eyes as he wraps the paper and brings out some sticks wrapped in more paper. "They are glowing sticks," he grins, holding two of them out for Xayah. In awe she looks at the sticks before her eyes wander back to Rakan. "What do you do with them?"

"I bought them in the previous village. The merchant said that you have to put the tip into the fire and if you do, a small fountain with sparks and shining stars will come out at the top. Curious, Xayah approaches the fire, holding the ends of the two sticks into the fire. Her eyes begin to sparkle as the first sparkles shoot out of the paper, and she looks at Rakan enthusiastically, holding the sticks stretched out and waving them around in the air as she jumps and prances around, laughing loud and happily. 

As the evening progresses they sit together again, eating and telling stories together. Rakan drags Xayah tenderly onto his lap, stroking his hands over the slight bump on her belly while his chin rests on her shoulder and they listen to a story Gawyn tells. "Eat some more," Rakan whispers, making her shake her head slightly. "I've really eaten enough, I can't eat another bite," she laughs softly, her eyes still fixed on Gawyn. 

A cough attracts Xayah's attention and she looks up in surprise, to her sorrow it' s Orome. "You don't drink wine because of the pregnancy, so they made you tea, actually they passed the cup from person to person, but I thought it would be faster this way". He hands her the cup, looking uncomfortably to the side. "Thank you."

She nods briefly at him, her eyes fixed on him. "Is something else the matter?"

"Yes...", once again he avoids her gaze, it takes him a considerable effort to look at her. "I... wanted to apologize for what happened. For those day. I shouldn't have done that and I want to apologize sincerely for that. To both of you."

She nods slightly to him. "It's okay, Rakan has taught me that sometimes you have to forgive." She smiles slightly, cuddling closer to Rakan and sipping tea. She frowned. " This is sweet, what kind of tea is this?"

"I don't know, I didn't make it. I just brought it over because there's a gap ahead and I thought it would give me a chance to apologize to you."

She takes another sip, her attention turns back to Gawyn, who has started a new story. Out of the corner of her eye she can see how Orome has taken his place again at the other end of the table and that Ivera has filled the gap he mentioned earlier. Her eyes are fixed on Xayah, a slight smile on her lips. Without thinking further, she returns the smile, resting her head back on Rakan's chest. 

A slight pinch spreads into Xayah's stomach and she distorts her face, then straightens up. He looks at her in surprise, and she breathes a kiss on his lips. " I' m just tired, the day was long and exhausting. I'm going to bed," she whispers to him. 

"Shall I accompany you?" In the same breath he gets up, but she shakes her head, giving him another kiss. "That won't be necessary, darling. Have a nice evening," she whispers and then goes over to the tent. For a brief moment Rakan looks after her, deciding that he will check on her once an hour. 

  
Quietly Rakan looks through the entrance of the tent, to his relief Xayah is sleeping calmly, her hair open and spread over the pillow, her mouth slightly open and murmuring soft words he can' t understand. Carefully he closes the entrance again and goes back to the others, taking another big sip of wine. 

Laughing together they tell each other more stories, joking and drinking. Surprised, Rakan looks up from his cup when Aengus looks at him seriously. "Rakan, turn around. Something is wrong!" He frowned and even before he could follow the request he hears it.

"Rakan..."

Xayah's voice trembles and shivers and at the same moment Rakan jumps up, staring at her, while his heart stops for a few seconds. Her hair still hangs wildly in her face, her ears lowered, her skin paler than ever before, her nightgown full of stains from vomit and blood. She takes a step towards him, fresh blood running down her legs before she collapses in pain and loses consciousness.

Immediately Rakan runs over to her, putting one of his feathers on her abdomen, it starts to glow and dissolves without much effect. Tears run down his face as he stares helplessly at Orome, who has gotten down on his knees beside him and pushes him aside with gentle force. 

"Go away, I will do everything I can. I can promise you nothing, brother, but I will do everything I can to save her." Orome looks over to the others. "Lao, I need my bag! Quickly!" She nods and runs off. "Symptoms of poisoning," he mumbles quietly, then his gaze turns to Rakan, a sad expression in his eyes. "It looks like she tried to have an abortion and poisoned herself. I can try to save her, but it seems to be a more serious poisoning and for your child any help comes too late... I'm sorry, brother."

Slowly Geillis comes over, she is pale too, while the others have said goodbye. "Does it help to know what caused the poisoning?" she whispers, clutching the cup that Xayah used that evening. A moment later Lao, gasping for breath, stands before the others, holding out his bag to Orome.

"The poisoning comes from Ueno flowers, they still remain in her cup," murmurs Geillis, to which Orome nods. "That helps, then this tincture should help as long as the poison hasn't affected any organs." Carefully he infuses the liquid into Xayah. "Now we must wait and see if the tincture helps. And...", he breaks off, looking pitifully at Rakan. "Aengus, please take her to my tent. We'll discuss the rest there. The situation is bad enough without him knowing the details." 

Without a word of protest, Aengus nods and lifts the limp body from the ground, taking her to Oromes tent. Rakan looks after them, unable to say a word or take a step. A short time later he is taken to his tent by Geillis and Lao, apathetic, he lets himself fall onto a bale of hay while the two women remove the blankets and coatings from the straw mat, wrapping them so that Rakan can' t see the bloodstains. 

"You said the flowers were in her tea cup?" Lao looks at Geillis in confusion, she nods silently in response. "Yes, quite a few, in fact." Hesitantly, she looks around, then takes a step closer to Geillis. "She didn't make the tea herself, Orome handed it to her and said someone else had prepared it and pushed it over the table."

Geilli's eyes widen, she looks seriously at Lao. "That would mean that one of us poisoned her! Lao, that's a huge accusation!"  
Lao shakes her head. "I don't think it was planned. At least not like this. Xayah and I are very close to each other and she told me that not everyone here approves that she and Rakan are dating. And even less about the child. I don't think whoever wanted to kill her, he or she wanted to scare her or something. But the concentration was too much."

They look at each other seriously and remain silent.


	46. The Scenery I shared with you

  
_"I can't believe it was that easy!" Her happy laughter reaches his ears through the sound of the wind, before they let themselves fall into the grass together, Xayah lying half on top of him, her golden eyes sparkling with excitement and joy. Lovingly he strokes her cheek with his fingertips, breathing a light kiss on her full, tender lips. Smiling, he notices that her cheeks have taken on a slight red color. "I love you," he whispers softly. She closes her eyes, placing her forehead against his. "I love you too," she answers slowly, awkwardly._

Unwillingly, Rakan flinches as he feels a hand on his shoulder, torn from his thoughts, torn back into cold and cruel reality. "Everything will be all right." His head straightens up, his eyes moving upwards, looking into the sad eyes of his aunt. 

He remains silent. 

An uncertain feeling of emptiness tugs at his inner self, sadness, despair and helplessness. Rakan has lost all sense of time since he was dragged back into the tent. He just wanted to see how Xayah was doing, to ask Orome if there was anything he could do to help him, after all it' s for his mate, for his unborn child. 

Wordlessly, tears run down his face and he bends forward, his arms wrapped around himself and his nails drill through his skin, into the flesh. Rakan feels nothing, it' s as if his feelings and emotions died with her. That moment when he burst through the entrance of the tent and offered Orome his help. When he saw the blood on the coatings, the remains of his child, Xayah's painfully distorted face, how her hand clung to Aengus' and in the next moment fell lifeless on the coating. 

Orome screamed something he could not understand, every sound had given way to a loud ringing, her song faded away. And the very next moment he was grabbed by the arms and dragged out of the tent while his eyes remained fixed on her face. The last thing he could see was her breast, which had stopped moving.

_The moon was reflected in the shining river, the stars were twinkling and fireflies buzzing through the air. "Miella," whispers Rakan, stroking her Clantattoo with the back of his fingers. "Let's dance." She nods hesitantly, grabs his outstretched hand and lets him help her up before he leads her in gentle, circling movements into an intimate couple dance. Xayah's eyes shine as she looks at him in love, then she puts her head against his chest. "Forever," she whispers, convinced that he can' t hear her. His eyes rest on her hair and a loving smile is on his lips. 'Forever', he thinks knowing what she has said will remain his little secret._

" You' ve seen what I ve seen," he whispers. "How can you still believe that everything will be okay?" His eyes are fixed on the ground, avoiding the gaze of the two women. "Because she is a fighter." Surprised, Rakan looks up, tears shimmering on his cheeks and he looks at Lao in surprise, nodding slightly. In the next moment Geillis closes him into a firm embrace. "Orome is doing his best, he will do anything to save her."

"But her heart..."

"He tries everything, trust him," Geillis interrupts him, gently stroking his hair. Timidly he nods, tears run down his face again.

_"The first snow this year!" Rakan grins at her with shining eyes, while Xayah looks beyond him out of the tent with a tortured expression, face grimacing. "I hate the winter. When the snow is falling, we travel much slower and we still haven't reached our destination." She shivers, face still grimacing. "Look how beautiful it looks outside," he smiles, revealing the view of the glistening white. Fine lines of ice run in filigree lines over the branches of the trees, the evergreen and some small red berries hanging from a bush._

_Slowly she shakes her head. "I don't like the cold ...", she murmurs, giving him an apologetic look. With a light laugh he hands her a small canteen, receiving a questioning look. "Liqueur," he grins. "This will warm your heart!" Hesitantly, she takes a sip, giving him back the bottle. "Now come, let's enjoy the weather a little. We can continue our journey when the snow has stopped falling." He smiles gently, running his fingers through her hair. Laughing, Xayah nods, straightening up and passing him, climbing out into the snow. "Just for you," she laughs, smiling at him._

_She walks towards the fire, losing her balance on the soft powder snow and falling lengthwise into the powder before throwing the fluffy white into the air, her eyes sparkling with joy. With a broad smile Rakan looks at her._

"Rakan. No matter what happens, we are there for you." Lao looks at him seriously, smiling slightly. "But you have to believe that they will make it. Orome gives all he can and Xayah is a fighter. They will make it." Once again, Rakan nods, gritting his teeth, while he can still see in his mind's eye how Xayah has thrown the powder snow over her head, laughing loudly and with bright eyes. He would never have thought that such a short, trivial moment would break his heart someday.

  
~ * ~

  
The babble of voices cause Rakan to look up and the tiredness is clearly visible in his eyes. He sits in front of Orme's tent, not knowing how much time has passed since he was dragged out by force. But every minute feels like an eternity. In front of him stands Orome, his gaze is serious and Rakan's heart stops for some agonizing beats. His eyes turn to Orome's bloodstained fingers and tears begin to fill his eyes again.

Without saying anything, he wipes his fingers on a piece of cloth, which he carelessly throws to the ground, then he holds out his hand to Rakan, dragging him up. "You should go to her. If she wakes up again, it would be better if she sees your face first.

Without saying a word, Rakan takes him into a firm embrace, nodding to him. "Wouldn't it be better if she came into our tent? I can help you clean up here." Slowly, Orome shakes his head, placing one hand on his shoulder. "We can bring her to your tent or medicine tent, but you don't have to help me. Stay with her, come back to mind." He smiles hesitantly. 

"I've done everything I can... but I' m not sure if it was enough... "  
He looks seriously at Rakan before his eyes move to the ground. "Thank you."

  
~ * ~

"You haven't left her side for a week." Gawyn looks concerned at his grandson before his eyes fall on the limp body at Rakan's side. "I know you don't want to hear this. But you should start thinking about what you want to do when she doesn't recover." 

Slowly Rakan shakes his head, silently. His hand strokes over Xayahs, a gentle smile on his lips, then his eyes move back to Gawyn. "Remember how you used to tell me that I would eventually find the one person without whom I wouldn't feel complete? The one person who' s song would resonate with mine?" 

Carefully he strokes the hair from her face with his hand. "You were right. I realized that there are sounds that I can' t create alone on my own. You know, we laugh and cry together, sing and dance. It's... ...a symphony in which our feelings resonate together." Rakan looks at him seriously. "I will never stop hoping, never leave her side. If she really passes over into the other world, then... I will follow her." 

  
~ * ~

  
_Exhausted, Rakan opens his eyes, brushing a strand of his hair from his face. Surprised, he looks around, his eyes searching the surroundings as he presses his brows together. The sky is brightly enlighted, a radiant blue, interspersed with fine, feathery clouds. He takes a step forward, amazed he looks down at his feet, the ground shining in the same blue as the surroundings around him. The only sight he can spot at a distance is a huge tree full of pink flowers with fine, silky petals gliding to the ground and dancing lightly as if a light spring wind was blowing._

_He is struck by the fact that it' s not just petals, but also white feathers floating between the flowers, while small, colorful particles and fireflies bathe the place in a warm, soft light._

_He takes another step towards the cherry blossom tree, when a figure appears from behind the trunk, wrapped in a white dress. Without thinking, he runs towards the silhouette, stopping abruptly when he realizes that it' Xayah. She looks at him with a loving smile, stroking her pony from her face, the expression in her eyes full of love and devotion, as well as deep sadness. A single tear runs down her cheek._

_"Xayah," whispers Rakan, walking towards her._

_"I love you," she replies just as softly as he reaches out his hand to her. A warmth passes through his fingertips and in the next moment she is disappeared._

With eyes wide open, Rakan stares at her, his hands tremble and he touches her carefully, as if he feared she might disappear at any moment. Her eyelids flutter, her fingertips touch his palm and without thinking about it he closes his hands around hers. 

As his eyes turn back to her face, her eyes are slightly open, an exhausted smile on her lips. "Miella," he whispers, resisting the urge to throw himself around her neck. 

"Mieli..." she whispers, reaching out her hand to him. "What happened?" She wrinkles her forehead, searching her memories, before her eyes widen in horror. "Our baby... where is our baby?!" 

Slowly, he shakes his head. He sits down next to her on the straw mat, slowly she crawls over to him, cuddling while he puts his arms around her, before his wing wraps around her protectively. "I'm so glad you're back," he whispers, placing his forehead against her hair while he covers her ear and hair with tender kisses. 

"I thought I could never tell you again how much I love you and that I will always be by your side. And that I would never hear you say yes." He swallows, eyes closed.


	47. Conflict

Playfully the snow twinkles on the leaves of the surrounding trees, a light breeze floats across the place and makes the flames of the fires dance. "Are you in pain?" whispers Rakan as he leads Xayah out of the tent, an arm resting around her waist. She nods hesitantly, still smiling at him. "It's all right, the pain is nothing compared to the feeling of staying in the tent for so long," she laughs softly, throwing him a bright smile.

He immediately returns her smile, leading her over to the fire where the others are already gathered. In the distance they can see Laoghaire, who immediately waves to them and jumps up from her seat. Xayah quickly greets her friend, which she regrets at the same moment as the pain passes through her body with newly regained strength. She grimaces as Rakan gives her a worried look. 

"Sit down." Laoghaire points to the place from which she has just got up, when Xayah opens her mouth to answer something she shakes her head, the red hair falling in wild curls into her face and she strokes it out of her face with a quick movement, grinning broadly. "No argument! You have to take care of yourself," she grins, her arms crossed in front of her chest. Nodding slightly, Xayah smiles at her. "Thank you."

"How are you?" Orome looks at her worried.

"As well as can be expected. I suppose I owe it to you," she smiles, to which he just shrugs off. "Are you still in pain or feeling unwell? Feverish?" He looks at her seriously, shaking her head in response. "I still have some pain when I walk, but that seems to be normal. Otherwise I feel really well," she smiles, "Thank you," she adds with a broader smile. 

His look remains serious, after a while he shakes his head. "That was really stupid from you. You almost killed yourself. Why didn't you talk to one of us and just say that you didn't want a child yet? I could have helped you with the medication." He looks at her seriously, arms crossed in front of his chest. 

She looks at him, her brows drawn together. "What the hell are you talking about? I was actually looking forward to having our child and..." She breaks off, biting her lower lip as Rakan gently puts his arm around her shoulder. "In your teacup were Ueno flowers," Rakan whispers. "The ones you collected after our fight at the river." His gaze is fixed on the fire.

"What?" 

Xayah's eyes widen, her fingers glide over her belly, and she looks from one to the other. "I would never do that," she whispers, looking down at the ground. Behind them, Geillis and Laoghaire are looking at each other unnoticed. "This can' t be!" She shakes her head, trying to stand up, but she is held by Rakan. "You really didn't do it yourself?"

Horrified, she looks up at him, a hurt expression in her eyes. "No! That you could even think such a thing!" She frees herself, running back to the tent, a sharp pain runs through her abdomen and she goes to her knees. A moment later she feels Rakan's hands on her shoulders, angrily she turns around, another pain twitches through her body. "Don't touch me," she hisses, struggling to pick herself up and staggering over to the tent. 

Helplessly Rakan stops in front of the tent, his shoulders lowered. A moment later, Geillis and Laoghaire are standing next to him, each grabbing one of his arms and dragging him into the tent. "What do you want?" Xayah's voice is hushed, she sits on the straw mat, her knees drawn to her chest and her head bedded on them, protected by her arms.

"I want you to tell Rakan what you told me the other day." Laoghaire looks seriously at the trembling bunch on the mat, receiving an irritated look from Rakan. Abruptly, Xayah snaps her head up, staring at her friend with big eyes, before she slowly shakes her head. "I can't do that. I don't want it to become stressful just because of me... And now it's too late anyway...", she mumbles as a tear runs down her cheek. 

"Tell me, have you lost your mind?! When my guess is right, she killed your child! You almost died! And you still want to protect her?! Are you crazy?! Did the poison kill your brain cells or what?" Laoghaire stares at her furiously, hands clenched in fists. " That not everyone likes you is one point, but killing your child and almost killing you along with him is going too far! Xayah, either you tell him or I will!" With eyes wide open, Rakan stares back and forth between them. 

"What's going on?!"

Reluctantly Xayah bites her lower lip, closing her eyes. "It's just..." she breaks off, looking for the right words. "Ivera. She thinks I took you away from her. She said that I was condemning you to a life you should not have by forcing you to raise a child with me...", she whispers. "At least that' s more or less what I remember."

Without saying anything, Rakan lets himself fall on the mat next to her, wanting to put his arm around her, but Xayah slips away from him, moving aside. "How can you think that I would have killed our child myself," she whispers quietly, barely audible, her face buried in her arms. For a moment, Rakan remains silent. "I thought you had panicked because it slowly became obvious that you hadn't thought about it and just swallowed the flowers... and when you realized what had just happened, when the bleeding started... you came to me to ask for help..."

"In his defense, when you collapsed and it looked like you were both going to die, he wasn't looking at anything but you. When he could no longer see you, he was like a doll and didn't notice anything. If he had, he would have known that someone had put the flowers in your tea." Laoghaire clicked her tongue, brushing a strand of her red curls from her face. 

Slowly, Xayah nods, her eyes fixed on Rakan. "I' m so sorry, Xayah," he whispers, staring at her with tears in his eyes. "I shouldn't have even thought of something like this..." She nods, placing her hand on his. "That's right, you should never have thought that I would kill our child. For whatever reason, _Mieli_."

His face brightens up and he shines at her, bringing a big smile on her face. "You should stay a little longer than you intended. You should recover properly first." Geillis smiles at them, putting one hand on their shoulder each. Astonished, Xayah looks at them, a slight smile on her lips. "I have almost completely recovered. In a week or two I will be as fit as I was before," she laughs softly.

"I' m not talking about your physical condition, I' m talking about your mentality. You have to recover from this shock and all the stress, you have to find your way back to each other, otherwise this experience will cost you more than just your child". She smiles sadly and Lao nods. 

Without saying anything else, the two women leave the tent. For some time they remain silent, sitting next to each other, only their hands touching. With some effort Xayah slides up to him, cuddles up and lays her head on his lap. He immediately puts a blanket over her, running his fingers through her hair. 

"I know you don't want to hear this, but maybe they're right. Maybe we should stay a little longer than previously planned, find our way back to each other again. Before our relationship is really damaged," he whispers, stroking his fingers across her cheek. "I will think about it."

To Rakan's great surprise, he realizes a while later that Xayah has fallen asleep, her ears laid back and pressed tightly against her head, one hand clenched to a fist in front of her mouth, she mumbles softly to herself as she twitches in her sleep. Tenderly he strokes her shoulder, to his dismay she becomes even more restless. Quietly he speaks to her until she has finally calmed down. He doesn't know how much time has passed when she finally wakes up, looking at him with sleepy eyes. A loving smile is on his lips and he gently strokes her tattoo with his finger.

" Hey, sleepyhead," he laughs softly. 

" Hello Honey ", she mumbles drowsily, rubbing her hand over one of her eyes, smearing her dark make-up even more than it already is. "Do you think your grandfather would talk to us later? Under six eyes?" she whispers, receiving a surprised look. Then he nods slowly. "Hey Xayah...," he whispers softly, looking at her with a broad smile, while he continues to stroke her clant tattoo with his fingers.   
"Hm?", she replies slightly humming. "Will you marry me today?"

A light laugh escapes her mouth, her arms wrap around his neck and pull him down to her, breathing a tender kiss on his lips before she answers him. "Ask me again tomorrow." They look deeply into each other's eyes, forehead to forehead, smiling at each other. 

  
~ * ~

Her hands are clenched to fists, her stomach threatens to twist over, a cheerful humming can be heard from inside the tent. "Ivera," says Xayah loudly, stepping through the entrance into the tent the next moment, looking into the surprised face of Ivera. "You wait until you are called inside," she hums, the voice sweet as honey, but unable to hide the cold in her eyes. "This isn't a friendship visit," Xayah hisses, her eyes glowing with rage, and she takes a threatening step towards the young woman. 

"What do you want," she hums, turning away from Xayah, before she is roughly grabbed by the shoulder and turned around. "It was you! You put the Ueno flowers in my tea weeks ago, didn't you?!" She grits her teeth, her grip gets a little tighter. 

"You exchanged the candles in our tent for new ones that day and found the flowers. What was your intention? Were you just going to make us lose the child in the hope of breaking up our relationship? Or did you try to get rid of me right away?!"

Abruptly Ivera frees herself from her grip, a cold smile spreads across her face. "Even if I did, you have no evidence." 

"No matter what you do, Rakan will never be yours. No matter how much you sabotage our relationship and our happiness. He has never loved you and he never will. We are soul mates, nothing and no one can separate us." She turns around, her eyes already fixed on the exit. "I'm not angry with you and I don't hate you for what you did. I just feel sorry for you. Accept it, find someone else and try to be happy." Without waiting for an answer she steps out of the tent, back to the fire.

She joins her friend, accepting a bowl of stew, which Lao hands to her. "Thank you," she smiles. "Have you spoken to Ivera?" Hesitantly, she nods. "I told her everything that was on my mind, then I left without waiting to hear what she has to say." She smiles slightly, poking around in the bowl. "Why?"

"I don't care about her defenses."

  
~ * ~

  
"Ivera? Are you there?" Rakan stands patiently in front of the tent entrance as Ivera pushes the entrance to the side with shining eyes and gestures him to enter. "What a joy to see-"

"Stop the chatter," Rakan interrupts her, the look in his eyes sharp and serious. "I'm just here to tell you that I would advice you to stay away from my mate ever again. I know that it was you who poisoned her and that it' s your fault that we will never see our child. And if I see you come near Xayah again, or even look at her strangely, hope for the mercy of the gods, because you will not be able to hope for mine".

He looks at her coldly, one step towards her. "I don't even know what you're talking about." She looks at him laughing, which dies when she sees his expression. 

"I saw you in our tent the morning before Xayah was poisoned. The flowers she was poisoned with came from our tent. Islay saw that you prepared her tea and passed it from one person to another before you left the table. And I saw the look on your face when you came back and saw that she was drinking from it. I don't need any proof to see the obvious." He snorted and the look in his eyes got a little colder. "I don't know what you're telling yourself, but I don't love you and I never have. For me, there is no one else but Xayah, understand that at last."

Rakan turns around, leaving the tent. While he is already on his way back to the fire, he remembers some things which make him turn around and walk over to another tent, after all he should ask his grandfather to talk to them.


	48. Imbolc

Nervously she walks up and down the tent, brushing her bangs from her face as Rakan enters through the entrance. Questioningly he looks at her, his head slightly tilted to the side. "Is everything okay, babe?" He throws her a broad, slightly smug smile and for a moment Xayah feels as if she would like to throw her arms around his neck and kiss him. "Yes," she replies briefly, then hesitates for a moment, her eyes fixed on him.

"Seanair will be here soon," he adds, taking a step towards her, placing his palm on her cheek. She nods slightly, looking deep into his eyes. "Do you think it would be ok?" Her voice trembles slightly and she looks at him uncertainly. Laughing softly, he strokes his thumb over her Clantattoo, breathing a kiss on her forehead. "And you're really sure about it?" he whispers softly into her ear, causing Xayah to nod slightly. 

Lovingly, he takes her in his arms, gently stroking her plumage with his fingertips as Gawyn shifts the entrance of the tent to the side a little. "You wanted to see me?" He steps cheerfully through the entrance, looking at them both with a smile. 

With a nod, Rakan turns to his grandfather, looking at him with the same smile. "Yes, we wanted to ask if it would be all right if we stayed a little longer than first planned. Auntie came up with the idea to get some time off from ... from the entire situation. ...without risking our relationship." 

Surprise is clearly visible in Gawyn's face. "You don't have to ask, you're welcome any time." He takes a step towards the two of them, putting one hand on each shoulder. Xayah looks up uneasily, playing with her fingers. "It is just... we don't want to cause you any trouble. If we stay here, someone would have to show me from where I can hire a courier. We can't just disappear from the surface, the others would worry and... I just need to know that they're okay and that everything's proceeding as we planned." She bites her lower lip, her eyes on the ground. "The rebellion doesn't run itself," she whispers quietly.

"Don't worry about it. Balgair often travels to the nearby villages and trades there, he can take your letters and collect the answers." He winks briefly at Xayah, then his gaze becomes serious, his eyes wandering back and forth between the two. "I think it's good that you want to stay here for now. I don't often agree with my sister, but you should see that you get your strength back now. Besides, this way Orome can keep an eye on you, young lady. From what Rakan told me, you're not exactly known for taking things easy. Checking up on you isn't the worst idea," laughs Gawyn, winking again in Xayah's direction. 

"Thank you," she whispers, showing a slight bow, when a chuckle resounds. She looks up in surprise, into the laughing face of Gawyn. "That isn't necessary, child. You are part of our family." 

Her eyes widen and she stares at him for what feels like an eternity, completely taken by surprise at his statement. Lovingly, Rakan puts his arm around her waist and holds her close, giving her a tender kiss on her hair. After a short hesitation she puts her head to his chest, eyes closed. 

"I leave you two alone for a while."

  
  
~ * ~  
  


  
The glittering snow illuminates the darkness, while the pale moon shines on the ground and stars sparkle in the sky. The flickering fire brightens the surroundings and warms those around it, who throw a small bowl from one to the other, laughing, while Orome holds a matching bottle in his hand. 

With loud laughter the bowl is thrown to Islay, who catches it with a grin. "Your turn", Lao and Xayah laugh in unison, looking at each other with a grin. "Oh, I got one!" he laughs, holding the bowl in the air. 

"And again a day is done  
and again just crap was made  
and tomorrow it will be the same  
the same shity game! “

Grinning, he glances through the crowd, holding the bowl in front of him, before throwing it to Xayah with a broad grin. For a moment she looks at the bowl in confusion and remains silent. "This isn't expected to happen," grins Orome, lifting the bottle and walking towards her. 

She looks at him, her arms crossed in front of her chest, then she looks through the round, walking into the middle. "I have one too, but it's a little... vulgar," she laughs. "Are you ready for this?" With one hand on her hip, she steps further into the center of the circle, closer to the fire. 

" Speaking the truth,  
drinking whatever is clear,  
fucking what is around."

Grinning, she throws the bowl to Gawyn, who catches it laughing. 

"Caviar, wine and women in abundance,  
A good mood, that's where the wrapping falls.  
Intention gone, the desire is bare.  
Weak woman, oh thanks to God!"

He throws the bowl to the next one, sitting next to Xayah at the fire. " How do you like it?" he asks smiling, and she grins at him broadly. "I'm having a great time right now, if that's what you mean," she giggles as her eyes wander to Rakan, who has been involved in a new game and is dancing with three other men of his tribe. 

To her satisfaction, Xayah realizes that the others are good, but none of them can even come close to Rakan, his footwork is much better than the others' and after a short moment she has to look away, the fast movements blur her vision. 

Her eyes wander back to Gawyn, to her surprise he holds a small glass in front of her, a clear, brown liquid in it. She looks at him questioningly, taking the glass before they toast each other and pour the liquid down with a sip.

Coughing loudly and with tears in her eyes, Xayah leans forward as one curse after another passes her lips and Gawyn laughs out loud. "Damn it, what the hell is this devil stuff?!" she gasps, looking at him with teary eyes.

"Whisky."

She nods timidly. "He is... strong. And has a distinct note of oak wood, honey and... and some fruit that I can't really identify. It tastes interesting. And it knocks the shit out of you very quickly," she mumbles, taking another sip. Smiling, Gawyn nods, one hand on her shoulder. "This is the typical, traditional whisky of our tribe. Normally we only drink it when there is something to celebrate. Or when there is something to remember." He looks at her from the side, smiling, with one arm around her shoulder. "Like today," he adds with a smile.

Surprised, she looks up, questioningly looking at him, as Rakan joins them, his chest sinking up and down with quick movements. "There you are," he whispers, letting his hand disappear into the pocket of his pants. After a short moment, he brings out a figure, bound from straw, representing a person with a star in his arms. "A lucky charm," he whispers, kissing her hair. Smiling, she puts the straw figure in her pocket, placing her head against his chest, when Gawyn draws attention to himself again with a quiet clearing of his throat.

"The festival will soon be at its peak, do you know what that means?" He now looks directly at her, causing Xayah to timidly shake her head. "No, the last time I celebrated this festival, I was a small girl... okay, not that I'm tall now compared to you guys, I meant I celebrated it when I was young." She laughs nervously, her fingers closing around the lucky charm that Rakan has just given her.

"Imbolc is the celebration of light, fire and fertility. The large bonfire represents the now longer days and the hope of spring and the life it brings. Everyone lights a candle to carry and spread this hope." A smile spreads on Gawyn's lips, the pressure on her shoulder gets a little stronger. "I want you to light the first candle. It shall bring you luck and light your further way."

"But... shouldn't this honor be given to someone who belongs to the tribe?" she mumbles, eyes to the ground and bites her lower lip. "There is more than just the marks on your skin that makes you a member of a tribe." Geillis approaches her, taking one of Xayah's hands between her own. " We thought about you leading the ritual for a reason. You are one of us." The warm smile in her eyes lets her relax before she slowly nods. 

"But... I've never done this before."

  
~ * ~  
  
  


Xayah looks nervously from one to the other, clutching the fabric of her dress, when Geillis gives her an encouraging glance and approaches her. "You don't need to worry, everyone of us has done it for the first time at some point. Follow your heart and orientate yourself towards us, you will soon realize that you will be inspired by the steps. When we are about to walk through the tent, you walk slowly at the top, holding the candle at the height of your chest. When we gather around the fire, light the candle and turn around, Rakan will help you. Afterwards you just dance with us." She smiles again, giving her a friendly look. 

Slowly she nods to Geillis, once again she becomes painfully aware of how limited her knowledge of her own traditions is, of a part that should be incredibly important to her. In her mind she asks herself again and again how her life would have been if all the things that marked her would never have happened, if she had continued to grow up sheltered in her tribe. She would know the rituals and traditions of her people, that much is for sure. 'But would I ever have met Rakan then?', it comes to her mind, a thought she tosses aside quickly, repressing it. 

With her hand she catches the wreath of flowers, which threatens to slip from her head and without being able to control it, a cold shiver runs down her back. ' Don't think about it. It' s perfect the way it is now. You have Rakan, that's everything you need. As long as Rakan is by your side, life is beautiful.'

"Come on, it's time," whispers Geillis quietly and without thinking about it Xayah nods, she raises her head and accepts the candle, which is handed to her with a smile. She steps through the tent entrance, holding the candle in front of her chest and walking directly towards the fire, while the others follow her with some distance. 

Already from a distance she can see the silhouettes of the others, illuminated by the moving flames that bathe those present in orange light. They follow the path up to the fire, gathering around it. As she passes by, she gives Rakan a broad smile, coming to a halt near him and raising the candle into the air. Just a short moment later the others do the same, before they light the candles together. 

As soon as the lights of the candles flicker, Xayah feels how Rakan approaches her, lovingly looking on her, while he protectively wraps a firm piece of cloth around the candle and attaches it to her wrist with a solid ribbon and some flowers and leaves. A quick glance to the side shows her that the others have done the same and in the next moment Rakan steps back again and Geillis appears next to her, a smile on her lips and her head held high.

"Tha an teine air a lasadh! After cuir sinn fàilte air an earrach!", she exclaims over the crackling of the fire, hooks up to Xayah and leads them into a happy and lively dance, turning and hopping around each other before they change dance partners and dance in the opposite direction, while the candles draw light rays of light and make the sight perfect. 

Five others step out of the circle, between the dancers, each lighting a small torch and igniting smaller fires, before they step between the others again and watch the dancers.

After a while they come to a halt, exhausted, holding the candles high above their heads. For a short moment Xayah staggers, her other hand against her forehead, before she is supported by Geillis. At her questioning look, Xayah just shakes her head, forming with her lips that she is fine before she feels Rakan's hand on her shoulder. She casts a smiling glance at him, leaning slightly on him while her eyes are on Gawyn.

"As I do every year, I would like to grab a candle and light it by the sacred fire, so that your future will shine as brightly as the flame, and that together with spring, hope and life will return to you".

Tenderly, Rakan strokes her cheek with his fingertips, breathing a gentle kiss on her lips, which she immediately responds to. "Let us light the lantern in our tent, Miella," he whispers into her hair as she puts her head lightly against his chest.

After a while they follow the others over to the tents and step through the entrance of it, which is bathed in soft light. With deft fingers Rakan takes the lantern off its holder, while Xayah loosens the cloth covering around the candle and places it in the lantern before hanging it up again. Once again she lays her head against his chest, gently stroking her fingers over his belly. 

"You were great", he whispers, holding her slightly away from himself while his eyes look at her from top to bottom in admiration. His eyes rest on some small red spots on her white dress, he kneels before her with furrowed forehead, pushing up her skirt a little. Worried, he looks up when he notices that her legs are covered with small splashes of blood. "Why didn't you say you were bleeding? Are you in pain?" 

Surprised, she looks down at him, shaking her head slowly. "I didn't notice. I felt something wet on my legs while dancing, but I thought it was sweat." 

"I'll get Orome." Even before Xayah can say anything, he has already rushed out of the tent, only to return a short time later in the company of the healer. Without saying anything, he hurries over to her, gesturing Rakan to hold up her skirt. "No strong bleeding...", he mumbles, then his eyes move to her face. "Rakan said you didn't feel it, is that right?" 

She nods approvingly, closing her eyes as she feels his fingers on her belly. "Tell me if you're in pain somewhere...", he says softly, searching her stomach and hips with light pressure. "Don't be scared," he whispers as his fingers move to her abdomen while his eyes are focused on her face. "No pain?"

She shakes her head slowly, searching with her hand for Rakans, while Orome straightens up again. "You have nothing to worry about, as far as I can tell, everything is fine. Because of the miscarriage your body is now preparing for a new cycle, there may be some slight bleeding, as long as it isn't painful there is no need to worry". He smiles at them one by one. 

"Soon it should be possible for you to have another chance to conceive a child. There are stories that you should wait at least three months, or better even a whole year, but I have already seen another couple getting pregnant again within 2 months after a stillbirth, the baby was born healthy and without complications and it was also easier to conceive because the hormone level was still a bit elevated. Just in case you want to try again."

He winks at them, leaving the tent while they look at each other with wide eyes. 


	49. Ransom A Man's Soul

  
Cold winter wind fills the streets while soft snowflakes dance wildly through the streets and are enlightened by the warm glow of the lanterns. The streets are empty, there is occasional clacking of glasses and soft voices coming from the nearby pub. In the shadow of a wall hides a figure, covered by a long black cape, his hood deep in his face. 

A whistle resounds and the figure twitches significantly, the hood even deeper into the face, as a light ray of light falls into the alley and two other figures step forward, slowly approaching the person. The young man softly answers the whistle, which is returned by the other two. Relieved, he relaxes, rushing towards the two, slightly squeezing a scroll in his hand.

"Blaan?", he asks quietly, causing the addressed man to take the hood off his head, reaching out his hand in greeting. "We honestly expected Xayah or Rakan to show up," he whispers, followed by the young man also taking his hood off his head, slowly shaking his head. "No, sadly not. Something has... something came up. They will stay a little longer. But Xayah gave this for you." 

Hesitantly, he holds the scroll in front of him, which Blaan gratefully accepts, smiling at the young man, before his gaze moves to Shona, who has meanwhile also taken off her hood. "I am Balgair, by the way," he adds, smiling slightly. "I must admit I was a little surprised when Rakan said that you would be taking the letter personally this time."

"We were in the area recently and wanted to see our friends again," explains Shona with a smile, followed by Blaan taking her in his arms and gently pressing her against him as he opens the scroll and skims the lines. "What the... shit..." he mumbles, holding Shona closer to him. "How are they doing?"

"They're okay, I guess. But as far as I know, they'll probably stay with us a little longer than first planned," Balgair answers with a slight shrug of the shoulders, receiving a questioning look from Shona. Without saying a word, Blaan hands her the letter, which she reads immediately. "I wish we could help them," she whispers quietly.

  
~ * ~

"Thoir aire! He's coming right towards you!" With eyes wide open, Orome stares at the other men of his tribe, who chase the boar in front of them with spears and loud shouts without noticing how the animal is about to break out. 

"A 'putadh air chun làimh dheis", Rakan shouts to the others, while Islay and Aengus pass on the information to their respective groups. Xayah's ears flutter, listening closely to the sounds of the boar. "He's breaking out, isn't he? He changes his route," she murmurs, summoning some feather blades and standing protectively in front of Orome. "Yes, Lass. We must go to the others and warn them," he nods to her before they run off together. 

A shrill scream tears the idyll of the forest apart and without a second thought they run faster, towards the voice. Gasping and struggling for air they spot the others, between trees and wild undergrowth. Running past, she can recognize the boar, which they have hunted and killed - and which apparently did not give up without a fight. 

In the middle of the others she can see a figure lying in the soft snow, his blood staining the sparkling white. She bites her lower lip, her eyes moving to Rakan, who looks at her helplessly, while Orome hurries past her and kneels next to Islay. Together with Aengus, he ties the injury on his arm, hoping to stop the bleeding, while Xayah slowly walks over to Rakan, placing her hands against his chest.

"What happened?"

Gently he takes her in his arms, stroking her through her hair. "The damn creature escaped and didn't let us lead it anymore. In the dense undergrowth it was almost impossible to see it anymore, the setting dusk was another influence. It suddenly burst out of the branches and ran over Islay, seriously injuring him along the way. On his arm and belly." Hesitantly, he presses her head against his chest, gently stroking through her hair. 

"It's okay, we recover much faster than humans. The injury is half as bad, in a day or two he will be completely recovered". She smiles slightly, though it dies when she sees his face. He shakes his head abruptly. "I already tried to stabilize him with magic, but my magic had hardly any effect, he has already lost too much blood, magic doesn't help anymore, unfortunately. And Oromes' herbs are more supportive and for less serious injuries," he mumbles. "I know that you really liked Islay. I'm sorry, honey," he adds quietly.

Her eyes widen and she looks at him with trembling lower lip, before she slowly separates from Rakan and looks over to Orome and Islay, heading towards them. She seeks his gaze, receiving a barely noticeable shake of his head in response. She nods to him, sitting next to Islay, one of her hands around his. "Everything will be all right, you won't feel any more pain soon," she whispers to him, while Orome nods to her again slightly, and she loosens the bandage around his arm so that the blood flows more quickly from the injury, to ensure that his death is not as cruel and painful as it would otherwise have been.

"You grew up here, didn't you?" she whispers softly, pressing his hand while Orome carefully runs her fingers through his hair. A painful gasp indicates to Xayah that Islay agrees with her. Timidly, she smiles at him, squeezing his hand again.

"Tell me about your family," she whispers, hoping to distract him from his pain. "They were part of the tribe, too. In the past we often went to the river together and harvested berries, from which Màthair used to make mush or even cake".

Smiling Xayah nods, putting his hand on his chest while his face twitches slightly. "That must have been lovely. It sounds as if you would have enjoyed being down by the river." Slowly he nods, his eyes closing slightly.

"Soon you will be there again. Then you can gather berries again with your loved ones and bake cakes from them," she whispers, stroking the back of his hand with her thumb. "Soon you'll be home. You don't need to be afraid, everything will be all right. Soon the pain will be gone and you will be in a place where you have loved to be, where your heart feels at home".

Slowly he nods, forming a few words with his lips, but no sound is heard and a short moment later his breathing stops. Silently, Orome closes the eyes of his tribal brother. With trembling fingers Xayah straightens up, approaching Rakan. "There was really nothing we could do for him," she mumbles, biting her lower lip and avoiding his gaze. 

He nods at her, then goes over to the others, helping them wrap Islay in his plaid and tie the wild boar they hunted, which took her friend with him, to a long stick. Together they set off back to the tribe, thinking about how to tell the others about the misfortune.

To their great surprise, Orome stands next to them a short moment later, his eyes resting on Xayah. "I want to thank you. Islay was a good friend of mine and you helped me making his death as pleasant as possible." He looks at her seriously, a sad smile on his lips. Timidly, she returns his smile. "I wish I could have done more."

He nods slowly, his eyes staring at the ground. "Me too." He looks at her seriously again, but this time thoughtfully. "This wasn't the first time you saw someone die, was it? By violence, I mean." Surprised, she looks at him, slowly shaking her head. "No... no, it wasn't. Unfortunately. Rakan and me lead the rebellion, we have already seen many people die, mostly enemies. But we have also lost people who were incredibly important to us..." she whispers, closing her eyes. 

Carefully, Orome puts a hand on her shoulder, nodding slightly. "If you ever need help, call for me. I will come to your support. I can' t leave the clan, I' m the only healer, but I can support you if you need me".

With a slight smile on her lips she nods, "That's kind of you, but your place is here, in your tribe, you have to make sure that everyone stays healthy. But I thank you." Gently Rakan presses her hand and she smiles sadly at him before they continue their way back to the tribe in silence.


	50. Faith

The fire crackles loudly, the flames dance high into the night sky and small sparks get carried by the wind, leaving the snow and ice on the branches sparkling. The sun has disappeared behind the tree tops a long time ago, has covered the place in deep darkness, the only sources of light the dancing flames, the pale moon and the twinkling stars. 

"What are you thinking about?"

Rakan's soft voice tears Xayah from her thoughts, hesitantly she turns her eyes from the stars to him, sliding a little closer to him and placing her head on his shoulder. Tenderly he puts his arm around her own shoulder, breathing a loving kiss on her hair. "I had to think of Islay..." she mumbles softly, closing her eyes.

"He'll be better now." Tenderly, he strokes her cheek with the back of his hand, a slight smile on his lips, before they look back at the glittering stars together. "Taitah be tervash," Rakan whispers as he takes Xayah on his lap and covers her with his wing, protecting her from the wind. 

His eyes rest on her face while he quietly whispers to the others and after a while he realizes to his surprise that she has fallen asleep in his arms. The smile on his face gets a little wider as he reaches with one hand for a cup of hot spiced mead, which is handed to him, while his other hand is placed around Xayah's tummy, feeling her calm and relaxed breathing. 

After some time Geillis straightens up, looking at Lao. "Will you put some more logs in the fire? I'll go get some more pieces of meat and more wine." Without answering, Lao stands up, grabbing some smaller branches and pieces of wood, while Aengus jumps up and hurries to Geillis. "Wait, I'll help you," he laughs softly before the two of them leave the place and walk over to one of the back tents where they keep their supplies. 

When they come back some time later, Geillis runs concerned over to Rakan, crouching down next to him. Her voice is nothing more than a whisper and he looks up in surprise, his forehead slightly wrinkled. "Take it easy, Auntie, and now a little slower. I didn't understand a word," he laughs softly, but when he sees her serious face, his own is serious, too.

"Balgair is back. And he has brought strangers with him, he says they are friends of yours," she whispers. For a brief moment he frowned, then his face brightened a little. "They must be Blaan and Shona, good friends of us. Balgair has delivered a letter from us in which we told them that...", he breaks off and swallows briefly, pressing Xayah more firmly against himself, causing her to murmur quietly in her sleep and move in his arms before she calms down again and resumes sleeping. "We told them what happened and that we will stay here longer. They probably want to see how we are doing." 

With a wink of her hand Geillis points the others to come closer and with a nod and a broad grin Rakan confirms to her that they are their friends. "Blaan, Shona," he nods to them, lifting his cup in greeting. "We didn't expect you to accompany Balgair. I would greet you in an other way, but..." he nods his head in Xayah's direction, her head now resting on his chest and one of her hands clings to a few of his feathers. 

Smiling, Blaan nods, drawing Shona towards him. "We are so sorry," he whispers before they sit down next to him. "How are you?" For a moment Rakan is silent, his eyes moving back to Xayah, he turns off his cup and gently strokes her hair. "So far so good, I think. Our family has held us and is giving us support, for which we are incredibly grateful. But...", he breaks off, his eyes drift from Blaan and Shona to the others, a sad smile on his lips. "I don't think Xayah has fully processed what happened. She hasn't even talked about it and acts as if nothing happened. She lives on as if everything is the same." 

"I rather think that she hasn't realized it yet," Lao interjects, her face turned into a grimace. "Or she has repressed it. Like the situation with Keir." Blaan looks seriously at Rakan, who nods slowly. "And like so many other things. That's why I want to stay here, when she starts processing, she needs a safe environment, a family to support and protect her. The stress of the rebellion would probably just make everything more difficult," he whispers and to his surprise Blaan and Shona nod almost at the same moment.

"Take all the time you need, you as well, brother. We will take over your tasks as long as you need and keep you informed about everything. And when you have gone through all this, you will come back to us and take up your places in our midst again. You can count on us." 

Gratefully, he looks at them, nodding slightly before he breathes another light kiss on Xayah's hair. "Thank you," he whispers as Geillis turns the meat over the fire. "Hope you two are hungry," she smiles at the guests. "How is Bhreac doing?" Geillis looks at them curiously as she puts a large piece of meat on one of the wooden plates, along with a large piece of bread which she hands to Shona. "Thank you very much, but this is way too much," smiles Shona, passing the plate to Blaan. 

Surprised Geillis looks at her, shaking her head. "Child, you're eating for two, the portion is not too much." She laughs softly, winking at the couple. "When will the time come, if I may ask," she adds with a smile. "In around a year." Blaan's eyes sparkle as he looks back and forth between Geillis and Shona. "That reminds me, we haven't introduced ourselves. I'm Blaan and this is my wife Shona. And to answer your question, he's fine, he's become a valuable member of our cause." 

"Wife? You got married?" Rakan looks at them with eyes wide open, and Blaan nods with a grin. "We thought it would be better to get married before the child is born." He laughs again, receiving a slight tilt of Shona's head. "When will you eventually get married," he adds teasingly, to which Rakan just shrugs his shoulder. "When she finally says yes," he laughs softly, his arms tighter around her. 

"If you want to go to bed, just let us know, and we'll show you where you can sleep," laughs Geillis, while Ivera slowly approaches Shona, handing her a cup of tea. Without a second thought, Lao grabs the cup from her hand, taking a look inside before she hands it back. "Sorry," she mumbles softly, sitting down next to Aengus again while Shona looks at her in confusion. 

Orome looks seriously at Lao, then his gaze turns to Shona, a sad smile on his lips. "She just wanted to make sure the _accident_ from last time wouldn't happen again," he whispers, looking down at the ground. "Accident? What kind of accident?" She looks from one to the other in confusion, while Orome looks at Rakan in surprise. "I thought you would have told them," he mumbles, avoiding his gaze. 

Slowly Rakan shakes his head, pressing Xayah tighter against himself, so that she begins to twitch and murmur in her sleep. "I just wrote that we have lost the child..." he whispers, biting his lip. Then he looks at his friends, deep sadness visible in his eyes. "Someone has put Ueno flowers in Xayah's tea... if Orome and Aengus hadn't been there, she would also..." He breaks off, staring into the fire, while Blaan and Shona stare at him in shock. 

Surprised, he looks up as a hand rests on his shoulder and he looks into Orome's smiling face. "It was the least we could do. It doesn't make up for what I did back then, but it should be a start. I was an asshole and I just-"

"It's fine. We forgave you long ago."

Gratefully he smiles at him, sitting back in his seat and taking a big bite of meat. "As I said, if you wanted to go to bed, let us know. As a reminder, in case it got lost in the discussion earlier." 

"But just if it' s not too much trouble... We don't want to throw anyone out of their tent," laughs Blaan, but his laughter stops the moment he sees the faces of the others. "We have a free tent at the moment. One of us passed away recently. A hunting accident," Orome explains curtly, murmuring approval and nodding. "He was a very good friend," Rakan adds quietly, raising his cup. " For Islay! And for a better future. Slàinte mhath!"

"Slàinte mhath!," the others shout almost in unison, each taking a big sip from their cups. "Slàinte mhath," it comes softly muttered from Rakan's chest. He smiles apologetically at her while she smiles at him with half-closed eyes and takes a small sip from his cup. "We didn't want to wake you," he whispers, giving her a gentle kiss on the tip of her ear. 

"It's okay, babe," she mumbles, straightening up slightly as he brushes her hair, which had fallen wildly over her shoulders and into her face. "By the way, we have guests," he adds with a slight laugh. "Not now," she mumbles, putting her head back on his chest and yawning slightly. "I changed my mind, it's too cold to get up." A soft, hoarse laugh comes from her lips as she feels something cold on her cheek and a few drops of water running down her cheek. With eyes wide open she looks at Rakan, reading an unspoken question in them, to which he just nods with a smile.

Without saying a word she frees herself from his embrace, moving his plumage tenderly to the side before she leaps up and looks at Blaan with a broad grin. "I told you a thousand times never do that," she grins. Even before she has finished her sentence he has already jumped up and started running, Xayah close on his heels, while the others watch the spectacle laughing. "Are they always like this," Gawyn asks in surprise, his gaze moving back and forth between Rakan and Shona, and both nod. 

"They have known each other for ages. It all started when Xayah and me had a very tiring night and wanted to sleep a little longer the next morning. He didn't liked that, so he splashed water on her face, she jumped up and ran. Our tent collapsed over me. Now he always does that when he wants to bring her out of her reserve," grins Rakan, reaping a soft laugh from Shona. 

"I still remember how she blushed and ran away because she was embarrassed that we knew you had slept together," laughs Shona, while Rakan looks at her with a raised eyebrow. "What makes you think so," he asks, the amazement clearly audible in his voice. Now it' s up to Shona to look in amazement, her brows pressed together. " Don't you?"

Slowly, Rakan shakes his head, his eyes fixed on the dancing flames. "No, she wasn't ready back then. It was an incredibly hard time for her, first the situation with Keir, then her memories, it was really hard. For her and for me." Shona looks at him questioningly, but he just shakes his head before his eyes wander back to Xayah. "She has changed a lot," Orome comments, he also looks over to the two who are still chasing each other. "I mean compared to when you were here the first time." He smiles slightly, winking at Rakan. "You deserved that beating you got back then," he grins back, receiving a nod from Orome in response. 

Lost in thought, Rakan looks over to them as he is torn from his thoughts by Shona's voice. "Huh? What? I'm sorry, I was just thinking about something else," he laughs apologetically, one hand scratching the back of his head. "I just wanted to know if you've already decided what to do next? With you guys? Do you want to marry, too? And will you try again for a child?" She looks at him curiously and for a short moment he is speechless, the questions have caught him unprepared. 

"We... have not talked about it yet," he laughs softly, scratching the back of his head again. "I don't know how I can bring the topic up without it resulting in an argument."

" Which topic?", a voice sounds next to him and makes him flinch as if Xayah had caught him in some mischief. " Uhm... Babe! Um... let's talk about this in private, okay?" he replies quickly, jumping up at the same moment and reaching for her hand. 

"If you don't mind, we'd like to leave as well," smiles Blaan, waving the others goodbye, while he and Shona follow the other two and disappear into the tent shown. As soon as they cross the threshold of their tent, Rakan holds her close, giving her a tender kiss while he looks at her intensely. "You are so beautiful...", he mutters, his fingertips gliding tenderly along her neck. 

"I'm sure that's not what you wanted to talk to me about," Xayah giggles softly, nestling closely to him, to which he reacts with a slight movement of his head. "No, you're right I guess." A soft, guttural laugh comes over his lips while he still looks at her in admiration. "You know, midnight has already passed... ...so... Miella, will you marry me today?" 

A broad smile flits across her lips and for a moment she puts her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Then she looks at him, her eyes fixed on his, while her hand still rests on his chest, feeling his heartbeat. "Ask me again tomorrow." He laughs softly, kissing her on the forehead. "I always do."

Again she puts her head against his chest, her ears lowered, breathing a kiss on his chest. "But that wasn't everything, wasn't it?" she whispers softly, moving her fingers in gentle lines. Again he laughs softly, pressing her closer to him. "No. You're right, honey. I...", he breaks off, looking for the right words. Surprised, she looks into his eyes, a smile on her lips. "What is it?"

"Well... Honey... uhm..." Again he breaks off, his eyes moving to hers, closing for a short moment. "Would you like to try it again?" A blank expression. "Fot a child, I mean," he adds, this time she looks at him in surprise before a smile twitches over her lips.

"Last time we didn't try, heartfire," she whispers, looking deep into his eyes. "I would say we continue as before. If it happens again, then it' s our fate, and if not, so be it. This means, if it's okay for you, that we might become parents after all."

He nods to her, strokes his fingers over her neck again, giving her a tender kiss, which she immediately returns. "If anything hurts you, let me know," he whispers, kissing her further, to which she responds with just a slight nod, biting her lower lip. 

"I love you," she whispers softly, putting her arms around his neck, causing him to put his forehead against hers. "I love you, too." They look deep into each other's eyes, kissing again. "Let's do this some other day, I'm pretty tired," she giggles, eyes half closed, followed by a nod, he takes her onto the straw mattress. "I've already thought of something, too," he whispers into her ear, holding her close and gently stroking her back.


	51. Demons

  
_Cold laughter echoes through the small Alley, mocking voices and a whimper filled with fear. Tears run down her cheeks, teeth clenched, fighting the urge to scream._

_"Scream! Now! Or shall I give you another reason?"_

_Burning pain sweeps through her, a panicky scream escapes her lips._

  
"Xayah? Miella?" With eyes wide open, he presses the trembling bundle against him, stroking her soothingly over her back while she lies lifeless in his arms, eyes wide open. "Don't touch me," she whispers with trembling voice, evading his eyes. Slowly he lets go of her, still remaining close to her. "Miella, I' m here, I' ll protect you. No one can hurt you anymore, do you understand? You are safe."

Her eyes turn to his, but they don't seem to see. Carefully he strokes her cheek with his fingertips, his heart cramps as he sees her eyes squeezed shut and whimpering in fear.

"Xayah?"

She flinches, still staring blankly in his direction as if she were in a different world. "Please don't," she pants, stiffens before a cry of pain leaves her lips. Immediately, Rakan closes her back into his arms, pressing her head against his chest and whispering to her soothingly. 

She blinks a few times before she breaks free from his grip and runs trembling out of the tent, Rakan close on her heels. 

_Scream!_

The cold air hits her face, cooling the tears on her skin as they slowly run down her face and across her throat.

_Now!_

Deaf, her body is burning and yet she can' t feel it. Her fingers press into her skin, but she can' t feel that either. The trembling gets stronger, shaking her body.

_Scream! Scream! Scream!_

Without being able to control it, her breathing becomes faster, she threatens to hyperventilate. Her nails drill into her flesh, she feels the warm blood under her nails, feels the pain. Feels something.

_Or shall I give you another reason?_

'It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your goddamn fault!' The thought grows in her mind, burns deeper into her, like a soft voice that lovingly cradles her in its arms.

_Now!_

Sobbing, she falls to the ground, her knees burying into the soft snow and she has to vomit, while even more tears run down her face. A loving hand reaches down on her shoulder and brushes her hair out of her face. "Let it go, honey. It wasn't your fault. You can't be blamed for what those monsters did to you. I'll protect you, you're safe with me," Rakan whispers into her ear as more tears run down her face.

Soft voices reach their ears, still Rakan has his hand resting on her shoulder as he turns to the others who whisper in their direction. "Go back to your tents! There is nothing to see here. Everything is all right! Whatever you hear, just ignore it!" His voice falters, slowly his eyes turn back to Xayah, who sits trembling in the snow, leaning forward, sobbing loudly, burying her face in her hands. 

' Even after all those years...', it comes through his mind and his heart feels heavy. "Miella," he whispers, stroking her plumage with his hand, causing her to panic and flee to the side, crawling away in the snow as fast as she can, not knowing where she is going. Slowly Rakan follows her, fighting against the sadness which spreads in him. 

From a short distance he can see her fighting her way back on her feet and stumbling through the snow in the direction that marks the border of his tribe, running through interwoven branches that form a protective barrier. Helplessly she stops in front of the barrier as he gets closer to her, nothing but sobbing and the soft crunching under his claws can be heard.

Her ears twitch, she turns around in panic, losing her balance in the snow and falling to the ground. Immediately Rakan rushes towards her, having much less trouble keeping his balance in the white powder, but he stops in horror when he sees her crawling away from him in fear. She looks at him in panic as her back touches the barrier, her eyes wide open, tears glistening in them.

Carefully he walks towards her, but stops again as she wraps her arms over her head and puts it on her knees, whimpering fearfully. "You don't need to be afraid," he whispers gently, reaching out his hand to her. Her eyes widen again, she flinches back as far as she can, trembling fearfully. "Please don't...", she whispers, a pleading note in her voice.

It' s a tone that Rakan has never heard from her before. Carefully he puts his hand under her chin, lifting it slightly and looking into her eyes, stroking his thumb over her Clantattoo. "It's me, you don't need to be afraid," he whispers lovingly. The look in her eyes leaves him swallowing, it' s as if he feels the fear and pain in her as well. For a short moment she relaxes, but just seconds later her body cramps up again, frightened she presses her eyes shut and turns her face away. 

  
  
  
The fear in her threatens to overwhelm Xayah, she has no way to escape, no chance to avoid her fate. Painfully she realizes that she' s alone, nobody will come and save her. Nobody will protect her. She is back where everything has started. Helplessly pressed against the wall, trapped. No way out, no escape possible. 

A soft voice reaches her ear, a slight feeling of warmth, security and safety. A voice so familiar and giving hope. Rakan. 

For a short moment her heart is freed from its weight and warmth spreads within her. Gives her the feeling of being as light as a feather, as if a weight of tons had fallen from her. But when she opens her eyes, she looks into the face of one of those men, the cold grin, greasy hair framing his face. 

Once again she feels the fear taking over her heart, the trembling getting stronger. Her lower lip quivers and tears run down her cheeks. She has heard him, Rakan, she is sure about it. But she can' t see him, sees nothing but the grinning grimace in front of her, the smell of alcohol and stale water leaves her choking.

She closes her arms around herself, holds them protectively, her eyes pressed together again, helplessly screaming Rakan's name. A pressure on her shoulders lets her look up, gentle yet firm, promising protection and safety. The words that reach her ears are loving, comforting. 

The grinning grimace fades before her eyes, is replaced by two worried, blue eyes, which look at her lovingly, from heartbeat to heartbeat the face fades more - Rakan appears in front of her. The weight in her chest loosens further and she throws herself sobbing against his chest, seeking protection in his arms, while he strokes her back calming and continues to whisper to her. Carefully he spreads his wings over her, protecting her from the cold and the demons of her memory.

When she has finally calmed down, the sun is already rising on the horizon. Tenderly he holds her in his arms, his thumb stroking across her cold cheek, touching her lips while she presses herself against him in a light doze, her hand pressed against his chest and mumbling softly. Carefully he lifts her up and returns her to their tent.

Lovingly he beds her on the straw mat, spreading some blankets over her to protect her frozen body from further cold. Even if he doesn't like waiting so long to know she is safe in the tent, she gave him no other choice. 

Just as he puts his hand on her forehead to feel for Xayah's temperature, the entrance to the tent is pushed aside and Geillis' head appears. "I saw you carry her inside. She's asleep, I guess." He nods, then looks over at her, a sad smile on his lips. "Is there anything I can do to help? Can I get you anything?"

For a brief moment Rakan hesitates, then nods slowly. "Hot water," he whispers. "And try to make sure no one asks any questions about what happened last night." She enters quietly, approaching them. "Hot water isn't a problem. But I can't promise that no questions will be asked. I'll do my best." 

She pauses, hesitates, then puts a hand on Rakan's shoulder. "So this is what you meant when you mentioned that she wasn't ready for a relationship yet. That's why she was so afraid." Slowly, Rakan nods before looking up at his aunt, a sad smile on his lips. "It wasn't as bad as last night for a long time," he whispers softly, stroking her hair with one hand. 

Thoughtfully Geillis looks down on her, her forehead slightly wrinkled. " She has often such nightmares? Or sleeps restlessly?" She looks questioningly at Rakan, who nods timidly. "For a long time she hasn't had dreams like that, but since the Ueno flowers, her nightmares have become more frequent and... it seems to get worse with every night," he mumbles, placing her hand in his and breathing a gentle kiss on the knuckles of her hand. 

Geillis nods, giving him an encouraging look. "I'll make her some tea tonight to help her sleep more calmly." She smiles slightly at him, winks. "And don't worry, I'm careful with what I throw in the water." Without saying another word or waiting for his answer, she leaves the tent, boiling water for tea and coffee, and a little extra to follow Rakans request. 

"How are they?" Orome approaches the fire, hands extended and warming himself. "As well as can be expected. But since it's just the two of us, I would ask you to do me a favor." He looks at her in surprise, nodding. She laughs softly. "You don't know what I want you to do," she winks at him, but he just shrugs his shoulders. "If you have a request for me, it' s usually something medical. So how can I help you?"

Again Geillis laughs. "I wanted to ask you to leave some of your herbs for me." He frowned, his head tilted to one side. "What kind of herbs are we talking about?" For a moment she looks at him in surprise, putting a finger on her chin and thinking.

"You caught me off guard there," she laughs. "Valerian. Some rosemary and lavender. Sata sling. Maybe some chamomile and gaytara." She looks at him, wondering what he's nodding at. " Sedative herbs. For Xayah, I assume?" She smiles at him, taking the water from the fire. " Exactly, I was going to make her some tea tonight before they went to bed. For a good night's sleep." 

He crosses his arms in front of his chest, looking at the fire. " Which means she has nightmares regularly. I guess you talked to Rakan about it." She nods again, pouring a few measures of water into a bowl. Slowly he begins to step up and down. "I will tie some herbs for the tea. And I think I still have some lavender oil. I will give it to Rakan later."

Relieved, Geillis smiles at him, while Orome reaches for a scoop of coffee and fills his mug with it. For a moment they are silent before Orome looks at her seriously. "Whatever caused this situation last night, it had to be something terrible. We should try not to bother her with questions, it might worsen the situation. I hope Rakan knows she needs to talk about this before it consumes her inside." 

Geillis nods in agreement, her fingers cramping around the bowl of water and her ankles turning white. "If it' s not too late already. Rakan said it's been a while, longer than their last visit here." She sighs loudly, pouring the water back into the kettle and using the scoop, pouring new hot water into the bowl. 

Silently, Orome bites his lips, remains silent. She throws him an encouraging smile, as if she could read his thoughts, but turns around without another word and carries the bowl to Rakan in the tent, who smiles at her gratefully. "I'll leave you two alone," she whispers, leaving the tent again. 

Slowly Rakan dips a piece of cloth into the hot water, squeezes it dry and gently brushes Xayah's face with it. Even though it' s much warmer inside the tent, her skin is still cold and he hopes that the hot water will loosen her muscles and allow her to relax. 

It doesn't take long and she starts to move under his treatment, exhausted eyes stare at him from half-closed eyelids, trembling fingers reach out and grab his hand. "Miella." Rakan's voice is hardly more than a whisper and he smiles at her lovingly. 

"How are you?"

She is silent, but after a while a light smile spreads over her lips. "You are with me." Her voice sounds hoarse, they have been in the cold for too long, the screaming and sobbing has done the rest. "Of course I' m with you," he whispers, framing her face with his hands and breathing a gentle kiss on her forehead before he strokes her cheek with his thumb. 

"And I will never leave you. I will stay with you, soothe your old sorrows and prevent all new ones as best I can. To see you suffer so much breaks my heart. I can stand my pain, but I can' t stand yours. I can' t see you suffer and I will do everything I can to spare you further pain". 


	52. Even more beautiful than the stars

  
In front of the tent is hectic activity, voices reach their ears through the walls and the cold wind tugs at the leather outer walls. Gently, Rakan drags her towards him, wrapping the blankets tighter around her and giving her a gentle kiss on the neck. Without meaning to, Xayah slightly flinches, swallows. The nightmare still remains deep in her heart, making her body tremble and her thoughts turn over in her head.

She twists her mouth, looks at him with a timid smile. "Sorry," she whispers softly, prompting him to shake his head sharply. "Don't apologize for something you can't help. Never, do you understand that?" Slowly she nods, nestling closer to him. "It's just..." she breaks off, closing her eyes. Lovingly he strokes her hair, putting a strand behind her ear. "You can tell me everything", he whispers, a slight humming in his voice. 

Depressed, she turns her head in his direction, looking him in the eyes. "It' s just... sometimes I wonder if this will never stop..." Her voice is little more than a whisper and she avoids his gaze, staring at her fingers while they play with the tip of one of the blankets, pretending that its' incredibly interesting. 

"I don't know, but I'll do everything I can to ease your pain," mumbles Rakan, breathing a kiss on her hairline. She straightens up, turns to him and looks deep into his eyes. "I wish I could just leave all this behind, you know?" She swallows, looking back at her fingers. "Every time the dreams stop, I think it's finally over, that they've really stopped. That I' ve left all of this behind me. But then... then they return, like a giant wave which drags everything with it, dragging me along and threatening to drown."

She bites her lower lip, closing her eyes, while tears stream from her closed eyelids. Tender fingers are placed under her chin, lifting her face, she opens her eyes in surprise, looking into Rakan's smiling face. "It doesn't matter if you get caught in this wave, or if it tries to drown you. You just have to remember that the sun lights even the deepest oceans. You are not alone, Miella, not anymore."

Gently he puts his forehead against hers, stroking her cheek with his fingertips and wiping away the tears. Slowly she nods, placing a hand on his chest while the tears fade away. "You are not alone, I will never leave you", he whispers again, holding her closer. "I love you," he mumbles softly, breathing a loving kiss on her lips, which she returns without even thinking about it.

She lies down in his arms, head against his chest and looks at him with a slight smile. "I love you too." For the first time since that night, her eyes sparkle again and his heart pounds a little. Tenderly he strokes her hair, humming softly. "Would you like to hear a story?" he asks softly, playing with a strand of her hair. 

She looks at him questioningly, her head slightly tilted. "Aren't the others waiting for us?" He shrugs his shoulders, grins. "Let them wait. I want you to feel good, I want you to be happy." His fingers stroke along her neck and a gentle goose bump spreads on her skin. "As long as you're by my side, I'm happy." 

With a broad smile he looks at her, putting his arms around her breast, before he tells her the story of a woman who fell into the Otherworld through the Fairies' land and lived happily with them, before she had to return to her previous life after many years, to a man she didn't love anymore, leaving her true love behind in the Otherworld. 

With a sad smile on her lips she looks at Rakan, with the back of her hand stroking over his cheek. "My dad used to tell me that story a lot too." For a brief moment she remains silent, looking at him thoughtfully, before she stands up with a light sigh. "In the past I didn't really notice that many of the stories don't have a happy ending, that most of the time they just hope to see each other again in another life or in the other world". 

"This is also a kind of happy ending. What could be better than two lovers finding each other in the other world or even in the next life?" Rakan smiles broadly at her, kissing her on the forehead before taking her to her feet. "Let's go to the others," he whispers softly, giving her another kiss. 

She nods timidly, closing her eyes for a brief moment and sighing softly, reaching for his hand. "You don't have to worry, if everything went as we thought it would, no one will ask any questions about last night," he whispers to her as they step out of the tent after one another, holding each other by the hands. 

She looks up at him in surprise as he lightly presses her hand and smiles encouragingly. Already from a distance they can see the others standing around the big fire in the middle of the place, flames dancing in the setting sun. "It is already getting dark?" she whispers softly to him, and he softly squeezes her hand. "You slept half of the day". A gentle laugh comes to her ears and she bites her lower lip again, joining the others. 

"Hey," she mumbles, looking down at the ground. The next moment she feels two strong arms around her as Geillis drags her into a firm embrace. "How are you, child?", she asks softly, stroking over Xayah's hair. She nods tentatively, looking down at the ground. "I'm so-"

"Don't you dare apologize." Geili's voice sounds strict, in surprise, Xayah looks up, staring at her face. The next moment Geili's drags her to the side, over to one of the tents and inside. 

  
* * *  
  


Irritated, Rakan looks after them, slightly startled, as a hand is placed on his shoulder from behind and draws him away from the group with light force. Just as surprised as Xayah was a few moments ago, Rakan is just as surprised when he looks into Orome's face.

He stares at him in confusion as Orome looks around, checking that no one notices anything. "Geillis asked me this morning to get her herbs so that we can make Xayah a soothing tea tonight. But I need to know which herbs we need and especially which ones need to be dosed how strong, so I need to know how much trouble her restlessness causes". Again he looks around, this time speaking more quietly. "The panic attack last night, was that an exception or does that happen more often?"

For a brief moment, Rakan looks at him blankly, before slowly answering. "It's always different, sometimes she mumbles in her sleep and calms down easily, sometimes she lashes out and cries in her sleep, in very rare cases she sleeps through quietly or it ends like last night." Slowly Orome nods, his forehead wrinkled, walking up and down. "Then I need to take some of those," murmurs Orome, before he looks at Rakan with his head crooked, clacking his tongue. "Why didn't you say anything? I could have helped her with herbs all the time."

Silently, Rakan laughs, placing a hand on Orome's shoulder. "You've seen her long enough now to know why. She didn't wanted anyone to know about her disturbed sleep, so no one would ask any questions." He winks at him, causing Orome to sigh out loud and roll his eyes. "God, she' s so stubborn. You really do match perfectly," he mumbles, shaking his head again. 

A moment later he reaches into his trouser pocket, pulling out a small flacon and holding it out to Rakan. Carefully, Rakan accepts the ornamental, brown glass, gently swirling it before he gives him a questioning look. "Lavender oil," explains Orome, giving him a slight smile. "I thought that would go well with your plans for later." 

Grinning, Rakan nods, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Thank you, brother."

  
  
* * *  
  


As soon as Geillis has closed the entrance of the tent behind the two of them, she looks at Xayah seriously, her arms crossed in front of her chest, before she walks over to a basket and starts looking for something in it. Surprised she watches Geillis, nervously playing with her fingers. 

After a short time she comes back, walking behind Xayah and putting a fine, small necklace around her neck with a tiny medallion on it, from which a strong, flowery smell spreads. Questioningly she looks up from the pendant, looking into Geili's smiling face. She grabs Xayah's hands and draws her onto one of the seats, still smiling. "I talked to Rakan, child. He told me that you have trouble falling asleep a lot and that you are very restless at night. I also noticed that you are very tense during the day, so Orome and I have prepared the necklace for you. Inside is lavender, it will help you relax a little. As long as you are still here, we will brew you tea in the evening, it may not taste very good, but it will help you to calm down at night". 

With eyes wide open, Xayah stares at her. "You... ...you talked to Rakan?" Her voice trembles slightly and Geillis gives her a surprised look, placing a hand on her shoulder before she nods. "Yes, I did. But don't worry, he didn't tell me why you have trouble sleeping, if that's what you're worried about." She smiles gently, feeling that Xayah is slowly relaxing over time. 

After a short moment, Geillis closes her in a tight hug, stroking the back of her head. "He didn't tell me anything, little one. And I don't even want to imagine what can cause such fear in someone, but if you ever feel the need to talk about it, you can always come to me. From woman to woman." Lightly she pushs Xayah away from her, looking into her eyes. "Always remember, you belong to our family and families stick together, no matter what happens. And if anyone should harm you, don't hesitate to say anything."

Smiling, Xayah nods, this time taking the initiative and taking the surprised Geillis in a soft hug. "Thank you. Thank you for everything," she whispers softly before she breaks away from Geillis again and looks at her smiling. They nod to each other before leaving the tent and returning to the others. To their surprise the mood is cheerful, some of the women have picked up various musical instruments and play lively melodies for the others present, while some stand around the fire and take care of the bubbling stew. 

Others dance around the flickering flames while sparks fly up into the darkening sky. Rakan approaches the two of them with a broad smile, embracing Xayah and giving her a loving kiss. Smiling, he leads her to the other dancing ones, while her eyes sparkle in the glow of the fire and she nestles up close to him. As they move between the others, her eyes touch Blaan and Shona, who are having a lively conversation with Lao and Aengus, Blaan's arms around Shona's belly. For a short moment they both suffer and Xayah turns away from the sight, her head pressed against Rakan's chest. 

Tenderly he strokes the back of her head, breathing a tender kiss on her hairline, before his eyes wander to the sky, to the many glittering stars. "Isn't this a beautiful view?" he whispers softly and her eyes follow his, absorbing the beauty of the stars. "Beautiful," she repeats quietly. 

"But not as beautiful as you. You are even more beautiful than the stars."

He pulls her closer, breathing a gentle kiss on her lips, before he drops her upper body, supported by his arm alone. "Your eyes sparkle like a billion stars," he whispers, pulling her toward him again and pressing his lips against hers once more, but this time not fleetingly as before. 

As their lips separate after a small infinity, they look into each other's eyes, smiling, dancing close together, while his fingers stroke her back and a pleasant goosebump spreads over her body. "I love you, Mieli, I never want to spend another day separated from you. The mere thought almost kills me," she whispers softly into his chest, knowing that he doesn't understand her and doesn't respond to his questioning gesture. 

"Let's go to the others and have something to eat with them," he mumbles into her hair, eyes closed for a brief moment before leading her to the others. As soon as they are with them, Geillis hands them a bowl of stew and some bannocks before she sits down with them and a lively conversation breaks loose.

From the side, Geillis smiles at the two of them, while Lao whispers quietly about how she used to tease Rakan as a teenager. "To be honest, I didn't expect him to show up with a mate at some point either," Geillis agrees with her laughing. For a brief moment he looks puzzled, then smirks at them, winking and pulling Xayah closer to him. "I just had to find someone interesting enough to want to keep her." 

"You mean someone who didn't immediately had sex with you just because you smiled at her," she mentions, looking at him with a raised brow while she bites into a bannock. "That's what I said." A broad, boyish grin spreads across Rakan's lips, causing her to slap him in the side laughing, before she shoves another spoonful of stew in her mouth before putting her bowl on the ground. 

The very next moment Rakan leaps up, grabbing her hand and pulling her close. "What do you think about a romantic walk?" His hot breath on her ear sends a hot shiver down her spine and she nods eagerly, letting him lead her to the exit of his tribe. " Be careful not to slip on the snow," he whispers, putting his wing around her to protect her from the cold. 

"To be honest, I'm a little surprised that there's still snow on the ground, it never lasts this long before," she murmurs, while her eyes rest on a branch on which a light layer of snow lies and on the underside of which some icicles hang, shining from the starlight. 

Surprised, she realizes that he is leading her in a direction they had never gone before. "Wait here for a moment," whispers Rakan, before he continues walking with quick steps in the direction. To her dismay, Rakan is still not back after a while and she begins to lose her sense of time. 

"Rakan?" 

Her voice gets lost in the darkness and she is sure that she hasn't reached her target. Slowly the cold creeps into her bones and she begins to step from one leg to the other, hoping to dispel the cold by moving. She takes a step too fast and loses her footing in the soft powder snow, landing on her rear and cursing loudly. An uncertain feeling of worry mixes into her thoughts and she bites her lower lip, suppressing the negative feelings. 

Breathe in. Exhale. 

She inhales deeply and a slight smell of lavender reaches her nose, her hand moves to the pendant in which the lavender remains. In the distance a light golden shimmer attracts her attention and a little later she sees Rakan rushing towards her, who immediately helps her on her feet and takes her protectively in his arms, leading her in the direction in which he disappeared before.

In some distance she can make out the flickering of some small lights, but she can' t see the source. Questioningly, she looks at him as she notices the smile on his lips. For a moment her heart beats faster and she slides closer to him. "It's a little surprise, nothing special," he whispers quietly, putting his arm around her shoulder and giving her a loving kiss on the forehead before continuing on their way.

The closer they get to the flickering sources of light, the more Xayah becomes aware that they are candles that Rakan has placed on some rocks and stones that surround a small hot spring whose trails of smoke rise into the sky in soft clouds. He detaches himself from her, walks over to the spring and reaches out his hand to her while she watches what Rakan has prepared.

Rose petals are scattered around the spring and floating in the water, while the candles bathe the surroundings in a romantic light. She steps closer, grabbing his hand and stepping towards him at the edge of the spring. A delicate, flowery scent enters her nose and she looks at him in surprise as he looks at her with shining eyes.

" It' s beautiful."

He can hear in her whisper how overwhelmed she is as she steps closer to him and gently touches his lips with hers. "What is the reason for this surprise?" Her voice trembles as she separates herself from his lips and looks at him in love, stroking her fingers through his hair. "I love you, that's the only reason I need," he mumbles into her ear, lightly stroking his fingers across the neckline of her dress and sliding one of the sleeves over her shoulder. 

She bites her lower lip, pulling his top out of his pants and sliding her fingers under the fabric, stroking his muscles and soft skin. Slowly he also pushes her other holder over her shoulder, touching her soft skin with his hand while he looks deeply into her eyes and the dress slides down her body by itself and turns back to magic, so that she stands in front of him just in her underdress. 

With a broad smile she unbuttons his shirt and takes it from him, turning it into magic as well. Lovingly she lays her hands on his chest, followed by her head, listening to his heartbeat. For a while they stand close together before Rakan takes off his pants, followed by her underdress and a soft pair of leg guards, tying her hair in a quick knot before he climbs into the spring to help her in. 

Then he sits down on a large stone near the edge, Xayah indicating to sit with him as she sits down on a stone directly in front of him, leaning against him, putting her head back into her neck and smiling broadly at him. He puts his arms around her belly, with one hand stroking over it, while the other moves upwards and rests on her breast. 

Relaxed, she closes her eyes, drawing gentle lines on his legs with her fingers, while he breathes a short kiss on the tip of her ears. Satisfied, he notices that she sighs softly without tensing up or giving him the feeling that she would feel uncomfortable. Carefully he breathes further kisses on her ear while his hand gently massages her breast. Her eyes are still closed, she bites her lower lip before she exhales deeply through her nose. 

"Everything okay?" he whispers between the kisses, leaving her just nodding and slightly increasing the pressure of her fingers on his thigh. Tenderly he also increases the pressure on her breast, while his lips move down her neck and rub his teeth gently over her skin. A soft sigh escapes her lips and she tilts her head forward, offering her neck to him. 

For a brief moment he sucks her neck before his hands move from her stomach and chest up to her shoulders, her back below the wing, before they stroke back to her shoulders and neck and he begins to apply rhythmic pressure. "Just relax, babe," he whispers as he massages her neck. Without thinking, she nods, dropping her head forward again and sighs softly. 

Satisfied, Rakan notes that her muscles relax under his efforts and she literally turns into wax in his hands. He strokes her back with one of his hands before removing it from her skin and pressing his lips on the free spot, while touching with his hand for a bowl. 

When he has finally found it, he dips her briefly in the hot water before slowly spreading it over her back and feathers. To his surprise, she moves her legs and puts her head on top of them so that he gently strokes her back and bends forward a little to look at her face. "Is everything good? Have I done something wrong?" Concern is heard in his voice. 

Slowly she shakes her head, burying it between her arms. She can' t suppress a slight panting, even though Rakan isn' t sure if he just imagined it. Tenderly he slides his hand under her chin, lifting it slightly and looking into her eyes, while he strokes her cheek with his thumb. She evades his gaze, closes her eyes, biting her lower lip again. 

"Rakan."

Her voice is little more than a whisper as he continues stroking her cheek, smiling at her. "I need to tell you something. I wanted to tell you yesterday, but I didn't find the words. And then one thing led to another. I... didn't knew that everything would happen so soon," she mumbles, slowly opening her eyes and looking at him. He nods slowly, understanding, before he gives her a gentle kiss on the forehead.

"I wasn't sure and I didn't thought we' d do anything in the near future..." She breaks off, biting her lower lip again. "You thought until you were sure, it didn't matter?" He closes her into his arms, smiling, with his fingers stroking her neck, receiving a soft sigh from her, whereupon she just nods. 

"But now... after your touch, I know it' s true. And you remember what Orome said, don't you?" She looks at him with wide eyes while she plays with her fingers. "During the first cyclus, there is a much better chance that it will work again," whispers Rakan. "Would you like to take something for it afterwards?" He smiles at her encouragingly, paying attention to every single emotion on her face. 

"Yes! no!", she strokes her hands over her hair, along her neck, before staring with her head lowered at the petals floating in the water. "I don't know..." she whispers softly before looking back at him, helpless. "I can't decide that alone," she suddenly bursts out, looking at him for help. He strokes her cheek tenderly, breathing a loving kiss on her lips. 

"Listen to your heart, Miella. Would you like to try it again? Take fate into your own hands. Or at least give him a helping hand." Again she begins to play with her fingers, her eyes wandering up to the sky, focusing on a particularly brightly shining star. "I would like to, that is, if you would like to," she mumbles softly, biting her lower lip again. 

To her surprise, Rakan says nothing about it, but closes his arms around her waist, lifting her a little out of the water and spinning her in his arms, pure happiness in his face. "We will try again," he laughs with tears in his eyes, letting her down again and closing her tightly in his arms. "We are going to start a family," he whispers and a single tear runs down his smiling face.

With a sad smile she takes his face in her hands, giving him a light kiss. "Darling, we don't know for sure that it will work. I don't want you to be disappointed if it doesn't succeed," she whispers, breathing another kiss on his lips. He smiles happily at her as she wipes the tear from his cheek. "Last time we didn't even try and you got pregnant. How hard could it be," he laughs, his head resting on her shoulder, holding her in his arms. 

Humming, she turns to him, puts her hands on his chest and kisses him tenderly. "Let's try it," she whispers softly into the kiss, while her hands stroke across his body. One blink of an eyelid later, his hands are already gliding over her body, massaging her chest and stroking her side along, forcing a small laugh out of her. "That tickles," she whispers, laughing softly, whereupon he rubs his nose against hers. "I know," he whispers back, stroking her side again before his hand slides down further, over her hip. 

Carefully he caresses the inside of her thigh, watching her attentively, but to his relief all she does is sigh softly, closing her eyes. "Just relax," he whispers, stroking his thumb over her nipple as he lifts her slightly and places her on his lap, causing the water around them to move in gentle waves. 

Again their lips meet, more passionately this time and her fingers move in the hot water down to his hips, holding on tightly as she presses closer to him. " I' m relaxed", she gasps softly into the kiss, closing her eyes and moaning softly as she feels his fingers touch her clitoris. She bites her lower lip, twisting her eyes. 

Tender fingers wander to her entrance and playfully encircle him, resulting in her throwing herself around his neck, holding on to his back and burying her face in his shoulder, moaning softly. Slowly he enters with one of his fingers and a broad smile spreads on his face as he realizes that her wetness isn't coming from the hot spring. She moans into his chest, holding on tighter to him, while a noticeable shiver runs through her body.

Quietly humming, he moves his finger inside her faster, feeling her hot, choppy breath on his skin as he carefully inserts a second finger, causing her to pant loudly and tighten around his fingers. "Are you in pain? Is it too much?" he whispers worriedly, leaving her to simply shake her head and cling to him tighter, before one of her hands slips off his neck and glides along his body, back into the water and to his member, gently enclosing it.

Tenderly she begins to move her hand around it, bringing a loud moan from him. "Oh damn", he whispers, covering her ear with kisses again, while his fingers move faster inside her. Her breathing becomes faster and she moans louder into his chest, snuggling closer to him, while her hand moves faster around him as well. 

After a while he returns her hand to his neck, positioning his member at her entrance and gently strokes the back of her head. "Are you ready?", he gasps into her ear, biting lightly into the tip of it, causing her to wriggle in his arms and look at him excitedly. " Ever since you started," she gasps, biting her lower lip again to prevent further noises.

Tenderly, Rakan holds her in his arms, kissing her gently as he lowers her slowly onto his stiff member, groaning into the kiss through the feeling. Her legs clasp around him and he begins to move in slow, powerful thrusts, intensified by the water. She clings to him, scratching lightly with her fingernails over the skin of his back while her face presses into his chest, moaning softly. 

The swaying waves surround their skin, single petals stick to them, while he moves faster, his thrusts firmer, knowing what he wants. The sensations threaten to overwhelm Xayah as she moves to his rhythm, as best she can, single strands of hair loosen from the knot and fall onto her shoulders in light waves, dancing with every movement. 

Her fingers press deeper into his skin, she twists her eyes, biting her lower lip, while Rakan becomes even faster, motivated by her reaction. "Oh god", she gasps as a wave of pleasure sweeps over her body and she begins to tremble all over her body. „R... Rakan", she gasps loudly, clinging to him, still trembling. With a few more thrusts, Rakan also reaches the peak, spilling his cum deep inside her.

Breathing heavily, they look at each other, pressing their lips together again before she puts her head back on his chest, her legs resting relaxed next to his thighs. Tenderly he strokes her back with his fingers, breathing a kiss on her hair. Carefully he withdraws from her, putting his arms around her. "How are you?" he whispers softly, kissing her hair again. Surprised, she looks up, exhaustion visible in her eyes. "Fine?", she asks with a gentle laugh. 

For a while they remain sitting like this, enjoying the presence of each other. "We should slowly go back," whispers Rakan, receiving a slight nod in response. Slowly he separates from her, climbing out of the spring. "Wait in the water, I'll dry off shortly and then I'll help you, it's too cold for you," he laughs softly, to which she pokes out her tongue, but soon realizes that he's right and dips into the water up to her neck. 

A little later he reaches out to her, helping her out of the water and drying her with a cloth, before wrapping her in a thick blanket, while he has formed a simple pair of pants and a wide top of magic himself. Laughing they go back to their temporary home. "Will it remain our little secret?", she whispers, a slight blush runs down her cheeks and she looks shyly down at the floor. "I leave the decision to you, Miella. How you feel most comfortable. Either we share the joyful news with the others, or it remains our little, sweet secret," he whispers, giving her a short, tender kiss.

Slowly she nods, snuggling up to him as they take their last steps over to the others, sitting down with them by the fire. It doesn't take long and they laugh together with the others, drinking a cup of hot mead and letting the night come to an end. Some time later Gilli's hands Xayah a cup of hot tea, which she accepts with a grateful smile and sips on it. 

Shortly afterwards they retire to their tent, forming comfortable nightwear out of magic. He approaches her, gently stroking her cheek, a broad smile on his lips. "Will you marry me today?" he asks with a light laugh in his voice as he lies down on the straw mattress and she snuggles up close to him, placing a hand on his cheek and lovingly stroking it with her thumb. 

"Ask me again tomorrow," she whispers in a gentle voice, also smiling. She kisses him lovingly, placing her head on his chest and one of her legs over one of his, while he holds her tightly in his arms, before they drift off shortly afterwards into a firm, peaceful sleep.


	53. Forever and a day

With a gentle smile, Rakan brushes her hair from her face, careful not to wake her. It's been a long time since he has seen her sleep so comfortably, lying in his arms, her hand pressed against his chest and her legs entwined with his, while her mouth is slightly open and she mumbles softly to herself. 

No twitching, no grunting, no tears.

He gently breathes a light kiss on her hairline, stroking his fingers along her neck and brushing her hair away, making sure that she won't wake up by the tickeling of her hair. For a brief moment he holds his breath as he notices her moving slightly in his arms. 

Sleepily, she opens one of her eyes a little bit and smiles slightly at him, before she nestles closer and breathes a light kiss on his chest. "Good morning, honey," he whispers, stroking one of her flattened ears and sending a shiver down her spine. "The morning hasn't started yet," she mumbles, burying her head in his chest and pushing one of her legs further between his legs. 

He laughs quietly, pressing her against himself. "The morning can' t be stopped, but we don' t have to leave the bed yet. It' s very comfortable here with you in my arms". She looks up briefly, slapping him gently on the chest, as he winks at her and grins broadly. Only a moment later she straightens up a bit, pressing a tender kiss on his lips, which he immediately returns and brushes through her hair. 

"Hey Xayah, will you marry me today?" A slight laugh can be heard in his voice and she looks at him in surprise, a smile spreads over her lips and she strokes his cheek with the back of her hand. "You already asked me that today," she laughs, pressing her head against his chest. "I know," he whispers, pressing his lips against hers again, before dragging her onto his lap and placing his arms around her waist, his chin on her shoulder. 

Her arms rest on his legs and she begins to draw light patterns on his skin with her fingers, singing softly. "You haven't answered my question yet," he whispers, placing a kiss on the tip of her ear while one of his hands gently strokes her belly. 

" _Yes_." 

He pauses for a brief moment before pulling her closer. "Really?", he whispers and to her surprise she can feel a slight wetness on her cheek. Surprised, she turns around, looking at him with a shy smile. "Yes," she repeats quietly, before whispering that she loves him.

Without another word, he takes her even closer to him, giving her a kiss that is both tender and passionate. "You can't imagine how happy I feel with you," he mumbles as their lips separate again. Lovingly she puts a hand on his cheek, smiling at him in love. "I have a hunch," she whispers, rubbing her nose slightly against his.

With gleaming eyes he looks at her, placing his hand on her shoulder. "And you're really sure?" He smiles slightly, but she realizes immediately that his question is serious. Slowly she nods, "I thought about it for a long time, but now it seems to be the right moment to do so". She smiles, biting her lower lip slightly and looking at her fingers."We still need groomsmen," she whispers at the end. 

  
He nods, looking at her in surprise as he notices her face becoming sad. "You won't be able to ask anyone from my family to be there," she smiles sadly, sighs. " Miella, in fact, I already know who. I think we' ll ask the ones we wish for and meet together in my grandfather's tent to tell them what it's all about."

For a long moment they look at each other before they nod and step out of the tent and part ways.

  
~ * ~

  
When Rakan enters through the entrance to Gawyn's tent some time later Xayah and the others are already waiting. Without turning his eyes from Xayah he hurries over to her, closing her in a tight embrace. With a broad smile he looks down on her. "I have chosen your family," he whispers, breathing a loving kiss on her forehead, before he steps aside and reveals the people he has chosen. 

Standing together in front of the others, Xayah shyly looks down to the ground while Rakan looks at them with his broadest smile, looking from one to the other. "We have brought you here to share wonderful news with you," he grins, looking at his grandfather. "And to ask you for something," she adds quietly. 

"What is it, my dears?" Geillis looks at them friendly, taking a sip from her cup which she holds in her hands. Embarrassed, Xayah strokes a strand of her hair behind her ear, standing a little closer to Rakan, while a slight blush spreads across her cheeks. 

"All of you... you are our families and friends, you mean so much to us and I owe you all a lot," she whispers, eyes to the ground as Rakan gently puts his arm around her shoulder. "We wanted to ask you to join us on our wedding vows," he laughs, merrily looking from one to the other. 

"You want to form a bond to one another?" Gawyn looks back and forth in surprise between his grandson and his future wife, before a light smile flits across his lips. "I really didn't expected that you would ever think of settling down. Or even committing yourself to a woman," he smiles lightly, stepping on the two of them and putting one hand on each of their shoulders. "What form of handfasting do you want to do?"

For a brief moment, the smile on Rakan's face fades and he drags Xayah a little closer. "We haven't decided that yet," he whispers softly. "The eternal one," Xayah adds, before she slowly looks up at him. "That is, if you... want it too," she adds whisperingly, taking a deep breath. Gently his hand reaches for her cheek. "I'd love to, I just didn't knew if you would be ready for this step," he whispers, placing his lips gently on hers. Satisfied, he notices how she starts to relax. 

"I'm so happy for you," Shona laughs loudly, hurrying toward the two of them and embracing them tightly. "But why should we prove your bond," Blaan says irritatedly, though no less joyfully, and Orome also takes a step forward, nodding strongly. "I would be interested in that as well," he adds. 

Grinning, Rakan glances from Shona, over Blaan to Aengus, "It was pretty easy for me to choose you guys," he explains. "When Xayah first told me about the members of her cause, she spoke of exactly three people and it was the first time I saw her smile. I mean really smiling, and not just slightly, brighter than the stars. At that very moment I knew what you mean to her. And when I was introduced to you myself, I immediately realized why she is so enthusiastic about you. You have grown so fast in my heart you can' t imagine. That's why I would be happy if you both would do us the honor and become our groomsmen."

His gaze moves from Blaan and Shona, over to Aengus, then to Geillis and Gawyn before he looks seriously at Xayah. "The reason I chose Aengus is something you don't know. but I think it's time you heard about it." He smiles slightly, pressing her gently onto one of the seats. "You remember our first visit here, and the evening when Orome was a little... let us call it pushy." She nods, her face slightly grimacing. "You ran away drunk that night and I went crazy. It was the first time that I attacked a tribe member, not for fun or for training but out of nothing but anger. After I got you back safely to the tent, I had to answer some unpleasant questions and it slipped out that I wanted you to become my mate, so I got off with a warning. That evening Aengus came to me and offered me his help and said that if I should ever succeed and have you by my side, he would support us, because you would be a part of our family as well. He was the first one who saw you as a part of us, he supported us and was loyal to us even though you did not even knew him". 

Grinning, Aengus takes a step towards Rakan, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You called her your soul mate back then, I didn't even know you believed in such things until then. But the way you spoke of her showed me how you felt about the plain girl that Xayah was back then." He smiles at her, also approaching her. "I' m so happy for you."

Curious, Orome looks back and forth between the two, his forehead slightly wrinkled. Xayah approaches him with a shy smile. "I owe you so incredibly much. You saved my life, you helped me making Islay's death as peaceful as possible. We have sat together and laughed together so many evenings in the meantime, the lavender oil came from you and I still feel that you blame yourself for back then. I want you to know that this page is buried, I have laid these ghosts of the past to rest and I want you to leave this page behind you as well. You have grown dear to my heart and I want to thank you for your efforts". She smiles at him before she goes over to Lao and smiles broadly at her. "You are like a sister to me and I just want you to be a part of it."

She nods, also smiling. "Of course, sister."

Xayah nods to her briefly, smiling, before she goes over to Geillis and stops in front of her. For a moment she opens her mouth to say something to her as well, but before a word comes over her lips she throws herself into Geili's arms, closing her in a tight hug. For a brief moment she looks down at the young Vastaya in surprise, followed by a wide smile, knowing that this gesture says more than words ever could.

After a brief moment, she approaches Rakan again, leaning against him while he looks at Gawyn with a smile. "Will you hold the ceremony for us?" For a moment he remains silent, looking back and forth between the two of them. "Is it really your wish? Remember, once this bond is formed, there is no turning back, your souls will be connected, in this life, in the other world and in the next life". 

~ * ~

  
Nervously Xayah walks up and down the tent, some loose strands of her hair falling in light waves over her shoulders, while most of it is pinned up in a delicate hair holder made of finely molded steel, a large white flower further decorates her hair. 

"You don't need to be nervous," Lao laughs softly, approaching her and smoothing her skirt, removing a few small wrinkles. " I' m not nervous. It's just..." She breaks off, looking down. From the side, Shona and Geillis give her a questioning look while Xayah goes over to one of the seats and sits down on it. "All those years I was the last one of my tribe. And after tonight, there will be nothing left."

Thoughtfully, Lao looks at her for a while before she slowly shakes her head. "Just because you have formed your bond doesn't mean there is nothing left of your tribe. You are still here and as long as you are, there is still a part of your tribe, your culture, your traditions. All this lives on in you, no matter to which tribe you belong." 

Obvious confusion and a hint of realization can be seen in Xayah's expression as her insecurity gives way to a smile again. Without hesitation, she straightens up, nodding to her as she strokes the wrinkles out of her dress with her hands. Questioningly, she looks from Lao, over Geillis to Shona, looking at her friends with bright eyes. "What do you think, will Rakan like it?"

Without saying anything, Geillis approaches her, placing a finger under her chin and smiling at her. "No," she whispers softly, shaking her head somewhat. "He'll love it." She takes a step back, looking at Xayah from top to bottom, nodding to confirm that everything is perfect.

The white dress hangs loosely from her, elegant and warming at the same time, decorated with fine embroideries, which represent delicate tendrils with small leaves, covered with violet, small flowers, which carry a small jewel in the middle and shine from the light of the candles. A white cloth covers her shoulders to protect her from the cold wind and hides the front of her dress. 

"Ready?" Shona looks at her smiling, holding out a hand to her, causing Xayah to nod slowly. " Since a long time," she whispers, closing her eyes before she walks through the entrance of the tent, which is held open for her by the other two. 

When she opens her eyes again, she sees Rakan standing nearby, in front of a big bonfire, right next to him Gawyn, and not far away Blaan, Orome and Aengus. When he sees them, his eyes widen and he steps towards her, holding out his arm. 

"You are beautiful," he whispers softly.

From the side she looks at him carefully, his white shirt is tucked into wide black trousers and a plaid, also black, is wrapped around his shoulder. "First you stole my heart," she whispers quietly to him. "And now you' ve stolen my breath."

Slowly he leads her to Gawyn and the others, to her amazement Shona, Geillis and Lao are already standing opposite the three men, waiting for them. When they come to a halt in front of them a moment later, Gawyn looks at them with a smile, taking one of their hands in his own. 

"My dear friends, we are here tonight to unite these two lovers, to unite their lives together so they will never lose their love for each other". Gently he puts both of their hands together before he reaches for a ribbon, which Blaan gives to him and wraps it around both of their hands. He points to Rakan, who nods slowly and turns his eyes towards Xayah, a broad smile on his lips.

"My dearest Miella, many years ago I have chosen you to share my life with and today I choose you as well. We will walk side by side, in sunshine and in the strongest storm, in health and sickness, in good times and bad. Whatever will come, we will meet it together, we will grow and come closer together, like two trees side by side. My love, I choose you to be my beloved mate now and forever, in this life and the next. Forever and a day."

For a short moment she swallows, closing her eyes before she looks at him with the same smile, knowing that they are doing the right thing.

"Mieli, destiny has brought us together, has challenged us, and yet we managed all of them. We have proven that our love is eternal and true. Together we will manage every challenge in the future as well and give each other strength, courage and support. The sun, moon and stars have blessed our love. I hope we will be forever as happy as we are today. The best day in my life was the day I met you. I promise to love you forever, for now and forever, in this life and the next. Forever and a day."

Gawyn nods satisfied, putting his hand on the ribbon and looking back and forth between them. After a long moment he raises his voice, sheer and earnest joy resounds in his voice as he declares the vow for them.

"Above you the stars, below you the stones.  
In the east the air, in the south the fire, in the west the water, in the north the earth.  
Even as time passes, remember this:  
Like the stars, your bond shall endure,  
like the stones your bond shall be stable.  
Like the air, your bond shall be refreshing and everlasting.  
Like the fire, your bond shall be passionate and strong.  
Like the water, your bond shall be life-giving and infinite.  
Like the earth, your bond shall be nourishing and full of security.  
Be close to each other, but don't be too close.  
Fulfill one another, but with understanding.  
Be patient with one another, as storms will come, but also pass quickly.  
Give each other recognition and warmth.  
Love one another and enjoy sensuality.  
Don't be afraid and don't allow others' actions or words to disturb you, you have each other and you are strong together".

Slowly he removes the band around their hands, which are holding on to each other, and in the next moment Rakan tears their hands into the air, which leads to loud cheering. Over the cheers, Gawyn raises his voice again, announcing that from now on and for all time they will walk together through this world.


	54. The first Day of the rest of your life

  
They hold each other's hands laughing, wriggling between the others, heading for their friends, who are already sitting a bit aside and waving to them. With a wide grin they step to them, letting themselves fall on one of the hay bales. Blaan hands them each a cup of mead, holding his own high in the air. 

"Cheers to the happy couple!" 

Toasting together, they repeat the words before they sit down and drink as a group. After a short time Geillis passes them a huge wooden plate with a large piece of meat on it. For a short time Xayah grimaces in disgust before she takes another sip of wine. Surprised, Rakan looks at her from the side, he hasn't missed her look. 

"Is everything alright?" He smiles gently, placing his hand on her thigh, causing her to nod slowly. "Just a bit nauseous, coming from the excitement," she laughs softly, leaning against him and closing her eyes. Tenderly, he puts his arm around her, his fingers lightly stroking the fabric of her sleeve, while his eyes are fixed on the sky, on the sparkling stars and the shining moon.

"I can't believe we took this step," he laughs softly, pressing her lightly against him, so she opens her eyes again and looks at him smiling, while some of the others pick up different instruments and play a slow melody.

"Hey Miella, would you honor me with a dance?" he whispers, a soft throaty laugh is heard in his voice and she nods, placing her hand on his chest. "As if I could ever refuse an invitation to dance," she whispers just as quietly, allowing herself to be carried up and following him back to the fire, where he holds her close again and leads her in light, circling movements. 

Gently, she lays her head against his chest, her ears laid against her head, listening to his heartbeat. "I love you," she whispers, eyes fixed on his face. In love, he looks down on her, breathing a kiss on one of her ears. "I love you, too." Quietly humming, he leads her on to the beat of the music before his hand lightly drops under her chin.

"What took you so long to finally say yes?" 

His voice is soft, loving as he looks at her curiously. "Because... I wouldn't have heard you ask anymore." She laughs softly, smiling apologetically at him. "I will miss it," she adds quietly whispering, looking at him with bright eyes. He strokes her cheek tenderly, giving her a gentle kiss, which she immediately returns. 

The further the evening progresses, more of those present disappear into their tents until just a few tribesmen are gathered around the fire. Just as Shona tells an anecdote in which Rakan has gone nuts again, he gets up, grabs Xayah by the hand and drags her up with him. 

"We say goodbye for tonight," laughs Rakan, winking at the others. Grinning, they wave goodbye to the rest. "You go ahead, I'll be right behind you," he whispers to Xayah, giving her a tender kiss on the lips before he disappears into a side path and she slowly walks away in the direction of their tent. 

"I hope you are happy now. You bitch took him away from me once and for all."

Xayah turns around in confusion, looking Ivera straight in the face, tears running down her cheeks and she snorts. For a short moment, she remains silent, looking pitifully at the crying girl. Hesitantly she reaches out her hand, wanting to lay her on her shoulder, but Ivera roughly slaps her aside. 

" Don't pretend that we are friends! You aren't one of us and you never will be! The others will never accept you, they just don't want to hurt Rakan," she hisses, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand. "Ivera, you need to let him go. Rakan and me are soulmates, we will never separate, even if one of us dies we will meet again in the other world and even in the next life. Please let go of him, one day you will find your soul mate and hopefully you will be as happy as we are. I really hope so." 

Xayah's voice trembles slightly while the young Vastaya stares at her with fiery eyes, teeth gritted and hands clenched in fists. She turns around, struts away, before stopping after a few steps and turning to her, pure hate in her gaze.

"You will regret that you took him from me."

Pitifully, she looks after her, shoulders lowered before continuing her way to the tent and entering with a slight shake of the head, putting the plaid aside and slowly stripping the dress before letting it slide down where it becomes pure magic again. She forms a nightgown around herself and lies down on the mattress, waiting for Rakan. 

When he comes through the entrance a short time later, his eyes shine before he sits down next to her and with careful fingers loosens the clip from her hair, so that the hair falls in gentle waves over her shoulders. "You are so beautiful... _I still can't believe you're really my wife_ ," he whispers into her shoulder, kissing her gently while his hands stroke her belly. " _Forever yours_ ," she whispers softly, looking at him with just as shining eyes. 

Slowly he strokes one of the straps off her shoulders, gently pressing her into the pillows while he kisses her décolleté down to her chest. With the other hand he brushes the hem of her nightgown a bit upwards, caressing her thigh tenderly, causing goose bumps to spread over her body. Silently Xayah gasps, dragging him towards her with her hands and pressing her lips in a passionate kiss on his, which he immediately returns. 

Her hands glide over his back, down to his pants, where she slowly removes his shirt. "I'm not used to you wearing a shirt," she giggles, removing one hand from his shirt and groping for her glass of mead before taking a big gulp, putting the glass down and trying on his shirt again. "Do you like me like this? I can wear something like that more often if you like it," he laughs softly, rubbing his nose against hers.

" For God's sake! You look good, but it's nothing compared to what you're used to, baby, you're always sexy!" She winks at him lasciviously, loosening his pants and looking at him expectantly. Gently he puts his hand on her cheek as he rests slightly on her, stroking her breast with one hand while he breathes gentle kisses on one of her ears. 

With eyes wide open she stares at him, biting her lower lip, her fingers clinging to his back and she twists her eyes as he inserts two fingers into her. "Oh God, damn it," she gasps excitedly, pressing her fingers harder into his skin. Knowing that his efforts serve their purpose, he moves his fingers faster inside her, which she answers with a loud moan. 

"You are so sexy," he whispers, biting her slightly in the tip of the ear, followed by louder moans, she moves her hips around his fingers, twisting her eyes. He thrusts his fingers into her a few more times before removing them from Xayah and getting rid of his pants, positioning himself between her spread thighs. Without a word of warning he thrusts into her, parting her labia with a single thrust and pushing halfway into her. 

A light scream resounds through the tent, her fingernails dig deeper into his skin, leaving marks, and he moves deeper into her until he is completely inside her, and slowly begins to move within her as she moans louder by the minute. Satisfied, he realizes that her scream isn't caused by pain, rather the opposite is the case. 

His movements become faster, firmer as she tries to adapt to his rhythm and moves her hips faster every time. He straightens up, grabbing her legs and holding them upwards, before pushing them towards her chest, pushing into her again, but much deeper than before.

"Rakan", she screams out loud, her eyes twisting, while her mouth is open a small gap and her lower lip trembles, her chest rising and falling faster with each beat. For a brief moment he is amazed at how she is so much louder than usual, before he realizes that her self-control has been dissolved by the alcohol.

But it's all right for him, after all it's their honeymoon night and to see Xayah like this is incredibly sexy, pushing him to perform at his best. He can feel her tightening around him, her jerky panting gets louder with every twitch, while he pushes deeper into her in powerful thrusts, intensifying her orgasm, while he starts to rub her clit with the thumb of one of his hands, teasing panting and moaning out of her. 

Again he pushes, harder, her head drops into her neck with a loud scream, the twitching around him gets stronger and he smiles satisfied, slowing down. Exhausted, she straightens herself, looking at him. "You didn't come," she gasps, receiving a gentle smile as he shakes his head. "To see you like this was enough satisfaction," he whispers, though she shakes her head, pushing him down. 

  
With gentle force she presses him onto the mattress, strips the nightgown completely off and sits down on his still stiff member, beginning to ride him passionately. He looks at Xayah enthusiastically as she moves on him, a wild thing that makes her hips slide up and down so that her body literally melts him. Her hands rest on his chest, steadying her as her movements become faster and his moans louder each time.

A smug smile spreads over her lips as she feels him coming deep inside her, his hands holding on to her hips. "That's it, come for me," she whispers with gleaming eyes, feeling one ray after another shoot into her. Gently he starts rubbing her clitoris again, her ecstasy clearly visible in her eyes, while she starts moving on him again. 

A few moments later she drops forward with her upper body, panting her further peak as he gently wraps his arms around her and strokes her back with one hand before they fall asleep arm in arm, tired.

  
  
~ * ~  
  
  


  
When they get out of the tent the next morning they are greeted by a few grinning faces winking at them. "My head is killing me," murmurs Xayah, holding a hand in front of her eyes, hoping to protect her from the sun. "I hate the sun... bright, urg," she whispers, answered by a soft laugh from Rakan, who leads her to the fire with the others. 

"Good morning," Blaan grins, while Xayah falls next to him with a tortured groan. "She can still walk, you did something wrong," laughs Aengus, followed by loud laughter from those around him. Laughing, Rakan sits down beside her, one hand around her shoulder. " You' re just jealous because vegetables don't scream your name like my wife did last night."

With a loving smile on their lips, they look at each other. 

" _My wife_ ," Rakan whispers softly, stroking her cheek with a hand.

" _My husband_ ," she replies just as whisperingly, breathing a tender kiss on his lips. "Forever."

  
When they leave the place with Blaan and Shona a few hours later, Xayah's heart becomes heavy. They have experienced so much in this place, made friends, experienced the highest joy and deepest sorrow, it has become a place she will miss. A home.

As much as she would have liked to stay there, there is nothing else she can do. Even though they have come so incredibly close to their goal, there are still places where the Wild Magic of Ionia isn't free, where her help is needed. They have a job to finish, and Xayah is sure that without them this job would never be done. 

They step out between the trees, standing on a cliff, underneath them a huge forest and the blue of a river glistening in the center. Looking for Rakan's hand, she gropes for it, pressing it lightly when she finally finds it. " What' s after this?"

"Another road, another horizon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand here it is. 
> 
> We hope you liked it. Also, we want to thank everyone who motivated us to keep writing. Thank you alot guys :) 
> 
> There will be a next part but we dont know when we will post the next Part


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